I called Cat's house, to give her parents a heads up that she was going to stay at my place - she said she's a little scared from the earthquake. No answer - no surprise.

"No luck, Kitty-Cat. I'll just take you home?" I drawl, hiding my disappointment at cutting our time together short. "You should probably make sure everything's okay."

"Kay-kay… Can you stay with me?" Hopeful brown eyes beg me to stay.

"Maybe another night, Cat. I just want to sleep in my own bed tonight."

She looks as unhappy as I feel, but the words are out there and I can't take them back. You can never take it back: not without consequences. Beck took it back when he let me leave and it still hurts like hell. Admittedly, I'm not particularly good company right now. Cat wordlessly huddles into my mom's car since she got dropped off by her mom.

I take the path to her house, letting my mind wander to the days we would have to walk everywhere. I chuckle to myself: the last time we were in Beverly Hills, we tried to hitchhike back and ended up in Burbank instead so we had to take a bus. I surprise myself when I pull to a stop in her driveway. Locking eyes for a moment, a silent 'good night' is passed, our contact cut by the car's frame.

Fishing for my phone, I leave it on the passenger seat as I watch the front door close behind her. The drive to my mom's house isn't very long at all, but I get back without any word from my red-headed associate so nothing went terribly wrong. The engine idles in front of my destination and I open both my car and front doors with a heavy heart. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be alone. Sleep isn't going to come easy.

I laid in the dark, losing my mind to the flood of memories.

I laugh at myself. The golden couple is broken. Through all the fighting and dysfunction, I really thought I had found my penguin. Wow. That sounds so out of place. I shouldn't've let Cat show me Pon and Zi comics. Watching the clock masochistically, each tick of the hand a vitriolic reminder of the ten-count.

My eyes close of their own accord, as I stare into the inside of my eyelids the pumping blood creates starbursts of color against the darkness both inside and out of me. The throbbing falls into rhythm with that traitorous timepiece. My heart falls out of rhythm with itself as the pounding suddenly sounds differently in my ears.

It's only after it happens a second time that I realize it's at my door, not in my head. Navigating the black, I throw open my door. The acerbic non-greeting dies on my tongue as my senses are assaulted by the hall lights. They never get the chance to acclimate though, as a tiny body pushes me back and locks us back into safety.

"This isn't healthy, Jadey."

I scowl at the nickname. Only you get away with it. "You're right, there's nothing healthy about being humiliated in front of all the people you almost consider friends by the boy you thought loved you and still let you leave. And what do you care? It's not like you came out after me either." That wasn't fair and we both knew it. I'm not entirely sure if that made sense either.

"It wasn't my place. Far be if for me to open the door when you're expecting Beck."

"Don't say his name!" I screech. "I don't want to think about him!- it!" I turn away, knowing what look is painted on her face.

She hugs me from behind, so gently I thought I was imagining it until I looked down. I reach and lace my fingers between hers, appreciating that she can be serious for me now at least. I need a friend.

"He broke up with me." That's never really happened before. "I think we're really over this time."

"You don't need a guy in your life." Cat says this like it's the most simple thing in the world. Thanks dude, makes me feel better already. "Remember when it was just you and me against the world? Here, is your stereo still hooked up?"

"Cat, I don't see how music's going to fix a broken heart right now."

"It's not about fixing, it's about bringing back memories and feelings. So is it set or not?"

I bark a sarcastic laugh, "I'm not having any problems remembering too much right now, but yes - it's always hooked up."

She skips over to my CD collection, using her phone as a light, finger trailing along each case until she found the one she wanted. "No, silly. Different memories."

I can't imagine what song she could put on that would make me feel better, but I give a soft smile anyway; at least one of us is trying. What kind of sappy Kelly Clarkson chiz is she going to play?

The familiar edge of a guitar is punctuated by drums as "Headstrong" plays. I forgot how much I loved this band in middle school. Now that the disk is in and playing, she flips through the tracks immediately. As soon as it starts playing she mumbles something to the effect of 'oops, too far' and clicks the button again.

I wonder what she could be searching for. I smile despite myself. What would everyone else think if they knew innocent little Cat Valentine preferred music like this?

The track plays, I ease onto the bed in recognition. My often-flighty friend edges over and entwines our fingers again. I close my eyes as the lyrics hit home straight away.

"A small confession," I sing to her, "I think I'm starting to lose it. I think I'm drifting away from the people I really need."

"A small reflection on when we were younger," her powerful voice jerks me back to reality. "We had it all figured out 'cause we had everything covered. Now we're older it's getting harder to see what this future will hold for us. What the fuck are we going to be?"

Another thing I'd forgotten: how intense she gets when she has to scream out the lyrics. It's extra poignant since she wouldn't swear or say 'inappropriate' lines in music where she doesn't feel like it's warranted. The next lines are a plea, meant only for her ears.

Her grip tightens and I flick my eyes to see hers have been squeezed shut. As if she couldn't stand to watch me say those words. She reaches toward me slowly, feeling for my face before cupping her hand around me and stroking away straying tears. Don't cry Jadey. My heart clenches at the thought, pushing out another fat droplet.

She releases me. Her now-wet fingers grope for the lighter she knows is on my side table. She's been over entirely too many times. A candle is lit. She picks up the remote to my sound system.

Nuzzling into my right side, the slight body shifts us until we sit with our backs against the headboard. I rest my head on hers, wondering what she'll change the song to now. Maybe "When All Is Said And Done" - that's a good song.

Replacing the controller, she brings the dancing flame to us. Vanilla and red velvet wafts into the air.

The same song starts over. My face ruffles against her hair as I glance over for confirmation. The glowing blue lights tell me it's the beginning of track 5.

Lying there, Trapt fades into the background, becomes white noise to the soft murmured comfort falling from her mouth. Words are all but ignored as I watch the fire lick wax, colors swirling together in a maelstrom of color. I find myself again and look at Cat, watching me expectantly. I bite back a blush - I don't blush. That would involve getting flustered and that is not something that happens to me often.

"Thanks Cat. Really."

She pulls me into a hug, kissing me on the cheek. I look at her once more, before licking my index finger and pinching out the wick. Sick at the near-pleasure caused by the sudden shock of warmth.

"I'm tired of playing with fire."

The smile given to me is sad, tinged with something else. Desperate almost. I wish I understood.

She's so soft, it's like she's not even here. "I'm just as lost as you."

Cat was right.

I don't have any classes with her tomorrow, so I'll just have to check up on her at break.

I do end up getting falling asleep.

There's always been a reason she's my best friend.

AN:

So… The long italicized part is a flashback (shorter sections would be thoughts). Set immediately after André's Horrible Girl (and flashback is immediately after The Worst Couple).

This was going to be a one-shot song-inspired fic ("Still Frame" by Trapt) but now I decided it's going to be a longer chapterfic. Also, Pon and Zi are super cute.

Hope you guys like it! So uh, please review and all that stuff. I'm gonna leave it rated at M (for that single swear word, of course…) so I can have creative license and not worry about taking it too far.