Disclaimer: I own nothing.
I hate you.
He spits the three words at her like venom, and she is sure the blood in her veins drops to below freezing and her tears turn to ice as they hit her skin. Because now she is cold. Despite the fact they were so utterly messed up together, Draco was her light and her sun and without him she was nothing, she was cold.
Though by now she is sobbing and her breaths became shorter and shorter as she struggles to breathe with the hysterics, he continues to list why he hates her. He hates the way she follows him around like a lost puppy, he hates the un-wanted attention she gives him, he hate hate hates her, and why can't she see that and piss off? His words sting like poison as she feels her fix on him running lower and lower.
He storms out of the Slytherin common room, and only then does the rest of her world come into colour. The silence is eerie, and as she looks around she realises the entire room has come to a total standstill. It is almost as if the world has stopped. It made sense, without him why would her world need to go on?
The silence is shattered by a high, cold, laugh, which she traces back to the flawless Astoria Greengrass. Pansy turns her head to stare Astoria down, but her head is tossed back in a fit of laughter, her long mane of blonde hair bouncing around her perfect features. Pansy imaginesvher as the kind of girl Draco would probably want, and although she wants to walk over and wring her pretty little neck silly, she also wants to be her.
Resisting the urge to soak her hands in Astoria's blood, Pansy turns away. There is no-one left, for Draco was right, for the past six years at Hogwarts she had only had eyes for him. Students either highly disliked or lived in fear of Draco, and when he was hers why did she need anyone else? But without him she was nothing. There was no one to help her now, and the feeling possessing her feels just like ice.
She isn't sure if she can move, maybe she should just stand there and be ridiculed some more. But how much more can one girl take? Her head is spinning and she is pleasantly surprised (is there such a thing as pleasant surprises anymore?) to find that her legs are not heavy like lead when she sprints towards the girls dormitories, and the gossiping about the events that had just taken place begin behind her. She carries on running up the stairs, tripping and stumbling now and again because her mind isn't fully concentrating on which direction she's supposed to be running. When Pansy emerges into her dormitory, three girls are huddled into a corner (she finds she doesn't know their names despite sharing a room with them for six years). The girls turn but she won't give them a chance to see her tears. She jumps onto her four poster, hides herself behind the curtains and suffocates herself in the comforting smell of her bedsheets.
----
Pansy wakes up the next day and feels almost happy before it crashes over her like a tidal wave.
Draco.
The tears start again, but no matter how hard she tries to blink them back they run down her pale cheeks like waterfalls. Listening for the sound of her nameless room mates, she declares it safe before getting up and dressing. Staring at the calender, it dawns upon her that it is a Saturday. She wishes it wasn't. She needs something to distract her, anything, even school work would do. But not today. Draping her winter cloak over her arm, she forces herself to face the great hall for breakfast. Her head is held high but inside she is breaking down.
The silver fastenings attached to her cloak beat against her pale arm as she descends the staircase quickly, but she barely feels it. As her foot hits the bottom step she wished she had taken the journey slower, for now it was time to enter the great hall and she just doesn't think she can do it. Pansy musters all the courage she has (which isn't much, she's a green and silver serpent, not a red and gold lion of Gryffindor) and walks into the great hall, avoiding eye contact with just about everyone.
Those lovely brown eyes she owns (the only physical thing she likes about herself) finds the place where she would usually sit beside the platinum haired Draco Malfoy, but now her seat is filled by Astoria Greengrass. Astoria is giving him her un-divided attention and fawning over him, much to Crabbe and Goyle's annoyance. Pansy wonders if she looked that pathetic hanging off his arm.
Apparently, all that worrying had been for nothing, because rather than attempting to humiliate or upset Pansy, her fellow Slytherin's merely acted as if she did not exist. In the back of her mind, she decided she preferred this to the cruel taunting. Silently, she piles eggs and bacon on her plate and speculates whether she has ever made anyone feel this low. Her mind wanders back to the golden trio, and various Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs she bullied for no reason. Nobody notices when she leaves the great hall without eating.
----
It has been a month since the incident with Draco, and slowly Pansy has faded into nobody, the invisible girl. She does not try to make conversation with the girls in her house, she does not raise her hand in class, she swears sometimes in lessons, her professor's eyes pass over her seat like there is nobody occupying it. She is concealed, disguised and invisible.
She trudges back to the Slytherin common room after a brutal potions lesson, even Snape ignores her. Sometimes, in potions, she wishes she was at least a useless Hufflepuff so Snape would critisize her and she could feel alive, knowing that at least one person saw her. She mutters the password (ignis internum) and enters, no-one notices her arrival, and even if they did, they choose to ignore it. Pansy quickly dissapears up the stairs to get undressed and go to bed, a routine she had perfected over the last month. Pansy occasionally lies awake and tries to remember just why her and Draco fell apart so, but the argument is distant, and after days and days of trying to push it out of her mind, she has forgotten why he hates her. She supposes it was her fault, and she became too clingy and he became fed up. It would most likely be her fault.
The dormitory is empty once again when she arrives, for no-one goes to bed this early. Undressing fairly quickly into her warm pyjamas, she makes to settle into bed, but something is different, and her routine is corrupted.
Sitting on her pillow, is a chocolate frog box, and a note. She snatches it up quickly, immediately thinking the impossible. Her heart sinks when she realises the writing is not his.
I've noticed you always look lonely. Take this, you look like could use it.
Honesty.
Honesty? Her brow furrows as she tries to recall an Honesty. She realises after a short while she doesn't know one. After a small while, she realises again that Honesty must be one of the girls she shares a room with. She bursts into hysterical laughter at the thought of a Slytherin named Honesty, her laughter echoes throughout the empty room and the sensation feels strange and unfamiliar to her, but she welcomes it. Climbing under her bed covers, she sits up for a second to eat her gift and read the card along with it under the lamp light. For the first time in a month, she finally falls asleep with a smile on her face.
----
She awakes the next day, and for once does not wait for the departure of her three room mates before making her appearance. Pansy pulls back her curtains to find them chatting amongst themselves. They look slightly taken aback at her sudden appearance but smile nonetheless kindly.
"Good morning" Pansy offers up conversation shyly.
A pretty red head doing her hair in the corner beams at her, and Pansy finds she is smiling back. She is almost certain this is Honesty, the girl who had offered her kindness when nobody else had.
"Morning" Honesty replies, a grin on her face. "Were going for breakfast soon, do you want to join us?"
Her pretty hazel eyes sparkle with excitement and kindness as Pansy nods.
Eating with her three room mates was an experience like never before, she found herself chatting with them animatedly, saying so much more she'd ever dared to say around Draco and his posse. She was herself around them, laughing again as her brunnette room mate/sort of friend (Amerie, and the other girl with raven hair was Raquel) joked about various topics and affairs, and once again she welcomed the feeling. For once she felt carefree, for once she felt accepted. And as Astoria walked past her and tossed her blonde, veela-like hair in her direction, she almost didn't care.
For so long she had been so dependant on Draco to keep her up and make her feel good, when in reality she was doing was putting him up a pedestal, he could do no wrong in her eyes, until now. Now she could breathe again, and for once it felt good to no longer be invisible.
So there it is (:
Jsyk, I really don't like Pansy! Haha (: I decided to step into her shoes and write about her, and I hope you feel a little (or a lot) of sympathy for her. I also love Draco, so sorry for making him out to be the bad guy (:
Thanks again to my friend (and sort of un-official beta! Lmao) Katherine (: You rock!
Please review? (: