Hey guys. Yeah, I've been working on the second chapter of I Aught Not to Love. Hah! Just kidding. I haven't. I've been blogging my life away as per usual. I've been thinking about writing this and I decided after I finish this and an FF7 one, I'll work on the second chapter. Well… Maybe. I really don't know. I thought it sucked, though I got a few good reviews. I just forget how to break the page. I confused some people with that. . I'll go back and edit it once I figure that out. Okay. So enough clamoring on about that! This is a songfic of Cemetery Weather by Isles and Glaciers, (*squee* Vic Fuentes, Craig Owens, and Johnny Craig!) hence the title. I'll shut up now. Enjoyyyy~
I never knew what I would do
If anybody ever tried to take you away
And your beautiful boy won't wait for you
Because he's busy with the stars and the fame
Roxas and I grew up together since our families were very close after years of doing business together. I suppose you could even venture far enough to say we were best friends. Yet, none of that kept me from falling for his fiancé, Namine. I don't know how they ended up together, and it really didn't matter. We all knew he was cheating, but he didn't want to get rid of Namine. His parents adored him, and he knew his other choice wouldn't make them too ecstatic. So she was stuck with him, too afraid to speak up and actually say anything.
"He doesn't care about me, Zexion," She told me one day as we sat on the rooftop of the bookstore in Twilight Town. I was on my break and she came over with two sea-salt ice creams. I bit my lip and turned to her. "You do, though I really can't figure out why. I'm nothing special and I'm taken. So why even take the time?"
"I'll wait for you."
That was the first time she kissed me.
And I don't know why I breathe
It's taking too long for me
Can we speed up the process, please?
Or show me the one I need?
It took its toll on me eventually. She was cheating on him n with me. That made me feel guilty, but yet I shoved my guilt aside and continued to meet her secretly. It killed me to see them walk by the bookstore together. I would die a little inside to see him accompany her to parties our mutual friends were throwing. I would trudge home every day through the golden sunlight that constantly spilled over the streets. None of it was fair. Growing up, they always told me life wasn't fair, but I really hadn't believed it until now.
I need somebody (somebody)
Somebody crazy enough to tell me
I will love you till we (I will love you till we)
Till we are buried
Our bodies (our bodies)
Our bodies are bodies are buried close together
Cemetery weather
In the cemetery weather
I'll never forget the first time she told me she loved me. She suggested we sit up at the clock tower. I found it terribly odd because that's where she first met Roxas when they were teenagers all those years ago. I still wish that somehow Roxas wasn't there, and I was instead. Knowing me, I would have been inside, reading, afraid to go out and face people.
I felt her hand slip into mine. First, I thought nothing of it. That was usual, right?
"I think I want to tell you something." Her beautiful, light voice filled my ears.
"What would that be, dear?"
She paused, a look of sheer worry clouding over those beautiful blue eyes of hers. I took both of her hands in mine and gave her a questioning look.
"Namine?"
"I love you," She said quickly, pecking me on the lips.
All I could do was smile, because after all my life, someone finally reciprocated my feelings.
If only I had known it would be short-lived.
I never knew what I would do
If anybody tried to speak your name
I would tear down their house and
I'd burn around the brightest memory of your face
"We're getting married in a month!"
Roxas barged into the bookstore with a broad grin on his face. I smiled back, kept up the small talk. Inside me, a war was waging between a mix of emotions. I wanted to kill him. Oh god, I did. He didn't care about her like I did. He never would. It wasn't fair. She should be mine. None of it was fair.
I found myself outside of his house later that night with a rock in hand. Angrily I hurled it at the window, feeling the tears stream down my face. I stifled a sob at the satisfying sound of shattering glass. I hope he was standing right behind that window. I hoped he had shards of glass in his skin. I stopped. I was slowly turning into a monster.
'Cause I would do anything (anything)
'Cause love is a selfish thing (Don't care what you think)
And I'll feed off the wounds that bleed
And tear you away from me
She was killing me slowly and I don't think she knew it. At this point, I don't think she cared either. She looked flawless walking down the aisle, wearing the white that always complimented her fair skin so well. She smiled at him sincerely and something in me snapped. I could feel my chest tighten and my breathing get shallow. Was this supposed to happen? Was I supposed to feel like my whole life had ended? The world started to look so much bleaker when they stood at the altar, softly speaking vows, love sparkling in their eyes. How could she cast me aside so easily? Did it all mean nothing to her? Would she even remember what happened between us, or would she choose to forget. After all of it, I don't think I could force myself to forget any of it. Oh, how I wished I could.
I need somebody (somebody)
Somebody crazy enough to tell me
I will love you till we (I will love you till we)
Till we are buried
Our bodies (our bodies)
Our bodies buried close together
Cemetery weather
In the cemetery weather
I'll never forget the first time I woke up next to her.
"Do you think Roxas knows?" I whispered, my face buried in her corn silk hair.
"Maybe. He wouldn't care even if he did. It's just something else to get me out of his way," She mumbled, face pressed into my chest. "I just wish things could have been different. Maybe I could've ended up with you." She pulled away to look up into my eyes. "Promise me something?"
"Anything."
"Don't ever leave me."
Did that even mean anything to her now?
I doubted it.
Violent delight
We'll live as if we die
Violent delight
Live as if we die
Violent delight
Live as if we die
Violent delight
Live as if we die
My violent delight, my violent delight
Over the next six months, I felt my grip on reality slipping. My brother, Lexaeus, tried to get me help, but I refused it. I was okay. I could get through this. One Friday night, I entirely lost it. I dug under my bed for the box that had never been touched before in its existence. I never thought I'd have to use it before now. Upon finding it, I slid the lid off and picked it up. The gun was cold and heavy, identical to how my heart felt. It was one of the craziest ideas I'd had. It was a last resort, but it was the only way we could go on together, and I had to keep my promise.
I drove to Roxas's. Luckily, they had forgotten to lock the door, so I invited myself in. They were sleeping peacefully in their bedroom. I smiled as I saw her angelic face. I trailed my thumb down her cheek softly, not enough to make her stir. Quietly, I shuffled to Roxas's side. It was all or nothing now. I pressed the gun to his temple hard enough to wake him. He didn't even have enough time to scream. One single gunshot pierced the silence.
So come on, come on
I won't leave without you
If we die, then we die
And I'll sing this buried with you
Violent delight
Live as if we die
My violent delight, my violent delight
I need somebody (somebody)
Somebody crazy enough to tell me
I will love you till we (I will love you till we)
Till we are buried
Our bodies (our bodies)
Our bodies buried close together
Cemetery weather
In the cemetery weather
"Oh god! Why would you do this? Why would you do this?"
Why was she crying? Shouldn't she be happy? We could finally be together, like she had always wanted.
"He's gone, Nami. He's gone. We can run away together now. Like you always said we would someday."
I tried to hold her like I had been longing to do for months. She pushed me away, tears staining her cheeks, a wild look in her eyes.
"We can get old together. We can be buried together. Like you always said you wanted."
She pushed me away again and ran to Roxas. She pulled his face close to hers and sobbed harder. I grabbed her hand and spun her around to face me. I pulled her close enough to where she couldn't escape from me.
"You should be happy," I said, "This was all to make you happy."
"To make me happy? If you wanted me to be happy, you would have left me the fuck alone! I was happier without you! Can't you see that? Roxas and I finally worked things out! I stopped coming by to see you because everything worked out!"
"But you said-"
"To hell with what I said! None of that meant a thing! Don't you get it? It never meant anything!"
I watched her sob over him again. That was when I decided I couldn't go on. I didn't care anymore. This had to end. I pressed the gun to my forehead, the cold feeling on my left temple matching the cold feeling of dread pulsing through my chest.
"Goodbye. I love you. I always will."
As for Namine, I don't know what happened. I didn't live long enough to find out.
What did you think? I was in an uber dark, sick, and depressing mood. I wrote this on about four hours of sleep and one cup of coffee. I couldn't even make a Starbucks run, I was so late to school. That's what I get for going to a concert on a Wednesday night. If I had missed The Wonder Years and Transit, I don't think I could have lived with myself. I already have to miss Warped this year. PIERCE THE VEIL AND SLEEPING WITH SIRENS ARE PLAYING. Someone SHOOT ME. Ughhh… Oh god. There I go rambling again xD Do tell me what you think though! Look up Cemetery Weather on Youtube as well. It's beautiful. Until next time!
Xoxo
FFS