DISNEY FAIRIES ON THE MUPPET SHOW
Disclaimer: Tinker Bell, Disney Fairies and all related materials are owned by The Walt Disney Company. Tinker Bell created by J.M. Barrie. The Muppets and all related characters are the property of The Muppet Studio, a wholly owned subsidiary of the Walt Disney Company. The Muppets created by Jim Henson. This fan fiction is not for profit or monetary gain and is intended solely for the entertainment of its audience.
(SINGING) THIS. IS. WHAT. WE. CALL. THE. MUPPET. SHOW.
The Muppet Show logo drops with Gonzo sitting inside the "O" holding a trumpet. As the other Muppets sing "SHOW" he blows into the instrument and out flies a cloud of pixie dust, leaving Gonzo utterly bewildered.
Kermit comes out on stage at the Muppet Theater to emcee. "Hi ho! Kermit the Frog here and welcome to The Muppet Show. We are very pleased to announce that today's special guests are the Disney Fairies."
The crowd erupts into squeals of glee as it is composed mostly of young Muppet girls.
"Yeah. Yeah. We have Tinker Bell and her friends, Queen Clarion and Lord Milori. But before we bring out our guests let's start things off with a musical number."
The curtain opened to a scene of a hot air balloon aloft. Inside the gondola are several pigs including Miss Piggy and Link Hogthrob. The theater's house band, The Electric Mayhem, begins to play the pleasant strains of Up Up and Away (In My Beautiful Balloon) by The 5th Dimension. The pigs begin to sing the lyrics as birds flutter on by.
At first, the song and scene are gentle and even pastoral. The sky is blue with streaks of golden hues from late afternoon or early evening. A few whisper thin clouds can be seen lazily floating on by. The birds which flap through are of different colors: yellow, red, blue, black and others eye catching hues.
About midway through the song, things take a turn for the strange as the birds begin to flutter through at a faster pace. Almost immediately, the pigs notice this and become wary. Link takes the controls and navigates the balloon around the birds as they start to come from both left and right. The other pigs continue to sing without deviation. Until the birds pick up their pace again and start to shoot across at dizzying speeds.
Now the pigs in the gondola are actively watching out for the incoming avian, though they never break the cadence of their singing. Some of the birds begin to dive on the balloon, while others try to drop eggs on the riders. One such fowl somehow detonates like a bomb near the billowing hot air inflatable. Link continues to maneuver the balloon skillfully dodging the birds which are coming from all directions at furious speeds. Link knows, as the other pigs do, that if one of the birds punctures the balloon they will fall from the sky and crash into the ground below.
The birds continue to streak across the sky, squawking and screeching as they do. The pigs are twisting and turning their heads just trying to keep up until, just as the song is reaching its finale…POW! One of the birds with a large and pointy bill perforations the balloon. A loud hissing sound can be heard as the hot air inside rushes out through the hole. The entire apparatus descends beyond control. The band continues to play the music, but the pigs have stopped singing and are screaming at the top of their lungs as they plunge out of sight. The curtain draws the number to a close.
In their box, Statler and Waldorf offer their comments and insights. Waldorf begins by saying, "Well it looks like all the nerds at home finally got what wanted."
"Oh, what's that?" Statler asks.
"A Muppet version of Angry Birds."
"Doh ho ho ho!"
~O~
Behind the scenes, Kermit is standing at his desk. He is dismayed at how the opening song descended into utter lunacy. The birds trotted through the backstage satisfied with themselves. The pigs, on the other hand, stumble off the stage. Piggy is very displeased and Link is barely even aware of his surroundings. He is wearing the hot air balloon gondola on his head.
"Hey, who turned out the lights?" Link asks anyone who might be around him. "Miss Piggy? Dr. Strangepork? Anyone?"
Piggy approaches Kermit and angrily tells him she will never again work with birds except chickens. Kermit helpfully reminds her that chickens can't fly.
"Exactly!" she tells him. Then she turns on her heels and storms off.
Seconds later, a huge machine is pushed out onto the stage for the next segment of the show. Dr. Bunsen Honeydew stops to ask Kermit to provide a helpful volunteer for his demonstration. The machine he has devised will require both Beaker and a second individual to function properly. Kermit agrees, but isn't sure if anyone from the staff or any of the performers would be willing to cooperate.
Seconds later, the doors to the guest dressing rooms open. The Disney Fairies, tonight's guests, descend the stairs from the second floor to greet their host. Tinker Bell is joined by her friends Rosetta, Silvermist, Fawn, Iridessa and Vidia. Tink is also accompanied by her sister Periwinkle and her beau Terence. Queen Clarion and her friend Fairy Mary are also with them, but Kermit notices a particular member is absent.
"Uh, where is Lord Milori," he asks apprehensively.
"He will arrive soon," Clarion assures their host.
"Yeah, he's stuck in traffic," Vidia says with her usual sharp tongue. "His Snowy Owl has a flat tire."
Clarions shoots Vidia a most unhappy glare. Kermit is also not amused by Vidia's snarky aside, but he chooses to laugh it off instead. "Hah hah, yeah. I'm glad you all came. I'm confident that tonight's show will be the best experience of your lives."
"Thank you, Kermit," Clarion replies. "I'm sure it will be most thrilling."
"Oh good. Now if you'll pardon me a moment, I've got to introduce the next portion of the show."
"Well that's what we wanted to ask you about," Clarion said. Tinker Bell had become very excited when she learned that Muppet Labs was going to unveil their newest invention on tonight's show. As a tinker she has always been fascinated by new ideas. She wanted permission to watch the unveiling from backstage. Kermit, realizing he had his answer, invited all of them to watch from onstage, telling them that Dr. Honeydew needed an extra volunteer for tonight's demonstration.
"Flitterific," Tinker Bell shouted.
The queen thanked Kermit, offering her great admiration and respect.
~O~
Kermit trots out behind the curtain and informs Dr. Honeydew of the new development. The good doctor is happy with all the potential volunteers at his disposal. Kermit then steps out on the stage and introduces the next segment. As the curtain parts, Muppet Labs is on full display. A bespectacled scientist in a white lab coat steps front and center and begins to speak. "Hello and welcome to Muppet Labs, where the future is being made today. I am Doctor Bunsen Honeydew and this is my associate Beaker."
A tall and skinny lab assistant with a shock of red hair greets the audience. "MeeMo," he says, which is Beaker speak for 'Hello.'
Dr. Honeydew addresses the audience as the tinkers and Queen Clarion look on at the strange machine which occupies most of the laboratory. Dr. Honeydew continues by describing the machine. "Today we are here to introduce my latest invention. The Brain Swap-O-Matic. The Swap-O-Matic has been designed to eliminate conflict by allowing one to spend a week in another person's shoes. Literally."
"Meerlly?"
"Yes, Beaker, really. This machine will swap the intelligences of two people, allowing them to live as the other for exactly one week. Each person can then learn what it is like to be the other person and understand their perspective. It is our sincere hope that this invention will bring an end to war and conflict around the world."
Beaker nods in agreement.
"A lofty goal, indeed," Clarion asserts.
"Thank you," Dr. Honeydew replies, a satisfied smile across his face. He proceeds with his presentation. "Beaker here has volunteered to help me demonstrate."
The meek assistant is surprised and shocked by this announcement. "Mee?" Beaker begins to fidget worriedly as he is herded into one side of the machine.
"Yes! You, Beaker. Now be a good little lab assistant and step into this alcove."
Beaker shakes his head "no."
"Oh come on, Beakie. Don't be that way. Now get into the nice, untested machine."
"MEEEMEEE MEEEEE MEEEEEEEMEMEEE!" Beaker shouts, horrified to learn that the machine has not been beta tested before this very moment. He struggles, but Dr. Honeydew manages to secure the frightened lab assistant into one alcove. Honeydew then turns his attention to the fairies who are onstage and asks which one would like to participate in the demonstration. Before anyone can answer, however, the fairy dust which permeates the air begins to take its toll on Doctor Honeydew's allergies. "Now don't be shy. It won't hur-, hur- hurrchoo! Oh dear. Ah ah AH CHOO! AH CHOO!"
Tinker Bell, Fairy Mary and Queen Clarion are all occupied by this wonderful looking machine. Unfortunately, they are not looking at what is going on right next to them. Doctor Honeydew's sneezing fit knocks him into Queen Clarion who is pushed into the machine's second alcove.
"Oops. Oh dear," the queen says with an embarrassed grin. When Doctor Honeydew sneezes again he inadvertently turns on the Brain Swap-O-Matic. It lights up both terminals and Beaker and Queen Clarion shake momentarily. Fairy Mary shuts down the device quickly. She pulls the queen from the machine and checks on her.
"Your Highness? Queen Clarion. Speak to me. Are you alright?"
"Fairy Mary. I'm fine, but why are you over there?"
Mary turns and is absolutely horrified. The queen's voice is coming from…Beaker!
"Mary? What's happening? How did I get to this side of the lab?" the queen asks.
"Oh my," Fairy Mary gasped.
"Is that me?" Clarion asks nervously, now having seen her own body… and she wasn't in it. She looks down and sees the lab coat and large man hands. She instantly recognizes that she is in Beaker's rail thin form. "I've been brain swapped!"
Queen Clarion, or rather Beaker in her body, gathers what has happened and responds as he would to any such terrifying development. He becomes fully alarmed.
"MEEEEEEEMEEMEEEMEEEEEEEMEEEEEEEMMEMMMEEEEE!" Wild eyed and with arms flailing about, the lab assistant stuck in the body of the fairy queen begins to run manically around the lab. Several of the fairies on stage, Vidia included, give chase. Beaker zig-zags around the lab set with an ever growing trail of fairies hot on his heels.
Dr. Honeydew, whose allergies have begun to subside as the fairies pursue their wayward queen's body, watches this scene and calls out to his assistant. "Beaker! What are you doing? Get out of there and back into your own body this instant."
Queen Clarion, caught in the body of Beaker, approaches Dr. Honeydew and asks him how quickly he can change them back. "It will take one full week before the effect will wear off," he informs her. "Unless we can catch Beaker and reverse the brain swap."
"MEEEMEMEEEEMEEMEMMEMMEMEMEEEMEEEE!" This screeching is heard from above. Dr. Honeydew looks up and sees the queen's body zipping around near the rafters, the other fairies still trying to catch her. Him. Whatever.
"Beaker, what are you doing? Stop that flying about and get down here," Honeydew orders.
Queen Clarion, watching from within Beaker's body, can only face palm. "This is going to be a very long show."
And thus the curtains are drawn on another episode of Muppet Labs.
~O~
Statler and Waldorf, who have been watching the events in the lab unfold, comment on the action.
"What do you know? Tonight's guests can fly," Waldorf observes.
"Yeah? Well I wish they'd fly on out of here. Then we can all go home early."
Waldorf nods in agreement.
I'll try to post additional chapters as I think of more absurd material to write. Thank you for reading.