Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Knight in any way; I am not Hino Matsuri-Sama
Summery: It's the night before Ichiru gives himself to his brother to be devoured, and he takes those few, percious moments to ponder over all the lovely experiences they've had together, taking time to name all of his regrets, and what he wished he could have changed.
Warnings: Nothing, really ...
Main Character(s): Ichirun Kiryuu (Ichiru Kiryu)
A/N: If you weren't aware, Hino Matsuri-Sama had originally named the characters of Vampire Knight different. Yuki (or Yuuki) was Yuukie, Zero was Zerorin, Ichiru was Ichirun; etc ... Just thought I'd throw that out there xD ... I'll be using their original names in this fanfic.
"You know that when I hate you, it is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul." ~ Julie de Lespinasse
Ichirun Kiryuu stared blankly out at the setting sun as seemingly endless thoughts swirled around in his head. His lilac gaze flickered lazily from side to side in boredom, his actions lethargic and tired. His roommate was rambling on and on about how he was certain he was going to graduate at the top of the class once more, and Ichirun could honestly admit he could care less. He simply nodded when the time felt right, and "oooohed" and "ahhhed" when he felt it was worthy. He wasn't paying much attention. Rather, his thoughts were on something else - or, perhaps it wasn't something, but someone who was occupying his mind at the moment. Despite his totally nonchalant appearance, he was actually anxious and restless; he just wished his damn roommate would shut up already and leave him to his thoughts.
He let out a bored sigh, shifting all of his weight to one foot, staring at his roommate, attempting a smile, which turned into more of a grimace than he had hoped. When his roommate paused to take a breath, Ichirun quickly interjected before he had time to go on about his "astounding mathematical skills." "Eh, excuse me but, I need to use the restroom ..." He murmured, and in the next moment (without waiting for a response from his too-eager classmate) he was walking briskly down the hall on the way to the boy's bathroom. He entered silently, scoping the area out, making sure he was alone, where he would have complete and total silence so he could get his thoughts together, and perhaps calm his nerves a bit.
He let out a long sigh of exasperation, sliding down the door. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his head against the wooden object. Finally; peace a quite ... He thought resentfully, rolling his eyes. Honestly, his roommate was nice, but he was much too noisy.
The failed Vampire Hunter let his eyes close, suppressing the groan that was begging for a way out of his mouth. His head was pounding, his heart was racing, and his stomach was starting to hurt. All because of that blasted person he couldn't tear his redundant thoughts off of. Who was this person who was causing the young boy so much trouble and confusion, you may ask? Why; it was none other than his elder twin brother; Zerorin Kiryuu; heir to their family; A Vampire Hunter, whom was selfishly turned into a Vampire because Ichirun wished for vengeance ... Vengeance that he later found out was completely unnecessary.
Ichirun frowned, chilling memories of that very night flooding into his head incoherently, making his skin crawl. He remembered first seeing that beautiful, snowy Vampire Mistress whom had crystal tears streaming down her porcelain, melancholy face. She was beautiful; and Ichirun hadn't realized she was a Vampire until Zerorin had told him so. It was then, he had realized, that he was completely and utterly useless. It was then, that he had finally become aware of the darkness that was slowly consuming his heart and turning it to ice. It was then that he realized how much he resented his older brother. He was positive that his stoic and "kind" niisan was the source of this darkness, and he wanted him eradicated. Of course though; murder was illegal ... But if a Vampire did it ...
He and Shizuku Hio (the Pureblooded Vampire he and Zerorin had met previously) had teamed up with one-another; Ichirun promised to be her servant if she killed his parents. Of course, it would be a win-win situation for the both of them. Shizuka would have avenged her lover's death by killing his parents (whom had unfortunately, been the ones assigned to slay him) and leaving Zerorin parent-less in return. What he hadn't expected her to do, however, was turn his charming older brother into a Vampire as well. He still remembered the look of terror on Zerorin's face when Ichirun had entered the living room, which was quickly altered, morphing into a look of betrayal when he saw his sickly younger brother smile. Ichirun would never, for the life of him, forget his brother's face that day.
Of course, his resentment towards Zerorin only grew, for; now he had something even more, something he would never achieve, something he had been yearning for ever since he became Shizuka's servant. And that was-
To be a Vampire.
That anger towards his brother didn't last very long - though it seemed like an eternity - for when he next saw Zerorin - a whole four years later - he realized just how much he really loved his brother. Of course, he was still envious that Zerorin appeared to get all the "good stuff," but when he saw that look of horror and torment hidden within his lilac eyes - those eyes that matched his own, those eyes that were always unreadable; so full of emotion, those eyes that appeared to look right through your soul and rummage around, searching for a juicy secret; or perhaps a way to torment you himself - he couldn't help but feel a pang of pity for him, and realize; maybe he doesn't have it all, after all ... Of course though, he'd never say it aloud, for fear he may anger his beloved Shizuka.
He obeyed her orders, attempting to slay his own brother to make her happy, but he simply couldn't bring himself to do it ... When Shizuka died, however, he believe Zerorin to be at fault; and became spiteful towards him all over again; as if nothing had changed. He had vowed that night, that he would avenge Shizuka Hio's death and bring his brother to justice ...
And now; here he was, sitting on the bathroom floor, contemplating his thoughts, attempting to sort them out, wondering in sheer puzzlement, how things could possibly turn out the way they did. It wasn't long after Shizuka's death that Ichirun had finally come to his senses, realizing Zerorin was not a factor in the death of his Vampire Mistress; but he himself. If he hadn't been such a weak, pitiful human, she would not have had to suffer a painful, excruciating, dramatic death; if he had been there for her, despite her orders, he could have possibly saved her; if he had been there ... He felt a tear slip down his cheek, and quickly wiped it away. Now was not the time to mourn her loss. He had done enough of that, already.
Rather, he turned his thought to the current situation at hand. What to do with Zerorin. He already knew what was going to happen. He wasn't that non-observant. He - just like Ichirun - was a pawn on Kaname Kuran's chessboard, and they just had to make the right move. He knew it was wrong of him - a powerless Mortal - to help the Pureblood, but if he had a chance to save his brother while doing so ... He sighed, standing up and walking over to one of the sinks, staring into his mirror - meeting his reflection. He stared into his lilac eyes, the eyes that held so much misery, the eyes that told countless tales of love, sadness and adventure; the eyes that looked just like Zerorin's ... He frowned.
He knew what he was going up against; he wasn't ignorant. He was going to attempt to kill that blasted Pureblood - Rido Kuran - who put Shizuka's lover on the Slayer Society's list. He was going to avenge his death - and in doing so, he would fulfill Shizuka's true wish. He would finally have a cleared conscious; a good one. Right? ... But what if he failed? What would happen then? No ... He didn't even have to ask; for the answer was inevitable, it was obvious ... He would die ... But say he didn't die right away; then what would he do?
Ichirun took a few moments to ponder over all of his options. Of course; there was option a) try to fight again. But where would that get him if he was near death? Nothing. He's end up being obliterated anyways. Then option b) Run and wait for death's shadowy eyes to loom over him. No ... That was a cowardly move; and Ichirun Kiryuu was no coward. Then there was option c) Tell someone. But what good would that do, also? He'd simply be putting everyone else in danger along with himself. There was no way he could bring himself to harm the innocent like that. Even though he had already done so before - and in doing so, he had tainted his heart and made himself "unclean" - he could never bring himself to do it again ... There had to be another option ...
Suddenly; a thought struck him like a bolt of lightening ... If worse came to worse; he would go to Zerorin ... Yes; that's it ... He would make Zerorin finish him off; make him devour his blood, so he could become whole again, like he was destined to be. Ichirun knew they were never supposed to be twins; he knew he was never supposed to even be born; and the fact that he was - and had survived - is what tarnished the Kiryuu family's reputation as a Vampire Hunter ... Twins born into Hunter families were rare, and if they were both born, only one of them - or neither - was going to survive. One of the children normally never even makes it out of the womb, for the other one - the stronger one - takes all of his brother's - or sister's - life force for himself, killing his kin in the process. Zerorin had taken some of that away from Ichirun while they were still Fetuses; that's why he was always so sickly ... But now, now he had a chance to give it all to Zerorin and make him whole; and on top of that, he would recieve some of Shizuka Hio's blood - the blood Ichirun himself was allowed to ingest ...
Yes. It sounded like a plan; a good one, at that.
Ichirun let out another long sigh, turning away from the sink and pushing his way out of the bathroom door, making his way slowly down the hall, a frown still etched carefully into his features. He pursed his lips in frustration. His mind was still cloudy, and he was still finding it difficult to sort through all of his thoughts properly. Rather than getting his brother off of his mind; he just made everything so much worse. Memories of the past continued to rush through his head, one after the other, much like a waterfall. Granted; not all of the memories were exactly good, but they were all something he should treasure; something he needed to keep close to his heart. He needed to keep his brother close; for the rest of eternity. He could not; would not risk losing his brother one more; for those last few precious moments he wanted to spend with him - even if the last time he saw him he would be close to death, begging and pleading for him to finish him off - would mean the world to him, and he couldn't risk losing them.
As soon as he entered his dorm again, his roommate practically sprang from his seat and began bombarding him with tales of how he found out his IQ level, or when he visited a hospital and got to view a surgery, or when he scored in the top 10 percentile of one of those big, important tests that Ichirun didn't remember the name of.
The silverette sighed, his brows knitting together as he took a seat on his bed. He laid down, throwing an arm over his eyes and letting them close. Okay, so if he fell asleep, his roommate would be upset with him, and probably wouldn't stop complaining all day tomorrow. But ... Who really cares? It's not like he wasn't going to die tomorrow anyways ...
Before sleep took over, he took a few precious moments to scour through his thoughts once more; to see what he regretted. Did he regret the death of his parents? Well, somewhat; but he couldn't be bothered with them at a time like this ... Did he regret teaming up with Shizuka? No, how could he? He loved Shizuka, and regretted nothing. Did he regret coming to Cross Academy? Of course not! He got to spend some more time with the brother he had been waiting so long to see again - granted, his time at Cross academy was less than pleasant, but he felt it was worth it if he got to be with his big strong niisan again - ... Well then; what did he regret?
He shifted positions so he was laying on his side, pulling his knees up to his chest, curling into a lose ball. His frown - which he had been wearing most of the day - finally broke, blossoming into a small, soft, genuine smile across his lips. He chuckled under his breath, a melancholy sigh passing past his lips. "The only thing I regret ..." He whispered as sleep began to overwhelm him, pulling him into unconsciousness; which was most likely going to be void of dreams. "is hating you ..." Zerorin ...
"Those who hate most fervently must have once loved deeply; those who want to deny the world must have once embraced what they now set on fire." ~ Kurt Tucholsky
A/N: Reviews are appreciated (: Whether it's flaming, constructive criticism, etc, etc ... I'd be really grateful ^-^ Also; since you're reading this; it must mean you finished reading my one-shot ... Thank you for taking you time to read it :D It means a lot c: