[A/N] This is my first fanfic... quite angsty, lots of the joys of twincest. Rated T for safety... was planning on making it more M-ish, but after reaching the fourth chapter I decided we're gonna keep it chaste. Ish.

Dedicated to my dear co-author, who shall be known hereforth as Hobbsie. Much thanks!

I (sadly) do not own any part of the Hitachiin twins or Ouran High School Host Club. That right belongs solely to Bisco Hatori, who we thank most heavily for her creation of these yaoi gods.

A cold breeze blew through the open window in the silent bedroom of the Hitachiin twins, raising shivers on the partially naked, unmoving boy alone on the bed. The wind cut straight to his core, but he did not notice it, focussed completely on the dilemma he was throwing himself against inside. A single tear rolled down his cheek, unstopped by the usual shaking hand that would wipe it away. His situation, he knew, was impossible. He had nowhere and no one to run to. Not anymore.

"Hika-chan! Hika-chan! Know what?"

A small bronze-haired boy running towards his dozing brother called excitedly. Hikaru sat up, turning to see what his beloved sibling was so eager to tell him.

"What? Get to the point, Kao-chan…"

A soft grin and a peck on the cheek from the blue caused Hikaru's hands to fly to his face, as his identical twin fell back, laughing, on to the grass with him.

"I love you, Hika-chan"

Oh, how he missed the days when such words had been commonplace, when they were so easy to speak, and had only innocence hidden within them. The days when their hugs and closeness were acceptable, when they could be brushed away as simple 'brotherly' feelings, as natural. Before awkward adolescence and the distancing that came with it set in. Of course, they still put up the front for the Host Club, but deep inside, a gap had formed that no amount of effort by Hikaru could close. He felt it every time he watched that so-familiar face next to him, and was continually cut by the difference between the distance inside and the physical distance separating the two boys.

At first, he tried to escape the suspicions inside, but he soon came to realize that the one doing all the pushing was not he. Since about a year ago, Kaoru had begun to grow silent around Hikaru, slowly estranging the twins, gradually becoming colder and colder when they were alone. At first, the more Kaoru had isolated him, the more Hikaru had chased him, but it only seemed to worsen the situation. It cut him every time, and each wound was made worse by the realisation that it was Hikaru's own fault.

In the empty space of the dark bedroom, Hikaru's whole being ached as he recalled what he had done, the wrongness of feelings that must have caused Kaoru to run when he noticed them emanating from his brother. Those sick, wrong feelings…

[eighteen months earlier]

A long sigh. A shift of posture. The sound of his feet tapping under the desk. The feeling of yellow eyes glancing his way occasionally, confirming that boredom was mutual in the monochrome world where they were among others. The slow blink of those long, golden eyelashes, and the soft sigh of identical breaths – his heart began to thump loudly in his ears- that face, so similar to his own, but so much more expressive. How many expressions of Kaoru's had Hikaru not seen, he wondered. He jumped suddenly as a breathy, blushing version of his brother cried out enticingly in his mind. Suddenly feeling warm, noting the heat radiating from his cheeks, and other, lower places… he drew back from such thoughts, blaming them on hormones.

Despite this, he continued to keep one eye on the beautiful reflection beside him at all noticed everything about his twin, his pounding, heavy heartbeat matching the taps of Kaoru's fingers. This state of mind had grown over the past few months, to the point where he felt that there was nothing of interest in this world other than Kaoru, and everything Kaoru saw, dreamed to do, felt or breathed. Kaoru was the only colour in the world. It was close to obsession, to be honest. Somewhere, far inside him, he knew that this was more than sibling affection. An even more microscopic voice debated whether it was right to feel this way, whether he should let himself continue this way. As time progressed, this voice became louder the closer he got to realising his feelings. It yelled at him to give up while he still could, to lock away this dark flower that was taking root throughout his heart. It screamed at him that his feelings were sick, wrong, downright incestual, but he brushed the logical voice away each time. He chose to concentrate instead on the happy beat of his heart when he walked with his twin. Maybe, just maybe, if he had known what it would lead to, Hikaru would have listened.

Weeks passed, and things began to change. Oblivious to anything but his own feelings, Hikaru failed to notice as Kaoru suddenly grew quiet, and the distancing began. It took a while, but the ice in his twin's actions began to cut through the haze of his denial. When he moved to hold Kaoru's hand, it was snatched away quickly. When their 'Brotherly Love' act at the club became heated, and the fan girls began to faint from blood loss as usual, there was no emotion in his brother's eyes. When they walked together, Kaoru kept a slight distance from his brother's side. When they changed, Kaoru left the room. Each one of these actions began to hurt, the pain increasing until Hikaru was close to despair. He had to do something, to confront Kaoru, but… if he did, he might lose him further. So, he bottled his bruised, aching feelings, leaving them to poison him silently from the inside, as the pressure grew.

And then, he ruined everything.

It had been a painfully sunny day, so the Host Club had held their entertainments in the grounds for the day, with a theme of 'English Tea Party'. Unfortunately, this had meant that the hosts were dressed in restricting Victorian style clothing, and thus were very overheated very quickly. After hours of giggling fangirls thirstily feasting their fantasies on the gods before them, the club closed for the day. As usual, Kaoru rushed away from Hikaru as soon as he had the chance with some feeble excuse. Close to tears, Hikaru called his chauffeur, and travelled home alone, again. He knew that Kaoru would return as soon as he was sure that his brother was not going to intercept him, so he let his twin go, knowing that chasing him would be futile. When he reached the bedroom, he collapsed onto the once-shared bed in desperation, allowing himself to loosen the collar of his costume, and drift into slumber.

If only he had known back then the pain that would await him when he awoke…

[A/N] Thank you for reading!

Next chapter, we switch to Kaoru's view... we may even have a bit of contact O_O

Reviews are to me like sweets (and Light... nom) are to L. I cannot function without a healthy dose of them as often as possible. Flames will be used for toasting marshmallows. Advice welcome.