The Theatre Trip.
Yay! I'm back. I've just recently paired up with Smittyloveshpfic to write drabbles together and our pennamne will be KezandOg !Yay! I'm finally back, isn't it amazing? Anywho onto the summary.
Summary: The Marauders' sixth year muggle studdies class goon a field trip to see Cats at the theatre. Of course James and Sirius find it in their hearts to cause chaos. Includes James/Sirius slash! Yay!
I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters mentioned in this fic, J.K.Rowling does. Also, I don't own Cats and to be quite honest I don't have any idea of what happens in it.
A.N. Also I do not mean to cause any offence by anything i may have written in here. I just wrote it for fun!
So on you go, to read another insane fanfiction written by me Darksnickle-PrincessKezadoodle if dare!
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It had started out as an ordinary school day at Hogwarts, except for one little fact… The sixth year muggle studies class were going on a field trip. To see Cats, at the theatre.
The sixth year class were all standing in a huddled congregation in the Great Hall, awaiting instructions on what they were and weren't allowed to do…
"I haven't been to the theatre since like never!" exclaimed Sirius.
"Why is Mcgoggles coming anyway?" James asked wrapping an arm around Sirius' waist.
"Because she comes along on every single field trip. I bet she gets a kick out of organising all the students into strategically placed seating arrangements. Anyway, I heard that Dumbledore had an argument with the driver of the Hogwart's Express, so now we have to go on enchanted school buses." Remus informed the rest of the Marauders.
"But Prongs, I want to sit by you!" whined an upset Sirius.
James just pulled his boyfriend closer to him and whispered into his ear: "Don't worry baby, I'll make sure that we sit together and anyway the theatre is the perfect place to cause chaos."
All of a sudden the sound of a whistling kettle could be heard and a swirling twister came into view. Once it had calmed down Dumbledore stood in the place where the twister had just been, struggling to stay on his feet. To give him credit, he looked incredibly drunk (which he probably was due to the fact that he was addicted to drinking spiked phoenix tears. Poor fawkes…) and his hair was standing up on end like he had just been electrocuted.
"Alright everybody! Line up and get onto the bus!" A whooping noise came from the sixth year muggle studies class as they all scrambled up onto the enchanted buses. Nobody noticed as he drunkenly collapsed on the floor.
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One and a half hours (it would have been sooner if the bus driver didn't decide to take a short cut only to find out that there were road works going on) the class finally arrived at the theatre.
Peter rushed off the bus, fast as he could and was instantly, violently sick behind a tall bush.
"Oh yuk! No one should have to sit by Peter on a bus journey!"
"It's ok Moony, me and Prongsy-kins are here for you." Sirius reassured Moony. James on the other hand couldn't stop laughing at the horrified look on Remus' face.
Unfortunately though, their little conversation had to come to a close as Professor Mcgonagall and Professor Jones (muggle studies professor) started shooing them all inside the overly tacky theatre.
--------------------------------------------------- 45 minutes into first interval----------------------------------------------------------
"Oh My Merlin! I am so bored. Do you get any of this?"
"James, all I get is that this is some stupid show about a group of singing cats. I think I know, what this show needs though to liven it up a little."
"You wouldn't!"
"Just you watch me Prongsy-babe!"
And so James did. Right in front of his eyes, without causing any suspicion because they were sitting in the back row, Sirius transformed into Padfoot.
"Oi! Sirius pass us the ice mice would ya?"
cough
"S..irius…" Remus glanced at the empty seat beside him, turned back towards the stage and then five seconds later when he realised Sirius wasn't anywhere to be seen turned himself back around to glare at James.
"James!"
"Um yes…!"
"Where the heck is Sirius?"
"He…um went to the …er toilet. Yeah that's it! Nothing wrong with that is there?" Remus obviously didn't believe James and would have carried on questioning James but at that moment a very loud and I mean VERY loud bark was heard.
"Oh God please tell me he didn't!"
Remus looked up at the stage and cringed. "Yep, he did."
---------------------------------------------------Meanwhile in Sirius' POV------------------------------------------------------------
'James sure was right about this being the perfect place to cause chaos!'
"Woof"
'Argh! Stupid cat trying to chase me away. Who does he think he is? I will show him, stupid mangy street cat!'
"GRRRRR"
'oh wait! They aren't real cats… heh heh. I'm sure glad that no one can hear what I'm thinking…'
POUNCE
'Right it's time that I teach these stupid cats that Padfoot is the greatest!'
"Woof GRRRR woof!"
----------------------------------------------------One of the 'Cats' POV-------------------------------------------------------------
'Omg help! I'm going to be eaten alive by a street dog! ARGH! Must rescue everyone…'
"RUNAWAY! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO BE EATEN ALIVE PREPARE TO FIGHT BACK!" The obviously confused 'cat' shouted out to all his fellow comrades.
"What the hell are you on about you doofus! We're not real cats, we're only playing the part. Talk about being an idiot!"
'Oh yeah…he he. My mistake…'
----------------------------------------------------Back to the audience----------------------------------------------------------------
If you were to look up at the stage at that particular moment in time, you would have seen Padfoot running around the stage chasing all the 'cats' away, sometimes trying to bite at their ankles. Backing away, so that he could make a run to leap at the cat that had been called a 'doofus' moments before, he accidentally stood on the button to the trap door, causing some of the 'cats' to fall down it in a meowing heap, (A.N. More like screaming heap lol.).
The same poor unfortunate cat, who was unlucky enough not to have been standing on the trap door at that precise moment in time, posed his body, ready to make a gigantic leap into the audience below.
"HELP! Somebody call 911! Wait I'm a cat not a bird and cats can't fly. AHHHHHHHHHHH somebody catch me!" He wailed. Of course because a hoard of teenagers always do completely the opposite of what they are ordered to, the crowd parted in the middle, so that the 'cat' fell to the floor in a mass of artificial fur and limbs sprawled everywhere.
-----------------------------------------------------Back to the Marauders-------------------------------------------------------------
"Whoop way to go Padfoot! You go get that nasty cat baby!" Cried out an overly enthusiastic Prongs.
"James, stop him! He's your boyfriend! Do something about it" Screeched Remus in an octave that not even a harpy would be able to reach.
"Ha ha…no ha way! This is bloody gasp ha brilliant."
While Remus was dramatically having an inner battle inside his mind about whether he should do something to stop Padfoot before they all got into trouble or not, somebody automatically knew how to handle the situation.
"Whoever owns this dog, if they do not do something to stop it now, I will make sure that they spend the rest of the term in detention!" Screeched Professor Mcgogglenoggles waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy higher than Remus did. (I was wrong ok?)
Switching back into the present, Moony resorted to plan 'Bring Padfoot down' (listed in The Marauder's rule book, chapter 12 'How to do deal with Padfoot in troublesome events', paragraph 13, line 23) and pulled out his prized dog whistle ('all marauders, except for Sirius, must carry this on them for any potentially lethal stunts where Sirius will not only get himself into trouble but also the rest of the clique, so that the situation may be contained.)
"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE"
(A.N. I don't know what a dog whistle sounds like, I don't have dog hearing!)
The sound reached Padfoot's ears and caused him to stop what he in the middle of doing (chewing on some 'cat's' tail) and stand to attention. Remus and James both ran, in sloooooooooooooooow motion, in black and white pixelation like an old movie (James had cast some kind of slow motion spell for more effect) to the stage.
Padfoot leapt into James' arms, who jumped up to meet him, resulting in the pair of them landing in an almighty CRASH on the floor. The next problem, James came across was how to get Sirius away from the crowds of students without raising too much suspicion so that Padfoot would be able to transform back into his normal self. Luckily for them Moony had already thought this out and threw James's invisibility cloak over the pair causing them to disappear from sight.
"REMUS LUPIN! GET OVER HERE NOW!" Remus gulped and slowly inched towards his inevitable doom, that being P.Mcgog. 'Dang if only good O'l Dumbles was here, he would have found it funny! Dang where is he anyway?'
--------------------------------------------Back at Hogwarts School Of Witchcraft Of Wizardry---------------------------------------
Meanwhile back at Hogwarts a very tipsy Professor D. woke up from his spot on the floor. Jumping up because his headmaster powers had suddenly just sensed some trouble being caused by his students, he stood one foot on the floor, while he put his other leg up over his shoulder trying to see if he could hear anything odd. However, P.D. often forgot that he was not the 20 something acrobatic that he once used to be! Oh no! He was more like a 730 something, thus resulting in him loosing his balance and tumbling to the ground in a flurry of purple swirling robes.
"Well I'll be darned! I'm old!"
Turning around to face the non existent mass of students, (that he still hadn't realised were missing) he decided that it was time for action.
"ATTENTION! Anybody capable of casting a simple hair dye spell stand to the right, anyone who can't stand to the left."
After about waiting for near enough two minutes and not hearing a scurry of stampeding school shoes, he finally sobered up and realised something. It was quiet. Too quiet.
"OH MY MERLIN! He he lol! I used to date him, I used to date him! Shame that he had to die really, he could cast a really good dye spell and the nunky funky was also good…"
"Oh yeah! I CAN'T BELIEVE THEY LEFT WITHOUT ME"
Don't believe what you are reading? Well in fact it's true! Yes Puffy Duffy like old senile men often tend to do, really was rambling to himself about his past relationship with MERLIN himself! Ten minutes later, finally taking hold of the situation, he decided on what his next move would be.
"Dang! I can't apparate within Hogwarts, I just guess that I will have to use my brilliant transport that I know about, seeing as I invented it. The Twister Flucinanbabini™ spell!"
So after casting the Twister Flucinanbabini™ spell, Dumbles whooshed out of the gigantic castle, laughing insanely like the drunken man he was, and went speeding over the whole of Great Britain tearing up anything in sight with the high speeds he was travelling at, trying to remember where the theatre actually was.
------------------------------------------------At the theatre, under the invisibility cloak------------------------------------------------
"…Mmmmmmmmmmmmm Jaaaaammmmmmmmeeeeeeessssssss."
"Moan for me Padsybaby…"
"Oh yeah …that's it…harder!"
"Want me to lick it my little sexpot?"
"Hell yeah James! Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm, Oh gods faster!"
"Whatever baby wants, baby gets…"
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
-------------------------------------------------Outside the invisibility cloak------------------------------------------------------------
'Please tell me they're not doing that here, in front of everybody! Argh they're sick!' Thought a bewildered Remus Lupin.
"Remus Lupin! Those friends of yours better not be doing what it sounds like they are doing! Now do something to stop them now!" Screeched Mcgoggles again who was now closely resembling a harpy.
Boldly going where no man (or anyone else for that matter) had ever been before, Remus bravely reached out and pulled the cloak off, only to reveal…
"JAMES! You were giving Sirius a foot massage all this time!" Shouted an incredulous Moony at his two best friends.
Upon noticing that the cloak had been pulled off them, James glanced up from where he was crouched down, licking Sirius' foot and momentarily stopped his actions. Sirius who was more bashful than James regrettably pulled his foot away and pushed James away while blushing furiously.
"You just had to do that, didn't you Moony? Me and Siri-kins were about to 'geddit on!"
"In your dreams JAMES HAROLD POTTER! Unlike you, I am Not a closet exhibitionist! I only wanted a foot massage because my poor delicate feet were killing me!"
"Come on baby. You don't mean it. I know that secretly deep down inside YOU want ME to ravish you in front of everybody in the great hall!"
"Ack… I would never…"
"BOYS! As touching as this is, I am going to have to ask you both to finish your conversation somewhere else."
At that moment a huge gale (A.N. Yep you guessed who!) started blowing the smaller sixth years out of the way and everyone else's hair upwards.
"Soooommmmeeeebbbbooooddddyyyy … heeeellllpppppp meeeeeeeee!" Squealed a highly distraught Lucius Malfoy who was blown away by a particularly strong gust of wind because he never ate anything.
"DO NOT FEAR SUPERDUMBLES IS HERE!"
Due to all the stress, Prof. Mcgnoodles finally lost it and er…fainted.
"Um sir?" Asked a stunned Ravenclaw, who should have by now been used to the insanity of his school. "Shouldn't someone like try waking her up or something?"
"No, no. Minerva will be fine. She just needs to cool down a bit. Now Jamesy dear boy! What has been going on here?"
"Well.." James started sparing a glance towards Sirius. "Sirius and I were about to take things to um.. another 'level' when dear old Remus pulled the cloak off us!"
"James!"
"Sirius"
"Remus!"
"Prongs!"
"Padfoot!"
"Moony!"
"P. DUMMY!"
All three boys turned to stare at P.D. in horror at the awful 'rap' name.
"Well now, I am glad that we have sorted this little mess up! I was starting to think that it would end up in an horrible fight between the three of you, causing you to not talk to each other for like a whole gasp HOUR!"
"Um sir? That's just ridiculous. I couldn't bear to be separated from James for more than 10 minutes! Heck, I can't even stand being alone in the shower anymore."
"Okey doke! I shall believe you there Sirius my son. Now that we have this mess all sorted out, everybody get back on the buses. Oh Severus? Frank?"
"Yes sir?" Questioned Frank.
"OH MY GOD! Some body actually called me by my real name for once! Yes sir?" Squee'd an overly excited Snape.
"Will you two please carry Lucius and Minerva back out onto the buses? Good now that we have that minor problem sorted out. Hop aboard everybody we have no time to waste! It's almost dinner time in the great hall and I have heard that the house elves were making Marshmallow beetroot surprise!"
Everybody groaned at the unfortunate food tastes of their headmaster but none the less they all boarded the buses not yet realising that they had left somebody behind. (A.N. Guessed who yet?)
-----------------------------------------------------Behind some bushes---------------------------------------------------------------
The rumbling of the buses could be heard as they all dramatically flew past the bushes that were part of the theatre's garden. A small boy woke up to find that he had been left behind.
"NO! DON'T LEAVE ME BEHIND! SOMEBODY HELP MEEEEEEE!" Wailed an obviously distraught Peter.
"Sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss masssssssssssssttteeeeeerrr, I sssssssssssssssmelll sssssssomething…"
"What is it Nagini?"
Lord Voldy followed his treasured pet, stepping around the large puddle of vomit until he came across a huddled figure dressed in school robes trembling on the floor. He loomed over Peter, until Wormtail noticed that he was not alone and looked up at Voldo in terror.
"Please sir, don't hurt me!"
"Don't worry, dear child you have no reason to fear me!" L.Voldy. (Da man who beats P.Dummy) said with shifty eyes.
"Can you help me get back to Hogwarts?"
"Yessssss I can. Now come with me dear boy and I shall show you something you shall never regret. By the way, how do you feel about tattoos?"
"Um why? I guess they're ok, I spose." Slowly, Peter took the hand that L.V. had offered him, and stood up wearily next to the stranger who he still didn't recognise.
"Come along now. We have no time to waste. Hogwarts will be mine MUWAHAHAHAHA!"
But alas! My dear friends, this is a story for another time!
----------------------------------------------------------Back at Hogwarts-------------------------------------------------------------
And back at Hogwarts? Everything was right as rain until the remainder of the Marauders managed to detention the next day. For feeding poor innocent little house elves to the giant squid they called Perry. P.Dummy eventually managed to get a record contract, who went to number one in the wizarding music charts for about five weeks, only to become a one hit wonder and never be heard from again. Oh yeah, and James and Lily did not get married. James just came across her one day in an alleyway, after she had shortly given birth to Harry and because she was a lowly whore, she asked James to take Harry home with him. Needless to say, Sirius was delighted about becoming a daddy with James and to celebrate, he went off to bake cookies in his pink fluffy bunny apron like the good little housewife he was…er I mean househusband.
The End!
A.N. So did you enjoy reading this? Are you wondering what i'm on? If so please tell me anything you thought about this.
So until the next time,
Bye bye!