Summary:- Paul's story as he runs away from a loss no wolf should have to endure, rather than consider another option which may have been able to help him. Leaving La Push, he looks back on the last 4 years of his life and wonders what his future will hold.

Disclaimer:- I do not own any of the Twilight characters, but am merely borrowing them from Ms Meyer for my own enjoyment and hopefully yours.

CHAPTER ONE

September 2010

I shouldered my backpack and joined the line slowly snaking into the tunnel, the stub of my boarding pass gripped tightly in one hand. I never really thought I would leave La Push, but now it seemed like the best option, for both myself and everybody else. My life was completely fucked up, mostly by my own doing. I was good at that – fucking up. I did it every chance I got; fighting, hurting people, screwing...I didn't even want to go there. What the hell had I been thinking? I lost everything that mattered to me and my reaction to it had been to drop my pants and fall into bed with another guy.Damnit. He hadn't really wanted it either, I knew that; both of us had been hurting, reaching out, needing somebody who understood and sex had seemed like a good idea at the time, regardless of the fact that neither of were interested in guys. Mostly. Somehow we had just stumbled into it with each other.

I jerked my head up at the sound of the flight attendant's voice, directing me to the left side of the aircraft and I shoved my thoughts aside again, found my place and rammed my backpack into the overhead bin before I dropped into the window seat and clipped on my seatbelt. I closed my eyes, ignoring the bustle and chatter around me as other passengers boarded, the process slow and annoying. I didn't want to go back there, to think, but nothing I did seemed to be able to drown it out. My only hope was that a new life in another city would help.

I could have prevented everything that had happened to me if only I could learn to engage my brain before I went barreling on ahead. I hated football, for crying out loud. If I hadn't gone to the fucking game – and God knows I had refused at first until Sam and Jared practically bullied me into it – I wouldn't be on this plane now, about to fly out of Seattle in the hopes that I could escape the pain. Where the hell had all this started? It had been long before the game, even before the battle with the newborns, before I had known I was a shifter or what Imprinting was. Part of me wished Dad had never brought me to La Push at all. Now I was running away like a fucking coward, but what other choice did I have?

Some of them had tried to talk me out of it, mainly Sam and Jared, but I hadn't listened. They couldn't even imagine what I was going through and they only knew half of the facts. I sure as hell wasn't about to enlighten them, so I packed up and simply told them I would be in touch. Whether I actually would be was another matter.

I opened my eyes again and glanced out of the window as the aircraft began to taxi slowly onto the runway. Less than five hours and I would be in New York. I already had work waiting for me there with a custom bike shop similar to Dad's. He hadn't wanted me to leave, but I guess he understood and he hadn't tried to stand in my way. He just told me I could come back any time I wanted and have a home and work if I needed them.

Gradually the ground began to fall away below me and I glanced down at the rapidly shrinking lights of the city below, their glow made blurry by a fine misty rain. I hoped I would never want or need to come back. I was done with both the Reservation and the pack and yes, even those who called themselves my family. All I wanted to do was forget.

Four Years Earlier

I fucking hated school. I didn't see the point. I was going to go straight into my Dad's business building custom motorcycles right after I graduated anyway so it wasn't like I needed the piece of paper that said I could add up and spell. But Dad would have been in the shit with the authorities if I didn't go, so I went and hated it and made sure everybody else knew it.

I had a bunch of friends pretty similar to me – interested only in girls, bikes, rock music and whether we looked old enough to buy beer and cigarettes. The latter we could get away with, but the former, Martin either stole from his Dad's vast supply or we bribed Steve's elder sister to buy it for us. In addition Leon and I would get in fights at the drop of a hat, even going to the extent of interfering in other people's disagreements just to give us the excuse to land our fists on a few faces. It was one such interference that was my first big mistake.

I could see him now, the way he was when we were all just about turning sixteen. He was around my height, skinny and fragile looking, hair down to his waist and huge chocolate brown eyes in a thin, frightened face. Embry.

I didn't really know him, only enough to match the face to the name. He was in some of my classes, but I never had much reason to speak to him. He hung out with Jacob Black, one of the most popular guys on the Reservation and Quil Ateara the Fiftieth or whatever he was – both their families went back for generations. They didn't really interest me; both of them straight A students and popular with everyone. Embry was a bit of an outsider, being Makah and gay and he got plenty of stick for both from what I could see. Jacob and Quil always seemed to be fighting his battles for him and I didn't like weak people who stood behind others to avoid confrontation, but I guess that was because my nature was exactly the opposite and I couldn't relate.

It was a Saturday morning when I came upon two guys bullying him, calling him a fag, pushing him around and yanking his hair. I recognised Larry and Dwayne, a pair of older kids who thought they owned the place, swaggering around getting in even more trouble than I could manage. I had always wanted an excuse to bring them down a peg or two and as I watched them tormenting Embry and making him cry, I saw my chance.

"Hey!" I challenged, charging towards the three.

Larry looked back over his shoulder and glowered. "What the fuck do you want, Lahote?"

They knew my name then. I scowled back as Dwayne's leg swung out, sweeping Embry's from beneath him and dropping him onto his ass in the sand.

"Leave the kid alone, fucking homophobic jerks!" I snapped.

Embry gazed up at me, face wet with tears, eyes widening as Larry and Dwayne stepped away from him and towards me.

"Oh, you want some too, asshole?" Dwayne's fists came up and he took a swing at me without waiting for an answer.

The guys probably had two or three inches on me, but I was no less built and in addition, I was faster. They got in a few lucky punches between them, but even with two against one I had the upper hand. I found myself grinning evilly as they backed off, panting and uttering various expletives under their breath, then turned and trudged off up the beach.

Embry scrambled to his feet, shaking and sniffling and launched himself at me. I didn't expect it and I simply stood there, hands hanging at my sides, my breath caught somewhere in my throat as his arms landed around my neck and his body pressed up against mine. Oh, fuck.

I had no idea what to do, although I was sorely tempted to punch him too. I didn't give a shit about him being gay, but the last thing I wanted was him getting the wrong idea just because I helped him. I raised my hands to push him away and they landed on his sides, feeling the ridges of his ribs through the thin fabric of his t-shirt. He was trembling all over, his face pressed into my neck and his breath coming in harsh gasps, fanning hot on my skin.

"Hey..." I said helplessly.

"S-s-sorry," he choked.

Shit. Instead of pushing him away, my hands slid around to his back and I found myself hugging him. I could feel the smooth silkiness of his hair under my hands and against my cheek and I marvelled that any guy could have hair that felt this good. His heart was hammering – I could feel its rhythm vibrating in his chest where he rested against me. He was holding onto me like he meant to melt into me and for a brief moment I let him stay there.

"Embry. Hey..." I got myself together and pulled his arms from around my neck, taking a step away quickly. "They've gone, ok?"

"Yeah," he whispered, scrubbing both hands over his damp face. "Thanks."

"Where do you live?" I heard myself ask and frowned as I waited for an answer.

"Uh...Ocean Street, near the convenience store."

"I'll walk you home," I grunted.

"You don't have to."

"Oh, you want to run into those two jerks again if they're still hanging around?"

"No. Thanks...for the offer."

A blush began to creep up his cheeks and I felt the left side of my jaw twitch as I ground my teeth together. Damnit, I could almost read his mind as I rapidly turned into his knight in shining armour. Why the fuck had I interfered?

"Come on, then," I said shortly and turned towards the path leading up to the Res. Embry hurried along at my side and we walked in silence up the path and then along Black Lane to the turning which led into Ocean Street. Every so often I could feel him looking sideways at me and I couldn't wait to leave him at his house and get the hell away from him. It was starting to creep me out and I couldn't help a quick shudder as I recalled the feel of him in my arms. We carried on walking for another couple of minutes and then he slowed and looked at me again.

"Uh...this is where I live."

I stopped and nodded.

"Thanks...Paul," he said shyly, peeking up at me through long lashes, that damned blush on his face again. "Do you...uh...want to come in? For a drink or anything?"

Fuck.

"I'm busy." I took a few steps backwards, jamming my hands into my jeans pockets. "I'll see you."

"Oh...sure."

A small smile and then his teeth sank into his lower lip and he just stared at me. I swung around quickly and began to march off towards my own house, cursing under my breath. The temporary satisfaction I had felt over my altercation with Larry and Dwayne was forgotten and all I could think of was fucking Embry throwing himself into my arms.

On Monday, he was the first person I saw on the way to school and it didn't fill me with delight. The minute he saw me and walked faster to intercept me, a shy smile on his face, I wished once again that I'd just stayed out of it and left him to his fate on the beach.

"Hey, Paul," he greeted, blushing and falling into step beside me.

I shoved my hands deeper into my pockets with a sigh and uttered an unintelligble grunt by way of an answer. I wanted to say 'leave me the fuck alone', but didn't quite have the heart, unusually for me.

"I wanted to say thanks again, for helping me out," Embry said and as he reached up to brush his hair out of his face, his elbow bumped my arm, making me frown at how close to me he was walking. I sidestepped and glowered.

"Yeah, sure, forget it," I growled.

"Maybe we could...uh...hang out some time..."

What the fuck? I glanced at him and he was gazing at me hopefully, his teeth sinking into the corner of his lip and his eyes shining. What was he asking exactly because to me it looked like he wanted to do more than hang out.

"Look, Embry, you got your own friends and I got mine, we got nothing in common so let's keep it that way, huh?" I said, spotting Jacob Black in the distance, to my intense relief. I pointed to him now. "There's one of your buddies."

"Oh..." He looked crestfallen as he looked in the direction I was pointing and then back at me. "Ok..."

I didn't answer, but increased my pace and left him, for once suddenly keen to get to school as fast as possible. The last thing I wanted was the local fag getting a thing for me. I'd be a laughing stock. I scowled fiercely as I marched down the road, trying not to think about it and failing.

I'd never considered the possibility of another guy getting the hots for me or whatever the hell it was he felt, but I didn't really feel disgusted by the idea. If I wasn't so worried about what anyone else would think I probably would have just been amused, so long as he didn't make a nuisance out of himself.

However, it wasn't long before Embry did make a nuisance of himself. He didn't talk to me – my rejection of his offer to hang out on Monday seemed to have put paid to that – but I gradually became aware of him looking at me whenever we were in the same class together or in the canteen. He didn't seem to give a shit if anyone noticed of not; his eyes would keep drifting over to me and staying there. I would feel eyes wandering over me and I knew it was him, even when I didn't look up and catch him staring. On those occasions when I did he would blush furiously and look away and make me even more uncomfortable.

It didn't help that I had been growing a hell of a lot recently, my muscles causing my school shirts to stretch tight across my shoulders and around my biceps, my body rapidly developing into that of a twenty-year-old who spent half his waking life in the gym. I didn't understand why and I certainly wasn't going to complain, but at the same time I didn't need another reason for Embry to stare at me with his fucking tongue practically hanging out of his mouth.

It wasn't too long before Leon, Martin and Steve noticed I had an admirer and constantly receiving sniggering comments from them that 'fag boy' was watching me again didn't do much for my sense of humour. It was with great relief that I walked out of school on Friday afternoon two weeks later and never had to go back. I was approached by Jared Cameron, a guy in some of my classes and taken to see one Sam Uley who was three years older. The pair of them spent the weekend teaching me about what I was to imminently become and because of my temper, they decided I wasn't safe to be at school. Sam intended to keep me at his place instead and make sure I studied to pass my exams.

The wolf part of the story fascinated me. Of course I knew the legends, everyone on the Res did. Even Dad had told me about them and I wasn't really that surprised to find out they were true. It was one of those kind of fantasy stories that didn't really take that much of a leap of the imagination to accept it was reality.

Sam and Jared kept a close eye on me, convinced that I would lose it in an awkward situation and phase, but when it happened it wasn't because I lost my temper; I guess I was just ready. The pair of them had phased and run off into the forest, leaving me by myself at Sam's house. I sat out on the porch watching the two wolves, one black and one brown, scamper off towards the trees and I wondered what my own would be like. What colour would he be? How large? How strong?

It happened in a rush and I tumbled off the porch in a flurry of blurred limbs, letting out a yell of surprise, which to my ears sounded more like a growl. I found myself on my belly in the grass, furry grey forelegs stretched out in front of me, a tail twitching behind me and I let my tongue roll out of my mouth and dangle there like an amused puppy. I'd had such a build up to this – increasing rages, muscle growth, uncomfortably high body temperature, voracious appetite and then when it happened nothing had set me off other than me thinking about it. It was something of an anticlimax, but at least I got to enjoy it rationally and enjoy it I did.

I loved my wolf immediately. He was fast and powerful and I when I stood up and peered at him in the glass of the door, I thought he looked pretty awesome too. I turned in the direction of the forest and bounded across the meadow, sniffing the air and picking up the scent of Sam and Jared quickly. In addition I picked up their thoughts.

'It could be any time, I'm surprised it hasn't happened yet,' Sam's voice came into my head.

'I know, with a temper like his...'

'Jared, wait, do you feel that?'

'What?'

'We got company.'

'Yeah, you fuckers, here I am.' I barrelled through the trees towards them and skidded to a halt in the clearing where they stood, staring back at me with wide eyes.

'Paul!' exclaimed Jared.

'Yeah. Finally. You didn't tell me I could do this just by thinking about it. I thought I had to wait for something to piss me off.'

'That's usually the case,' Sam said in surprise.

It proved to usually be the case for me after that day. The slightest little thing would make me phase, not least Sam telling me about Imprinting. The concept of that was just too weird for me. Being tied to one person for the rest of your life by fate, whether you originally liked them or not. Sam had already proved it to be an enormous problem by Imprinting on Emily Young when he had been in love with Leah Clearwater, causing all concerned endless misery, including Jared and me as we had to listen to his anguished thoughts whenever he failed to block them.

Jared Imprinted on Kim, a girl from school who I knew vaguely and he was as happy as Larry so to speak, but I hoped to God I wasn't going to go down the same route. Sam had said Imprinting was pretty rare so with two of them in the pack already, hopefully I would escape.

Weeks passed and nothing happened to me, although I didn't really see many people so it could just have been lack of opportunity. Then a surprise pack member joined us and everything went to hell. Embry phased, completely out of the blue, running into us one night in the forest in a complete panic. He didn't know what he was – no one knew what he was, he was supposed to be Makah, for God's sake. The first we knew of it was when his terrified grey wolf appeared in front of us, halting quickly and then simply cowering there while Sam talked to him and attempted to calm him down.

We took him back to Sam's and all phased back. Jared went home and left Sam and me to tell him the rest of the story. Sam left us alone for a few minutes while he went to make coffee and I studiously avoided Embry's gaze, all too well aware that his eyes were raking over my pecs and eight-pack, my only garment being cut-off denim shorts, making me wish I had grabbed a t-shirt to put on.

Eventually I did look up; I couldn't seem to help it and our eyes locked. Even in that split second before anything happened I had an awful feeling that I shouldn't have let myself look at him, but by then it was too late. I felt the pull I had heard so much about from Sam and Jared, only it wasn't me who Imprinted. It was him. Embry Imprinted on me.