Once upon a time, far far away in a magical land, there was a magical café called the Life Café. And in that café sat a blue-eyed, pumpkin-headed albino freak named Mark Cohen. Across from him sat a frilly, glittery pink sock puppet named Glinda. The two of them just sat there, sipping magical fairy coffee and munching on magical fairy moon cakes.
And they were bored.
Mark sighed. "I'm bored".
Glinda sighed. "I'm bored too".
Frodo Baggins, who just magically appeared beside them (because this is a magical kingdom. Did I mention that?) gazed into space and sighed. "I can see the Shire! The Brandywine River! Bag End! The Lights in the Party Tree!"
Mark and Glinda looked at him strangely. "What?" they asked him.
Frodo looked at both of them, his eyes animated. "I'm glad to be with you, Samwise Gamgee, here at the end of all things," he whispered, hugging Mark as he did so.
Mark blinked at him. Who was this short, stubby person with unusually hairy feet? And why was he hugging him? But he decided not to ruin the moment and instead patted Frodo's thick, curly jungle-hair and said, "Well I'm flattered, hairy-footed person, but my name is not Sam Wheat Gloogee or whatever the hell you just said it was." Glinda quickly took out the pink camera which she used in the fanfic "Dunno, Just Happens" (Go read it guys, it's a real hoot!) and started filming Frodo hugging Mark and drooling and Mark just sitting there awkwardly, not knowing what to do.
"Um, I think his name is Frodo," whispered Glinda to Mark.
"Ok, great. I wish I could get him off of me," Mark whispered back to her.
"Did someone say 'wish'?"
Mark and Glinda looked up to the sky to see a skinny, bald black man wearing a beautiful purple, sparkly ball gown and a sparkly tiara and carrying a long, sparkly fairy wand and descending onto the ground in a magical fairy bubble (because this is a magical land, please remember that). The two of them gasped as he walked towards them.
"Hello, I am Benny, the Witch of Cyberland, and I am here to grant your wish," said the black fairy. Mark, Glinda and Camera (who also magically appeared because this is a magical land, I'll tell you again) all gazed at this weirdly beautiful apparition, their mouths hanging open. Except for Camera, whose lens fell off her face. Benny smiled and shoved it back in for her.
"Do you wish to get rid of that?" said Benny, pointing to Frodo, who was still hugging Mark and drooling on his shoulder.
"This….will be….the end…of Gondor…….as we know it….Here….the hammer-stroke….will fall……hardest," mumbled Frodo, still drooling on Mark's shoulder.
Mark and Glinda both shook their heads. "He doesn't even know he's reciting Gandalf's line, the poor fool," murmured Glinda as she sipped her cup of steak-flavoured Diet Coke, which was actually fairy coffee but was magically transformed into Diet Coke (because this is a magical fairy land, I'll tell you again just for the hell of it).
Mark nodded. "Can you please get rid of him, Benny?" he asked.
Benny smiled. He then waved his magic wand and recited the magic words. "Allouette, gentile allouette, Allouette, je te plumerais….."
Then suddenly, out of nowhere, Captain Jack Sparrow emerged, wearing his full pirate outfit, sword, bottle of rum and the monkey Jack on his shoulder. "'Ello there, poppets! Did you miss me?" he gloated.
Benny dropped his wand on the floor in shock. "Oh my God! Jack! How did you get here? Oh no! My spell must have backfired!"
Captain Jack looked closely at Benny. "Sayyyy, aren't you the bloke I humped at the hospital?" he asked with a sly grin.
Benny blushed (even though you can't tell with his skin colour). "Oh my goodness!" he said, shocked out of his head. "I suppose I am."
Captain Jack took a swig of rum and grinned cheekily at him. "Well, let's continue then, shall we?" he said. Benny willingly agreed, because he couldn't resist Jack's sexy pirate charms. So he and Jack did it on the ground while poor Mark still sat there with Frodo still hugging him and drooling on his shoulder and Roger, who also magically appeared out of nowhere (because this is a magical fairy land, I don't think I made it quite clear enough) and started drooling on his other shoulder.
"Oh well, at least you're not humiliated in any form," said Mark to Glinda, who was suddenly being worn on Maureen's foot while Elsie licked the bottom of the sock (which was actually Glinda's head). Yep, that was totally not humiliating at all.
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Hey guys, just a totally crazy, random little thing. Hippy.intellect gets credit for the sock puppet, Elsie the Cow and the Easter Bunny, even though the Easter Bunny was nowhere in the story. If you want me to continue, please let me know, ok? Peace out! –LOL-