WARNINGS: Post-1st-Time-pre-2nd-Time Science Cuties Slash. Some lame puns.
The Smoochie Theorem
by wuemsel
Afterwards, Tony was sitting against the wall, Bruce nestled against his chest, low enough for Tony to comfortably play with his hair, while Bruce was playing with some pink-glowing alien knick-knack he had found in his pocket when he'd re-adjusted his trousers.
They weren't out of breath much anymore, but then they were superheroes, of course. Suitless ones at the moment, but still fit.
"You know," Tony said and cleared his throat to mask the hint of breathlessness in his voice, "I was under the impression you hadn't done this in a while."
Bruce stopped fiddling around with the glow-pink thing and slightly turned his head to give Tony a "meaning?"-glance.
"Just..." Tony said, "considering that, you did remarkably well."
Bruce lifted one brow.
"Thought you'd be interested," Tony went on. "Collecting observations about your condition and all that. Fact Item #301 or something. 'Still a good lay'. Are you one still, though, I wonder, or did-"
"Whatever gave you the idea it's been a while, anyway?" Bruce asked, turning back to playing with the glow-pink thing and allowing Tony to curl strands of his hair around his finger in a trance-like motion again. "How d'you think I pay for all the meds I hand out in those neighborhoods I work at?"
Now it was Tony's turn to move his head and give him a look.
Bruce shrugged. "I can't catch anything."
"Yeah," Tony said. "I thought about that."
"I figured."
"It wasn't the first thing I thought about."
"It didn't get bigger."
"Ah," Tony said matter-of-factly and gave a half-shrug. "Eh, it didn't really have to." He bent his head slightly to press a quick kiss to Bruce's temple.
"I'm kidding, by the way," Bruce said and, sensing Tony was about to say something, quickly added, "About paying for medicine."
Tony chuckled. "I know, greenpea."
"I usually just steal what I need. And I wish you'd stop giving me cutesy names."
"Nah, you don't," Tony said and ruffled his hair. "You love it." He paused, then added, "My little green schnuffpudding."
Bruce snorfled. "That sounds disgusting."
"Wha' no, it's not mould green, it's elderflower green. Elderflower green... snuffpudding." Tony buried his face briefly in Bruce's hair, rubbing his nose against his head. Bruce thought he heard him sniff.
"Well?" he asked. "Elderflower?"
"Hm, dunno. You smell green, of course, but it's more of a post-awesomegasm green."
"Right," Bruce said, patting Tony's thigh condescendingly. There was no need to feed his ego any more, what with sex with Tony Stark having been practically forced on him. At least that was what he planned to tell anyone who'd ask. Forced on him like those delicious samples of French pastries that girl at the delicatessen down the street kept begging him to taste.
He smiled to himself - Tony would sure love that comparison. Too bad he'd never hear it. Out loud Bruce said, "I doubt I smell green."
"You do," Tony insisted. With an audible smile he added, "You turn a bit green, too, did you know that?"
"Huh?" Bruce lifted one hand to study it.
"Not now," Tony said. "I meant when you're enjoying yourself."
"What?"
"Your eyes turn green," Tony said, sounding too smug to bear. "Does that mean he's watching? He the Kermit Mr Hyde, not He with a capital H. I know He is watching, though-"
"They go green?" Bruce cut off Tony's ramblings, turning in his arms again to look at him. He didn't seem so much shocked or distressed by the news as curious.
"Yeah. I thought you knew. When you really, really enjoy yourself, you go a tiny bit green all over. Like an adorable rash." Tony grinned. "Makes you look like a grasshopper. A sexy grasshopper," he said in a mock apologetic tone. "So, you didn't... notice? I was about to ask if it meant you zoned out and he got some of the good stuff, too, but then I got too preoccupied to ask. Anyway, does it?"
Bruce frowned. "I dunno. I don't think so." He thought about it, the frown deepening. "I hope not."
"What, you won't even grant him that? Are you that petty?"
Bruce rolled his eyes. "That's not what I was thinking, but if you need to know - no. He doesn't get to have this," he said, sounding half serious and reached up to run his index finger over Tony's lips, then booped his nose. "He doesn't get to play with my stuff."
"Harsh," Tony said.
Bruce shrugged. "One day when you have a giant rage monster of your own, you can raise it the way you see fit. This one's mine, and I say no sex with my..." Grimacing in thought for a moment, he concluded, "lab partner."
"UUhh puns," Tony said, making Bruce roll his eyes again (which he loved doing almost as much as other things) then asked, "So you gonna have The Talk with him? Can you even do that? Can you tell him not to peek? And did he really? Peek, I mean? Or is the truth that in fact you are just a very cuddly mood ring in bed?"
Bruce leaned back against Tony, putting on what Tony had dubbed his sexy-scientist-expression. "Apart from the first three those are all valid questions," he said.
"Well, two out of five isn't bad, I guess."
"I didn't feel him... peek, but that does not necessarily mean it didn't happen."
Tony drew in one corner of his mouth, half-shrugging as he suggested, "I could tickle you till you change and then I'll ask him."
"You do that, I'll think "DANGER! PROTECT!" all the way through the transformation. In capital letters. With exclamation marks," Bruce said, unimpressed.
Tony pfft-ed. "You can't make Hulk hate me. Hulk loves me."
Bruce just looked at him, brows lifted in a 'try me'-kind of way.
"All right," Tony said at last, raising his hands in defeat. "I'll ask him another time. But I tell you, if he's gonna look all confused and stammer 'Hulk saw' or something in the middle of battle just because you wouldn't let me talk to him now-"
"If any of this did make any sense," Bruce said, "I think I'd rather someone else gave him the talk."
"Like who?"
"Cap?"
"Who'd you think gave him the talk?"
Bruce chuckled, shaking his head in that way Tony loved making him do almost as much as making him roll his eyes. "You're such an ass. But anyway, if he did not peek - and let's hope so, because I find it very confusing to be jealous of him - and if you're not just bullshitting me..."
Tony made a shocked face and even graced it with a little gasp.
"Yes, right," Bruce said. "Then what does turning green during specialtimes mean, I wonder."
"Specialtimes," Tony repeated.
Bruce ignored him. "Is it a spontaneous semi-transformation caused by an increase in my heart rate-"
"Serious, specialtimes?"
"-or do I just appear to... turn green, because there's more blood pumping?"
"Your blood is green...ish? Even now? Like... part-Vulcan-greenish?"
"In a way, yeah. Under a microscope."
Tony thought about that. "Kinda hot," he said at last. "But wouldn't most of your blood be somewhere other than your face? During specialtimes?"
"Well," Bruce said with the perfect combination of innocence and half-horny mischief colouring his voice, "that is our hypothesis."
Hiding a grin, Tony quickly put on his talking-about-science buisness-like expression and nodded gravely. "We're talking a massive phase of experiments here."
"Oh. Massive," Bruce said and reached out to stroke Tony's cheek once, then let his hand wander up to rest in his hair.
"Hm. Well, I'm the expert ," Tony said. "So why don't we put you in charge of the experiments and I'll command the Department of Observation?"
"Yeah, sounds sensible," Bruce said and pushed away slightly so he could turn around in Tony's arms. He leaned in closer, until his forehead touched Tony's. "We're gonna need some ground rules, though."
"Is that fancy speak for safe words?"
"Pfft," Bruce said and kissed his nose. "I'm Head of Experiments now. Safe words are for sissies."
"I think your mind just turned green," Tony said, then shut up briefly, when Bruce kissed him. "It's a good colour for it," he added and gasped a little at Bruce moving against him.
"You're to observe, not comment."
"Observe, right," Tony muttered, swallowing a whimper. "I'll put my best team member on it."
Bruce snorfled into the kiss and found a way to silence Tony for a satisfying period of time after which they decided that this first experiment hadn't provided them with any new insights into the matter at hand (mainly because the head of Observations had had his eyes closed for the crucial moments) and therefor needed to be repeated after a snack break.
Or, as Tony put it, "You made me burn all the calories. Let's fuck in the kitchen next."
The End For Now