Okay I'm suddenly in the Linkin Park mood so I'm writing this.
Summary: A series of Fuuko's feeling on her position in the Hokage.
STANDARD DISCLAIMER APPLIED
My Thousand Words
Phase I: Numb
The sky was beginning to be covered by dark mucky clouds, engulfing all the light that couldn't penetrate through its thick barrier. The thunder was growing louder and louder as the day was growing darker and darker, marking the start of a storm. In midst of this entire unpleasant atmosphere, there was only one person who felt exactly how the sunrays were feeling. How it wanted to come out of it all and yet those stubborn cruel clouds were preventing it to reach the ground.
'More like stopping from reaching the sky.' a sarcastic laugh escaped from the wind goddess lips as another, but even louder, thunder came.
Just then she felt a lot of people staring at her.
"Miss Kirisawa, I suppose you know the answer to this question?"
Oh how she hated that arrogant tone of her English teacher! If only there were remote control for everything, then perhaps the first one she would buy is to mute her first.
"Well, I'm waiting."
Fuuko frowned and got up, "I'm sorry. But I didn't catch your question"
"Miss. Kirisawa, this is the nth time you are slacking off inside the classroom! Don't you know that…?"
'Yeah yeah English is a very important subject and everyone should learn it properly to prosper in their lives…old lines. Why can't she come up with something new?'
"Since you're so interested with the outside activities, you might as well do us the honour and go out."
Fuuko was anticipating that, after all, she knew that her English teacher hated her for some god-damn reason, which even perhaps god is ignorant about. She walked out of the class and headed towards her usual spot.
'When was it now? Some nine years ago'
Yes, nine years ago, when she was free. When her brother was still alive to protect her.
Yes, her brother is dead now, he's no more. He was perhaps the only person who actually took the effort to understand her. He would always support and inspire her to be the world's best singer.
Don't give her that look; she loved singing, since she was very small. Why? Well she doesn't know herself. But every time she heard the simple tune play in her mind, she would get completely lost in it. It was a world of her own imagination, her own creation untouched and unspoilt by the outside world.
But then her brother died and her mother, well, she never understood her. Of course, like any other typical mother, she wanted Fuuko be the school's topper.
"Fuuko you must understand. Singing has no future. Singing isn't going to put food on your plate; it isn't going to help you to live a comfortable life."
'How can you say that mom, how can you say that without even letting me try once'
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless
Lost under the surface
Ever since then, she tired her hard to please her mom. She tried studying, and she was successful. She was, in fact, looked upon as a very talented child, yet no one understood that her driving force was itself a big hallow shell. And when someone is in such a position they tend to crumble slowly and slowly with infinite pain and loneliness. It gets suffocating and yet you can't try and breathe because you have everything to lose even then.
'Damned if I do and damned if I don't'
Fuuko was walking up the stairs, when she heard a voice calling out to her. She turned around only to face her maths teacher.
'This just gets better and better.'
"Kirisawa, may I know what class you have right now?"
"English, sir."
"Then what are you doing outside the class?"
"I…"
"Fuuko I'm really worried. You know you can do more than this and yet you keep slacking off! What is wrong? Both of us know that you can do better. You've got the talent to do more."
'They all keep saying the same'
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure
Of walking in your shoes
[Caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
"Mom look! I got 90 percent!"
The little purple haired girl was proudly showing her history marks to her mother. After all, she did work real hard to get this mark.
She was waiting to be patted on her back, which never came.
"You could have done better."
"But 90 is a good mark mom! It's the class highest!"
"I'm not bothered if it is the class's highest mark. What I'm bothered is how much high can you get. You could have got a 95."
And all the little girl could do is to stare in dismay at her mother.
'Then when I got 95, it became hundred. What's next? Maybe next time I get hundred she'll tell me to get one hundred five.'
She excused herself from her maths teacher, "Thank you for caring sir." And then she walked away, hearing the heavy sigh from her teacher, which irritated her more.
It's not that she hates him or in that matter the others. She knows everyone is thinking what's best for her. So she can't even get angry with for chaining her up.
But she atleast expected her mom to understand. She was also, afterall, a music lover.
I've
Become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you
But as far as she knows, things didn't work out so well with her mother and so she doesn't want "her daughter to suffer the way she did", as her mom put it. But even so, she doesn't care if she has to suffer, this suffering is far worse than any other.
"I can feel myself slowly draining away."
Of course, losing yourself is far worse than losing anything else.
Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly
Afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
Fuuko by now had reached the top of the staircase and as she placed her hand on the door knob to open the door, a huge flash of lightning flashed accompanied by the roaring thunder. It was as if all her inner turmoil was being displayed by Mother Nature.
'You all might be thinking then, what went wrong? Why aren't I anymore the top genius of my class? Honestly isn't it obvious?" a small sarcastic chuckle followed her statement.
And she stepped out, standing under the sunshade, stretching out her hand feeling the sensation of the cold rain drops.
She knew she was making a total mess of her life. First, meeting Recca. Then always trying to defeat him, even though knew she couldn't.
No, not that she wasn't confident about herself, but she wanted a friend not a ninja, which she was afraid that she might never get if she managed to defeat him.
'However, it just worsened the situation, didn't it?' and there was another flash of lightning.
And as time had it, she was slowly deviating from her passion and her ambition. She lost both, singing and her interest to please her mother.
Nothing felt right to her any more. And deep inside she knows even her mom is frustrated with her and her antics.
[Caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
[Caught in the undertow / just caught in the undertow]
And every second I waste is more than I can take
'But of course, it isn't really only my mom now is it? I'm also getting sick and tired of it all.' slowly closing the door behind her, she decided to sit on the roof for some more time, after all school is going to end in another fifteen minutes.
And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me
With someone disappointed in you
It didn't matter any more. All she wanted to do was to feel the chill of the raindrops and the wind of the storm that is coming to the city and to stay in her life.
I've
Become so numb
I can't feel you there
Become so tired
So much more aware
I'm becoming this
All I want to do
Is be more like me
And be less like you
(I'm tired of being what you what me to be)
A/N
Well that's it for this chapter. I'll be updating soon.
But please do let me know what you think of it.
Do REVIEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!