-1Home:
What is a home? People say 'home is where the heart is' but I'm not sure I know what they mean by that. It suggests that your heart knows when it's at home. Maybe I do know what people mean by that. In my head I know exactly what a home is, exactly what it's like. In my heart I haven't got a clue. I guess that's why this saying doesn't make sense to me. Home is where the heart is but if your heart doesn't know where it is, then home is hard to find.
People say a home is with your family, the people who love you. My family and the people who love me should be the same people but I'm not sure it is. I know for a fact my Mum doesn't love me. How she feels for me is the complete opposite. She hates me, she has always hated me. From the moment she knew my father would die and I would live she hated me. She never forgave me for that, even though I had no control over it. Nana Meggie and Nana Jasmine both love me, I know that. Nought and Cross. Cross and Nought. My family is both as I am both. Uncle Jude would never admit it, but I know he loves me; he's the one who tells me the truth no matter what, no exception. The truth may hurt but it's the truth that matters. And love; showing the people you love that you love them is so important. That's how I know Mum doesn't love me, never has, never will. But if home is with family then I have three homes, with Mum and Nana Meggie, with Nana Jasmine and with Jude; wherever Jude is.
People say home is where you belong. In this society that must mean with noughts or with Crosses. I am both. I am neither. I belong with both. I belong with neither. I belong everywhere and nowhere. I don't belong. I can't choose between noughts and Crosses and this world keep trying to choose. I don't belong.
People say home is the place you want to be when you're somewhere you don't want to be. Home is that feeling, when you enter a house and instantly feel slightly better because you're home. The familiarity, the warmth, and safety. That's home.
I'm Callie Rose (no surname) and all I know is that I don't have a home.