Because we got a 20 rally in Squash, I promised as a 'well-done' prize I'd write a Metalocalypse fic... they discover slash.
Nathan wandered down the halls of the Mordhaus aimlessly, paying little attention to where he was going. He wasn't aware of anyone else around him until something bumped suddenly into his chest, bringing him back to the real world.
"Toki, what the fuck?"
"Sorry, Nat'ans" Toki said "heys, cans you helps me?"
"Uhhh... like... how?"
"What ams slash?" the Norwegian asked with innocent curiosity.
"Huh?" Nathan responded, actually paying attention to what was being asked.
"Dethkloks slash, what ams it?"
"I dunno, wait, what? Where did you hear that from, I don't..."
"Someones saids it ons our Fan page"
"Why were you on the fan page?" Nathan asked suspiciously.
Toki shifted uncomfortably "Was lookings at alls the nice things they ams sayings..."
"Urgh, Toki, that's really not metal."
Toki huffed and shrugged. He looked down at his shoes then up at the front man "So what ams slash?"
Nathan thought carefully for a moment "Slash sounds pretty brutal, it's a brutal word, so..."
"Hey guys, what goin' ahn?" Pickles had rounded the corner of the corridor and spotted the two.
"Heys Pickle, ams you knowing what slash is?"
"Ain't that like... takin' a piss?"
"Reallys?"
"Where'd ya hear it?"
"Something about 'Dethklok Slash' on the internet or somethin'"
"Dethklak slash, hmm, maybe Charlie will know" Pickles shrugged.
"Yeah! Lets asks Charles" Toki said.
Nathan took out his recorder and muttered into it "New song idea: Dethklok Slash. Sounds pretty metal."
They made their way to Charles office. Skwisgaar was with a bunch of groupies and Murderface was probably sulking somewhere, so they didn't see them at all. When they reached Charles' office, Nathan pushed open the door without knocking, Toki and Pickles following him inside. Charles looked up from his work with a somewhat unimpressed expression.
"Is there something I can, ah, help you boys with?"
"Yeah" Nathan grumbled, but did not elaborate.
"And, ah, what would that be?"
"What ams slash?" Toki asked.
Charles removed his glasses, wiped them with a piece of cloth and put them back on and looked at Toki "Where did you, ah, pick that up from?" he asked slowly.
"Fan-site. Sounds pretty metal."
"I... see" Charles said simply and then shuffled some papers.
"Dood, ya okay?" Pickles asked.
"Yes, well, ah, it's really of no importance to you. I, ah, suggest you forget about it entirely" Charles said evenly. He knew full well what slash was, and had been trying very hard to keep it away from the boys. The last thing he needed was for them to start freaking out about their fans again. He dismissed them from his office without another word.
The three stood just off from Charles' office door looking annoyed.
"Dood, he jes' kicked us out!"
"Yeah he fuckin' kicked us out!"
"Yeah wes totally got kicked out!"
"So what the fuck are we gunna do?"
"I just wants to know what slash ams!" Toki whined, stamping on the ground.
"Dood, why don't we jes'... Google it?" Pickles said.
The three gathered around the laptop, Pickles sat directly in front of it with the other two leaning over his shoulder. Pickles opened up a Google page and typed 'Dethklok Slash' into the browser bar, then clicked 'search'.
"Oh hey, there's a Live Journal page on it" Nathan said, pointing at the page.
"There ams also a loads of deviminants arts stuff" Toki piped up, also pointing.
"Doods, there's like, Fan Fic stuff ahn it too!"
He opened a few pages in extra tabs.
"Dude, let's look at the Fan Fic stuff. Slash sounds brutal. We could use some of this for song lyrics."
Pickles clicked on one of the tabs and they began to read the fic slowly.
"Why ams me and Skwisgaars so friendlys? He's a dildos! Waits... why ams he holdings- WHY AMS WE KISSINGS!"
"Dood, I think we should prahbably check somethin' else maybe..." He clicked on the Live Journal page.
"Uh... is that you and me?"
"Dood, I think so-"
"WHY AMS YOU NAKEDS?" Toki suddenly cried.
"Dood, thets yer fuckin' dick! Why the hell-"
"Oh god there's not enough fuckin' booze in the world!"
Pickles closed the laptop. They stood slightly awkwardly for a moment, unsure of what to do.
"That could jes' be Google messin' up..." Pickles reasoned after a while.
"Yeah that's just Google being a dick."
"Yeah justs Googles beings dildos."
"There's prahbably nothin' else like that."
"Yeah just check the other pages."
Pickles clicked on a DeviantArt page "Oh Gahd! There's a whole gallery ahf it!"
"OH GOD THIS IS NOT BRUTAL!"
"Nat'ans, why dids they draws you touching me likes that?"
"Oh Gahd there's stuff of me and you, Nat'n. OH GAHD IT'S BAHNDAGE!"
"Oh god there's more Toki and Skwisgaar stuff! Fuck, my eyes!"
"DOOD OH GAHD THERE'S YOU AND MURDERFACE!"
"What the fuck, am I PREGNANT?"
"Pickle! Your hair ams like a squids! Whys dos peoples draws thats? It's so weirds! Yours hairs tentstakles ams touching my dick there!"
"Fuck, Skwisgaar is in a skirt! Ah'll never look at him the same way again..."
"This is so fucking gay!"
Nathan walked back into the living room, his arms full of beer bottles. Empty cans and bottles littered the floor with scattered sweet wrappers to join them. Toki had pulled up a chair next to Pickles as he continued scrolling through Live Journal, DeviantArt, Photobucket, Y!Gallery, Tumblr, Rule 34, Fakku, FanFiction, Die for Dethklok Fan Art and Dethslash pages. Pickles had a half eaten Cinnamon Bun in one hand and Toki was halfway through his bowl of sweets.
"Dood, there's even Ahfdensen fanart here, Gahd our fans are weird!"
"There ams an entires groups dedsmicateds to mes and Skwisgaars!"
"Fans are fucking weird" Nathan grumbled.
"Theres like, ahlmost no art of Murderface" Pickles said in the tones of someone who'd found an upside to something horrible.
"I really didn'ts needs to sees this" Toki muttered unhappily.
"Why the hell is there so much of this?"
"Don' ask me, I gat nuthin'."
They scrolled through a gallery of pictures of Pickles and Skwisgaar in various sexual positions with occasional drawings of them holding hands or kissing. The page had some comments ranging from things like "Aw how cute" to over the top fangirlish squee's and keyboard mash. Some of the comments consisted of fans demanding that the band do fan service and some false claims that members were actually gay with obviously photoshopped images for backup.
"Oh God there's links to other pages..."
"Oh Gahd I don't even wanna know!"
"Band Orgies" Nathan read out with distaste.
"I hope these fans fuckin' die..."
"Just clicks it, it cants gets any worse."
Pickles unhappily clicked the link "OH GAHD!"
"FUCK! THAT'S DISGCUSTING!"
"I WAS WRONGS! IT GOTS WORSE!"
"We shouldn' let Murderface show ahf his dick so ahften."
"Why dos they thinks wes dos this whens we have sluts?"
"Oh Gahd there's threesome art too..."
Pickles stopped scrolling when a large sketchy image of him, Toki and Nathan appeared on the screen. They stared at it for a moment, all silent. Toki tilted his head at the screen and squinted slightly. Pickles tilted his head the other way and closed one eye. Nathan stared intently at it.
"That position doesn't make any sense..."
"Dood, is that even pahsible?"
"I don'ts thinks sos..."
They continued to stare at the screen for some time with confused looks on their faces. There was a very long awkward pause.
"Let's go try it out."
And so they left for Nathan's room, bringing the laptop with.
Tehehehehe. I am a pervert for ending it like that _ review please dudes ^^