Good morning Sybil,

It's such a lovely day. I can see the sunlight on the leaves of the oak trees, the patterns of light shining through them. I can hear the birds tweeting and the dimmed sound of the radio playing in the background. I would be out there on the estate if it weren't for this damned heart! Do you remember all those years ago, when they turned me away from the army for having a heart murmur? What a state I was in! All those grand plans for a big rebellious display. If someone had said to me then that I would live the majority of my life on an English Estate, I would've given them a slap on the back for telling such a funny joke. But after seeing the ravages that two wars can bring, I'm finished with fighting. All I want is peace now. It may be my guilt Sybil at not doing more, but I feel like life has taught me one thing. You can't change the world; you can't change what happens. You can only change how you react to it. Now wasn't that was a bit philosophical! It seems that's what I am now; an old man who thinks that he has wisdom in life, not the young man with a passion for changing the world.

I do miss you my darling. All the wonderful people in my life can't repair this hole that I have in my heart, my whole being that you're not here. There's nothing more in life I could've asked for than for you to be here, overlooking this beautiful part of the earth, sipping a cup of tea, holding each other's hands and laughing over the jokes we'd have together. Our daughter Sybbie would come in with our grandchildren, they'd sit on our laps and we'd tell them stories of how we met. It's speculations like these that make me down my dearest. I can't help but feel depressed, when I wake up from these dreams to find myself only looking out at the rain through a dusty, dirty old window. But; I can get up with a smile, because if I think, I can remember you there in my memories.

You were there Sybil when I held my daughter's hands as she showed her Donk and Granny how she could walk. As I let go, she tentatively stepped forward before realising what she was doing and crashed onto the ground. You were there.

You were there when I decided to move away to Boston, after a string of mistakes. You welcomed me back with open arms when I couldn't be away from everything I knew and loved.

You were there, my darling, smirking at me no doubt, at my pulling my hair out trying to tell my daughter why she couldn't run away with one of the farm boys when she was eight years old.

You were there; you wrapped your arms around me when I waved her goodbye as she went off to boarding school. You were there when I drove halfway across the country to rescue her from "the scary teachers" and my own loneliness.

You were there when we could hear the first German bombs of World War 2 drop on the county. You were there as I watched her; my nephews and nieces join another pointless slaughter.

You were there Sybil when I walked my gorgeous daughter down the aisle to the only man I deemed worthy of her. You were there as I wiped my tears away seeing her leave me, dressed in white lace. She reminded me so much of you on that day. That same smile, those same eyes, that same fiery spirit.

You were there as I waited with bated breath to hear from the hospital about my daughter, and when I held my grandchildren in my arms and thanked God that everyone was alive and well.

You were there for you parent's last breaths. You were there when they told me they loved me like a son and were wrong to care about my birth. You were there as I sobbed over their eulogies with your sisters.

You were there when I stopped myself from getting down on one knee, several times. You were there in my conflict; you were there in my mind. I couldn't do it to you, Sybil. I love you too much.

You were there Sybil my dearest when the young chauffeur became the old man. You were there when the doctor told me I had only a few months of life left.

You are here.

And now Sybil, I don't know if we will meet again. Will we be together eternally, or will you be lost even to my memory? I feel I am on the verge of life Sybil. Even now I can hear my heart pounding under my frail frame. I count the beats and they are out of time. They aren't just playing Irish music anymore.

So now I must say goodbye my darling,

Yours forever and always,

Tom.

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