For those who have asked me what the hell is going on in my mind, here is the answer. This is a collection of random thoughts that popped into my head when I was trying to come up with something to write. It also makes me look clinicallly insane so fun there... I've been adding to this periodically for months. If anyone wants to take these and run with them go for it, it's not something that I'm actually going to use them.
Disclaimer: Characters copyright whoever the fuck owns them.
Warning: a bunch of very bad ideas, yaoi, no internal censor, reference to mpreg, and absolutely no editing.
My name is pronounced kel, like kill. Not Kelly. Please take that into account before reading this.
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"Did you have to blow up the reactor?" Zack said, scratching the back of his head slightly.
"Yes," Genesis answered before turning on his heel and walking away.
"Alright then…wanna go get waffles?"
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Kelle walked back and forth in front of the line of video game bishis, whip in hand. "Alright troops, here is your mission if you choose to accept it."
"She makes it sound like we have a choice," Axel whispered to Saix.
"Silence infedel!" Kelle yelled, smacking the redhead on the ass with her whip.
"Ow," Axel whined.
"I said silence!" Kelle waited for the redhead to nod meekly before continuing her march in front of her line of victims. "Alright, the mission. You will pair off and follow this story line. Boy meets boy. Boy likes boy. Other boy likes boy. They get together, they have a fight, they have make up sex, then the end."
"Isn't that a little over done yo?" Reno asked even as he grabbed hold of Cloud.
"Do you really care?" Kelle asked, raising an eyebrow at the redhead.
"Nope."
"I mind!" Cloud yelled as Sephiroth, Zack, and Leon all grabbed hold of him as well.
"Well too freaking bad," Kelle replied, "You're my manwhore, you get to do this story four times. Oh, and you get pregnant."
"WHAT?!"
"Don't worry," Kelle said, waving a hand at the blond as she leaned back slightly, "So does Sephiroth."
"I'm kind of glad she's more interested in FF7 lately," Roxas whispered to Axel as Sephiroth sprouted a wing and tried to bash Kelle with it, "That could be us knocked up."
"Oh don't think KH is safe," Kelle grinned, spinning on her heel to leer at the Kingdom Hearts crowd after stunning Sephiroth with a taser that she produced out of thin air, "Sora is in for a surprise."
Riku looked down at the shocked brunet holding his hand before looking back at the deranged writer. "I'M NOT THE DAD!" he yelled, pushing Sora into Luxord's arms before making a break for it.
"Why do they always try to run?" Kelle sighed, "Get him Saix."
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Xemnas wandered through the halls of the condo that never was, a bowl of ice cream in one hand, spoon sticking out of his mouth. Saix followed close behind, eyes trained on the ice cream. "I'm not giving you any," Xemnas said around the spoon.
"But I want soooome," Saix whined.
"Bad puppy," the silver haired male said, spinning around to smack the blue haired male on top of his head.
Saix jumped slightly as he was struck before narrowing his eyes. Ten minutes later Saix was the ruler of the condo that never was, Xemnas was tied to the front door, and the neighbors were calling the police about another domestic dispute.
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"There once was a man from Nantucket," Zack said.
"We know," Angeal muttered, trying to read the report on his desk.
"But do you know what he likes to say?"
"Fuck it," Genesis cried from the hall.
"Oh you already know…" the raven haired youth wilted slightly as the redhead stormed into Angeal's office.
"What? You know what, don't answer that, I don't have time for you Puppy," Genesis said, waving his hand in dismissal, "Angeal, you need to fuck it."
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Kelle sat at the head of the table for the Evil Crack Writers meeting, watching with disinterest as Wolf tied Kiba up. "We need to set an agenda to these things," she sighed.
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I like pie…
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"You have girl hips," Roxas said.
"…no I don't," Axel muttered.
"That pause means you know you have girl hips," Demyx giggled.
"Well you have girl che…fee…hai…personality," the redhead sputtered.
"Nice comeback," Roxas snickered.
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"Kelle, darling, what the hell is wrong with you?" Genesis said as he leaned over the deranged writer's shoulder as she twitched.
"Suuuuuuugggaaaar," Kelle cooed, grinning as she bounced in her seat.
"I'm not wearing a dress," the redheaded SOLDIER deadpanned.
"Tch, fine," the writer sighed, "CLOUD! GET RENO AND GET OVER HERE NOW!"
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"This will be our final battle," Sephiroth said, staring at the blond in front of him.
"To decide the fate of the Planet once and for all," Cloud agreed.
Both males stared at one another, sizing the other up. "Ready?" the ex-General asked.
"I've always been ready," the blond replied flippantly.
"Fine," Sephiroth growled, "…GO!"
The fighters turned away from each other, facing the computer screen as the Dance Dance Revolution machine started the hardest song on the hardest level. "There is something so wrong about this," Tifa muttered into her hand as the fighters began stomping on the squares.
XxXxXxXxXx (My spelling is lacking here…)
"J'ai une toure d'eiffel en mon pantalon," Axel said, wiggling his eyebrows at Roxas.
"You have the Eiffel Tower in your pants?"
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"Ladies and Gentlemen," Xigbar suddenly exclaimed, causing the rest of the Organization to look up from their places at the table, "I give you…YURI!"
The gunner pointed to Axel and Marluxia, sitting side by side. "WE'RE NOT GIRLS!!" the pair shrieked.
"Dudes, you've got girl hips and you've got girl hair, makeup, nails, powers, and you freaking accessorize!"
"We have dicks," Axel seethed.
"And no tits!" Marluxia shrieked.
Xigbar grinned broadly, "Yeah but you're tota-"
"STOP CAUSING FIGHTS AT THE DINNER TABLE!" Xemnas yelled.
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There's a ladybug on my ceiling. Now it's on my wall. And now the floor. Oh, cat saw it. Get it Loki! Cat I do not fucking want the dead ladybug as a trophy, eat it your own damn self. Hey, I just typed out what I was thinking. That's actually a little sad…
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Please see 'I'm going to Hell for writing this' as it was originally in this file.
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Kadaj threw Elena and Tseng's employee IDs at Rufus' feet, "We had fun with them."
"You bastards," Rufus cursed, "What did you do to them?"
"Just enough to have them begging for mercy."
X_x_X_x
Loz and Yazoo circled Elena and Tseng, twin smirks on their faces. The battered Turks were tied to plain wooden chairs back to back, eyes following the Remnants movements closely. "Alright Loz," Yazoo drawled, "Sing for them one more time."
"Noooooooo!" the Turks screamed in unison.
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The yaoi fairy is in town!
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Fuck you Therapy, fuck you.
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Cloud walked along a path, fought some stuff, got a blister. It popped, he bled to death…or didn't…god this is dumb. NEXT IDEA!
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"I have a question for you," Kairi said suddenly, her eyes trained on her friends Sora and Riku.
"What?" Sora said, tilting his head to the side slightly.
"Why don't guys get urinary tract infections from having butt sex without a condom?"
"…" both males just stared at their friend in shock.
"Well?" the redhead pressed.
"How should we know?" Riku coughed.
"Yeah!" Sora crossed his arms across his chest and pouted, "We use condoms."
"Sora!" Riku hissed, "Shut. Up."
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"Alright class what have we learned today?" Mr. Strife asked.
"That Tifa's a bitch?" Sora asked.
"…other than that…"
"That Yuffie is a stealing no good whore?"
"You're not allowed to talk anymore."
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Roxas, Axel, and Demyx stood on the river bank watching the fire floating on top of the water. "What the fuck did you do?" Demyx squeaked, clutching his sitar like a life line.
"I…I honestly don't know," Axel murmured, blinking as he looked at the burning liquid.
"How…what…I didn't know that was possible," Roxas stuttered.
"There is something wrong when water catches fire," Axel said, crossing his arms and raising an eyebrow at the blaze.
"I want my mommy," Demyx whimpered before bursting into tears.
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"How you doin yo?" Reno asked, smirking slightly.
"Oh you know," Cloud said airily as he swung back and forth, suspended from the ceiling by a rope tied around his ankle, "Just hanging around."
"Mhm," the redhead smirked, "So…I'm assuming Denzel."
"That would be my guess."
"Alrighty then," the Turk said, digging into his back pocket. Pulling out his phone, the redhead switched it to the camera feature and snapped a shot. "Have fun with that," Reno called as he turned and walked away.
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AVALANCH stared in shock as Sephiroth sprouted multiple wings around his waist, Masamune held high. "I am Safer Sephiroth," the winged warrior declared.
"So what, you wear a condom while you hack us apart?" Yuffie asked innocently.
"…MOMMY! THEY'RE BEING MEAN TO ME!!!" Sephiroth cried as he turned and vanished into thin air.
"So…does that mean we win?" Cloud asked the snicker group.
"Yes," Aeris' voice echoed around them, "Planet saved, you can go home now."
"Yay!" the group cried before dispersing.
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"Why am I always uke?" Cloud asked suddenly.
"Hmm?" Kelle murmured as she looked up from her bowl of ice cream, "Oh…well, Sephiroth would totally own you since he's the General, Zack is the only person who can own Sephiroth, so you don't stand a chance. Leon tops because you're mako enhanced and would destroy him. Genesis is seme because he's creepy and I don't think that it was entirely consensual in that fic. Angeal is freaking Angeal. Rufus…I don't write you with because you two look way too much alike and it creeps me out. Tseng tops you because he has a higher rank than you. You know, there is not enough Tseng and you out there. Um…oh! You top Reno!"
"…RENO GET IN HERE NOW!"
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Cloud walked down the streets of Midgar, pointedly ignoring the ghost wolf following him. It was really starting to creep him the fuck out. Especially when it would try to sniff his ass and accidentally fall through his body.
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More to come if people actually care about my stupid crack bunnies. God, I don't even know why I'm posting this...