I make myself a little sick sometimes, if that makes this easier to stomach. (No beta, written in 30 minutes, crack-tastic, brutal critiques, please)
Title: For the Sake of Saying
Warnings: m/m, swearing
Rating: T
Disclaimer: I don't own Disney. Thank all things holy.
Just for the sake of saying it, Nico hated his name. He hated how it sounded rolling off spit-shine tongues, dribbling onto the floor. He hated how much it reminded him of Daddy, of Mommy, of Little Sister with a Gun. (Shot right through the head.)
Because he needed to get it off his chest, Nico collects candles- which is stupid, really. He buys blues and greens, and pinks, and reds, and puts them on a shelf in his room, right above his bed.
He never lights any of them.
He's afraid of fire.
He gets them because of the smell, probably. Vanilla brings back a sweet teacher with graying hair, asking him,
"Darlin', you ever think of getting into acting? You're a regular laugh riot."
Pine tree brings back brief, warm moments under a punctured sheet of black, staring out at star pictures and asking his father exactly what each one was. "Hell, son, if you wanted some fancy lesson on stars, you should' a gone and joined those damn boy scouts."
Then there was cotton, which brought back his mother. He tried not to buy many of those. (Bubble baths, laundry day, blood, blood, sheets stained red.)
He really shouldn't be saying this, but Nico lies a lot. He tells girls at bars he's into old fashioned movies, spews some shit about Audrey Hepburn, gets them melting like a Popsicle in the sun. Truth is, he hates old movies. They drag and bubble along lazily, and Nico hates that kind of thing. Fast, fast, boom, bang, maybe five minutes could be left aside for a happy ending.
He goes out of his way to meet new people every day at the dog park. He smiles, big and friendly, then he brings out the lie-of-the-day.
"Oh, I'm studying to be a doctor." Laugh, "I think I might switch majors soon, though, blood makes me a little queasy."
"Nice to meet you, I'm Lucas."
"Hey, man! Nah, nah. I'm just waitin' for someone."
Nico also promises his dad he'll come to visit. Soon. Real soon.
Now, don't make a big deal out of this, but Nico might be completely, totally, and sickeningly in love with Grady.
It hadn't started that way- Grady was a big bear of a friend. (not an adorable teddy bear, God dammit) Grady was his best friend, partner in crime, fun to his knee (get it?) He really hadn't planned on holding back his breathing when he found Grady sleeping, script crumpled on the floor. Damn, did that boy care about the show. Fuck, did he look beautiful.
Still, that's how it happened. Grady was, Nico thought bitterly, practically made for him to love. The way his smile banished all the shadow-thoughts, how he talked nonstop, and laughed just as much, how perfect and sweet and caring, just…shit.
Nico had never lied to Grady.
Not once. He'd wanted to, for a split second on the first day. Grady- Bright And Friendly And Ready For New Friends. He wanted to, maybe, but he just couldn't make the words come out right.
"Hey, Grady. I'm Nico. I'm the one with the fucked up family."
Grady's grin grew a little wider.
"Oh, yeah, I heard about you. How about we go work on your 'hellos?'"
So Nico did, and Grady smiled, and touched, and hugged, and was there. Nico didn't think it was so hard being happy.
Nico knew it was pathetic, but his favorite candle was fast becoming lavender, just because it smelled vaguely like Grady's shampoo.
What was worse, was that when Grady said his name, Grady's entire body tingled.
"Nico, man, pass the pizza."
"God, this movie blows, Nico."
"Love you Nico, love you so much."
It had been four years. (lovelovelove) And Nico probably should shut his mouth, before any more shit spills out, but Grady is so completely and utterly his now. (His in every breath, gasp, giggle. His with every "I love you." "Morning." "Come practice lines.")
Grady was his, and the lies stopped pouring, the pain stopped coming, and the only thing he knew much about anymore was waking up with Grady next to him, and know the day would be good.