Chapter 1: Johanna

You know that feeling you'd get, when you were a little kid, your outside playing, it's hot but your so caught up in playing you don't really care and then you go in the shade, were the darkness consumes you, it's cool, you're tired and you don't want to leave, but the sun goes away eventually, and then there's no turning back from the darkness, it's everywhere, you can't escape. That's what it's like for me, or was like in my games, I was too caught up in everything, then when it was over, everything came at me at once, and I'm lost in the darkness. I'm Johanna mason and this is my story, my life, my family, and my darkness.

So young when the pain had begun,

Now forever afraid of being loved. (1)

I was three when the accident happened, I lost everything then, I just didn't know it yet.

It was a week before my fourth birthday, my mother was taking me to the capitol, so I could pick out a birthday present. We weren't poor, like some of the other districts, and people of district 7. If anything we were rich. I was bullied because of it too. So my parents spoiled me, to make me feel better, to let me know they cared. I was in the back seat of the car, and mom in the front. We were listening to music, well I was dancing. All of a sudden it started raining bombs. Everywhere, they would explode and I would cry.

"It's okay, shh it's going to be fine." My mother had said right before a bomb dropped in front of our car blowing up the first half of it, and my mom, I screamed in horror as I saw my mom's burning flesh, her skin melting away from her bones. The fire burning my lungs to where I could barely breathe, the smell of burnt flesh making me gag, and the cloud of smoke making me cough till I was puking. I had stayed awake long enough to see people taking my dead mom out of the car, and hear my dad's cries and screams. But the only problem was I didn't know she was dead, I was too little to know, that would be the last time I would see my mom in person. The last thing I remember before blacking out is the car radio still playing the song baby mine, a song my mother would sing to me at night, a song that I would never forget.

When I woke up they told me I was in district 4. I heard the doctors talking to someone about me being burnt up and unconscious, thinking I was dead. Luckily they checked. I had woken up in a hospital with bright white lights blinding me. A bunch of doctors would check up on me every day. One day a boy and lady came in. I heard the lady talking with one of the nurses.

"We like to come see the patients, ya know cheer em up"

"Okay go right ahead" the nurse said.

The little boy hides behind the woman's leg.

"Hello, I'm Mags, and this is my friends daughters, son" she laughs at my confused face. "Kind of confusing isn't it?" "Well come on, introduce yourself Hun." She says to the boy.

"I-I'm Finnick" he says.

"Johanna" I croak still trying to find my voice.

"How old are you?" he asks

"I'm 3, almost 4" I say showing him with my hands.

"I'm 7!" he says.

I smile, and he does to. We talk, and play awhile, until he has to leave. He comes for the rest of the week. We become best friends. After a couple of weeks they say I can go home, a lady takes me to the train station, but before I get on I ask.

"What about my momma?" The lady looks sad and nervous but she says calmly.

"She won't be home for a while." I frown and step in the train. I don't really remember much of the train ride because I slept most of the way there.

Some of these things I've been told, but most I remember. Like I remember waking up and my 'uncle' blight being there to pick me up. He's not my real uncle but we call him that, he's also our neighbor. So yes we do live in the victors village and yes my dad is a victor. It took months for my dad to even come near me. It was hard, knowing your own dad doesn't want you around. But I rather that than the drinking and hitting. Every day I had a new bruise, and every day I cried. It got so bad my aunt and uncle had to take me away from him. So I live with them now. They hire a psychiatrist when I wouldn't talk to anyone besides my best friend Sam. He could only come over when his parents where gone, so I didn't talk much.

"Now. Jo, may I call you Jo?" I nod even though I only like my friends calling me by that name.

"Okay, Jo do you remember anything before the crash?" he asks I nod.

"You do? Good, can you tell me?"

"There was a song." I say hugging my teddy bear.

"A song? Okay good, can you sing it for me?" I nod again. "Okay start whenever you ready"

"Baby mine, don't you cry, baby mine dry your eyes, rest your head close to my heart never to part, baby mine. Little one, when you play, don't you mind what say, let those eyes sparkle and shine, never a tear baby of mine. If they knew sweet little you, they'd end up loving you too, all those same people who scold you, what they'd give just for right to hold you. From your head down to your toes, you're not much goodness knows but you're so precious to me, sweet as can be, baby of mine. "

"Very good Johanna, now I have to go, but I'll see you tomorrow okay?" I nod and he leaves. My aunt Bella and uncle Eathan come into my 'room.'

"So how'd it go today?" my aunt asks

"Fine" I respond playing with my teddy bear.

"Good, have you seen Sam today?" I shake my head.

"Oh, okay. Well dinners will be ready soon okay?" I nod my head and she walks out. I hate not talking to them. But I don't know what to say.

I have a little brother. He's the only one in my family I talk to. He's a year younger than me, so he's 3. Remember my birthday was a week after the crash, and his was a month later. I get up and get my doll, and sit back on my bed. I brush my dolls long blonde hair. I always wanted blonde hair, until I realized how pretty my aunt was, and she has brown hair, and Sammy has dark brown hair too, he also has golden brown eyes. I happen to have long dark brown hair, with a little bit of blonde from the sun. My eyes are a mixture of the colors, brown, gold, and green. Everyone tells me I have very pretty eyes and a gorgeous smile. But all I see is a normal girl. They also say I'm very mature for my age, I guess I am. Sometimes I think they're only being nice because of what happened. I don't see what the big deal is. I'm fine, and my mommy's coming back soon. That's what they tell me, but I know she's not coming back. It makes me wonder if I did something wrong. Why did she leave us? Why didn't she at least say goodbye? What did I do to upset her? All these questions are ringing through my head. I decide to go and eat something, I am kind of hungry. I walk out of my 'room' and make my way through the huge house and into the kitchen. When I walk in I'm greeted by the smell of fried chicken. Yummy! My favorite! I walk over to see my aunt making mashed potatoes, fried chicken, and… vegetables, YUCK! I hate veggies. I only like potatoes, green beans, corn, and carrots. I'm not even sure if some of those are vegetables.

"Hey Jo-Jo ready to eat?" I nod my head and lick my lips. She laughs and I smile. I like making people laugh. It's nice to hear it in our family.

"Can you help set up the table in the dining room please?" she asks I nod.

I grab the plates, napkins, forks, spoons, and knives. I go in the dining room to see the best thing ever… SAM'S HERE! I nearly drop the plates. Luckily my uncle grabs them before I do. I run and tackle Sam in a bear hug. We fall of the floor laughing until we hear….

"Hey! What no hug for me?" a familiar voice asks. I turn around to see….

"FINNIE!" I yell as I tackle him too. We all laugh as my aunt comes in.

"So, I see you found your surprises." She says with a smile. I nod and smile too. "Good, well mashed potatoes, fried chicken, and vegetables for dinner. Sorry we couldn't get anything from your district Finnick." My aunt says.

"That's okay, I like trying new things." He says with a smile. My aunt smiles back and puts the food on the table. We all sit down, I sit in between Finnie and Sammy. We pray like always, my uncle says, with the kind of world we live in it's always good to believe in something. Once we're done praying we dig into the yummy food.

"Jo-Jo aren't you going to eat your vegetables?" my aunt says, I realize she asks a lot of questions. I shake my head in response. Both Finnie and Sam know I hate veggies. I only get to talk to Finn once a week, but sometimes that's more than I see Sam.

"But sweetie they're good for you!" she says

"Yeah but they won't be very good for you, or my taste buds."

"Why is that?"

"Because I'll puke!" I say

"Wow Jo-Jo I haven't heard you talk this much since your last phone call with Finnick. "My uncle says. Finn smiles an di do too. It's nice to talk again.

We eat up all our food (except for the veggies) and we go upstairs to play in my 'room'. My room is all different colors. We play games and just mess around. I missed these two. It's even more fun when all of us are together.

"Okay guys, it's time for the boys to leave."

"Awwww" we all say.

"Can't they both just spend the night?" I whine

"Well, I'll have to ask your mom Finnick, and your aunt Sam, but it's alright with me."

"Yay!" we yell. My aunt goes to call Finnie's parents, and Sammy's aunt. She comes back in a couple of minutes later.

"Well it looks like you boys are spending the night!" my aunt says.

"Yes!" we yell and start jumping on my bed. My aunt laughs and leaves the room.

I have a feeling this might be the best night ever.

1. (Demi Lovato, for the love of a daughter)