1946
"I trusted you Howard!" Peggy cried.
"I shouldn't have lied to you, for that trust me I am truly sorry," Howard said trying to calm everyone in the room.
She never felt more painfully vulnerable after finding her soul-mate's blood. Everyone wanted Captain America's DNA for both evil and honorable reasons. Captain America. Peggy wanted his blood to be safe.
It bothered Peggy that Howard and many others mention Steve as Captain America over and over again. Steve Rogers was so much more. The very first time she saw the skinny man in line up to their first and final kiss, she saw a man who lived by a code. A code of honor, integrity, and compassion. He saw good in others and for that good he took more shiners than she would care to admit.
Now she wish she had seen the price for the choice he made. If he had lived from crashing into the ocean, Steve wouldn't have lived for long. Steve would go on never ending missions and testing that either A. he would sooner than later received a fatal bullet or B. the loss of blood from the experiments. Peggy groaned, probably not... how could she know? Steve is gone.
There was this empty void that will never be filled. She will go on and find someone else and have children, but Steve would be that shadow in the corner of the room, or the peaceful evening breeze that would brush her cheek. "I will live by you're code, darling."
She slipped her hands into her jacket and turned around. The winter was coming and that meant another lonely Christmas. The ground was covered in a thin layer of frost glittering in the setting sun. Her hot breath came out like vapors, she had to find a way to live through Thanksgiving first.
Peggy wasn't the type to sing or hum. Life was too busy and havoc to enjoy something like humming. Steve... His presence touched her. He would want her too. A sense of gravity followed that man, he was real. A song popped in her head. "Laa da na hmm, till the blue skies drive the dark clouds far away, hmm." It was under her breath and honestly she didn't know all the words since she heard it only once in the club.
Howard was going to visit tonight, that thought was sour, she had forgiven him. They had grieved together but Howard was a reminder of Steve's living moments on earth. It was sharp and poignant. The female agent wanted to crawl under a rock and die too.
"Now what did I just do?" She whispered, "I'm not going to live like this." Steve is gone Peg, let him go... Orange and red autumn leaves fell like snowflakes and she looked up at the sky clearing her eyes from oncoming tears. How do I live pass this? I think I can push him aside but that's unrealistic. Steve I need to hear your voice again. I need to know how to let you go. Nausea made her tremble. As graceful as possible she waved for a taxi.
"Purple Heart Cemetery."
The driver nod.
Peggy hugged the door staring out of the window. New York was a beautiful city and in time it will blossom into one of the best in the world.
"Ma'am, I hope I'm not bothering you but... Purple Heart is a well known place that the holds the bodies of this country's best and bravest."
Except for one, she smiled, "yes..."
"Well, um, I am sorry for your loss. Was your... loss... a husband or brother?My son sleeps there. 1942 in November he went to heaven."
"I'm sorry," she wiped her eyes. "Mine was the love of my life."
The driver nod, "men died for us. They stood up against bullies who wanted to strip us of our freedom. I never could believe I raised such a heroic son." The driver glanced in the mirror at her for a second. "Jason was his name. He was kind, sweet, caring and thoughtful." The man laughed, "Jason wanted to be a doctor. He had part of that dream. He was a medic... You wear a uniform you are stating a truth of your character. Of course, not everyone is that way, but the men who volunteer," He smiled, "well, there is no better hero."
Peggy's throat was closed as the lump in her throat threaten to choke her.
"I saw the way you held yourself. I know that you're military. Jason met his fiance overseas. She was a head nurse. Men or woman, if you stand up unasked for someone you don't know. Well, you have my greatest and highest respect."
"Sir, that means so much to me."
"We're here," the driver parked his car, "I'll wait for you."
She thanked him and step out. Peggy walked over to a statue of Steve's shield; engraved said: Purple Heart Cemetery. Dedicated to Captain Steve Rogers and the rest of the men who bled for the innocents. From Brooklyn to ever coast of America you are honored, remembered and forever loved. God bless. Peggy fell to her knees sobs escaping her red painted lips.
"I don't know how to live without you."
Live better than I.
She stared at the stone carved shield tracing her painted finger tips along the edges of the star in the center. A soft smile formed, that shield resembled so much than the colors that Howard decorated it. Steve saw what looked like the weakest and most simple object and he made it great.
Like you did to me... not the serum.
Peggy kissed her fingers and rested them on Steve's graven name. Suddenly she knew what to do with his blood. She pressed her forehead against the cold stone, closing her eyes letting the teardrops fall to the pavement below.
Do better Peggy, live stronger, smile more and never stop looking on the inside of others
"Oh, Steve, will I fine the strength?" She whispered.
You know the answer.
There was a hug that wrapped her body. It was warm and strong and she swore that she could smell Steve's scent. Peggy could hear the whispering music playing.
Steve was dressed in his Class A uniform, his hair is neat and his face smooth. He walks up to her and takes her hand. He has to look up not by much but Peg don't care. It wasn't his looks she loved. The music send a soft rhythm easy enough to follow. They just rock back and forth, once in a while he twirls her. He pulls her closer and her hands tenderly touch his face and his kiss interrupts her giggle of joy.
One hand goes from his face down his neck to his chest, pressing against his hard muscles. His hand was on the back of her neck. Their kiss breaks and he whispers, "love you, my girl."
"You're best girl," she smiles against his lips.
"My best girl."
Peggy opened her eyes and realized that her hand was pressed against the star on the shield. "I love you too, darling. I will live my life for you."
One more kiss and one more goodbye and she turns to leave.
You're forever in my heart and forever on my mind...
Mr. Dukay stood by her door with his head down. She placed her hand on his shoulder, "you should have visited Jason."
His eyes sparkled at his son's name, "I don't need to,"
Peggy Carter got in the car and the driver got behind the wheel. She gave him the address.
"Ma'am, I see the shadow following you, but I want you to know that you are of the highest. You are brave. You'll survive."
She tilted her head, "you said you didn't need to visit your son."
The was a brief moment of silence, he said, "Jason is always with me. He is wishing me well. He is always telling me that I am meant to live better than him everyday. Of course, there are days I need to see his resting spot, but I hear his voice."
"I don't think I can live everyday, hearing..."
"Its hard at first, but you start to miss how they smiled, you miss how they move, you miss how they smell, you miss the speech patterns, mannerisms, their intelligence and even their soft words of comfort and wisdom, until you pause and you realize they are with you even now. You actually stop to listen to them. Jason was my son. He was suppose to get married, then find a tiny little homestead and have babies. He was suppose to hold his son's hand while telling his son of the bravery of millions who shed precious blood for this glorious land. Jason was to cry at his daughter's wedding as he kissed her cheek and hand her off to another man to be her protector." The driver took a ragged breath, and pulled the taxi over, "He's a hero."
Peggy smiled, "God sent you to me. I was in love with a kid from Brooklyn. He did everything to join. My love finally got his wish to help others and in the end he lost his life."
The driver turned towards her, "the price of freedom is high."
She wiped her eyes.
"Steve Rogers is a good kid." He smiled at her puzzled, "you were hugging his statue."
"I'm happy you didn't call him Captain America."
He waved his hand, "that's a title, not who he is."
Peggy manage to laugh, "I love you sir."
"Dear, you don't see now but you hold strength in your core. Don't leave Steve at the cemetery."
She couldn't speak just patted the old man's arm.
"Let's go home."
"One second, I'll be right back." She out of the car and headed toward the bridge. The driver got out to watch her. She stopped half way and stared at the evening sky. She was doing the right thing, and she felt stronger than she expected to.
Peggy pulled out the test tube staring at the dark red blood reminding her of his spangled uniform. A tiny twist and the top came off and she tilted the liquid out and she felt hesitation as it poured into the water. It was the right thing and she knew Steve was smiling. "Goodbye my darling." Goodbye sorrow and goodbye pain, I won't let you hold me back. She drop the glass and looked back at the setting sun. A sense of healing hugged her.
Wiping away a tear she turned and started toward the driver.
Peggy Carter knew she will have weak moments. The grief will be so thick she wouldn't know how to think or move. There was also going to be days that she will feel his smile and kind eyes. Peggy will be strong because he taught her how. Steve is her light and strength and he will remain so till the perfect man will step in and take over. Peg will keep Steve close in her life. She will smile someday over the look from the eyes of her babes knowing that Steve would approve. Peggy will see him in the shadows. He won't be asking why or what ifs. Instead he will say, "can you do better? Are you smiling more? Are you dancing? Can you love more?"
A laugh escaped her lips as an odd sensation of joy touched her. It was like a kiss. "Steve, I promise, I'll survive for you."
She got back and pecked the driver's cheek and got into the car.
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Present Day- 70 Years Later
Steve Rogers walked through the vine covered fence and archway. It was a private cemetery with a the largest tree he has ever seen in the center. He spotted the Statue of the shield. The breeze started to pick up and he pulled the collar of his coat and walked over to the statue.
He smiled as he saw primroses surrounding the statue. He knelt and plucked a blossom. The language of the flowers was a subject that he and Peggy once spoke about. The primrose meant eternal love.
Captain America brought the bud to his lips. When they brought him back to the living he wanted to drown. Why did they have to wake him? Steve didn't ask to wake up in a world that had drastically changed. It was yesterday that he was promising his girl a dance.
Steve saw her. It took a lot of threats and mean words but they allowed him to see her. His heart broke but he knew what to expect. She was on the bed hanging onto life. Steve didn't care how many years went by Peggy Carter was still the most beautiful woman he has seen. He wiped his eyes.
The soldier was so proud of her. Peggy had raised a beautiful family. She wanted him to move on. Peggy saw the beauty in their separation, but Steve knew no time separation. He felt always confused and out of place.
"Sweetie, you need to mourn your death," Peggy told him patting his warm hand with her cool soft one. "Then become a new and better man. Start your life over and be better like you taught me."
Then after a coughing fit her lucid moment would end and he went through a soul ripping session of her re-realizing that Steve Rogers was a live. It killed him but Peggy was worth it. She told him to find love. What a woman.
"Excuse me?"
He turned around, "yes?"
It was an elderly woman holding a girl's small hand.
"Are you Steve Rogers?"
He nod, another Captain America fan.
She smiled sweetly, "I'm Angel Dukay-Simmons and this is my granddaughter Margaret. You probably don't know this but my family have been coming here for years. My uncle was killed in 1945, his name is Jason Dukay. A long ago my grandfather became friends with a young woman named Margaret Carter. She loved you so much. Every year she would come here and tend to the primroses."
Steve fought tears and smiled.
"The number one thing my uncle taught us was to respect our military men but more importantly to remember and respect the man under the dog-tags. You are all heroes." Mrs. Simmons smiled, "You're a good man Steve Rogers, not just a good soldier. Remember that."
He shook her hand happy to meet someone that didn't get star struck. "Ma'am, you were a great blessing." He knelt down smiling at Peggy's namesake. "You're a lucky girl to have such a loving and wise Nana."
Margaret hugged her grandmother's leg.
Angel kissed Steve's cheek, "you're a good boy Rogers." She picked up the little girl and hurried off.
Steve stared at the statue, he did die... He went over to Jason Dukay's grave site where Forget-Me-Nots decorated the headstone. He knelt down. "Sir, thank you. You were a bigger hero than I could ever be." He gave a rueful smile, "your sacrifice, I do believe saved my girl's life. You're family is definitely blessed and I know you watch over them. Thank you too, for making me realize my path on this earth." Steve touched the stone and got up to leave.
He continued to walk. Finally he made it to the bridge over the east river. Steve watches the sun set while twirling the primrose with his fingers. Eternal love...
"I'll fight for right and I will continue to do right. I will start over, my love." He kissed the flower. You are with me Peggy, forever and always. Then he dropped the primrose watching it fall to the waters below.