"It's simple logic, John."
John peers at the screen of his TOS Star Trek DVD, past the outdated technology, cheesy acting, and Styrofoam rocks. "I don't see it. I mean, Kirk and Spock, yeah, they've got that intense brother-love going on, but Spock and McCoy… it doesn't make much sense. They're at each other's throats half the time. Besides," John continues, "That sweet blond nurse we saw last episode has a thing for Spock. Shouldn't he get with her?"
"Oh JOHN," Sherlock sighed, "How very hetero-normative of you. No, it's obvious that the alien barely notices the nurse, and only tolerates her when she is necessary for the mission. She doesn't really COUNT."
John glared at Sherlock. "OH COME ON, Sherlock. Okay, maybe it is a little hetero-normative of me, but really, you'd be surprised at some people. Nurse Chapel may be irritating, a bit, but she's clever, and she's faithful. I think even Spock can see the benefit in that. Maybe not a crush, but she certainly COUNTS."
Sherlock opened and closed his mouth, and flushed, momentarily ashamed. "Perhaps you're right, John," he said, finally.
Sherlock got up and stood mostly in front of the television, draped in nothing but a sheet. He paused the television, and bent over for a closer view of the screen. "See, while the alien has McCoy in his mind-fusion, the Doctor's eyes are dilated. His 'bellyaching' just covers up simple affection cloaked in some rather intense xenophobia."
John snorted. "Well, then what about Spock? He is always derisive about McCoy's humanity. Is that just xenophobia as well?"
"Oh no," Sherlock said blandly. "It's the truth. McCoy's humanity is rather foolish, and he deserves to be the subject of good natured derision." John opened his mouth to object, but Sherlock cut in, "And before you say anything John, remember, I always remind you that your idiocy is nothing to be ashamed of."
Somewhat reluctantly mollified, John frowned as there was an intense close up of Kirk, chuckling with McCoy and Spock at the end of the episode. "So neither of them get with Kirk?"
Sherlock sighed, and plopped down on the couch, picking up a piece of cold toast from the coffee table that John had left there an hour ago. "For god's sake John, Kirk's like Lestrade. Father figure. Rather a poor one to be providing relationship examples, but hovering in the background, nonetheless."
"Sherlock, Star Trek is Kirk's SHOW."
"Obviously not. It is a chronicle of Spock's discovery of his humanity. " The consulting detective was leafing through a cold case file, no longer fully paying attention.
John felt his mouth falling open a bit. Then he chuckled. Just weeks ago he had called Sherlock "Spock" during their trip to Baskerville. "Sherlock! Did you watch Star Trek just so that you would understand my Spock reference?"
"Mmm," Sherlock said noncommittally, which meant yes.
"That means you must have a crush I don't know about," John said jokingly. "A Doc…" his voice trailed off as he realized what he was about to say.
"Mmmm. Very good John. A doctor who consistently regales people with his blatant phobia and bellyaching about his friend, which covers up a much deeper attachment," Sherlock said dryly. "Your deductive skills are improving John. I'm surprised you haven't decided to branch out on your own."
Despite frequently calling John an idiot, it was probably the closest thing to a scolding the Detective had ever given him.
Four cups of tea, a packet of biscuits, and a rather excruciating sexual identity crisis later, it was also the last.