"You can't save everyone, Olivia."
That phrase echoed and resonated throughout the detective's soul, only putting a defining statement on one of the worst weeks of her life. Everything just seemed to bounce off her already bruised heart before taking root deep in her soul, adding to the brambles already surrounding the wall she had easily constructed.
I know everyone can't be saved. But after a while, dealing with the worst this world has to offer… you need a win… especially on a case like this one.
Dr. Rebecca Hendrix. Of all the therapists that could have answered the call when we brought Miranda into the ER, it had to be her. Police force dropout. Traitor to all we had started out to accomplish in the criminal justice system. We were friends at the Academy… planning to rid the world of injustice one arrest at a time. And then to tell me that we couldn't save everyone… just how many had SHE saved after quitting?
Elliot Stabler. My partner and his strained marriage. I know that things can never be more than professional between us...nothing more than a friendship and the utmost respect and trust between partners. But did he have to openly flirt with the good doctor? And in front of me? There's only so much one person can take. Does he even realize how much I have given up… sacrificed… because of him?
Olivia sat back in the courtroom, running her fingers through her hair. Time for a haircut. Maybe that'll help.
The detective rolled her eyes as her mind argued with itself. A haircut? Really? I've officially lost it. Who am I kidding? I know the reason why these past few months have been so terrible. Why this one brought to a peak all the bad cases.
Alex…
Just the thought of the blonde ADA brought tears to the detective's eyes. She was what had started this snowball of despair in her life. The events of this case… of this week… only caused the detective to ask the same question again. The one she had asked of herself so many times during the past year… ever since another person she cared about walked out of her life.
When is it going to be my turn for happiness? When is someone going to care about my feelings and put me first?
Casey stood off to the side, watching the internal struggle playing out across the brunette's face. Filling the huge shoes left by ADA Cabot had proved to be a daunting task. The now-absent ADA and the detectives had established a rapport with each other. They trusted each other and worked well together. Walking into the station, so soon after Alex's death, had proven almost too much for the new ADA. She had questioned her assignment so many times, asking anyone who would listen if they really thought she was ready for this.
Now watching, in her opinion, the best detective in the SVU squad beat herself up over a case only further cemented her insecurities. She had studied the dynamic of the 1-6 and realized early on that Olivia Benson was the heart of that group of detectives. Never wavering in her support of the victims. Never afraid to voice a differing opinion with the rest of the group. She gave selflessly of her time to the job.
Casey herself was a self professed workaholic, but the hours Olivia put in rivaled even her own long hours. She couldn't count how many times she had called the squad room late, surprised to hear Olivia's voice answering her call. Couldn't count how many times a soft knock had sounded on her office door only to find the detective on the other side with paperwork for her or even a cup of coffee.
The young ADA had finally admitted to herself how much she admired the detective, which made her even more envious of the effortless relationship between Alex and Olivia.
I want that with her…
That thought surprised Casey. Not only that she had singled out the female detective but at the increase of her heartbeat when she finally allowed herself to think about what she wanted. Question was, did the brunette want the same thing? She knew the detective was trying. Things were friendly enough, but there was still a barrier between her and Olivia. Who was she kidding; Olivia kept a barrier up between herself and the rest of the world.
Olivia felt eyes on her and she looked up, to find their ADA studying her intently, offering a smile. Before she could stop, an eyebrow went up to the lawyer. Something unspoken shifted between the two women and both moved forward at the same time. Very few were lucky enough to be invited into the inner sanctum of Olivia Benson.
Casey was the first to speak, working off a sudden burst of courage that had sprung up from her internal musings. "I think we need a night, Detective. No work… just blowing off steam. Are you up for some engaging company mixed with good food and lots of alcohol?"
Before she could talk herself out of it, Olivia Benson quickly answered, "Lead the way… I'm yours for the night." The ADA had to hold onto the wooden banister in front of her when she felt her knees go weak… as her thoughts went to so many forbidden places at the tone in the detective's voice.
After much discussion, they chose a bar that wasn't a law enforcement watering hole, each taking seriously the "no work" agreement. Both women had been to this bar before and knew that the food was good, but more importantly… the alcohol was better. The establishment was known, too, for having the best margaritas in the city.
They quickly took possession of one of the last remaining tables as Casey flagged down a waitress. She touched the waitress' arm and looked directly at her, casually checking out her name on her badge before speaking. "Cheryl, my friend and I are here to forget the horrid day we've had. So if you can keep our glasses from being empty, there is a $50 tip for you at the end of the night."
Olivia smiled at Casey's candor and also at the red head's face as she added the amount to her usual tips for a night. "We'd like two of your burgers, fries and start bringing the famous margaritas I've heard so much about. My friend and I are going to drink them until you cut us off for the night. And I promise, we're not driving."
Cheryl nodded and then left, both watching as she got the bartender's attention and pointed towards their table. Olivia turned and looked at the young attorney seated across from her. "I'm sorry, was a burger okay? I didn't even think to ask."
Casey nodded, waving off any objections. "No, that's perfect. You can only eat so many salads and chicken before you just need red meat and alcohol."
Before the detective could agree, their waitress was back with their first drink. Both voicing approval as Cheryl walked away. The red head was diligent in keeping a fresh drink for both women throughout the evening. Food was consumed and both were relaxed as the alcohol started taking effect. Both surprised at the ease of their conversation. How comfortable they felt together. And how much they were flirting with each other… almost like it was a contest as to who could come up with the most provocative saying of the evening. They laughed, told dirty jokes, shared personal information… and consumed lots of alcohol. Cheryl never letting their glasses sit empty…
Olivia watched as Casey shook her head and looked at her. The ADA's eyes following movement behind her head. "What?"
Seeing that Olivia was about to turn around, she took her hand. "No, don't turn around. We seem to have pinged on someone's radar. There are two young, what appear to be college students, heading this way." Casey knew that they both had consumed too much alcohol to pick up two strangers in a bar.
Rolling her eyes, and also realizing she didn't want to let go of Casey's hand, or pick up two strange men in a bar, the brunette sighed. "Why do guys always think women need company when out in public? Want to have some fun with them?" Casey smiled and nodded as Olivia said, "just follow my lead.'
Casey tried not to laugh out loud as the two topics of conversation stopped in front of their table and provided the standard pick up line for a bar. "Good evening ladies. I'm Paul and this is Andy. Can we join you ladies, perhaps buy you a drink?'
Olivia arched an eyebrow as Casey just shook her head. Never letting go of Casey's hand, the older woman slid her chair closer. "Sorry guys, but I've got all I need for the night." She pulled Casey's hand up to her mouth and softly kissed it.
Exchanging a look, the two guys didn't take the hint. "Oh, come on. Two gorgeous women, alone in a bar. Surely my friend and I can provide something you need?"
Casey turned and looked at Olivia, rolling her eyes and making a face. Taking the hint, Olivia moved closer, casually laying her arm along the back of Casey's chair while acting like she was going to discuss the proposition with Casey. But instead she leaned in and kissed her softly, gently on the mouth, then pulled back. "So Babe… is there something you need tonight that I can't give you?"
Caught completely off guard by how good Olivia's lips felt, Casey couldn't find the words to answer in her alcohol dazed brain. So she let her actions answer for her, leaning in again to share a longer kiss. Pulling her head back and taking a deep breath, she never broke eye contact with the deep brown pools studying her intently. "No… I'm good." She turned and looked at the two obviously excited guys who were patting themselves on the back at their good fortune.
Casey almost felt sorry for them. Almost. "Sorry fellows, but I honestly can't think of anything you have that I would want… or need… tonight." She turned her eyes back towards Olivia. "This gorgeous creature will fulfill ALL my needs tonight. Just like she does every night…"
Olivia almost choked on the swallow of her drink she had in her mouth, but quickly recovered. She ran her finger along Casey's lips before sharing one more kiss with her, this one longer. Both fighting the urge to moan when mouths opened to deepen the kiss… tongues sliding past each other.
When they pulled apart, the college boys had moved onto another table, finally taking the hint. Olivia looked at her companion, gazing at the soft lips she wanted to taste again, and then down at their hands, still together. Running her thumb along the soft skin, she turned back to look at the young ADA.
Trying, but failing to clear her alcohol filled thoughts, Casey could only think of how good that hand felt in hers. How soft her caress was. And how amazing it felt to be kissed by Olivia Benson. Letting instinct guide her, before the young woman could stop herself, she captured the waiting lips again. Both surprised when neither pulled away because they no longer had an audience.
Their lips moved sensually together, while tongues were once again granted access. The alcoholic haze combined with the thrill of discovery caused the kiss to deepen and control was quickly slipping away. Gasping, Olivia pulled her head back and searched the eyes in front of her for any sign of protest. What she found almost took her breath again and prompted her mouth to start working before her brain caught up. Breathlessly, almost whispering, "Do you want to get out of here?"
Green eyes searched brown and a connection was formed. Casey couldn't remember the last time she had felt like this. It was pure and intense. She wasn't sure it could be resisted. And if she were honest with herself, she didn't want to resist. And with that realization, the ADA wasn't surprised when she heard herself say, "I'll follow you anywhere, Detective."
Eyes remained locked for a moment longer, both looking for the slightest hesitation. Finding none, Casey motioned for their waitress. Pulling out enough money to cover their bill, plus the promised $50 bonus for keeping the alcohol flowing. Olivia waited until Cheryl picked up the offered bills and then slipped her another $50. "Thank you for helping us forget and end this day on a much better note…"
Not believing her luck, the red head couldn't keep the smile off her face. "My pleasure ladies. Come back anytime and I'll make sure you're taken care of."
Casey extended a hand and Olivia took it without pause, allowing herself to be led out of the bar. Stepping out into the night air, both looked up and down the street, trying to remember exactly where they were. "Your place or mine, detective?"
"My apartment's closer."
Nodding, Casey flagged down a waiting taxi and soon they were on their way. The taxi ride was quiet, their legs brushing against the other. Hands were clasped tightly together and each woman was watching the other. Neither believing what was happening. The air in the cab was charged with electricity as heated gazes were exchanged. The anticipation almost too much but barely contained since neither wanted to give the cabbie a free show.
Arriving a few minutes later at Olivia's apartment, she quickly paid the cab driver and they entered her building. As soon as the doors closed to the elevator, Casey pulled Olivia into her and captured her lips in a heated kiss. Both moaning as their bodies touched for the first time. It had been long enough since alcohol had been consumed for the buzz to have diminished, so the warmth both felt was from arousal and the thrill of discovery as hands roamed over unfamiliar curves. Any doubt or reservations disappeared when soft moans escaped and filled the elevator.
When the elevator stopped, Olivia pulled Casey along with her, both stopping at her door. Fumbling with her keys, almost dropping them when Casey wrapped strong arms around her from behind, moving soft, brown hair off her neck and placing lingering, wet kisses on the newly exposed skin.
Finding the concentration needed, the door was finally unlocked. She swung it open, pulled Casey inside and kicked it shut before pushing the attorney up against the smooth plank of wood. Her hands untucked the buttoned shirt and then moved underneath, her desire increasing tenfold at the soft skin she found. A thigh moved between legs and both gasped. Mouths collided together and tongues battled for control while hands searched…
Heavy breaths filled the room as the point of no return was crossed. The two women bounced off walls and furniture while clothes disappeared. Shoes were kicked off. Shirts thrown to the side. All the while, heated kisses were shared and hands roamed along newly discovered skin. All clothes had been removed by the time they made it into the bedroom.
Casey's legs hit the bed before falling backwards, Olivia following. Both paused as skin met skin. Curves met curves. Tongues plundered deep recesses as hands slid along damp skin. Desire filled kisses and gentle bites were felt along necks. Neither caring that marks were being left. They were lost in the moment. In the incredible sensations coursing through them both.
Olivia slid her mouth down, nibbling at newly discovered skin, running her tongue along a collarbone before moving lower. Taking a hard nipple in her mouth, licking and sucking. Casey tangled her fingers in Olivia's hair, applying pressure as her mouth moved from one breast to the other. A breathless gasp escaped the ADA's mouth as a warm, wet tongue slid lower, following the path the Detective's fingers had taken moments before. Seeking and finding silky wetness…
Casey was lost as Olivia's tongue touched her, slowly running up and down. Alternating between sucking and licking, teasing and playing, her soft hands slid up and down Casey's thighs. The ADA grabbed a handful of sheet as the warm tongue probed and explored, lingering on sensitive spots whenever she moaned. A warm, gentle finger circled, slipping barely inside before stopping.
Looking up as if asking for permission, the older woman received her answer in the form of a plea. "Inside Olivia… please…"
Needing nothing more, Olivia wrapped her mouth around the hard, pulsating nub while two fingers plunged deep inside. Pulling them out and returning with three. Casey held her breath as she gripped the sheets with her hands. Unintelligible noises of pleasure escaped from the younger woman's mouth as she tried to comprehend just how good this felt. It was almost as if the detective knew instinctively what would give her the most pleasure.
Casey arched her back off the bed when Olivia's hand moved up, caressing her breasts, pulling and rolling her fingertips along taut nipples. "Don't stop… please don't stop…"
Sensing Casey was close, Olivia plunged her fingers deeper, searching for the one spot she knew would send the woman over the edge… knowing she had found it when her name was screamed. Returning her mouth to the hard nub, she swirled her tongue before pulling it into her mouth, while tapping the spot deep inside Casey.
Soft, fleshy walls clamped down on her fingers as Casey fell over the edge, her breath catching several times. Olivia continued moving her fingers and swirling her tongue to bring the younger woman crashing down once more. She slowly moved back up her body, delivering soft kisses before capturing the waiting lips of the ADA.
Casey moaned as she tasted herself on the detective's lips, finally releasing the handful of sheet and wrapping her arms tightly around, surprising her companion by flipping them over. Her body was still buzzing from the orgasm. The effects of the alcohol long since overtaken by the lust and desire coursing through their veins.
Running her hands along the damp skin, Casey followed with her mouth. Moaning at the salty sweet taste of the woman beneath her. She ran her tongue along a hard nipple before pulling it and soft flesh into her mouth, sucking as she squeezed and pulled the other nipple.
Olivia slid her hands down, fitting them around Casey's ass, pulling the woman into her, moaning as a thigh went between her legs, increasing the pressure against her center. Moving lower, Casey's fingertips drank in Olivia's skin, her tongue following everywhere her fingers touched. Leaving small, red marks as evidence of where she had been…
Sliding lower, Olivia released her grasp and laid her hands on the attorney's head, guiding her lower, applying the lightest of pressure. Both inhaled sharply as Casey's tongue ran through silky wetness. Swirling and sucking… flicking her tongue against Olivia's most sensitive spot.
Replacing her tongue with her fingers, she squeezed and rubbed while she plunged her tongue deep inside the older woman, the sweet taste overpowering her. Every plunge was met with a moan from both as a rhythm was started.
"Oh… God Casey… deeper… please go deeper…"
Circling her tongue inside once more, Casey pulled out and replaced her tongue with fingers, plunging them deep, bending her finger slightly to scrape the sensitive fleshy skin she had found. Olivia's hips jumped off the bed when fingers slid and rubbed the heated spot. The combination of tongue swirling and sucking… fingers deep inside of her proved to be too much as Olivia fell off the edge… forgetting how to breath as her body seized with pleasure. Casey never stopped, drawing out the orgasm for as long as she could. Falling with her lover when a second orgasm began immediately after the first.
Waiting for shudders to stop, she gently pulled her fingers out and moved back up the satiated body of the woman she had just shared the most intense experience of her life with. They had lost themselves in pleasure… in each other…
Collapsing beside the woman whose bed she was sharing, Casey snuggled into her side and sighed as strong arms wrapped around her. Soon the only sounds heard were quiet even breaths as sleep claimed them both.
Olivia moaned as the morning sun hit her eyes, sending thousands of nails through her pounding head. Turning away from the offending light, another object came into view as her eyes focused. Casey Novak. Sound asleep. In her bed…
Closing her eyes, the detective replayed the hazy night they had just shared. Shaking her head to focus as arms slid around and pulled her close. She turned again, smiling when she realized that Casey was still asleep. Olivia allowed herself to relax and snuggle into the ADA sharing her bed at the moment. Remembering the string of endless one night stands since Alex had disappeared from her life. No emotion. No attachment.
Most of the time, she awoke to find the conquest from the night before long gone. Sometimes they left before sleep came. And the ones that were still there when she woke up were quickly ushered out of her apartment. Those were the ones you really didn't want to stay.
But looking at the sleeping form of the lawyer, she was met with a myriad of feelings, none though, feeling the least bit like regret. Olivia couldn't remember the last time she had been the recipient of attention where her needs had been considered. Last night had been fun. And was certainly long overdue. This feels too good… was her last thought as sleep claimed her again.
Casey woke up when her brain finally realized what wasn't right about her sleep pattern. Someone was in her bed. She opened her eyes, surveying the unfamiliar surroundings. This is not my bed.
Also realizing that there was a woman sound asleep in her arms. All snuggled into her side and it was Casey's arms that were wrapped strongly around the sleeping form. Recognizing immediately the brunette, she closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. Biting her lip as the previous night's activities replayed. Seeing confirmation from the number of small, red marks that were evident on the detectives neck, shoulders, back….
Almost as if she could hear her bedmate's internal battle, Olivia opened her eyes. Realizing that modesty had long since left the room, she smiled and simply said, "Good morning."
Taking a deep breath to clear her head, Casey returned the smile and the greeting. "Good morning. Guess it's a good thing that we're both off today?"
Surprised that the ADA appeared that she didn't want to leave, Olivia nodded. "Is that okay? Do you need to go?"
"No. I mean… I can if you want me…"
Olivia untangled her arm from underneath and placed it on the soft, slightly bruised lips she had spent hours kissing the night before. "Shhhh. That's not what I'm saying. But we probably do need to talk about what happened?" Afraid of the answer, but realizing they had to be honest with each other, she quietly asked, "Regrets?"
Searching the brown, wistful eyes in front of her, Casey shook her head. "None. You?"
"None."
Both took a deep breath, and slid to put a little air space between them. Realizing a talk would go smoother if there was at least a layer of clothes between them; Olivia got out of the bed and opened a drawer, pulling out two t-shirts. Slipping one on and throwing the other to Casey, who slipped the shirt on and sat up, leaning against the headboard. Olivia couldn't help but notice the bite marks on Casey's shoulders, along her collarbone… and lower…
Olivia felt the need to say something. "Casey… about last night…"
Holding up her hand, the attorney silenced the awkward beginnings of the conversation. "Can I say something?" She waited until Olivia nodded and sat down before continuing.
"I have no misconceptions about what happened last night. This was two friends who needed comfort from another human being. So far so good?"
"Yes." Olivia took a deep breath.
"Neither one of us is ready for a relationship. I know I'm not looking for one. My job takes up too much of my time."
"Mine too."
Casey paused while thinking whether she should say what was on her mind, but decided to continue with the honesty being shared in their conversation. She was not one to play games and didn't think the brunette in her bed was either. "And you can stop me if I am overstepping, but you're not over Alex. And I don't want to be a substitute for her."
Olivia opened and closed her mouth several times. She and Alex had been so careful about keeping their relationship hidden. But honesty won out in the end. "No, I'm not. But that's not what I was doing last night Casey."
"I know Olivia." She searched for the words needed. "I feel like I've established the beginnings of a working relationship with the guys. But I've always felt like you were holding out. Maybe resenting me for taking Alex's place?"
Olivia laughed. "I'm not sure I can be accused of holding out anymore."
Laughing, Casey reached out and took the detective's hand. "That's not exactly what I meant. What happened here… changes nothing. Except maybe to start us on the road to a better working relationship?"
She looked over at the ADA and decided more was needed. "It wasn't that I resented you for taking her place. It was the fact that Alex is gone… We were very careful; neither wanted our relationship to be public. It was new and we wanted to protect it."
"I understand…" Casey cut off her thought and decided not push Olivia to talk about Alex. She sensed the older woman's hesitance to share any more information about the former ADA.
Olivia used the lull in the conversation to get her emotions in check before continuing. "What do you want from me?"
"Nothing, Olivia."
"Nothing?"
"Well…"
"Spit it out Counsellor."
"Okay. I want us to be friends and colleagues. I don't want a relationship, at least not now. But I would like to have someone I could call to go to a movie. Or lunch. Or check out a new restaurant. I'm just getting settled into the office, so I don't know that many people."
"I can do that. And maybe someone who I could call if I just needed to talk or vent about a crappy day or case. Someone I can be honest with and that I trust."
"Sounds good." Both women looked at each other in their state of undress and looked down. Neither one wanting to address the pink elephant in the room.
Olivia took a deep breath, deciding to be the brave one. Motioning her hand between the two of them, "what about this?'
"This… was very nice." Casey felt her cheeks and ears get hot. God, I haven't blushed after sex in years.
"Why Counsellor, I do believe you're blushing."
"Stop it."
Olivia squeezed the hand in hers. "I agree, it was nice. And what was needed. I'm not above needing mindless sex from time to time."
Casey expelled the breath she'd been holding. "Meaningful, but mindless sex."
"Meaningful? Why thank you Ms. Novak."
"Olivia, please, you know what I mean…" Casey smiled. God it felt good to joke with the woman she was sharing a bed with.
Studying the woman in front of her, Olivia felt herself relax even more. "Meaningful is a good word. This doesn't feel like a one night stand, nor do I want it to be. But for this to work, and us not completely ruin our professional relationship, we need rules."
Shaking her head, the attorney moved closer to the detective. "One rule. Complete honesty. No hurt feelings. No playing games. This has to be what we both want. Since we both agree that neither is looking for a personal relationship…" Casey watched as Olivia processed what she had just said.
"I agree. So if… say… hmmmm… I was to call one afternoon… wanting to partake in a little… mindless sex…?"
"Or if I were to call after a long day in court… ummmm… needing a release… uhhhh… mindless… but meaningful sex…?" Casey felt her ears get hot again. She felt like a hormonal teenager.
Trying to quiet her beating heart, Olivia laughed. "As long as it's something we both agree on. Which, judging from last night… we seem very compatible in that aspect."
"Who would've thought?"
"Indeed. I'm so bad at personal relationships. My job interferes and I have yet to meet anyone that could adapt to my crazy hours."
"Same here. And they've only gotten worse since I took the ADA's job. I've tried dating, but it only takes a couple of canceled dates… interruptions… phone calls at the worst moment… and the relationship is over before it even has a chance."
"So, we're going to give this a try?"
Casey slid closer to the brunette and wrapped her arms tightly around. "I would very much like to try…"
Olivia smiled brightly. "What are your plans for today?"
"I'm wide open. What did you have in mind?"
"Well…" the detective whispered… "We were talking about mindless sex…"
Casey smiled as she unwrapped her arms and pulled Olivia's t-shirt up, brazenly tossing it in the corner…
A few days later…
"That sounds great. Want me to swing by and pick you up or are you coming here? Okay, see you in a few."
Elliot watched as Olivia hung up the phone and then looked at her. He, along with the other detectives in the unit, had noticed her improved mood of late. It seemed like the dark cloud that had been hanging over the detective's head had diminished. "Who was that? A new love interest?'
"Please Elliot, no. Casey is coming by. She wants to try the new sandwich shop around the corner. Want to join us?"
"I'd like to, but I'm taking the afternoon off. The kids all have parent teacher conferences and I've already been told I can't miss any more of them. Raincheck?"
"Raincheck." Olivia watched as a question flickered across her partner's face. "Ask it Elliot."
"What… oh… It's just I'm glad to see you and Casey finally getting along. We were all starting to get worried." He'd been so worried that his partner would never get over Alex's leaving. And if it wasn't a new love interest, at least she now seemed to have a friend that was taking away some of her loneliness.
"She's not so bad."
Casey walked in, as the two detectives were finishing their conversation. "Ready to go?" Watching as her friend stood, she turned to Elliot. "Want to join us for lunch? I hear this new place is really good."
Elliot shook his head. "Nah, maybe another time. I have the afternoon off to take care of some family obligations."
The ADA returned her focus to Olivia as they walked out of the station. "Liz dropped by my office earlier and gave me two tickets to an outdoor concert in Central Park on Saturday afternoon. Would you like to go?"
fin