A/N:The idea for this fic came to me as most song fics do, when I was listening to the song She's out of my life by Michael Jackson. Just a short song fic in Derek's POV after he picked Addison. (What an idiot) AU at the end just to coincide with the song.

She's Out Of My Life

She's Out Of My Life
She's Out Of My Life
And I Don't Know Whether To Laugh Or Cry
I Don't Know Whether To Live Or Die
And It Cuts Like A Knife
She's Out Of My Life

Derek sat on the narrow bed of the on-call room, his thoughts making it impossible for him to sleep. Since he had picked Addison, Meredith was always on his mind. She wasn't speaking to him, he didn't blame her. He was a dick. He should have told her. He didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the ridiculousness of it all. He was planning on telling her that night at dinner and calling his lawyer first thing the next morning. But no, Addison had to show up, looking all leggy and fabulous and blow the situation out of proportion.

He wanted to do the right thing by his mother and Addison and try and forgive and forget, but the fact that Meredith was gone tore him up inside. Derek felt like somebody had plunged a knife into his heart, he almost cried whenever he thought about what he had wrecked with Meredith. And Derek shepherd was definatley not the crying type.

He figured he just had to face it. She's gone Derek, well done, he told himself.


It's Out Of My Hands
It's Out Of My Hands
To Think For Two Years She Was Here
And I Took Her For Granted I Was So Cavalier
Now The Way That It Stands
She's Out Of My Hands

That stupid vet. Derek wanted to strangle Finn Dandridge. He wanted to grab her by the shoulders and shake some sense into her, telling her not to date this moron and come back to him. But he lost the right. He was with Addison. He mentally kicked himself. He'd made the wrong decision, but it was too late now, he couldn't go back. But, oh, how he wished he could. He wished he could go and tell her how he feels, as if it isn't obvious. But he can do nothing. He can't control her. She's out of his hands.

So I've Learned That Love's Not Possession
And I've Learned That Love Won't Wait
Now I've Learned That Love Needs Expression
But I Learned Too Late

He should have told her he lover her everyday. He should have let her know how he felt about her and not just let her jump to conclusions like, "He's got his leggy an fabulous wife who looks like she's been modeling for vogue, what did he want with me? He probably just wanted some action and got stuck with a drunken mistake" as he heard her talking to Cristina the other day. If only he could go and tell her what she was thinking was wrong. If only he could tell her he still loved her. But it was too late now. "You cant live life regretting what you did, Derek, just spend it trying to make things better" his mother had told him.

She's Out Of My Life
She's Out Of My Life
Damned Indecision And Cursed Pride
Kept My Love For Her Locked Deep Inside
And It Cuts Like A Knife
She's Out Of My Life

Derek Shepherd slumped around the halls of Seattle Grace Hospital, a broken man. His now ex-wife headed back to New York with Mark and Meredith had transferred to Boston to get away. He knew he should have done things differently. Given the chance, he definatley would. But there was nothing he could do now besides hope that somebody invented a time machine sometime soon. She was out of his life.

A/N: There you go, what did you think?? Please let me know. I know I should update m other fics and I'm trying, just give me some time... okay, a lot of time.. I'll try and get some up soonish..