Author's Note: Hey guys! I was watching The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants the other day and this story popped into my head. I would've liked to dedicate this story to my good friend Twigs-N-Leaves (whose stories are, by the way, ah-mazing!) because of her new addition to her family but this turned out to be a lot sadder than I wanted it to be. This isn't exactly a story that you would read to celebrate having a baby in the family. All the same, I wrote it with her - and my best intentions - in mind but I am really, really, really sorry if this story isn't exactly your cup of tea T-N-L. While I was writing, it turned out quite different from what I was aiming for... By the way, readers will probably think that Sasuke is OOC in this (which fic is he not?) and I am aware of that.
Warning: There is the topic of suicide in this fanfic. I deeply apologize if this makes any of you readers upset or unhappy. Trust me, that was not my intention.
Disclaimer: I own neither Naruto (manga or anime) nor The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants (book or movie).
Running from the Loneliness
Throughout the preparations, the woman was crying. Her tears proved to her that she did not want to do this but her heart would not stand for more of this unimaginable punishment.
She had tried to fix her problem; she really had. From medication, to psychiatric help, to alcohol, to getting a hobby, to everything and anything else but nothing ever, ever made the pain go away; the pain of the deep sense of depression, of being pushed aside, of feeling so alone, of the absence of love in her life, of feeling useless and weak. She knew, deep down, that her actions only proved her lack of strength but she no longer cared. All she wanted was to stop hurting. And so, with a heart heavy with grief, she wrote to her loved ones.
Everyone,
Just know that I am truly sorry. I never meant for it to come to this. Do not blame yourselves for what has happened; it was I who failed.
I'm sorry that I was never strong enough.
I love you.
The pen froze over the paper. Try as she might, the woman could not find it in herself to sign her name. It would only make the note evidence that she had once existed in this village and she didn't want to be remembered; didn't want her family to experience the painful truth that the note was indeed written by her. This way, maybe they could pretend that she had never left; that she would be waiting for them when they arrived home after a long mission, greeting them with a smile, a hug, and a delightful supper. Yes. Maybe it truly was better this way.
The pen fell beside the paper. Minutes later a body fell from atop a chair, suspended by a rope collared around her neck. The woman's once beautiful eyes closed as she embraced her death and were soon covered by her unusual locks of pink.
The coffin was made from the wood of Sakura trees and was beautifully carved. Small designs decorated the sides, giving one the image of Sakura blossoms flying in the wind on a pleasant spring afternoon. The cover posed an intricate design of a large, blooming Sakura tree with the Leaf village symbol nested proudly in the tree's branches. While she had never been much of a ninja, the symbol was placed upon both her coffin and headstone by the demand of her family; they would not let her rest in shame. Flowers from the Yamanaka's shop decorated wherever there was blank nothingness and gave the gathering a sort of bright look, as though they were trying to lighten the solemn moods of the people around them. However, their beauty did little to improve the scene for the people clad in black. There was just too much pain in their hearts to notice anything else.
Among the small audience that gathered stood Team 7. Naruto Uzumaki had a very forlorn look on his face. His unusually dull blue eyes held no light to offer; no solution that would make the problem go away. Kakashi Hatake was staring at his feet, memories of his own loss and numerous unanswered questions filling his pain-stricken mind; hadn't it been enough that he had to live through his father's death? Sasuke Uchiha watched the priest as he prepared to begin the funeral and briefly wondered how many broken families that priest had met. Sasuke couldn't help but wonder if he had witnessed just as many families being created through marriage and then question if that made up for the loss of so many. Yamato stood beside his friend and comrade Ryuuan Haruno and struggled to find words or actions of comfort. He knew that the man had to be an emotional wreak even though his face betrayed no sign of grief. Yamato was torn between being impressed and concerned that Ryuuan could contain and hide his emotions so well. Sai slightly distanced himself from the others. While he was still trying to remember how to feel, he did not like the feeling of complete hopelessness that radiated from somewhere inside of him. The unnamed emotion made him feel powerless and made him extremely uncomfortable; he did not know how to deal with such negativity. And Sakura Haruno… she was dead. No expression daunted her pale face, no shine reflected off of her unique hair and her eyes were just like her body; numb, cold, closed off to any sense of feeling.
"Dearly beloved," The funeral had begun. "We are gathered here today to mourn the loss of Sasuna Haruno, beloved mother and wife to both Ryuuan and Sakura Haruno. The pain of grief is never easy to carry…"
Sakura watched the priest's words bring tears to the eyes of many people gathered around her. While his words rang true and tragic, she knew that they would not bring her mother back. Not all the words in the world, not all the techniques in the country, not all the strength in the universe; none of it would do any good. Her mother was dead. And for all of the medical knowledge that she possessed, for all the lives she had ever saved in Konoha's hospital, for all the suffering that she had cured in the lives of so many ninja, Sakura could do nothing. Except watch; as she always had done. Watch from the sidelines while everyone else did everything. Sakura's eyes became even voider of emotion as she drifted into self-pity. She had never wanted to do everything but if only she could do something. She remembered thinking that becoming a medical ninja would give her that ability. How foolish she had been. And now it was too late to turn around; she was back to just watching.
Sakura's brain registered that the ceremony was over when the priest offered her his greatest sympathies and she saw her team face her with various expressions. She felt her dad grab her shoulder, as if offering support. The pinkette covered her father's large hand with her own, assuring him that she was alright. Ryuuan nodded once and then quickly vanished from the scene. Other guests quickly followed his example and scattered, leaving Sakura only with her five teammates.
"Sakura," Naruto started, "You okay?"
"Yeah." If Sakura could find it within herself to care, she would have been concerned about the lack of emotion in her voice; she sounded so… robotic. Her teammates quickly grew more concerned.
"Do you want to grab a bite to eat?" Kakashi asked.
"No." Team 7's concern grew even more. Sakura had never been prone to answering with one word.
"Not even Ichiraku's?" Naruto tried to tempt her.
Sakura didn't even bother voicing an answer and merely shook her head. She watched with blank eyes as her friends exchanged numerous glances and quickly understood that she would not escape their pity anytime soon. But that fact somewhat infuriated her. What had she ever done to deserve their pity? Nothing. She had done nothing because she was always stuck watching. And they chose now to show sympathy? Only after her bi-polar mother committed suicide? Sakura's mood darkened with her thoughts and she blatantly ignored all invites to spend time with her team. Well, if they didn't want her to be upset, they didn't need to hang around. Without so much as a warning, Sakura turned on her heel and ran in the direction of the village's gates ignoring the cries of her comrades calling her back.
Sakura had started breathing heavily around her seventeenth lap around the village walls. By her twenty-ninth she took notice of the burning sensation in her legs. At her forty-fifth, she lost all feeling and was running on pure power of mind.
Upon reaching the gates she had continued her running by concentrating her chakra and speeding along the side of the village walls, despite her two favorite boys chasing after her. The deafening sound of the wind as she rushed through it cut off any sounds of her loud-mouthed teammate yelling all sorts of threats and profanities at her while her unusually sharp reflexes and natural instincts kept her from being captured by her much swifter - and much handsomer - comrade. The two teenagers soon ceased in their pursuit, relieved to find out that their rash kunoichi was not planning to escape the village and settled instead for resting near the village gates and counting Sakura's laps. When they reached thirty-six they became worried. The fierce Haruno had not once faltered in her step or her speed and they knew that a human body could only take so much pressure in one round. They also knew that she was pushing her body's limits. Never in their lives had Sasuke and Naruto seen Sakura run with such focus and power. In honest truth, this side of her scared them. They had always thought they knew how to deal with Sakura in any of her moods but… they had never seen this side of Sakura before; the side that was the perfect definition of a true ninja; emotionless, heartless, ruthless, reckless, powerful, unstoppable, unheard of, untamed, unimaginable, dangerous. Neither man ever thought that their loveable, kind and gentle friend had even had that side to her.
Sasuke and Naruto had just decided to force Sakura to stop running when her blurred form suddenly fell from the wall just thirty meters from the main gates. Instantly filled with concern for their partner, Sasuke and Naruto sprinted to where their pink-haired kunoichi had fallen. They found her, against a tree, with her hands glowing green over her legs. She was drenched in sweat and seemed to have trouble getting enough air into her body. Her teammates fled to her side right away and tried to help her get more comfortable in any way they could.
After several panicked minutes of rushed questions and breathless answers, the three ninja had finally settled down and were resting against the same tree. Sakura was seated in between her boys with Sasuke on her left and Naruto on her right. Her breath had – more or less – returned to normal, her heartbeat had slowed to a safe pace and her body was slowly getting less damp thanks to a blessed wind but she was far from happy. In fact, she was far from a lot of emotions though she was not in the same dull, blank state that she had been in during the funeral. Sakura would have said that she felt… thoughtful more than anything else. But she was also worried that Sasuke and Naruto would try and get her to talk about it. She wasn't sure if she wanted to. Or maybe she didn't know if she had the strength.
Sure enough, a minute later, Naruto tried to get her to open up. "So… d'you wanna talk about it?"
Sakura shrugged her shoulders and continued to stare into the distance. "I dunno."
"Well I think you'd feel better. Besides, Sasuke probably knows what you're going through better than anybody; who better to talk to?" Naruto tried to reason.
Sakura shook her head. "He doesn't."
This confused Naruto. "What d'you mean he doesn't? Loss of family is practically his specialty Sak-"
"She's right Naruto." interjected a certain Uchiha.
Surprised, Naruto let out an intelligent, "Huh?"
Sasuke sighed and lowered his head. He almost felt ashamed that he couldn't help one of his precious persons. "I know nothing of willing death."
"No. You don't." Sakura spat angrily. She was surprised how quickly she became upset. It wasn't fair that she had suddenly been thrown into a boat all alone. She was never ready for tragedy like this to happen; whenever something went wrong in her life there was always someone there who had experienced it before and made it easier for her to get through it. But she was by herself this time, with no one to help her. "You know nothing about the guilt; that if maybe I spent more time with her or didn't work so hard at the hospital or said 'I love you' to her each day like I used to or declined a mission to celebrate her birthday with her and dad or I had gotten home from our mission sooner that maybe, just maybe I could have prevented her from dying. You don't know the pain of knowing that she died willingly, that she took herself away from me, and you don't know the confusion of wondering why. The pain of thinking that you weren't a good enough daughter or you were the one who pushed her over the edge or you didn't see it coming or she was embarrassed or ashamed of you or that she thought you were a horrible excuse for a human. You. Know. Nothing." Exhausted with her pain-filled monologue, Sakura used Sasuke's shoulder to support her upper body and tried to hold in tears while she whispered, "Nothing at all…"
Unsure of what he was doing, but sure that Sakura needed some sort of comfort, Sasuke gripped her left hand with his right, brushed hair away from her face with the other and leaned his head onto hers to speak softly to her. So softly that Naruto had to strain his ears to hear what his best friend was saying.
"I know the loneliness." A shuddered gasp escaped Sakura's lips but she did not interrupt what he was saying. "I know the pain of feeling completely hollow; as if the only thing holding you together is your skin. I know the sensation of your heart refusing to beat but your body refusing to die. I know the loss of direction when you realize that there is nowhere to go because no matter which way you choose, she won't be there. I know the fear that you won't make it out alive or sane. I know that loneliness." Sakura hiccupped with the strain of keeping her tears at bay. Sasuke gently stroked her cheek with his fingers and whispered so quietly to her that Naruto couldn't hear him anymore. "You don't have to be that alone Sakura; not if you don't want to."
"Do you promise?" Sakura whispered just as quietly as the Uchiha.
Sasuke lightly nudged her head with his. "I promise."
Sakura subtlety moved her head to kiss his cheek in a silent 'thank you'. On the way, their lips met in a chaste, accidental, un-puckered brush that sent small sparks through each of their bodies. Neither ninja let Naruto know that anything other than Sakura's grateful gesture happened between them; he didn't need to know. It was something to be kept between them, between Sasuke and Sakura.
And - as Sakura connected her free hand with Naruto's and let him rub her back and shoulder in a comforting manner – the tears finally fell.