This is a short fic about the minute pause in episode 24.
***
A Minute Pause
by Michael Borrelli (michael.borrelli@monmouth.edu)
***
I'm holding him in my hand, lightly but firmly. Kaworu, I don't
understand. Why do I have to chose? Why am I the one who will have to kill
you?
I must kill you, though. You are the enemy, merely an Angel.
You're only here to destroy us, to betray me. You betrayed me! You're no better than my father. He left me and
only brought me here so that he could use me. And now you want to abandon
me.
But you're not leaving me. You're asking me to kill you. You say
that if I don't that we will all die. How can I kill you though? You're my
friend. You told me that I was your friend, and now you expect me to kill
you?
Are you really a friend though? Are you really human at all, or
were you just using me before? Do you really care at all or was it all part
of your plan?
No, you do care. I remember how you spoke to me. How embarrassed I
was when you told me that you loved me. But it was sincere, all of it.
You were the first person to tell me that. And yet, now your asking me to
kill you.
Why couldn't it have been different? Why couldn't Rei have been
sent after you? She could do it. She could kill if you asked her to. I'm
too weak. I don't want to have to decide. I don't want to have to kill
you. You deserve to live. You deserve to live! I'm nothing. The only thing
I do well is pilot Evangelion Unit 01, and I hate doing that. I hate having to
kill things. I don't want to pilot it, but I don't have a choice. It's the
only thing I do well, if I don't do that then I am nothing.
When I do pilot the Evangelion, then I am something. Everyone likes
me because I pilot it. I have friends at school. Even my father said he
was proud of me. If I wasn't third children, I wouldn't have met you.
But which is better, to have found you, a true friend, only to have
to kill you, or to have gone on without a friend?
I want to run away. I want to be alone. I don't want to have to
make this choice. I don't want to have to kill you. I don't want to kill
the only person who told me that they loved me.
He isn't human though. He's only an Angel, and Angels are my enemy.
I have to kill him, because he's an Angel, and Angels are the enemy.
What if he wasn't just an Angel though? What if he's also human?
Can I kill him then? Can I kill him just so that I can be allowed to live
longer?
Can I not kill him even though it will mean everyone else will die
if I don't? Does it really matter that he's my friend?
Where are you, Asuka!? Ayanami! Toji! Kensuke! Misato! Ritsuko!
Kaji! ...Father... Why am I left here, alone, to decide this?
I know what they would tell me. Kaworu is my enemy. He's only an
Angel, and the only use I have is to destroy the Angels. That's the only
way I can have my father's respect.
Isn't he human though? Am I really going to kill my friend though? A
defenseless boy?
No, he's not human! He's an Angel!
Human as well as an Angel. He cares about me.
He wants to die though. He's asked me to destroy him. He asked me
to kill him. Why shouldn't I listen? Of course I'm only thinking that so
that I can blame him if I do it, though. He told me to, so I did. I don't
have a choice though. I have to kill him. I must! There is no other way.
I have to destroy him because he's an Angel.
Why couldn't it have been a different way, Kaworu? Why do we have
to be enemies? I don't want to kill you.
Looking down at him, I whisper to him, "I like you too. I'm sorry,"
and squeeze my hand, not looking down at it.
I hate myself. I never want to pilot this ever again.
***
A Minute Pause
by Michael Borrelli (michael.borrelli@monmouth.edu)
***
I'm holding him in my hand, lightly but firmly. Kaworu, I don't
understand. Why do I have to chose? Why am I the one who will have to kill
you?
I must kill you, though. You are the enemy, merely an Angel.
You're only here to destroy us, to betray me. You betrayed me! You're no better than my father. He left me and
only brought me here so that he could use me. And now you want to abandon
me.
But you're not leaving me. You're asking me to kill you. You say
that if I don't that we will all die. How can I kill you though? You're my
friend. You told me that I was your friend, and now you expect me to kill
you?
Are you really a friend though? Are you really human at all, or
were you just using me before? Do you really care at all or was it all part
of your plan?
No, you do care. I remember how you spoke to me. How embarrassed I
was when you told me that you loved me. But it was sincere, all of it.
You were the first person to tell me that. And yet, now your asking me to
kill you.
Why couldn't it have been different? Why couldn't Rei have been
sent after you? She could do it. She could kill if you asked her to. I'm
too weak. I don't want to have to decide. I don't want to have to kill
you. You deserve to live. You deserve to live! I'm nothing. The only thing
I do well is pilot Evangelion Unit 01, and I hate doing that. I hate having to
kill things. I don't want to pilot it, but I don't have a choice. It's the
only thing I do well, if I don't do that then I am nothing.
When I do pilot the Evangelion, then I am something. Everyone likes
me because I pilot it. I have friends at school. Even my father said he
was proud of me. If I wasn't third children, I wouldn't have met you.
But which is better, to have found you, a true friend, only to have
to kill you, or to have gone on without a friend?
I want to run away. I want to be alone. I don't want to have to
make this choice. I don't want to have to kill you. I don't want to kill
the only person who told me that they loved me.
He isn't human though. He's only an Angel, and Angels are my enemy.
I have to kill him, because he's an Angel, and Angels are the enemy.
What if he wasn't just an Angel though? What if he's also human?
Can I kill him then? Can I kill him just so that I can be allowed to live
longer?
Can I not kill him even though it will mean everyone else will die
if I don't? Does it really matter that he's my friend?
Where are you, Asuka!? Ayanami! Toji! Kensuke! Misato! Ritsuko!
Kaji! ...Father... Why am I left here, alone, to decide this?
I know what they would tell me. Kaworu is my enemy. He's only an
Angel, and the only use I have is to destroy the Angels. That's the only
way I can have my father's respect.
Isn't he human though? Am I really going to kill my friend though? A
defenseless boy?
No, he's not human! He's an Angel!
Human as well as an Angel. He cares about me.
He wants to die though. He's asked me to destroy him. He asked me
to kill him. Why shouldn't I listen? Of course I'm only thinking that so
that I can blame him if I do it, though. He told me to, so I did. I don't
have a choice though. I have to kill him. I must! There is no other way.
I have to destroy him because he's an Angel.
Why couldn't it have been a different way, Kaworu? Why do we have
to be enemies? I don't want to kill you.
Looking down at him, I whisper to him, "I like you too. I'm sorry,"
and squeeze my hand, not looking down at it.
I hate myself. I never want to pilot this ever again.