Today, it was snowing since Serena went to Spain for some I dunno reasons and I had nothing else to do. I went for a walk with Dorota at the Central Park. It was freezing, just like my feelings feeling forsaken more than ever. After Carter left, I was having so much fun so much fun with Nate. It's not like I had many since getting rejected by Yale. We may not have a drama or electricity. But you know what we did have?
Fun? Dorota was so smart knowing what I wanted to say.
"Yes. Dorota. Fun. Nate is so nice. Being around him weren't hard, it didn't hurt…until now." My voice was getting lower and lower , thoughts sinking deep back into our childhood memories.
"Maybe you did have for sure." Dorota was being incredibly nice today.
"True. Feeding the duck soathes me. Give me my loaf." No drama. No quarrels. No bantering. Just soothing.
When I turned around, some handsome blond was standing in front of me, hands in the pocket awaiting. Wasn't that Nate? My whole body froze in air. Wasn't things going bad enough already?
"Mr. Nate called and asked to wait for you at your favourite spot where you had your first kiss. " Dorota's voice rang a bell in my head. It sound like a signal, it was a relief. I slowly approached Nate, seeing him handsomely wearing a smile just like old times.
"You asked Dorota to bring me here?" I asked, uncertain.
"You left so quickly last night. All I want to tell you is ……." His voice trailed off, looking lovingly deep into my eyes. "I want to be with you just not like that." With that, I could say nothing more. For so long, I finally felt wanted again. My father left me. Chuck hooked up with the nemesis Brooklyn. My mother was out somewhere. Serena was flying to Spain. I felt safe, relieved. What more do I need? I couldn't bear looking into his eyes, knowing that I would unveil my love for some Mother Chucker. So I lowered my head, embracing the delicate touch from Nate. It felt so good, like some sunshine finally shining through the gloomy sky. I smiled for the relief. Then for safety. Then for his sweetness. He pulled me closer and we kissed softly on the lips. It was comfortable. Nothing more. Nothing less.
I looked into his green eyes. So what if it doesn't have fireworks? So what if it doesn't involve the profession of "Three words, Eight letters, say it and I am yours.". Life should never have been that complicated, I need comfort. I need security. I need someone who can tell me "I love you" right where I need him to say. I need someone who can take good care of me. So what if my blood is not boiling at least I don't have to pull myself to the porcelain bowl and binge myself every night after he left for Bangkok. No. I have had enough.
I stopped my heart-to-heart talk with my little Ms. Judgement. And we kissed again.