Have Faith
"Come on, I'll take you home," said Grissom as his hand slipped into hers. She said nothing as she stood and followed like she had for years. She slid into the passenger seat and suddenly Sara felt an overwhelming sense of melancholy as she felt something come to an end.
The silence continued between them as he drove toward her apartment. As soon as the vehicle stopped, she tried to scurry away but his hand once again found hers.
"We need to talk," he urged.
It was not what she wanted nor needed at the moment but she sat there and faced him. It was the least she could do.
"Look, it's not like I…"
"You left with Nick and Warrick," he began.
She was surprised that he knew that.
"We were celebrating Nick's almost promotion," she sneered.
She regretted it the moment she said it.
The silence continued until the sound of the car door opening made him look up at her.
"It won't happen again," she confessed.
"Two weeks," he ordered. "You're going to take two weeks…see a PEAP counselor…report back to me when…"
She was already out of the seat.
She stood there with the door open.
"Sara, I have to report this to personnel. It will help if I've already…"
"Reprimanded me?" she asked between gulps of air trying miserably to keep from falling apart.
"You need a break," he replied.
"Fine."
She started to shut the door when he called out to her.
"You won't be able to return until your PEAP counselor okays it."
There was no response except the slamming of the door.
He quickly got out and hurried after her.
"Sara!"
"I get it!"
"I don't think you understand how serious this is," he warned.
"I could have lost my job tonight," she announced.
They were both quiet for a moment.
"I guess you do," he said.
"Did it ever occur to you that I don't care? I came to Vegas because…"
She stopped.
It was useless.
She would never be able to reach him.
She was letting go.
She felt a sharp pain in her chest as she struggled with her next words.
"I'm done…with the job, with Vegas, with…you."
His hand snaked out and grabbed her.
"You don't mean that," he whispered.
His words made her take a long look at him.
"What's the matter Griss? Afraid I won't come running back again? I won't! I'm done!"
"You….uhm can't….uhm…leave your job….Vegas," he exclaimed.
"You're probably right…not until I can find another job…since you didn't even bother to ask about the last declaration, I'll take it to mean you don't even care!"
He felt as if he had been slapped.
He glanced up and she was gone.
I don't understand…
What happened?
Why is she so angry?
Her leave request was sitting on his desk when he arrived.
He did not know when she had come and placed it there.
Four weeks…
She's requesting four weeks…
That's more than personnel would have made her take…
He leaned back in his chair and cursed inwardly.
"You don't look well," announced Brass as he stood in the doorway.
He glanced down at the request form.
He signed it quickly and tossed in the out basket.
"How's Sara?" asked Brass.
"She's taking some time off," he said without looking up.
"Personnel made her take two weeks. Didn't they?" asked Brass as he sat down.
"She's taking four weeks," mumbled Grissom quietly.
"Four weeks?"
Grissom looked up.
"She really isn't okay, is she? You never would have demanded that she take…"
"I didn't demand…she requested the time off," replied Grissom.
Brass stared at him.
"What the hell did you do to her? No one takes that much time off unless they're looking for another job!"
Grissom said nothing.
The same thought crossed his mind.
There was nothing he could do.
"What are you going to do?" asked Brass.
"I signed the leave request," said Grissom.
"You stupid bastard. She's finally giving up. She's tried to get you to come out of that shell all these years and now she's moving on."
Grissom grabbed for the assignments as he stood. "She needs the time off and I'm giving it to her."
"Did you even try? Did you tell her how much you care about her? You do…we all know you…"
Grissom said nothing as he stepped out of his office.
"You're a stupid son of …"
Grissom was already down the hall.
Brass shook his head.
The others were quiet as he handed out assignments.
News had spread through the office about the near DUI.
"Sara is going to be taking some time off," Grissom said finally.
"Griss, we had no idea," began Nick.
"Yeah, she seemed fine," added Warrick.
"How long?" asked Greg.
"Four weeks," answered Grissom.
The room got deafly quiet.
Grissom stood and left.
"I've never heard of personnel forcing anyone to take four weeks," whispered Catherine.
"Maybe Grissom is forcing her to take the time," explained Warrick. "Sara hasn't had a break in a long time."
"You know, I knew the Linley Parker case had gotten to her…I just didn't think…" Catherine stopped when Grissom stuck his head into the doorway.
"You've got assignments," he yelled. "I suggest you get to work."
"He's going to be a bear for the next four weeks," muttered Greg.
"Yeah, well, I don't know about the rest of you but I'm going to check in on her," declared Nick.
"Count me in," said Greg.
"Me too," chimed in Warrick.
"You know, maybe you guys should give her a week," cautioned Catherine.
"Cat may be right," said Warrick.
"One week and then I'm checking in on her," warned Nick.
Sara sat on the bar stool and glanced at the clock. She had become a recluse. She had not left the apartment since the night he had brought her home. It was not that she had wanted to confine herself to the apartment but she could not seem to stop the flow of tears that threatened each time she ventured toward the door.
She pushed the food away as she stood and began clearing the counter.
Move on, Sara…
Start looking for another job…
Maybe in another town or San Francisco…
She glanced around the small apartment.
This had been home for the last five years.
The tears returned.
She gulped back wave after wave.
It's been five days…
It has to stop…
He glanced toward the apartment.
It had been five days since he had driven her home and each night before shift he had parked in her apartment lot just to glance up at the building.
He stared at her car.
It remained in the same spot.
He wondered if it had even been moved.
She hasn't seen a PEAP counselor…
What if something is wrong with her?
He had requested a call from her PEAP counselor the moment she began counseling sessions. When he did not receive a call, he checked. Sara had made no appointments yet. He got out and examined her vehicle. He looked for any signs that it had been moved. He wasn't sure. He stared at her vehicle and then at the apartment.
He was standing there in front of the door within minutes.
"What do I say?" he asked himself out loud.
Ask about the counseling…
He tapped on the door and was surprised when she opened it.
"I've been waiting for you to start counseling," he blurted out.
She wanted to slam the door in his face but she stood there and said nothing.
"Can I come in?" he asked.
She didn't see a reason for the visit.
She had no intention of seeing a PEAP counselor.
In fact, she had spent the last hour typing up her resignation letter.
She just needed another job and then she could submit it.
He stood there and stared at her.
She swung the door wide and he entered.
He heard the door shut behind him and for the first time, he felt that his life depended on what he was about to do.
He glanced over her shoulder and could see a suitcase sitting beside the couch.
"Getting away for a few days?" he asked as his stomach twisted into knots.
"Leaving," she replied.
He swallowed hard.
"It'll be good for you to get away for awhile," he said. "You can start the counseling when you return."
She said nothing.
"Sara…"
"I should go or I'm going to be late," she seethed.
"Catching a flight?" he asked.
She did not respond.
"I could drive you," he offered.
"No, thanks."
He stared down at his feet.
"Have a good trip…be safe," he mumbled as he turned to leave.
She opened the door but quickly shut it before he could escape.
She decided she was not going to let him just disappear so easily.
"Why are you here?" she asked irritated.
"I told you…you haven't started counseling yet," he stammered.
"You could have phoned," she miffed.
"Yes, I could have but I felt it was something that should be done in person," he admitted.
"Fine. You did it. Feel better?" she yelled.
"Why are you so angry?" he asked.
"Why am I angry? Why do you think I'm so angry? God, Grissom do you have to ask? " she asked between gulps of tears.
"Sara…"
"Go away!" she yelled as she opened the door and stood there.
He took a step but then he pushed the door shut.
It was forceful and it closed with a thud.
She glared at him.
His hand snaked out and grabbed her bringing her body against his.
His lips devoured hers and for a moment she found herself retreating.
For the first time, Gil Grissom did not retreat.
With each backward step, he followed until she was pinned against the door. His tongue demanded entrance and she let him as he plunged deeper and deeper until she gasped for air. Her hands came up and rested on his chest.
"Counseling…next week," he whispered.
"No."
He cursed out loud.
Blue eyes locked with brown.
"What do you want from me?" he asked.
"I don't want anything!" she declared.
Her hands dropped to her side.
He stood there as his breathing matched hers.
He did not know what to do.
She stepped aside, folding her arms about herself.
He was free to leave.
She was no longer blocking the exit.
He couldn't leave.
He knew that as soon he did, she would be leaving and he did not have a clue as to where she was going or when she would return.
"I'll make the appointment," he offered.
"No."
"Sara!"
His hands grasped her face and he wiped away her tears.
"What do you want from me?" she asked.
"I want…you," he said in a ragged voice.
"I'm here…right here, Grissom…for now," she warned.
He understood the threat.
"I'll make the appointment for tomorrow," he said. "Go."
He glanced down at her suitcase.
He grabbed her into his arms and kissed her once more.
All of the longing and desire from the last five years were poured into that single kiss.
It was powerful and yet gentle and soft.
"Don't leave," he whispered.
He was gone before she could react.
She slid down against the door into a crumpled mess.
She had been prepared to leave.
She had mustered what little strength and dignity she had left making the arrangements to return to San Francisco to explore other options.
He had to do this…
It's what you wanted…
You wanted him to give you a reason…
He just did…
What if he regrets it?
She remembered another time she had submitted a leave of absence. He had sat there and scoffed at her when she told she was going to explore the federal government but then he had said the worse thing to her.
"Sara, the lab needs you."
She had stormed out of there, intent to pack her things that night and leave Vegas for good. She was not prepared to receive the plant. She glanced over in the corner of the room at it.
All I have to show for five years…
A plant…
A book…
A kiss…
She gulped back a sob.
Leave Sara….
Grab the suitcase and leave…
Don't look back…
She stared at the clock as the hands made their way around it.
She did not budge.
Her eyes shifted from the clock to the suitcase.
Go Sara…
Go now…
Don't stay…
He kissed me…
He asked me not to leave…
She grabbed a tennis shoe that was near the door and tossed it at the clock.
It was a direct hit and the clock crashed to the floor.
She sat there and cried.
He sat in the Denali and waited.
Don't leave Sara…
Don't leave…
Go to counseling tomorrow…
Please…
He closed his eyes.
He was tired.
In the last five days, he had slept little.
He could think about very little except Sara.
He worried about her.
She had seemed very pale and fragile.
He jumped when his phone went off.
"Grissom."
"There's a 419…a young boy," said Catherine. "Want me to cover it?"
"No, I'll be there in fifteen," he huffed.
"Gil?"
"Yeah?"
"The media is going to have a field day with this one."
"Why?"
"The boy was wearing a robe….a Catholic robe."
"Grissom?"
"Uhm yeah…I'm on my way," he replied.
Catherine said nothing as he arrived on the scene and immediately examined the body.
Similar characteristics…
Not after all these years…
It was in California…
Not here…
"Not far from the church," commented Brass.
"Have you spoken to anyone at the church?" asked Grissom.
"I thought I would let you since you're…"
"I'm not a Catholic anymore," he barked.
"Yeah, well, you know what they say. Once a…"
Grissom did not wait for him to finish as he headed off down the street on foot.
"What's wrong with him?" asked Brass to Catherine.
"I think he feels bad about forcing Sara to take time off," she whispered.
"I thought it was the other way around," replied Brass.
Catherine looked shocked.
"Sara wanted four weeks off?"
Brass said nothing as he went after Grissom on foot.
He stepped inside the church and stared at the altar. He had not stepped foot in a Catholic church ever since he had decided he no longer wished to fall to his knees. He had denounced his religion and had never looked back. His job had brought him back here once or twice but he never truly looked before. It was a beautiful church. Old Latin tumbled about inside his head and for a moment he thought they might spill forth from his mouth but clenched his jaw tight refusing to utter words of the past.
For a moment he felt an overwhelming sense of loss.
"Can I help you?" came a soft voice from behind.
"Yes, I'm…" Grissom turned and came face to face with that past.
Note from author:
Sorry it has taken me so long to post but I have been busy and well…still disgusted with CSI. The ghost hunts did not help but I am back with no scheduled trips for the rest of the year. That means I will be posting this story and perhaps another along with a Christmas story before the end of the year.
Take care,
Penny