thank u to unshoddenshipper tumblr for convincing me to write this, tuckroxysprite tumblr for cheering me on, and everyone who dealt with me yelling "HOW DO I GET THE PENIS IN" when i got writer's block

written partly on the computer and mostly on mobile. it's been a long time since ive written smut, much less smut i was proud of. you can find me on tumblr at agentchurch for now

Today was the day Bitters was finally going to fuck Matthews.

He hoped.

The two men had been friends since the day they were born, quite literally. Their mothers had been best friends and insisted on raising the boys together, through thick and thin.

Bitters had always known he'd loved Matthews as more than a friend, even if he hadn't realized it then. They were just as inseparable as their mothers, going so far as to cut open their hands and press the wounds together to become blood brothers.

(Bitters still had a scar on his palm from the ritual, and, when he got lonely, sad, or just anxious, he'd trace the outline until he fell asleep, wondering if Matthews could feel him.)

Of course, Matthews wasn't the brightest in the bunch when it came to the obvious. He'd fallen head over heels for another captain, only to find out he was in love with his teammate and never had any romantic or sexual intentions for the private.

That's what brought the two men to a shitty cafe in Armonia, Matthews face planting the table as he nursed a hangover while Bitters munched on French toast sticks.

"How much did I have to drink last night?" the private groaned. "I feel like I got run over by an elephant."

"About a drink and a half before you passed out," he supplied. "I had to carry your ass back to the barracks."

"Should've just left me there. Left me there to rot in my own stupidity. I'll never fall in love again!"

"That's what you said about Charlie in fifth grade."

"How was I supposed to know she wasn't into guys?! Did you SEEN the amount of makeup she owned?"

"You know full well she liked to take care of her appearance before she transitioned."

Matthews let out a loud groan and fell back against the booth. "Okay, I get it. I have bad judgement and I'm gonna die a virgin. Happy?"

There it was again. That word that made shivers run down Bitters' back. His friend had been out for as long as he could remember; it was never a big deal for anyone, seeing as he's never kept it a secret.

Bitters was a different case altogether, however. Only a select few knew he was gay, those of whom who'd had the privilege of meeting the man late at night in a dive bar's bathroom stall. It wasn't the most romantic setting, but it was easy to imagine it was Matthews fucking him from behind, and not some stranger.

"Bro, you okay? You were blanking out there for a minute. Is something on your mind?"

Matthews' voice startled the lieutenant back to reality and the half hard erection in his pants. It was now or never, Antoine.

"I can help you with that." Shit. Fuck. He fucked up.

"What?" the other man snorted. "The fuck are you talking about?"

Bitters' cheeks darkened. "Help you. With. Your virginity."

The laughter on Matthews' lips died. "Wait. What?"

He couldn't answer, much less look him in the eye.

"Are you… asking me to have sex with you?"

Nod nod.

"And, all this time, we could've been having sex?"

Nod nod nod.

"Oh my god, I'm a fucking idiot."

"Yup," Bitters said, popping the P for emphasis.

Matthews nearly flipped the table over trying to get to his wallet and pay for their food. After leaving an exorbitant tip, the private practically yanked Bitters out of his seat and into the nearest Warthog, speeding down the street (and nearly through some pedestrians) until finding a love hotel.

While the bumbling Matthews gave the clerk their information and got a room, Bitters took a minute to calm his queasy stomach and sit down.

"What do you mean, only the penthouse is available?!" Matthews screeched, voice rising several octaves. "Why do you have a penthouse? What the fuck is it even for?!"

The clerk let out an exhausted sigh. "People get into some crazy shit here, sir. Are you gonna take it or not?"

Matthews looked back at Bitters for approval, who gave him a, "why the fuck not," shrug in return. "Fine. We'll take it."

Finally, Matthews got the key from the clerk and grabbed a hold of his hand, dragging him into the nearby elevator.

From what he'd seen in most pornos and movies, elevators were the place where couples made out or, if they were lucky, got a blowjob. This was clearly not one of those situations.

If anything, the slow-moving elevator only made Matthews begin to regret being so hasty to have sex with him, if the look on his face or the space between them was anything to go by. He needed to say something to help make the other man comfortable again.

"Hey. Did it hurt?"

Matthews jumped at the sudden break in silence and gave him a confused look. "Did what hurt? That rash on my–?"

"Oh my god, ew, no. Please, I don't need to hear about it again. I meant did it hurt when you fell from heaven, dumbass."

"Oh." Matthews blushed and rubbed his neck. "I, uh, don't know… I guess?"

"Holy shit, no wonder you've never had a boyfriend. You're terrible at this." Bitters shook his head. "I'm trying to lighten the mood a bit; you look like you're about to faint."

"I guess I'm a little nervous–"

"A little? You're like a deer in the headlights, bro. Just relax; we don't have to do this if you don't want to."

That seemed to help quite a bit. Matthews smiled weakly at him and took a hold of his hand, squeezing it as he stepped a bit closer. "I'll be okay. Don't worry, bro."

The elevator dinged open, revealing a surprisingly well-decorated apartment before them, if one looked past the BDSM devices and machines littered around the place.

"Last chance."

Instead of responding, Matthews turned to Bitters and closed the space between them, lips lingering just before his. He could still see the reluctance in his best friend's eyes as he glanced back and forth from his lips, keeping them from taking the final step. Keeping him from finally tasting those sweet lips he'd lusted after for so long.

He couldn't take it any longer. Bitters grabbed the back of Matthew's head and pulled them together, their teeth clashing before their teeth. He didn't give the other man any time to recover from the sensation, immediately snaking his tongue into his open lips.

Matthews groaned softly, wrapping his arms around Bitter's shoulders. After what felt like a lifetime, they finally pulled back for air.

"Is that a pen in your pocket, or are you just excited to see me?" Bitters whispered, sliding a meaty hand down Matthew's chest and grabbing his erection through his pants.

"Oh my fucking god, bro, if you don't fuck me right now, I think I'm gonna cream myself," Matthews panted back, thrusting into his hand.

"Whoa dude. Don't want to end our fun early." Bitters laughed heartily, noting the shiver that ran through his friend. "Come on, lets put that bed to use."

Bitters led Matthews to the bedroom by the hand, pulling off his clothes as soon as they entered. Matthews stood in the doorway, entranced by the strip show happening before him. He still couldn't believe this was happening.

"Is something wrong? Why aren't you undressing?"

Bitters' voice broke him from his reverie and pulled him back to reality. Matthews muttered an apology and stripped, staring at the other man when he wasn't looking. Antoine was basically a younger version of their captain, from head to toe. It was honestly startling sometimes.

While he was undressing, Bitters had begun to raid the drawers, flinging sex toys around the room as he searched for condoms and lube. It proved more difficult than anticipated, and the floor was littered with dildos and other unmentionables strewn about the floor before he came up successful.

"Swiss fuckin' cheese, man, you'd think they'd make these easier to find," Bitters muttered to himself, sitting at the foot of the bed and tearing open the condom package.

As he rolled on the condom, Matthews came to a revelation.

"Is… is that a normal size for a penis?"

This struck a nerve with him, it seemed. Antoine scowled up at him, squeezing lube into his palm. "It's not the size that matters, it's what you do with it."

Matthews threw up his hands in defense. "Hey man, I ain't judgin', just pointing out the obvious." He paused and rubbed his arm. "So… uh… You remember how I'm a virgin?"

Bitters glanced up at him with a raised eyebrow, slowly stroking himself. "Yeah? I'll go easy on you, bro."

"Okay, yeah, but… I need to tell you something else."

The look of shame told Bitters all he needed to know. "Oh my god. You've never masturbated, have you?"

"I don't want my hands to fall off!"

"What the fuck?! Dude, no, that's not even possible! Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"It happened to my uncle!"

"YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE AN UNCLE! YOUR PARENTS DIDN'T HAVE ANY BROTHERS!"

Matthews threw himself onto the bed in a fit. "Okay! Yeah! I'm a virgin in more ways than one and I'm looking for excuses to not fuck my best friend, even though I desperately want to; what more do you want from me?!"

Bitters climbed up the bed and on top of him, kissing him softly. "You know what I want, bro? I want you to be comfortable. I'd do anything for you, and you know that. I love you man."

"Really?" Matthews whispered, blushing. "You mean that?"

"Yeah, man. I'd even take a–"

"No. You love me?"

Antoine blinked, processing the question. He sighed through his nose, running a hand through Matthews' hair. "Since we were kids. Since before I can remember. I've always loved you, bro."

Matthews grinned, tears stinging at his eyes. "I love you too, bro. Let's fuckin' do this."

With one last, lingering kiss, Bitters moved back between Matthews' legs, swinging his legs onto his shoulders. Squeezing a bit of lube onto his hand, he pressed a finger against Matthews' entrance.

"Christ dude, relax a little. It's gonna hurt worse if you're so tense," Bitters muttered, rubbing circles into his thigh as he worked his finger in.

"It feels weird and I'm nervous!" Matthews complained, squirming beneath him. "Can't you hurry it up?"

"Unless you want it to feel worse, let me do this."

Thanks to Matthews' near constant squirming, fidgeting, and general tenseness, it took a lot longer than it should have for Bitters to open him enough to insert a second finger. He was starting to get used to the sensation by then, or just wore himself out, and stayed mostly still for him.

That didn't stop him from whimpering when Bitters began scissoring him open, however. He knew the other man would tease him about it later, but, right now, all Matthews could think about was how amazing it felt, and how it would feel when Bitters was finally inside him.

"Last chance, bro," the lieutenant whispered, lining himself up. "Maybe if you leave now, you might still find a unicorn."

"Shut the fuck up, asshole, and just fuck me already," Matthews groaned.

Bitters nodded, pushing himself in with a groan. "Oh my god, you're so tight," he gasped, grabbing hold of Matthews' hips to get deeper. "The world has lost its last virgin."

"Oh my GOD, shut the fuck up already!" he whimpered. Antoine had been right; it wasn't about size, it was about how you used it. And boy, even if he wasn't doing anything, he was using it well.

"I'd say I want to hear you beg for it, but I think I've teased you enough already."

Matthews opened his mouth to curse him out some more, but cut himself off with a groan as Bitters finally, /finally/, began to thrust.

"How's that feel, buddy?" the other man panted in Matthews' ear, digging his nails into his thighs. "Feel as good for you as it does for me?"

All Matthews could do was cry out in reply, arching his back when Bitters hit that sweet spot in his ass. The bed was shaking under them, squeaking with every thrust, and it only made them hotter.

"A- Antoine, fuck, bro… I'm so fuckin' close… I need to cum…"

"Hold it in, dude… I want to suck you off before you do."

Oh boy, that image certainly didn't do any favors for either of them. Bitters grabbed the base

By now, Bitters had begun a brutal pace, with far more resolve and effort than he'd ever shown in training, or anything that didn't involve food. Matthews had phased out from the pleasure, until he realized Bitters was saying something.

"... always thought about you. Even with other men. Imagined it was you inside me," Antoine was grunting. Matthews' face went bright red. Was he saying what he thought he was? "Jerked of near every night to you. I was so ready to be your slut, dude... But now you're mine, and I'm gonna fuck your tight ass so hard you'll never be able to take anyone else. I'm gonna make you in my slut..."

Holy shit, that shouldn't have been as hot as it was.

"I wanna be your slut, Antoine," Matthews whispered, letting out a scream when the other man hit his prostate with an incredible amount of strength.

"Say it again. Say my name, you little whore. I want to hear it on your lips when I cum."

"Oh god, oh fuck! Antoine- Antoine, please!"

Matthews couldn't help but admit he was disappointed that he was a bit disappointed in the fact he couldn't have Bitters cum inside him without the condom, but the feeling of his cock pulsing inside him was enough to force a jet of precum forth, signaling that anymore teasing and he might cum for sure.

Thankfully, Bitters took his cue. Once he'd dumped the used condom with a toss into the trashcan, the lieutenant shimmied downwards, his head in Matthews' lap.

It took no time whatsoever for the private to cum. As soon as Bitters had his lips around the head, the dam burst open and shot down his throat faster than he could keep up, quite a bit of it ending up on his chin.

After that ordeal, Matthews had basically passed out with a grin on his face. Bitters couldn't help but feel he'd overdone it, but the other man was happy, so he was too. He climbed up the bed to Matthews' side, pulled the sheets over them, and fell asleep to his best friend's warmth against him.