Inspired by the song Perfect by Simple Plan =)
Setting- After Brian told his father he is gay. Season 1 episode 15 I think
Disclaimer- I don't own QAF, Never Have, Never Will, no matter how much I wish I did =)
He just stared at me. "I'm gay" I had said. He stopped. My heart was racing, even though I didn't show it. Even on his death bed I wouldn't put it past his to hit me or something. He was facing the other way. I wanted him to look at me, but when he finally did, I knew he angry. Furious. "You pick a hell of a time to tell me you're a fairy. As if I don't have enough to deal with. Jeeze." I knew it. I shouldn't have told him. Last time I ever fucking listen to Debbie. "You're the one that should be dying instead of me." These words pushed me to the edge. I grabbed him, and was about to punch him, but since he was going to die anyway, I punched the box next to his head. "But I'm not dying you selfish old prick. You are" I said as I left.
I made it back to the loft. Justin was still there. "Where'd you go?" He asked me innocently. "I'm going to have a shower" I mumbled. "Ok" said Justin. He got up. "Alone" I said. He looked disappointed but I didn't care. I was about to breakdown and I was not doing it in front of him. I made it to the shower and let the tears fall. They mixed with the water. I thought about my father, and how, when I was younger, all I wanted to do was to make him proud. But whatever I did, he would usually just ignore me, and sometimes hit me. Sometimes he did worse. I tried to be brave, but when I was younger, hell, even now, I still wanted to make him proud. I struggled to cry quietly, I didn't want Justin to hear me.
I got out of the shower and dried my face with the towel. It was obvious I was had been crying. My eyes were red, my cheeks were flushed, and my expression was sad. If I went straight to bed, Justin wouldn't notice. I walked to my bed and got in it. Justin noticed me. Shit. "Brian? It's an early night for you now isn't it?" He laughed. "Shouldn't you be at Debbie's?" I snapped. Unfortunately I didn't sound as ruthless as I had anticipated. "Brian?" Question Justin. I heard his soft footsteps coming towards the bed. Fuck. I buried my head under the covers. "Fuck off" I said weakly. He grabbed the covers and yanked the off me. I pinched the bridge of my nose. "What part of fuck off don't you get?" I asked him. "Brian! What's wrong? What happened" he was worried. "Nothing!" I tried to assure him. He climbed into bed next to me and pulled the covers over us. I was about to push him out but had second thoughts. Just this once he can stay here, for me.
I started crying again when I thought Justin was asleep. I always wanted a relationship with my father like some of my friends from school. They would go out on Sundays with their dad's while I and Michael spent the day together. Even then I had to leave early cause Mikey would like to spend some time with his mother. Then I would go home and face jack and Joan and Clair all by myself. Shit. I tried my hardest to impress dad, and he never cared at all. Justin sat up. "Don't tell me nothing is wrong Brian." He said. He cupped my face in his hand. I was going to smack it away, but I loved the feeling of comfort that overwhelmed me. I broke down in his arms. I was thinking about all those times I was so proud of something I had done, and rushed home to show dad, and he was drunk, and didn't give a shit. I can't believe he used to be my hero. I cried, harder, if that was possible. Justin had no idea what to. He pulled me towards him and I cried as hard as ever into his shoulder. His hand ran through my hair. A while later I had finally stopped crying, I laughed weakly. "Umm… I'm sorry you probably didn't need to see that" yeah, I know I said sorry, but I had just been crying for ages so who gives? "Bri… I don't care… what's wrong?" "I...my dad… umm…i told him im gay… and he told me that i should be the one dying" my voice cracked. "What? Your own father said that? I mean, I know he was low… but not that low!" Exclaimed Justin. "Shh" I said. I was exhausted and I wanted to get to sleep. I buried myself in the covers. I was freezing. Justin wriggled over to me. We both drifted off to sleep.
I woke to the vision of Debbie standing at the end of the bed, staring at me. "What are you doing Deb?" I asked her "and how did you get in?" I asked mer. "I was coming to find Justin, and I stole his key" she said. I was going to wake you, but it looks like you had a rough night." She said seriously. "And I don't mean fucking wise" she said. I looked at her confused. I looked down at Justin and noticed his tearstained shirt, and decided that my eyes must look pretty bloodshot. "Deb… he said that I should be the one dying! All I ever wanted to do was make him proud, and I never got the fucking chance! And when I did make him proud, he just used me for money. Jeeze, that's all I ever was worth, the money I gave him! My mother couldn't care less" I was yelling and I had woken Justin up. "Hey Deb" he groaned. He put his hand on my arm. "Honey" said Debbie. "No, just leave it! I don't give a shit. Someone should tell him that I'm sorry I can't be perfect. I'm sorry that I was fucking born! 'It would be so much easier for him and the rest of my family if I never existed anyway." More tears were falling and I blinked them away angrily. "I should just fucking kill myself to make him happy… that will make him proud" I said spitefully. I looked at Justin and saw he had tears in his eyes. "Don't… even say that Brian" he said. I looked at him. "Brian! Please…" he pleaded. His first tear fell. "I just want to make him proud" I said weakly. I'm never going to be good enough for him, for his perfect world. It's too late; I can't go back and make different choices to make him happy. "Brian… I'm proud of you" said Debbie. "I care for you like my own son!" She said. I smiled weakly "thanks Debbie" she ran a hand through my hair. "Its ok honey" she said softly. I wiped away a couple of tears. "Thank you" I said quietly. Justin sniffed. "Aww honey" said Debbie. She wiped away some of his tears. "Now get out of bed and get ready for school" she said.
PleASe ReVIeW =)