All Characters belong to the great J.K Rowling, nothing is mine except the story ;)

The Things about Us

-Hunter

Chapter 1: The Thing about James

There are many many things I would like to say to you

But I've lost my way and lost my world

"The Weight of My Words"

-Kings of Convenience

Despite what everyone thought, James Potter really wasn't what everyone thought he was.

Proud Gryffindor he was, brave, well that was definitely true; smart in certain departments, accurate, and that winning personality that was his signature trait. James Potter was practically the epitome of the Gryffindor house.

Or so they thought.

James didn't hate Potions class as much as everyone thought he did, he wasn't in anyway a Gryffindor hero like everyone thought he was (Because come on, it was just that one time that he saved that first year Hufflepuff from drowning in the lake, and he'd been scared shitless that the giant squid would get him, and yes there actually was a giant squid in the lake), and of course, James Potter really wasn't wanking about Lily Evans , in fact, he could care less about that girl.

It's almost funny how that last one came about; he didn't even know how that one had started, because all he remembers is being nice to her that one time in first year during lunch. Even though she didn't respond in any way that could be thought as friendly. It was about pumpkin juice or something and big mouth Sirius just had to start gossiping like a regular girl and so that myth was born. He really made Sirius regret ever saying anything.

Truth of it was James Potter really wasn't what everyone thought he was, he never ever found Lily remotely attractive but that was maybe because he never liked her at all, but that was just common jealousy.

Which brings us to the biggest surprise about James Potter, but then again, if you really had the brains and saw the signs of the day to day alterations, saw the ways James' eyes shone with something that wasn't hate, something that wasn't dislike. If you saw that James Potter was acting, saw that he didn't mean the things he did, didn't mean the things he said, you would see that James Potter did not hate Severus Snape.

It was plain and simple; James Potter didn't hate Severus Snape at all. No it was actually much more than that, there were so many levels and layers and history between them, there were so many unspoken things, there were so many unheard one sided conversations in between it all. James felt more than that, he felt more than he'd ever felt on anything else when it came to Severus.

James was deeply in love with him.

It made sense and didn't make sense at the same time.

Going back to his first memory of the platform, nine and three quarters, he remembered his parents sending him off onto the Hogwarts express. Goodbyes had been said, his dad told him not to worry and that he'd definitely do him proud, his mother was fighting back tears at the sight of her baby going off to school so soon. It was like he was just born yesterday and now he was eleven and going off to school.

After the farewell hugs and kisses, he was on the train with his trunk full of all the necessities for this term. It was exciting to say the least and absolutely nerve-wracking too, feelings that shouldn't have been mixed together.

It was still early as he looked and found the train quite empty, parents already gone; he decided to find a suitable compartment in the back. As he passed each compartment he met a few students that uttered friendly 'hello's to him. James wasn't at all worried about his people skills; he was often told that he had a winning personality and he had friends back at home to prove this was quite true.

After finding the perfect compartment, he put down his things and sat there, thinking to himself about this whole new wizarding experience he was about to have.

Before long, he heard some laughter and movement in the next compartment coming closer, then his compartment door opened and he found himself in the presence of two other first year boys, no less excited than he was. One of them of had short black hair, and wore robes that looked quite expensive, maybe he was from those rich wizarding families. Whatever one might think of him looking at his robes would be erased when one looked at his smile, he could probably brighten up a whole room with that smile. The other boy wasn't as well off from the judge of his attire, but he too had kind features, he smiled almost shyly, his brown hair sweeping his forehead at the same time.

"Hello", said the dark haired one almost anxiously, he then continued "Do you mind if we sit with you?"

"Sure, mate", was the reply. James was certain he'd just made new friends. They dumped their trunks and shrug off their cloaks and took their seats next to him.

"Oh and the name's Black, Sirius Black", the dark haired boy smirked and shook James' hands.

"And this is a weird kid I met just now", he added as the other boy gave his hand as well, "Lupus or Rupus I think", annoying the brown haired boy as if they had gone through that several times.

"It's Remus Lupin", he sighed, "Nice to meet you as well", giving James a big smile. It warmed him; they could become his potential best friends.

"I'm James Potter, pleased to meet you".

James was happy so far; he encountered two boys that he found were really interesting people. He found out they had a lot in common, like their love for Quidditch, the fact that they all thought they were going to be Gryffindor's (which they did become) except for Sirius' and James' undying hatred for the singer Wilhelmina Warbeck which was not reciprocated by Remus because she happened to be Remus' favorite singer and that actually caused an argument.

"She can sing, James, you have to admit that, all anybody does nowadays is spell their voice to sound nice, but she actually has natural talent unlike a lot of people and her songs mean something", Remus argued ,annoyed at the blind ignorance of his friends.

"Mate, her songs are gross, about feelings and girls and stuff, it's gross, urgh" James' said with mock disgust, earning a good laugh from Sirius.

"I told you, didn't I? You have horrible taste in music, Wilhelmina of all people? I'd rather listen to Grindelwald himself sing"

And the argument went on and on until Remus was upset and James offered to get him something from the food trolley a couple of compartments back, the train was almost full with students and ready to go now so without a doubt he could go get something now, Remus accepted this as an apology and continued talking to Sirius as James searched for the food trolley.

He met quite the number of students this time around, talking excitedly, sharing jokes, he also admired the upper years, how tall they were, how educated they already were, how he could look up to them, how they seemed so sophisticated without even doing anything.

James wanted to be that type of person.

Getting pumpkin juice from the food trolley was more boring than one would think; still it was something he hadn't done before, so he savored the moment, in all its tediousness.

Then the train started.

'Well, it's happening now, I suppose', he thought to himself.

He entered a compartment that he thought was previously empty, busy counting the galleons he had from the change at the food trolley. By accident he dropped one of them, it bounced on the floor and rolled around and came to a stop at someone's black boot ,but before he could pick it up, James saw a pale hand reaching for it and picking it up.

And when James looked up, and to this day, he could say the same, he saw the saddest eyes he'd ever encountered in his entire life. Those dark brown eyes followed by hollow cheeks, a straight nose and accompanied by the somewhat haunted expression of the boy. He had shoulder length black hair, as he moved, some dark locks fell to his left eye, hiding it, and the boy had his lips parted as if to say something, but quickly thought better of it. His fingers, long and elegant almost brushed James' as he placed the galleon in his hand. Upon further inspection one would notice that he didn't have scruffy boyish features; he had something else, something hard to explain. But the boy was a deadly pale color as if he'd lived in dungeons his entire life and the contrast of that against his black hair and black robes made him look ethereal in a deathly way.

So beautiful, so dead.

The boy turned to the window and James' found himself appreciating how the light hit his face.

Then realizing he was staring, he strode out without a thank you.

James felt heavier.

He was much quieter after he got back, just after handing his friends their pumpkin juice. Sirius and Remus noticed the change his mood but they didn't mind, they quieted down as well. Then after a while, thought they should rest a bit during this trip and leave James alone to think.

They didn't take long to fall asleep.

James wondered just how far Scotland was.

He studied his companions for a while. He could hear Sirius' soft snoring as he watched his friends' sleeping faces, studying them, looking for something, but he didn't find it. He turned to enjoy the view outside.

With his head resting against the window, young James thought of many things.

"…and then Arthur tripped him and his cauldron completely tipped onto Malfoy's head and turned the git's hair purple, I swear to God, he looked like he was about to cry, best potions class ever!", said Sirius loudly snapping him out of his reminiscence. There was a lot of laughter at the Gryffindor table at Sirius' ramblings, which he found he barely listened to nowadays.

There were a lot of things he didn't do lately. But he would hid all his problems under his mask, it was best that no one knew anything at all, all they would do was pester him with questions and give him their pitying faces. James never wanted any pity, he loathed pity.

But when the time came and people actually talked to James, made jokes with him, studied with him, he would put on that act. That act that made everyone think he was okay.

A lot of things didn't excite him anymore, Quidditch bored him now, what with Gryffindor always winning, hanging around the Gryffindor tower playing chess or Exploding Snaps in the common room had no appeal what so ever, Hogsmeade weekends were almost as boring as any other day, pranking people seemed so immature, which was why Sirius did it almost daily. Even the thought of life after school made him nauseous, oh how he was asked the same question over and over and over.

What are you going to do after Hogwarts?

I don't know, he would say.

But then someone else would come back the next day and the next day and the next day and the next day asking the same fucking question and he would give the same fucking answer over and over and over again.

The only thing that kept him going besides the constant mothering of Remus and Sirius and the fact that he was breathing was a certain black haired Slytherin.

Severus Snape.

Thinking about Severus was a daily occurrence, hourly, minutely, secondly if you wanted specifics.

Thinking about Severus would get his heart beating for the right reason and not for the fact that it just beat.

Thinking about Severus made James almost happy.

James needed something to live for, and Severus was that 'something'.

Severus was always that something.

James would sometimes think that he should have been told what to expect when dealing with 'Love', six years of dealing with this 'Love' was exhausting, it was a rigorous journey and even more so when you had to deal with it head on every day.

Love hurt, James would think.

It would deliberately let you fall for someone who would never love you back, let you feel a rock in your stomach when you see them, let you worry about how you look when they see you, let you wonder if they ever thought about you, if you ever mattered enough, if they ever dreamt of you, let you wonder how it would feel to be smiled at, let you daydream about how it would feel to kiss them, hold them, ruffle their hair, look into their eyes and say you love them.

James sighed long and deep.

Love hurt, James would think.

You feel it when they ignore you as if you don't matter, you feel it when you hurt them for the first time and they looked so scared and hopeless and instead of bullying them around you want to pounce on them and hug them and kiss them and hold them and whisper sweet nothings in their ears, you feel it when you do the exact opposite, you feel it when you're not acting out your feelings, you feel it when others makes fun of them, you feel it when you have to laugh at them too, you feel it when they look at you and you know they hate you so much for what you did and still do, you feel it when you make them feel like they're nothing.

But they're not nothing, not like you, no, they are everything.

Your everything.

But you,

You are nothing but a coward.

James Potter was nothing but a coward.

He looked up from his plate, stopping the staring contest he was having with it, he didn't eat anything on didn't interest him when he was in such moods. These moods would hit him every now and then, but lately more often than he would like ever since coming back from the holidays.

Maybe because it was his sixth year and in two years he'd be leaving Hogwarts.

'Imagine that, six years already?' He thought to himself.

It seemed like it was just yesterday when he stepped onto the Hogwarts Express for the first time, arguing with Remus and Sirius about Wilhelmina Warbeck. She was still loathed by James and Sirius despite all the years of hanging out with Remus.

James had to stifle a laugh at that.

And of course dropping a galleon on a certain someone's foot.

Tilting his head and resting one side of his face on his palm, he searched the Slytherin table for a familiar dark head. And there he was, reading when he should've been eating.

James chuckled this time and it was real.

Sometimes James really missed him, missed the daily confrontations, missed how Severus would look at him even if it his eyes were clouded with hate. He would pretend that it wasn't hate and maybe even something more, he would hope, the hope he knew he shouldn't have, the hope didn't deserve to have.

Severus died once.

That cool summer night during fifth year.

He was flying over the Shrieking Shack and he wasn't even supposed to be out that late, one wonders how many detentions he could've gotten if he had been caught by the teachers or prefects.

It was something that he did then, something that reminded him that he was alive.

Then he heard the scream. Going against all rational thought, James headed in the direction of the noise.

When he finally saw a shape on the dark he jumped onto the ground before his broom even landed. At first he didn't know what it was laid on the ground a distance away from him.

It was too dark to see anything, and all he could see was the outline of a something, something that looked like a body. He took slow steady steps, getting closer to figuring what it was. It had to be a human body now, the shape was just perfect.

Two steps away from the body and James had stopped, he'd not even taken a good look at what was at his feet when he'd dropped to knees next to the crumpled body and started crying.

It was Severus.

There on the floor of the ground was Severus Snape bleeding everywhere. He had a huge gash that went across his neck that was dripping blood onto his face.

Dark red blood against white skin, as if it'd been painted on him.

But it wasn't.

James caressed his face for the first and last time.

James stopped thinking, he'd never felt so weak, he'd never felt so devastated, he'd never felt this heart –broken. He cried and cried and cried.

There on the floor of the forest ground laid Severus Snape, face shining in the moonlight, dead. So young was he, only fifteen.

'So beautiful, so dead.' he remembered himself thinking that, not so long ago.

How ironic?

James held up Severus' body to his own, holding him like it was the last time he'd ever hold anything he'd ever loved again.

And he did, burying his face in Severus' black hair that was now silvery in the moonlight. He'd always wanted to bury his face in that hair and now he'd gotten what he wanted.

"I nev-er even tol- tol-told you" James coughed through sobs, still holding him ever so close.

"Se-ve-rus, wh-y, yo-u can't die, y- y- you can't di-e, please- plea-se, pleas-e,

I did-'t e-e- even t-ell you I never- nev-er- even told you th-at, I, that I, tha-"

He just stopped trying, he owed it to the both of them to live with this, and he wouldn't do this now.

James didn't know how much time had passed when he felt it.

He felt a faint exhale of breath on his cheek, slowly he put his ear to Severus' heart praying he wasn't hallucinating, at first he didn't hear anything and wanted to go back to grieving when he heard a pulse, it was so faint, but it was there. He wasn't dead.

Severus wasn't dead.

James gently carried the dark haired boy and mounted the broom with him. It wasn't going to be easy, but he had to get to the infirmary as fast as possible. Positioning them so he had wrapped Severus by the waist and rest his body against James', face on his shoulder, James really hoped that the broom would hold their weight or both of them would die tonight.

When they arrived at the castle, James made so much noise that by the time he got to the infirmary, he'd already woken up the short, snouty faced healer, Mrs. Datruacty. The healer didn't ask any questions, she just grabbed Severus from James and told him to go and get some sleep and that she'd inform him when Mr. Snape was ready for visitors.

As much as James wanted to protest and demand he stay there, he knew he couldn't do that.

What if Severus woke up and thought James did it to him? What if his friends looked for him and found James there? What if they found out that James actually loved Severus? What if?

He couldn't do anything but go, but he wasn't going to go back to the tower, unshrinking the invisibility cloak he had brought to the Quidditch pitch, he put it on and sat on the floor.

With his head leaning against the wall, young James thought of many things.

James fell into a troubled sleep.

He didn't notice a Lily Evans entering the infirmary door, he didn't feel his cloak falling off and revealing his face, he didn't hear a closing door and a quiet 'Leviosa', he didn't feel himself being put on his bed.

James woke up the next morning, feeling disoriented, wondering how he ended up in his bed because he wa-

Severus.

He jumped out of the bed, not even noticing that he was wearing the same bloodied shirt from yesterday and slammed the dorms door open and went down the stairs so fast, he found himself on the floor all flustered, confused, and scared.

He didn't immediately hear the shouting that was going on, he didn't immediately realize that it was Remus shouting and he didn't immediately realize it was Sirius that Remus was shouting at.

That was the day that James found out that his best friend Remus for five years was a werewolf. It was also the day that he found out that Sirius had lured Severus into the The Shrieking Shack to where the Whomping Willows was, knowing that it was a full moon that night. He wanted Severus to see werewolf Remus and get scared against his wit. Apparently it was payback for an insult that was made earlier during the day.

James remembered very clearly that he punched Sirius so hard he broke his jaw and didn't talk to him for weeks. He didn't punch Remus because he knew that he was also a victim of Sirius' prank, but he was still hurt by the fact that Remus didn't tell him that he was a werewolf and told Sirius and look where that got them now? So he ignored both of them for a month.

Sirius and Remus were called to the headmaster's office that morning. They both saw Severus in the infirmary two weeks later and apologized.

James didn't.

Everything was different after that.

The week after was summer holiday and it had been a month since they came back and the still hadn't crossed paths.

Still James hoped. He hoped despite it all.

He missed Severus.

To be honest, James would rather have Severus in any way than in no way at all. And he wasn't ashamed to admit that.

Severus was always reading, you see, so you could probably find him in the library if he wasn't helping the potions professor, Professor Wundt with some potions seeing how he was the professor's potions assistant. Severus loved potions.

As he looked down to scribble something on his parchment, locks of dark hair fell to his face, hiding his left eye.

Sometimes James would wonder how it felt if he tucked them behind his and caressed Severus' face once more.

And at that moment as if it were a spell, Severus tucked the dark locks behind his ear, never looking up from the table, busy with his book and parchment.

James closed his eyes and sighed.

He wanted someone who would never want him back.