A Love Affair with Pain
By Tanya Reed
Notes: Here is my episode addition for To Live and Die in LA. I know a lot of people have been doing them, but I haven't seen any exactly like my take on it yet. This is a very short story, possibly my shortest ever, and it seems as if the title is actually longer than the story. Anyway, thanks to Nicole for saying that she wanted something interesting in her email, thanks to Beth for the beta work, and thanks to Mark for encouraging me to continue.
Disclaimer: Castle doesn't belong to me. I'm making no money from this story.
XXX
A feeling of sadness settled over Kate as she folded Royce's letter and slipped it into her pocket. Her friend's words echoed in her head, filling her mind. Thoughts and feelings that she usually fought and buried clamored for her attention.
Beside her, Castle slept peacefully. Her eyes traveled over his face, taking in how like a little boy he looked. Long lashes brushed his cheeks, and a sweet little half smile had settled on his face.
As she watched him, she wished she could just reach over and take his hand. He was so close, and it would be so easy. But it would be so hard too. There was a wall between them, one she had constructed herself. It was invisible, but it was tough, and, to her, it was almost impossible to break through. The night before, she had tried.
Heat rushed over Kate's face as she thought about how close she had come to loving him. If he had been just a second slower going to his room or she had been a second faster after she had made her decision to tear down the wall, things would have been different, but he hadn't and she hadn't. She could have gone to him afterwards. His door was right there within reach. She had been tempted. She had been even closer to giving in than she had been to killing Ganz. Before she could take a step, she had run into the wall. Fear froze her, and she could not break free.
Sighing, her eyes traced his hand the way her fingers longed to. A soft smile came to her face as she thought about the way it would feel in hers. His skin would be warm and soft. Her hands were rougher, but his were stronger, and his would engulf hers and make her feel...
Kate shook her head sharply, retreating from thoughts of touching and feeling. They had no place in her space behind the wall. For now, Castle was her friend, possibly the best friend she'd ever had, but still just her friend. Royce's words continued to whisper in her mind, but she tucked them away, just as she had the letter and her feelings, to examine at another time.
She leaned back in the comfortable seat and closed her eyes. Maybe she'd be able to get some sleep.
What happened in LA would stay in LA, she decided, and they were headed home to New York.