Clue To Fatal Murder

It was a cold night, and the party that had defeated Sephiroth years ago had gathered again for their annual Christmas Party at the Shinra Mansion. Snow was gently falling down from the sky, and the howling wind blew strong against the windows of the dark house. Taking a break from the drunken noise of the boys in the party, Yuffie slid quietly into the drawing room, puffing heavily on a cigarette. As she gazed around the room in search of an ashtray, she espied something strange behind the sofa, on the floor... as she moved closer, she realised what it was... the dead body of Aeris.

CHAPTER 1: SUSPICIONS

"This is a sad day for all of us." Cloud began. They were all gathered in the dining room. "Aeris is dead, and this was a time for celebration." Cloud sat at the head of the table, beraggled and shaken at the news of Aeris' death.

"I think that's more reason for celebration than most things.." Tifa chuckled.

"Do you mind?!" Yuffie cried, "Our friend is dead!"

"Correction!" Cloud shouted, banging on the table for effect. "Aeris Gainsborough was MURDERED!"

Everyone around the table gasped in shock, even Cloud... at the stupidity of the others.

"Murdered?!" Barret hollered, placing his pint glass of whiskey on the table.

"Well, yes? How else do you think she died?" Cloud asked in disbelief.

"Well..." Tifa started. "She did have a lot of sexual partners. I just thought that maybe it caught up with her."

"No way, Tifa, she didn't die of some disease. I thought it was her cocaine addiction." Yuffie sulked, gazing at the lit end of a cigarette.

"You are all wrong. A five pound note was stuck up her nose to throw you off the scent, but Aeris was brutally murdered!" Cloud sighed.

"How do you know?"

"She was stabbed repeatedly and shot in the head. Did you not even look at her, Yuffie?"

"Well, I, uh.. was taken aback by the awful pink dress she wears."

"Ugh... well, in any case, Aeris was murdered as she slipt away for the powder-room, and one of us is the killer!"

Everyone around the table gasped again. Vincent stood up from the table and walked around it quietly.

"What yer doin', Vince?" Cid asked, trying to remain conscious from the bottle of whiskey he and Barret shared.

"I'm thinking. Cloud is right, you know. The doors to this house are sealed at night by Rufus' Jr.'s orders, to prevent any late-night monster killings. So one of us had to have killed her."

"Couldn't someone have snuck inside?" Red XIII asked. "It's a probability."

"NO!" Vincent screamed into his face. He backed off immediately, laughing as if he were embarrased. "I mean, the security system Shinra NUEVA set up last year would have gone off, wouldn't it?"

"You're right..." Tifa trembled. "But,... who would have killed her? She was our friend!"

"Oh, don't start, Tifa!" Yuffie spat. "You hated her!"

"Me?! What about you, little brat! You always said you'd like to just... cut,... into that ugly... fucking bitch face one day."

"Yeah, like I'd ever actually do that!"

"Well she was stabbed... and you have a four-pointed knife thingy at your side!"

"It's called a shuriken, you dumb-arse."

"Ah! So you admit it!" Tifa yelled, shooting up from her chair, her breasts knocking her wine glass over Yuffie.

"You stupid bitch! You've soaked me! And of course I didn't do it!"

"Well, let me help you with that little spillage then!" Tifa smirked, ripping off Yuffie's top.

"Oh, thank God!" Barret cried, "She's wearing a bra."

Everyone looked at him.

"I mean... cor, what knockers!"

"You bitch, Tifa! That was Chanel!"

"That was CHARITY!" Tifa laughed.

Yuffie jumped onto the table and ripped off Tifa's clothes. In an instant they were both rolling around on the floor, slapping and biting. Vincent, in a break of character, picked up the wine bottle and poured it all over the pair, hooting and hollering as he did so. Tifa and Yuffie stopped the fight for a second and gazed up at him.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Yuffie cried.

"Oh.. er!! Expelling the demons!" he stammered, nervously.