DON'T. OWN. ANYTHING.
"Annabeth, we've got to stop this," begged Rachel Dare. "It's beginning to affect me. I get all of these urges to go up and start kissing Percy, even though I know you're his girlfriend. And I'm the Oracle! The ORACLE!"
Annabeth considered the girl in front of her. Rachel was probably the last ally that she had left. The Mary Sues had started showing up a few weeks ago, and many of the original campers had already started to go OOC. Will Solace had sighted Thalia kissing Nico, just before Will himself started dating around fifty different girls at once. Drew and the rest of the Aphrodite girls had started dressing like sluts, wearing too much makeup, and altogether acting like they were daughters of…whoever the goddess of harlots was rather than daughters of Aphrodite. All of the boys in the Aphrodite Cabin had mysteriously gone missing (although Annabeth wasn't sure how much they'd be missed, they'd been altogether forgettable in every way).
"You're right, Rachel," said Annabeth. "But I don't see how. Most of them have amazing powers. We'd probably die trying to kill them off."
"Better to die then to live like this!" Rachel exclaimed. "I can't take this anymore. I saw a few of them walking around with cell phones. Their hair changes every other day."
"Well…"
"One of them claims to be the head counselor to the Athena Cabin!"
Annabeth looked at Rachel stone facedly. "Alright. How do we kill them?"
Rachel shrugged. "Beats me. I was hoping that you would know, being the daughter of Athena and all."
"Gee, I've never thought about it. You know, of all the things in my life, the one I regret most is not knowing how to kill a Sue," said Annabeth sarcastically.
"Maybe we could push them through the plot holes," Rachel suggested.
"There are too many of them for that," Annabeth contradicted. "I think that we should only kill a few of them. The author can kill off the rest of them in their sleep, or send them to fight in the Battle of Hogwarts. She should have fun with that."
"Sounds good," said Rachel. "But one problem. They'll just keep coming back. How do we stop them?"
"Why don't we make a guide about what not to do? People who actually care about the quality of their stories might pay attention to that," Annabeth suggested.
Rachel looked at Annabeth, an uncharacteristic glint in her eye. "And so it begins. Tomorrow, we begin our crusade to rid Camp Half-Blood—and the world—of the dreaded Sue!"
"Sure," agreed Annabeth. "But can you not do that? It's creepy."
"Don't blame me," said Rachel. "The author obviously ran out of things to say for this chapter and wants to move the plot along."
"That makes sense," said Annabeth. "See ya tomorrow."
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