Disclaimer: Hold on, let me look in the mirror real fast…no, I'm not anymore Diane Duane than I was five minutes ago. -sigh-
1.)
"Hello," I said.
From the look in his eyes I might as well have shot an arrow through his heart. Well, what he sees is what he gets, and he has no right to complain. I don't think I'm being cold. My tone of voice isn't particularly cold. It's not exactly warm and welcoming either, but what did he expect? For me to forgive him over night? Maybe at one time, it would have been that easy, or easier, at least. But not anymore, not now that this had become something so much bigger then what he did and what he didn't do to right it afterward. No, the truth of the matter is that it's just too late for him to go back. If he can't handle that that's his problem.
I'm sure he expected that if he made it out of his little stunt alive I'd come running into his arms. That I'd appreciate what he'd done, that I'd be happy, grateful…I don't think so. I hope he enjoyed his time away, because it's the last bit of rest he's going to get for a while. Until he gives up on me and leaves, at any rate, which it seems won't be for a while. Oh, well. He can't keep this balancing act up for long. I'll just have to wait him out.
"Hello," he said. "Did you sleep well?"
"Yes, wonderfully," I said.
It was a lie and he knew it. Wizards aren't supposed to do that, I knew. Part of me was amazed I had kept my wizardry for this long. Wizardry does not live in the unwilling soul. Sure, I was a willing soul, or more like a soul desperately clinging to its wizardry. I didn't know where I would be without it, without other people's problems to throw myself into, to be able to solve the way I can't my own, and without access to the motherboard and the mobiles. But surely there must be some clause that states wizardry will not live in the soul which has changed so much it is no longer the sort that deserves it in the first place. "Wizardry does not live in the selfish, lying, empty soul" sounds about right. The Powers must be disgusted by me by now. Or maybe, just maybe, they're on my side. Maybe they understand. If so they're the only ones. They probably still wouldn't appreciate me lying, anyway. But what harm could lying about how well I slept have done, anyway? Would it make me suddenly well rested? I'll take my chances.
"I certainly hope so, you've been looking like you needed it," he said.
There was a time when such a comment would send me flying off the handle, or at the very least I'd flash one of my famous the-hell-with-you smiles, seething inside. But now it just goes over my head. We're living in too different realities and the fact that he doesn't even realize it is enough to make everything he says meaningless.
"Have you had breakfast?" he asked.
"I'm not hungry," I said.
His expression darkened slightly but for the most part his face retained his mask of indifference.
"You said that yesterday at dinner," he said, his tone carefully not showing any concern, as if it were those most natural thing in the world to notice and comment on.
"I haven't been in the mood to eat much lately," I said honestly.
"You should really eat more," he said, guise beginning to slip.
I shrugged, "Perhaps, but I don't."
And I turned to leave.
"Dairine," he said.
I didn't turn around.
"Dairine," he said again.
His voice was firmer that time, his tone almost commanding, but I still made no move to show I heard him.
"Dairine," he said loudly, and the word seemed to fill the room and rebound off the walls, coming at me from every direction.
I didn't blink.
He walked over to me swiftly and took my arm, stopping me and turning me around. His face was calm, but his eyes showed me everything I needed to know. In them there was anger, but hidden behind that was something like fear, and behind that something that I didn't have time to decipher because he kissed me.
He kissed me.
The impression I got, unsurprisingly, was of the sun. A bright, golden orange filled my vision and a roaring sounded in my ears. Heat, power, radiance; the sensations washed over me one after another, forming a whole that was purely Roshaun. I felt warmth seeping into my body, and for a moment my frozen heart seemed to thaw. Then he pulled away, and, quick as a flash, icy shackles re-clamped around my heart.
The connection faded, but the moment before it had I got a fleeting since of what he was feeling. He finally got it. He had known I was mad at him but he hadn't really understood…and now he did. I guess he'd gotten as deep a look into my mind as I had into his. Well, maybe he'd leave me alone now.
I walked away. He didn't try to stop me, just stood where he was, still trying to process this new information. There was a time when to have confused him so thoroughly would have made me extremely pleased. But that time had long passed.
AN: I don't know if it's that good…should I even continue? I might end up just taking it down…
Review, please! Feedback of any kind is appreciated. Even just a "good" "bad" or "s'alright" would make my day :)