Discretion
Amano Ginji is very rarely prone to fits of self-flagellating introspection in the way his partner is, but today, Ban looks positively ecstatic compared to how Ginji is feeling inside. They are tucked away in a booth within the Honky Tonk, and Ginji is sitting opposite the familiar face, as he has thousands of times before. Only, this time, Himiko is seated next to Ban. This has been happening increasingly of late. And he knows it's petty, but the fact that Ban has had to shuffle over so that he is no longer directly opposite his partner, and Ginji can no longer look straight up into his Ban-chan's eyes, bothers him more than he thinks it should.
It's fairly obvious that Himiko has more-than-friendly feelings towards Ban, despite the unresolved matter of her brother's death between them (i.e. Ban killed him. Brutally). Ginji realised a long time ago than his Ban-chan is worth overlooking a few sibling deaths for, but he'd always assumed than he was the only one who felt this way. Ban doesn't exactly endear himself to everyone he meets.
Ginji, being the electric eel that he is, can almost see the currents of tension sparking between the two of them as they sit, Ban absently playing with his lighter while Himiko nervously sips her rapidly cooling coffee, and he wonders how long it will be before Himiko overcomes the reticence regarding her brother and seduces Ban-chan.
It's strange to think of Himiko as a seductress, but, he realises detachedly, as his mouth babbles on about something to fill the awkward silence (there are never any awkward silences when she's not around), she is very pretty in a pointy sort of way. Huge eyes, delicate features, slender build. An innate, deadly grace. Ginji shifts uneasily, and a bolt of electricity snakes lazily through his hair, and winds down his spine. He knows that Ban-chan should not have been able to see or hear or sense anything from his position on the other side of the tables, but Ginji feels the blue eyes flick towards him almost instantaneously. He refuses to look up and meet Ban's eyes, only looks down at the coaster he has been shredding between his fingers since they'd sat down.
He can't help but wonder what their relationship had been before, though it's a little strange to think of Ban-chan before Ginji, in the same way that it is strange to think of Ginji before Ban-chan (he thinks he may have been just a little bit incomplete before Ban-chan). He wonders if they were just friends, or if it had gone beyond that, if they'd done things that made Ginji feel strange in his stomach in a way that he is not entirely accustomed too. Even the thought of them being just friends, the way he and Ban-chan are just friends makes him feel slightly violated in an indescribable way.
He's so caught up in these thoughts of just friends and maybe-more-than-friends and blue eyes and grey eyes and purple spectacles and little pink stars and feeling for the first time in his life that maybe he needs something a little stronger than tepid coffee, and all the while, his mouth is still churning out some utter rubbish, unnoticed by his otherwise occupied brain, that he hasn't observed Himiko's small hand on the table, slowly inching its way over to Ban's. When he finally realises, he finds himself watching with a kind of detached horror as the slender, tanned fingers shift closer to the large, callused ones, until they are almost touching. The expression on her face has not changed an inch, save for her eyes glazing over slightly.
And the worst of it is, Ginji knows exactly how she feels right now. As though every particle of her being has been poured into the little finger of her left hand, and the entire side of her body that is closest to him is burning with the presence of Ban-chan a few inches away. Her breath is artificially slow and measured, because she knows that if she allows it to, it will come out harsh and ragged, as fast as her heart is beating right now.
Ginji knows these things, because that I how he feels every time he so much as thinks about his Ban-chan.
And there's no way that Ban hasn't noticed the recent developments concerning Himiko's hand, because Ban-chan notices everything. He hasn't moved his hand from where it lies on the table, and Ginji knows he should look away, get up and walk away now or risk having his heart broken, but he can't seem to tear his eyes away.
Himiko swallows and shifts her hand that her fingers curl around Ban-chan's.
Or would have, had Ban not chosen that exact instant to pick up his cold coffee and take a sip. Ginji feels the supply of random babble to his mouth dry up.
The expression on his face has not changed an inch, save for a slight grimace at the cold, bitter brew. Strangely, the only thing Ginji can feel at the moment is pity for Himiko. He does like her – she's always been nice to him, nicer than his old friends have ever been to Ban, and her life hasn't been any easier than theirs, and somehow, despite it all, she's manage to come out of it with only an only slightly prickly exterior, and a heart as big and warm as Natsumi's. It's not her fault she's fallen in love with Ban-chan. He is incredibly lovable, Ginji knows that.
He thinks he should leave, so that Ban-chan and Himiko can work out what happens next without Ginji hovering (jealously) over the two of them. And maybe if he's on his own, he can do what he's wanted to do for the last thirty seconds or so, which is running around in a circle, screaming ecstatically.
He unfolds his legs, tucked under the bench until now, intending to stand up, make some excuse about going to get some hot coffee and bolt. He brushes off the bits of coaster stuck to his fingers, and is peripherally aware of Ban-chan shifting slightly in his chair.
Something brushes against his calf.
Ginji freezes.
He doesn't breathe for a few seconds. Then, very, very cautiously, he extends his leg. He doesn't breathe again when it comes into contact with one of Ban-chan's own long legs, and then remains in contact with it.
He thinks the lack of oxygen is making him feel light-headed.
He feels the warm, solid length of Ban-chan's leg against his, and thinks that every particle of his being has been poured into those few square inches of contact, and is trying to climb across into Ban-chan.
He can feel his heart beating in his leg, which was funny because he can't feel anything any other part of his body, but he can see his hands shaking on his lap, and it's taking every bit of concentration he can muster (which isn't much, to be fair) not to get out of control and electrocute everyone in a five mile radius.
Nothing much happens in the few seconds it takes Ginji to register these not-entirely-unfamiliar feelings. Nothing apart from a tiny, tiny, infinitesimal pressure from Ban-chan's leg to his own. Again, breathing becomes superfluous. He returns the pressure gently, gently.
The expression on his face has not changed an inch, but that's because all bodily functions apart from those in his right leg have shut down completely. Inside, he's so happy he thinks he might have died and gone to Ban-chan heaven.
Judging by the slight tremble of Ban-chan's hand as he lifts his mug and takes gulp of cold, bitter coffee, and the tiny quirk of his lip that's leaked through the normally implacable mask, he's feeling pretty much the same.
I never have a clue as to how to start or end these things. If you look carefully, you can see that I've written the main part and then tacked on a beginning and end. But don't. Also, I'm only up to Episode 39, so I don't know if the Yamato/Himiko/Ban drama ever gets cleared up any more than it already is, so I've made some assumptions. Please review if you have the time, this is the first time I've been brave enough to post anything. Thanks.
And I can't believe I used the word "spectacles". But it just sort of slipped out, and once I'd written it, it looked so right I didn't have the heart to change it.