The Piratical Predation
Author: Prospero Hibiki
Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory characters are the property of Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, the CBS Network, and the actors who portray them. In no way are these aforementioned characters being used for my own personal profit, and this is not meant as an infringement of the copyright owned by any of the above entities.
Timeline: Ummmm...whenever?
Spoilers: Maybe? ...ish?
Classification: Yes
Rating: M to be safe...because...PIRATES!
Summary: The Golden Age of Piracy never ended. The great pirate havens of the world remained so even into the 21st century. Even Galveston. Or perhaps especially Galveston. What changes? What does not? For Risknight BEFORE ITLAPD this time!
Author's Comments: It's ITLAPD time once again and Risknight is a horrible horrible person that is forcing me to... Yeah I didn't think any of you would believe that.
0.0
"The Piratical Predation - Chapter 01"
0.0
Dr Sheldon Cooper B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph.D., Sc.D. sighed as he wiped yet another equation from the white board. It was demeaning to have to use an intellect of his capability for such petty trivialities. He was a man of science, not some useless purser or navigator. These things should be done by lesser persons who were better suited for the tasks so that he could get back to doing the things he was meant to do. Blinking he raised his marker once more having had a new idea.
The door to his office opened and he spun around. Without any conscious thought his left hand darted out and a knife appeared quivering in the wall beside the head of the crewman who had dared to enter. "You are in my office. No one is allowed inside my office." He frowned and made an almost squawking sound. "And now you have voided your bladder on my pristine floor. I shall have to have that disinfected now. Leave."
He ignored the man as the useless distraction he was and turned back to his white board in an attempt to regain his train of thought but it was useless. Whatever half formed thought had flitted through his brain was gone now.
The intercom buzzed. "Captain, you wished to be informed when we were twenty minutes from our target."
"Indeed I did. Why are you disturbing me by repeating my instructions?"
There was a long awkward pause. "Captain, we are twenty minutes from our target."
"Thank you. I shall be on the bridge shortly."
Looking once more at his board wistfully Captain Dr Sheldon Cooper B.S., M.S., M.A., Ph.D., Sc.D. of the pirate vessel Higgs-Bison turned and left his office. He made a mental note that in addition to a new purser he should really replace that only semi-competent labradoodle he called his first officer. If only Missy and Junior weren't captaining their own, more traditional, ships. Perhaps he needed to write a questionnaire.
0.0
Penny silently gritted her teeth and clenched her fist as one of the customers in the dining area swatted her on the butt when she walked past him. Oh, she knew why they did it. If she wanted to deal with a better clientèle then she should be working at a better restaurant, maybe something like the Cheesecake Factory. But the tips there weren't as good as she could get working at Knockers. As it was she was just barely keeping even with her rent and utilities while her credit card bill kept getting closer and closer to maxed.
She stormed into and then through the kitchen to the walk in cooler and proceeded to kick the crap out of several of the boxes of fries that they had staged in there. When after several minutes she found that she hadn't calmed down much she stepped out.
"I'm going on break before I throw the next customer that even looks at me funny out the window."
Tim, the rather slow dishwasher, looked at her with an incredibly confused expression on his face. "But, we don't have any windows."
The look she turned on him caused him to shrivel up in ways that a dip in the Arctic would be jealous of. "Then I suppose it would just hurt more, now wouldn't it?" With that said she turned, picked up the metal baseball bat that she kept by the door for personal protection when she was on break, and stepped out the back door to get some fresh air.
Who knows, she thought, maybe someone will be stupid enough to try and mug me.
0.0
Los Angeles had suffered raids by pirates repeatedly throughout its history. The presence of the film industry and the vast amounts of money flowing through the city had ensured that it remained a very attractive target for pirates. Of course, that self same money was spent by the rich and famous to protect themselves by buying the best protections that money could buy. Which is why its seaward fortifications were some of the very best in the world. The beaches of Los Angeles were gorgeous and drew people from all over the world. The fact that they were overlooked by defenses that were reminiscent of the Maginot Line built by France prior to World War II.
In this instance it was also just as effective.
The Higgs-Bison was a one of a kind vessel the likes of which the world had never before seen because this attack was its first real test. The Cooper Clan was steeped in the tradition of piracy and had lived in the colony of Campeche since its founding. Captain George "Red Shark" Cooper didn't have the brains of his youngest son, and knew it, but did see that his brilliance was something to be nurtured for the good of the family so as to give them an edge in the future. Which was why, when a very young Sheldon Cooper asked his father why pirates only attacked places close to the ocean, he was mightily confused.
And so later that same year the ship that would eventually be named the Higgs-Bison went under construction. It wasn't built quickly, but that was more by design than anything else. It was quite possibly one of the most expensive ships ever built and more than once George Cooper had to restrain himself from abandoning it all together. In fact he never saw it fully operational having died from a lingering wound he'd received on a raid. But he died knowing that his son had just that day installed the power plant that would make the ship the most lethal vessel in the world.
It wasn't a pretty ship. In point of fact it was quite hideous. In many ways it looked like two battleships had been mounted atop one another so that both the top and bottoms were bristling with guns. Upon the bow of the ship there resided a massive steel figurehead of Bison bison that was twenty feet tall and fifteen feet wide. Simply seeing it could cause small panic attacks in viewers because it just didn't seem possible.
Though some of that might have come from the fact that it flew.
0.0
End "The Piratical Predation - Chapter 01"
Chapter Notes: Yes, I do realize that I borrowed the Higgs Bison joke from SpaceAnJL...don't set Tranquility on me! I also realize there wasn't much Sheldon or Penny or Shenny in this chapter. But I really see this story stretching out much further than I originally thought and I wanted to get at least THIS chapter out before ITLAPD. If people actually want to read more of this, please review. And YES I do plan on continuing tGEI soon...ish. -K