Dirk and Jake were in Dirk's apartment, Saturday afternoon; nothing to do or worry about. Just cuddling on Dirk's bed, enjoying the near silent sounds of their breaths to fill the space. Jake was in his trademark short-shorts and t-shirt; Dirk in a pair of beige cargo pants and an orange tee.
"We really should get up and do something productive." Dirk said.
"Why? This is fun."
"Yeah, but…I don't know, feels like I should be doing something. Make something, show my future self that I did something with my time."
Jake sighed. Dirk was always so fidgety. The boy spoke five languages, built robots, composed music, played three instruments, and he still always felt like he wasn't doing enough. Time to distract him. Jake leaned down, kissing him gently; "How about you relax for once, love. It's not going to kill you to spend one day doing nothing with me."
"…True….?" He was 100% sure; it sounded wrong, but there was a logical reasonability to it that he couldn't argue with. He knew he didn't really relax much. Kind of compulsive in his need to constantly do something. Yeah…Jake was right, he should relax. He took a big breath, trying to convince the rest of his body of this idea; it was tensing, making him antsy. He needed to calm down. He snuggled further into Jake's arms, met with a smile from the green-eyed lad. He smiled too; yeah, he can relax….but first pizza. "Let me order some pizza, and then I promise, we'll spend all day doing nothing."
"Deal."
Dirk hopped off the bed and left the room to get the phone. Jake stayed put, looking around the room. It was so Dirk. My Little Pony decals on the wall, anime posters everywhere. Some were his own stuff. And then he saw it. Dirk's closet ajar, something purple and frilly sticking out. How did he not notice that when he came in? He got up and opened the door to get a closer look. He found a small variety of dresses, some frilly, some not, all fairly long. Why did Dirk have these? He took hold of one, inspecting it.
"…Kay, Jake they'll be here in 30…." Dirk stood there, frozen; a blush coating his cheeks. He looked down, marching up to Jake, taking the dress out of his hands and shoving it back into the closet. "Can we just pretend you never saw that?" His voice small.
"Dirk, it's okay, there's no reason be embarrassed. So you like dressing in drag, so what?"
"It's not drag Jake…" He let that sentence hang in the air, his stomach twisting a little.
"So, you're ….transgender?"
"No." Dirk breathed deeply, he felt really vulnerable and uncomfortable about discussing it, but Jake clearly wasn't going to let this go.
"I'm Agender Jake."
"What's that?" A look of perplexity crossing his face.
"It means I don't identify as any gender. I don't feel like a male, I don't feel like a female, I don't feel like a mix…I just am."
"Then, the dresses?"
"They were just some things that I saw and liked and…I just wanted to wear them. See if I liked the way they looked."
"Oh, okay!"
"What?"
"Love, I don't care what you wear or how you identify. Have you not been wearing these because you were afraid of what I would think?"
"It's more something I'm getting used to. I've only worn them a few times around the house. I liked the way they look, but I'm not really comfortable wearing them out yet. I may only present as masculine when I'm outside the house; I just wanted the option."
"…Can I see you in one?" Dirk shifted uncomfortably. Jake cupped his face kissing him once on the forehead, and then tenderly on his lips. "You don't have to if you're uncomfortable. I promise you though; I won't judge you, or think you're girly, or whatever else you may be worried about." Dirk paused for a long moment.
"…Okay." He reached in and grabbed a lacy a-line lavender dress and took it into the bathroom to change.
Jake waited patiently, Dirk was taking a little while. At first he just thought that it took time to put the dress on. But as the ten minute mark approached, he worried Dirk was having second thoughts. He approached the bathroom door; knocking softly. "If it's too much, love, don't force yourself." He heard a click, stepping away from the door. Watching as it opened. He looked on a soft smile playing across his lips. "You look lovely." Jake didn't mean it in a feminine way either. The dress just fit Dirk, something about the color playing with the color in his eyes, and the blonde of his hair. The dress draped nicely on his form too. Jake pulled him in, hugging him tight.
Dirk was tense for a few moment, quickly relaxing when he realized that Jake wasn't seeing him as feminine; just as himself. He hugged back, tears playing at the corner of his eyes. He felt accepted, body and soul, and it was nice.
The ring of the door bell sounded and Dirk froze. He was happy that Jake accepted the dress, but he still was VERY uncomfortable showing anyone else. Jake understood though. "I'll get the door." He whispered in his love's ear. Pulling away, Dirk retreated into the bathroom, listening to the exchange of words and money. The door closed "You can come out." Dirk entered the living room/ kitchen area. Jake going about his business like any other day. And Dirk's heart swelled; it really didn't matter to Jake. He grabbed some pizza and the two ate and cuddled and the night was theirs.
Notes: So, I found the Agender identifier about a month ago and it placed a name to something I've felt all my life. And made a lot of things that happened during my teen years make sense. And it kind of...I don't know...made me feel less alien like? I've longed to wear certain masculine clothes for most of my life, but was (and to a certain extent still am) afraid of being judged. I never have felt really female, but male didn't work either; I've kind of always felt outside either of those (labeling myself internally as an "I don't care" gender because that made sense to me). I've been thinking about getting some more masculine clothes and switching it up; just to see what I like on myself. I'll probably still continue to present female merely because it's more convenient; but I like the idea of testing other styles of dress privately for now.