Author's note: HEEEEEEEEEY GUUURLLLZZZZ!!!!!!!!!! This isn't a Jimmy or Eunice bashing story. Marth and Zelda have very high standards, and aren't used to being surrounded by people that aren't extremely gorgeous.
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Chapter 1
'There's a Place For U In Hell'
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A soft autumn wind blew through the front gate of Bullworth Academy as Marth and Zelda pulled up with their limo and got out with their luggage.
"What is this, Hogwarts?" The blond princess inquired jokingly, her nose up in a proud nature. Zelda sighed. Why did Daddy have to send her here? She scoffed and turned to face her blue haired nanny, the seventeen year old Prince Marth, who was chuckling. Marth, a close friend of Zelda, was hired by her over protective father to look out for her during her stay in Bullworth. Basically, he counted as her nanny.
"Cheer up Z." Marth laughed. "This place doesn't look so bad."
Zelda scoffed. "But why? I'm a princess! I don't deserve this."
Marth exhaled. "Well I'm a prince, and you don't see moi complaining!"
With no more objections, the two royals entered the grounds of Bullworth.
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Zelda had just settled into her room in the girls dorm. It was the ugliest thing she had ever seen -- not the room, her roomate, Eunice. She wondered vaguely what Marth was up to. She wondered if he was all right and fitting in with HIS roomate....
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Marth ascended the stairs of the boys dorm, eager to get this part of his inevitable journey through hell over with. He was disgusted by his surroundings -- everywhere FAT people and rats roaming freely through the halls. He stared at the sheet in front of him that had been given to him by the homely secretary. Jimmy Hopkins was to be his roommate. Who? He walked into his room, and there, sprawled across the bed was this mountain boar in his tightie whities with his unsightly carbon based overweight life form taking a leisurely nap. He was short and stout, with a really bad hair cut and a muscular physique, but he was somehow fat at the same time. His face was flushed, as if he was constantly blushing. He had frecklez, everywhere. It was....
The beast stirred.
Marth flinched at the creature. He took in the room's surroundings while the animal fell back into its hibernation state. There were posters of girls and leftover pizza boxes and used napkins and tampons and beaten up jackets and thongs and many other unsightly belongings. There was a fuming machine with green smoke chemically smoking in the corner. Marth was not prepared. Marth didn't expect a castle, but he didn't expect this repulsive dump either. Maybe it was just the roommate that was soaking up all the ugly in the school. Marth picked up a textbook and threw it at the troll sleeping on the bed. It's pig ugly face awoke and grimaced at the graceful prince.
"What the hell are you doing in my room?" The beast spat, and Marth shuddered at the sound of its voice.
"Apparently I live here... I pray that the office got mixed up. You're Jimmy Hopkinz?" Marth responded nonchalantly.
"That's no way to talk to you're king!" It got up and shoved Marth.
"King? You're my king?" Marth didn't like the politics in this school. Surely this ugly prick that reeked of BO couldn't be HIS King?
"That's right, I conquered this school 4 months ago. And you're no exception. What in god's name are you wearing? Is that a CAPE?" The creature mocked him.
This beast that was wearing tightie wighties was questioning Marth about his fashion sense? Marth was wearing a very nice cape that totally matched his tiara. He had a nice suit on that sucked his soft supple skin like a lollipop (Marth was a Lil Wayne fan). He had a baton that he used when he strut around, because it gave him an aura of authority that no one would question. The beast grabbed his baton and snapped it in half.
Marth nearly had a heart attack.
"WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!?" This repulsive beast chuckled away, and retorted;
"This is my school, and no pretty boy with an expensive tiara is gonna mess with me." With that, the beast snatched the paper the secretary had given Marth and skimmed it briefly with his foul goo encrusted eyes. He discarded it to the floor where cockroaches mauled it. Marth was appalled. The beast -- it went by 'Jimmy' -- picked up Marth's luggage and tossed it into a couple of scraps of metal with a (it looked like a large white pancake?) with a scrawny, ripped white sheet thrown over top.
"That's a handy luggage holder..." Marth supposed it would have to do until his arrived from Hyrule.
The beast stared at him with its gaping mouth slightly parted.
"What? Luggage holder? That's you're bed, hotshot. There's your bed frame, your mattress, and your sheet. Happy Birthday, sweetheart."
With that, the beast left the room chuckling, and Marth felt his heart explode.
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By now Zelda was half way through with her unpacking and during that time EUNICE, her supposed 'roomie', was trying to strike up a convo.
"So... Where are you from again?" It asked, finally allowing Zelda to snap. She turned and faced the foul looking 'girl' with a scowl.
"You don't know where I'm from?" She snapped. Euinice flinched.
"Um no, sorry I missed that." The freckled fat girl stammered nervously. Zelda rolled her blue orbs and stuck up her nose.
"Hyrule." She replied simply.
"Where?"
"Hyrule."
"Is that in Europe or somethin'?"
Zelda was exasperated. "No, its in Australia." She said sarcastically. "Its in Hyrule dammit!"
Poor Eunice was so confused, but Zelda ignored her. She was unattractive, probably poor, and stupid. Naturally, the princess took a disliking towards her. People of Zelda's importance and class do not need to look at people like this, yet alone share a room with them. But in a place like this, where beasts lined the halls with their ugly mugs, Zelda couldn't be complain.
Though it went against nature not to.
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Marth awoke to the beasts loud snoring. It rolled and thrashed on its bed, drool spluttering all over its pillow, which was on the floor. Marth tiredly admired his range of fire. Some mist that evaporated off the steamy wet spit clouded around the ceiling of the room and practically rained on Marth. He tried not to concentrate on the disgusting sticky goop dripping on his perfectly chiseled and lean body as he glared at the beast that others called their 'king'. Finally, taking enough of all the crap that was literally being sprayed all over him he picked up his belongings and moved to the couch in the lobby.
The couches were beat up with the springs popping out with ripped seams and stuffing. Not exactly Marth worthy but it would have to do for the night. It was 10 times better sleeping with that snoring loaf of meat and fat. Eventually Marth fell into gentle slumber and he sniffed in disapproval as he smelled something suspiciously like body odor, rotten eggs, and every other horrendous smell that Marth could think of. Pretty much what the beast smelled like.
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The night before, Zelda had gotten just about as much sleep as Marth. She discovered around one o'clock am that Eunice snored.
Loudly.
She'd managed to barely sleep two hours.
She woke up without her usual beauty sleep, which she wasn't used to. Ignoring that, she quickly readied herself for her first class at Bullworth, Home Ec. The teacher was a tall, large black woman who's name was Ms. Okosun and at first glance Zelda could tell that the teacher was a down right scary homo sapien. She sat with Eunice who was unfortunately following behind her and put on her apron as the teacher started her class.
"We're baking Christmas cookies today, iz dat cleah?" Ms. Okosun shouted in her Nigerian accent. "You will be in partners for rest of year, iz dat cleah?"
No, it was not clear.
"I will assign the partners, iz dat cleah? You be wit whoever I put you wit, no objection! Iz dat cleah?" She targeted a scrawny black kid. "Iz dat cleah!?" She spat in his face.
"C-Crystal!" The boy exclaimed in his high pitched voice. Zelda sighed and rolled her eyes. Why was everyone in this school so weird?
"Dats what I tot!" Okosun paced back and fourth the front of the classroom. "Anyway, I put you in partner. You complain? You get out!" She pulled out a sheet of paper, her beady little eyes scanning it. She began to list names... Zelda only prayed that she wouldn't get with Eunice. She intently listened for her name, and when it was called, she discovered that she was paired with some dumb loser named Bif. Zelda wanted to complain, but she also didn't want to fail grade eleven Home Ec...
She waited for some ugly, stupid, fat social reject to walk over, but was shocked when she saw a tall, red haired guy who looked just like Edward Cullen. Zelda gasped.
"Edward?" She asked in disbelief, her mouth agape.
He looked at her oddly. "What?" He asked. "Uh, no, I'm Bif, but for you, I can be anyone you want me to be" he wiggled his perfect brows suggestively.
He had perfect crystalline skin that sparkled in the sunlight. His beautiful bronze hair was messy from his long walk over to her. He had a perfect masculine jaw, with a glorious gaze that caught Zelda's heart.
There was a difference between Edward and Bif, however. First of all, Bif wasn't a fictional vampire, but that's beside the point. Bif's eyes were blazing a pure emerald green. Edward's were golden brown.
Bif was Zelda's dream boy. She'd had this fantasy illusion of the perfect man ever since she read twilight (TEAM EDWARD!), which was her fave book series. And Bif was looking at Zelda with the same interested curiosity.
"Okay, 'just like Edward'," Zelda joked, dubbing him with this new nickname, 'sit down and we'll start this home ec. project. Maybe it will involve a little chemistry" she winked at him from her left eye, and Bif eagerly sat down beside her.
"I like the sound of th-" Okosun loomed maliciously over Bif.
"Chemistry? You stoopid? This homm ek! You no talkin till you lurn leesin!!!!!!!!!" Zelda half expected her to swallow Bif whole. Okosun's anger flared like a blanket in the wind.
Zelda and Bif flirted throughout the class without talking. They caught each others eye and smiled. They 'accidentally' bumped hands every once in a while. They exchanged numbers in the flour. It was fun and exciting and flirtatious. Zelda felt as if she were floating in a bubble of pure serenity.
Then that fat hog Eunice tapped on her shoulder, and Zelda fell from her beautiful heaven into the deepest pit of hell. Zelda turned around abruptly in a sour mood.
"What!!" she snapped.
"Uuuuuh, that Marth guy, yaww, he's you friend right?" Eunice horked.
"Yes, what about him?!" Zelda rolled her eyes.
"God, stop being such a fucking bitch. AAAAAAAAanywaaay, news travels fast here. I'm supposed to pass on to you that Marth has been busted by one of the prefects."
"What? What? Marth? On his first day? What for?"
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CLIFFHANGER!!!
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