Me: WOO HOO! I'm BACK and it's time for da SEQUEL! WA HAHAHAHA!
Riku: The horror returns.
Axel: -sigh-
Me: I'll do what I can. And warning: this chap is the only time Kureha, Koryu, and Kiara will appear. So just bear with me.
Disclaimer: I don't own Kingdom Hearts or its characters. Or Kureha, Koryu, and Kiara. They own themselves.
The school bell had just rung for us to go home and the principal had finished his announcements. I was pushing my way through the mob of students, heading for the lockers where my three best friends met for the bus.
Someone hit my shoulder; sending my books to the floor. I picked them up quickly before they could be stepped on and walked faster.
"Hey, Yume!" One of my friends; Kureha waved to me.
"Hi."
"So, did you get any homework?" She asked me as we headed for the busses.
"No, I don't get homework." I shook my head, hugging my books to me.
"Lucky." Koryu glared at me. "I've got Algebra, English three..." She complained as we walked outside.
"Oh, look! It's snowing!" Kiara exclaimed. I lifted my face up and felt the tiny flakes fall on my cheeks.
It was winter now. And snowing at school always caused some excitement to the students. To everyone except me.
It only reminded me of the coldness in my own heart. The numb, frozen feeling that was so very much like this beautiful snow.
"See ya later, Yume!" They waved to me as they got on their own bus.
"Bye." I boarded mine and flopped down in the nearest vacant seat.
When the bus dropped me off, I gathered the mail and began the slow trek up to my house.
There was no hurry.
Though I was numb inside; I rather liked being out in the cold climate.
Numb within,
Numb without.
I considered putting my stuff inside and just laying in the snow, but I decided against it. Pity parties never helped me any. Plus I would just end up getting a cold.
Pulling out the key, I entered the house and put my stuff in my room. Then I walked over to the fridge and began rummaging through it.
"Hi, Rain." I looked over to the parakeet inside of the birdcage and pulled out a kids meal; popping it in the microwave.
Over these few months, I forced myself to talk to people. To be as sociable as I possibly could.
I had tried to keep going. But it was so very hard.
So hard.
I plastered a mask on my face; pretending that I was getting better.
And even now, no one knew what had happened. I had told no one.
I kept it all to myself.
They knew something was wrong; thought I had simply broken down, for some unknown reason.
But they knew nothing.
Riku...
Oh how I missed him. Needed him.
True, I felt the presence every now and then. His presence. Like before I had gone to Destiny Islands. And when I found the paopu plushie.
I would talk out loud when I was alone. Speaking as if Riku were there. But the tears would begin to fall yet again. I cried so much anymore. But always late at night and all alone.
I kept his paopu plushie with me at all times. In a purse, backpack, sometimes my pocket if it was big enough. And at night I would cradle it to my heart; damping it with tears.
And I still hurt inside. All the time.
It never let up.
But I had learned to mask that as well.
I have no purpose. I only do my class work, my chores, because it's necessary.
I don't know what keeps me tied to this world anymore. What keeps my heart beating. Because there is nothing here for me.
Why do I continue living?
Why bother?
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After I finished the kids meal, I walked over to Rain. She hunched over and opened her beak; as if warning me off.
Fine. I didn't feel like being bit right now anyway.
I went to my room and pulled out a clipboard with drawing paper in it. I lay down on my bed and began drawing random images.
My mind began to wander even as I drew.
I wondered what Riku was doing. How his life was going.
If he needed me as much as I needed him.
Oh dear God... it hurts...
I blinked and realized tears were dotting my picture. Then I realized what I had been drawing.
It was of Riku holding me, sitting on his paopu tree. When he had first told me he loved me.
I couldn't just crumple it up, throw it away. I couldn't. I sat up and laid the picture in my dresser drawer along with the countless others.
I did feel his presence at times.
But sometimes; that hurt more than it helped. Right there with me and yet so very distant.
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At supper, I pushed my food around. As usual.
"I think we need to talk." My mom set down her fork.
"Huh?" I looked up from my plate in mild surprise.
"All you do is mope around anymore. It's getting kind of ridiculous. You won't say what's wrong; so you need to get over whatever happened. If anything."
"..I.."
"We've tried to be understanding, but I'm beginning to wonder if you're just doing all this for attention. If so, you need to stop."
"No..Mom.."
"I mean it Yume. I don't want to see you make those mournful faces anymore when you have nothing to be sad about."
I forced down a sob and bolted from the table; running into my room and locking the door. I threw myself onto the bed and pulled Riku's paopu from my pocket. I just lay there and traced its seams, the tiny blood spot caused by the pricking of a finger.
There was no need. No reason to be here. Why did I continue forcing my existence on people who deserved to be happy? They had done everything possible for me. But I couldn't help myself.
But I wouldn't burden them anymore.
Sitting up, I picked up a sheet of paper and wrote a note telling them I was sorry.
Sorry for all the worry I had put them through. Not to look for me. It would be a waste of time.
I folded the note and placed it in the middle of the floor.
My pain was mine. As much as it hurt I shouldn't push it on anyone.
Does Riku see this? What does he think of me? Does he still love me?
Every day I would follow my routine as though in a trance.
Faking a smile, pretending to laugh.
Late that night I pushed the window open and slipped out. I walked down our driveway and off into the night; only looking back once.
As I wandered around, I came to a bridge. The waters were so calm. So peaceful. I scooted down to the banks and stood looking into the waters depths.
I didn't even feel a presence now. Had I ever actually felt Riku with me, or had it been my pained, wistful thinking? No. I squeezed the stuffed paopu in my pocket.
Riku... I can't take it. It hurts too much.
The cold waters clung to me as I waded deeper and deeper. When I reached the area where I could no longer touch bottom; I lay back and hugged the paopu to my chest one last time.
I didn't want to live any longer. There was nothing tying me to this world. Not this one.
My eyes closed as I felt the water cover my face. I was sinking lower and lower; didn't even bother to hold my breath. Might as well get it over with.
My will to live had been broken with my separation from Riku. The only thing that had stopped me from doing this earlier was the hope that he would come back.
But I couldn't try anymore. I was so very tired.
The air escaped my lungs as I felt the water pull me along. My body didn't even struggle for breath. I just couldn't take anymore.
I just want to die...
Everything was growing blury and sluggish; it was like drifting off into sleep. And my heart. It hurt. But it always did anymore.
I hope Riku isn't hurting the way I have. I hope he has a good life.
Those were my last coherent thoughts as a faint light and unconsciousness washed over me in a numbing wave.
Me: Wow. I dunno where that came from... a suicidal scene.
Riku: Didn't know you had it in you!
Me: Me neither! O.O
Axel: You're not thinking death thoughts are you?
Me: NO! And please, if anyone is or knows anyone who is, please get help! You ARE loved! n.n This is JUST a fic!