Disclaimer: These characters and the Arrow storyline/comic/show do not belong to me. Only what happens in this insane one-shot (let me know if you think I should continue it and make it into a muli-chapter story, or this could simply be yet another collection of Olicity one-shots).

A/N: Ok, I don't know about the rest of you Olicity fans, but what happened in 3x07 killed me. I mean the writers of the show have pretty much been destroying, devaluing, and altering every character on the show ever since they killed off Sara. Which is why I am no longer watching it (I honestly haven't watched the show since 2x13, but I do keep in touch with what goes on in it). So, this is my own little way of helping me and Felicity – by extension Olicity – move on from the careless and plot-hole riddled work of the Arrow writers. Anyway, this particular idea literally came out of nowhere so I honestly do not know if it will turn out quite as well as I had hoped, but I hope and pray that it entertains the heck out of you all, my wonderful readers! Warning: this story is equal parts hilarious as well as emotionally moving if I do say so myself.

P.S. Please read and review!

Did Not See That One Coming!

Felicity was stuck. Not stuck in like physically stuck, but stuck as in her life was stuck. It had been stuck the moment she realized she had fallen in love with Oliver Queen – or ever since she had first met him when he came waltzing into her IT Department water-closet-of-an-office with a laptop riddled with bullet holes and a bad cover story – because that was also the moment that she knew that she would never truly have him.

Oliver Queen did not belong to Felicity Smoak. Not from the moment she laid eyes on him. At first their relationship was secretive and mysterious; she never really knew then what she was to him when he'd randomly come to her for help at Queen Consolidated those first few months since his return from Lian Yue (the first time). He was good looking, there was no doubt about that, but that was not the first thing she noticed about him. At first, she noticed how he was always so stiff whenever he was moving and even more so when he was not moving...like a statue, then it was the fact that he rarely smiled or laughed, and after a while she started to notice just how sad and weighed down he always seemed to look…as if he carried the weight of the world on his very strong broad shoulders. So, sure Oliver Queen was good looking, but she didn't really start to pay attention to his particularly rugged, scruffy, rippling physical features until she started working specifically for him…in a secret lair, beneath his night club. I mean, she could be professional publically and while at work – the physical aspects of certain billionaires with questionable nighttime activities could easily be ignored, especially when said billionaires actually had a shirt on – but the moment Oliver "Vigilante" Queen whipped his shirt off and did the Salmon Ladder with her just five feet away and with a perfect view, well than she was goner. However it didn't take Felicity long before she realized that despite her very obvious crush, Oliver Queen was not hers. First, it was – as Digg would put it – "Always gonna be Laurel, everyone else be damned." And Felicity had accepted that no matter what reservations she had when it came to Laurel Lance as a person; she had accepted that Oliver would always and forever be in love with gorgeous Laurel.

When Oliver left them all behind after the Undertaking that was when she had figured out where she stood. That was the day – the day when she had arrived at the Foundry (Arrow Lair, as she liked the put it) to find a patched up John Diggle and no Oliver (the look on Digg's face had said it all: "He's gone, isn't he?" Felicity had asked him and he had simply nodded back, a resigned look set on his face like stone) – that was the day she went home and cried herself to sleep because she realized…she was in love with Oliver. And he'd left her. When she and Digg had dragged him back to Starling City, Felicity had come to the fateful conclusion that in spite of her feelings she was nothing more than a friend in Oliver's eyes, and she could live with that. As long as he didn't leave her again.

In the end, he did leave her (and it wasn't because of the Isabel incident in what-happens-in-Russia-stays-in-Russia, though that did hurt, too) – he always left her behind, he always went off into the sunset alone – when she had told him the truth about Thea's parentage. And what did he do? He ran right into the arms of one Sara Lance. It hurt knowing that Sara, someone whom she would've liked to have been friends with, slept with the man she so obviously loved. She remembered how they had both confronted her about their relationship at one point, to reassure her. Oliver had looked ashamed when Felicity had come in the morning after to see him and Sara putting their clothes back in order. He could barely meet her eyes, although Felicity wasn't sure if that had to do with the fact that he had slept with Sara just a couple of months after he had very emotionally admitted to her (after said Isabel incident) that he couldn't be with someone he truly cared about, or whether it was because Moira was right he hated her now for telling him the most horrifying truth she could've ever told him about his family…about his own mother.

"It's not what you think," said Oliver as Sara slinked out of the Lair once she was properly dressed.

"No…it's fine. It's not exactly my business what you do with your sex life." That had been her response, in a choked out breath as she tried to move past him, and what he'd just done to them, and moved towards her computers. But he'd stopped her. He grabbed her arm and forced her to look at him.

"I don't love her," rasped Oliver. "It's just…convenient." His eyes had pleaded with her to understand what he was trying to say to her, but at that point Felicity figured that what he had said about truly caring about someone, and what he was saying to her now…he just didn't want to hurt her with the very obvious truth.

He wasn't hers.

The morning after she had gotten shot by Clock King was when Sara had confronted her, and boy was that a real shocker…waking up to Sara "Canary" Lance reclining on her bed next to her looking down and giving her the most secretive of smiles, as if she knew something that Felicity did not. Sara proceeded to make her breakfast in bed and bring her coffee as well as some more pain killers to help numb the throbbing stinging in her shoulder. And yes, apparently assassins did know how to cook. It wasn't…well, ok it was awkward as hell…and weird…and strange…and basically Felicity did not know what to make of that situation. Sara had just sat with her in bed while she ate the breakfast she had made her and kept staring at her with that super secretive smile which was really getting on Felicity's nerves (she didn't like puzzles).

"Look, it's not that I'm not grateful for your little wake-up call here, but what exactly are you doing here?" asked Felicity as she ate the eggs and toast Sara had made for her.

"I figured it was the least I could do after you saved my life last night," said Sara as she continued to watch Felicity eat.

"It was no biggie. Anyone else would have done the same."

"No, they wouldn't have Felicity, that's what makes you so…you. I swear…you're the only truly good, honorable and descent human being I have ever known, and that includes my sister," said Sara as she turned away with a frown puckering her pretty face. "You love him."

Felicity cursed the universe as she coughed and choked on her coffee which she had conveniently taken a sip from when Sara had decided to blurt out the big fat pink elephant in the room. "What?! No…I…um…" How the hell was she supposed to respond to that?

"When I went with Ollie onto the Gambit, I knew Laurel would find out, and I knew just how…betrayed and hurt and devastated she would be…and I did it anyway. She was my sister, and while we weren't particularly close at times, she was still my own flesh and blood and I-I destroyed her. By the time I joined the League of Shadows I swore I would never sink that low again, that I would never hurt someone the way I had hurt her." Sara turned back to Felicity with the most world weary look on her face that Felicity had only ever seen on Oliver. "I'm sorry I hurt you, Felicity."

Felicity had blinked in shock at that. I mean, Oliver wasn't hers (she knew that, she had accepted that)! So, why… "He's not mine. I'm not…" Felicity spluttered to find some way to respond, meanwhile Sara just keep smiling that super secretive smile.

Years later, when things finally did end with Happily Ever After between her and a certain tall-brooding-buff-blond-hooded-vigilante, Felicity would learn from Oliver himself that he and Sara had ended things the night that Clock King had aimed his gun at Sara and shot Felicity. For years Felicity had thought they'd still been a couple till Sara had left to rejoin the League, but no…things between Oliver and Sara had ended just as fast as they had started.

Still, Felicity lived with the fact that she was not the leading lady, even in her own life, and accepted that Oliver was always going to be her friend and her partner…and nothing more, no matter how much she wished differently. That fact grew more and more pronounced each and every day they worked together side by side. It became almost engraved into her heart and soul when Oliver had only said the words – the ones she had only ever dreamed he would say to her – "I love you" only as a trick to fool Slade and in the end to defeat him. In the end, Felicity had felt a little bit more defeated, too, even though it had been her that saved the day, even though she'd been the one to bring Slade down onto his knees so that Oliver could finish him off…she felt so empty inside.

She was stuck. Completely an utterly stuck on Oliver Queen.

Stop dangling maybes.

Just…stop.

When Oliver had ended things before they had even begun for them that was it. Because there was only so much pain and rejection a person could take, and boy did she take it. The words he'd said to "Cupid, stupid" rang in her ears every night before she closed her eyes and went to sleep. He had to be alone.

He wanted to be alone.

Pick me. Choose me. Fight for me. LOVE ME! That's what her heart said. Did he hear it…ever? She often wondered if he could, if he could hear it shouting and begging and pleading for him to just be with her…in every possible way. Sometimes her heart would beat so loud and so fast the wondered how he could not hear what it was asking of him.

When Ray kissed her and she felt nothing – no spark, no flame, no passion, no love – Felicity cursed Oliver to hell and back. He had done this to her, he had ruined her for all other men just by looking at her, just by the brush of his fingers on her shoulder, her elbow, her fingers. No other man would ever mean to her what Oliver did. So, she was indeed stuck. And she was sick of it.

She wanted to move on with her life, to start over and be happy, because she deserved to be happy damn it! She had pictured her entire life and it had been entwined so thickly and intricately with Oliver: a friend, a boyfriend, love, marriage, kids – the whole nine yards. Well, she didn't get to have Oliver, so she would just do it by herself. She would skip all the in-betweens, she'd use her proverbial get-out-of-jail-free card, she'd bypass GO and go straight for that $200.

This was the twenty-first century after all. A woman didn't need a man to procreate and that is exactly what Felicity intended on doing.

She'd practically made her mother faint when she'd told her over the phone that she wanted to have a baby – someone for her to love and take care of…at least someone who would let her love them and take care of them – and how she'd already looked into sperm donors at a Sperm Bank. It had taken some convincing but her mother had come through and, thanks to their now healing relationship after years of tense underlining resentment – arrived a week later and held her hand while she got inseminated.

Her mother would be staying with her throughout the pregnancy and so far (it had been three months since her pregnancy had been officially confirmed) things had been looking up. While Felicity worked during the day and late into the night, Donna Smoak had made sure that there was always a nice dinner waiting on the table when she got home, made sure Felicity took her prenatal vitamins, cleaned her apartment on a regular basis, and went with her to every Doctor's appointment and Ultrasound meeting.

So, yes – despite the fact that Felicity still hadn't told Oliver, Digg, and Roy that she was pregnant due to artificial insemination (I mean, seriously, how do you tell three grown men, all of which who are extremely protective of you and all claim to love you, in different ways of course because Digg and Roy were like brothers to her and any other form of love other than sibling-brotherly-love was a bit on the bordering-on-incestuous side of things (despite the fact that she did not share blood with any of them, thank God)) – Felicity was beginning to move on with her life and start something new with herself. However, she was very aware that, while she was only three months pregnant and wasn't really showing yet, she couldn't keep something as obvious as a pregnancy a secret forever.

And there she was, three months pregnant, tired and about to leave the club when she overheard Digg, who was sitting with Roy and Thea at the bar, talking about the horrors and stress behind prenatal testing, and the testing doctors do after birth, to ensure that the baby was healthy. Everything inside Felicity paused as she gave what Digg had just said some serious thought. Ok, sure the donors at the Sperm Bank were legally anonymous, but the Doctors always guaranteed that they were healthy! But, still Felicity knew nothing about her own sperm donor other than he had bright blue eyes, dirty blond hair, was very healthy physically and mentally, etc. etc. She never even saw a picture of her sperm donor (you know, because of the whole anonymous thing)! I mean, what did she know about him really? Sure, the Sperm Bank guaranteed healthy sperm but what if her sperm donor has some weird inherited family illness. She knew her own family health history, but not his, and being the newly paranoid and over-protective mother-to-be that she was, Felicity immediately ran home to her empty apartment (her mother had gotten an evening job on the weekends – Friday/Saturday/Sunday – at Table Salt, the most prominent, most expensive, nicest restaurant in Starling City as a waitress to help her out with the bills, especially now that she was "expecting") booted up her laptop and proceeded to hack said Sperm Bank's databases to within an inch of their technological lives until she had found the identity of her sperm donor, that way she would be able to track his medical history – via more hacking – and ensure that her baby would have no medical or health problems at birth or in the future due to Baby Daddy's family medical history.

However, when the identity and records of her sperm donor – ok, she preferred Baby Daddy – popped up, everything in Felicity froze.

Did you know that Sperm Banks can freeze sperm…and eggs? Well, Felicity sure as hell didn't! And for a long time, too. Years! So, that was how she realized that her Baby Daddy, the sperm donor she had chosen that had seemed too perfect to be true was indeed perfect. Of course he was.

He was freaking Oliver Queen!

She was having Oliver Queen's baby…

How?

When?

Why?

Yes, those three questions were the first to pop into Felicity Smoak's mind when this…inexplicable truth that the universe and fate and the cosmos were throwing at her, came to light. How did she happen to choose Oliver Queen's sperm out of the near 10,000 other sperm donors she had looked at? How? Please, someone explain to her why this was happening to her and how any of this was even possible?

When…

When did Oliver Queen decide to donate his sperm? Well according to the Sperm Bank's private and secure database medical records it was one month before he went on the Gambit and got stranded on Purgatory. Although, why Oliver had felt the need to donate his sperm anyway was beyond her.

This was so unfair, so unreal, and just…She was having Oliver Queen's baby, and she hadn't even gotten to have hot crazy wild animal sex with him! Nope! God apparently hated her and wanted to punish her so of course she didn't get to have kids with Oliver Queen the Old Fashioned way – preferably him ravishing her over and over again – nope, she got skip the fun stuff and just "pop" out of nowhere (ok, with the help of a doctor and what had looked like a really scary Turkey Baster getting shoved into her uterus) she was pregnant with Oliver Queen's love child.

She could call the baby fetus "Love Child" after all she and Oliver did love each other, Oliver just being the stubborn man that he was and not willing to do anything about it!

He wasn't hers! So why was the almighty fates doing this to her? This was the point in which her mother decided to walk into their now shared apartment and say, "How's my baby girl doing?" At which point, thanks to her wonderfully overflowing pregnancy hormones, Felicity promptly burst into tears.

The odd thing was, she was pretty sure they were happy tears. After all, she was have Oliver Queen's baby.

A/N: Like I mentioned at the beginning this came out of nowhere! I do have a few more ideas for this little story, but let me know if any of you are interested in me continuing this little drabble, or if it should just remain a one-shot. Just so you all know I did take some creative license in this story; I am no medical expert so I really do not know any of the medical or technical facts about artificial insemination.

I guess you could say that this was born out of my disgust as to what the Arrow show has become this season and how each and every character has become so "out of character." Anyway, if any of you, my lovely readers feel that the writers of Arrow have disappointed you greatly – whether you are Olicity fans or not – I hope this story makes you happy.