May 12, 2011
Jeff Winger walked through the student parking lot toward his car, grateful that it was late enough in the day where nobody else was around. The previous few weeks had taken their toll on him emotionally and he was beyond tired. All he wanted right now was to go home, take a hot shower and get some sleep. A goal made all the sweeter if he could simply avoid-
"Jeff?"
Of course. It had to be her. Though she did look surprisingly cute under a layer of orange paint. Jeff pushed those thoughts away as he turned around to face her.
"Milady?" He said, dryly.
"I need to apologize to you. I haven't been a very good friend to you these past few weeks. Especially with what I said in front of everyone about 'the Annie of it all.' That put you in a very awkward spot. And I was more than a little rude to you over the course of the paintball game."
He looked down at the stretch of parking lot between the two of them briefly before returning his eyes to hers.
"I could make the same apology. I wasn't exactly as polite as I could've been during the paintball game either. And… I'm sorry that you had to learn about me and Britta that way. That's over with. I shouldn't have thrown it in your face like that. Can we call a truce on you embarrassing me in front of people now?" He grinned.
She blushed. "I'm just glad I didn't make that any worse than it was."
The look of confusion on Jeff's face gave her enough reason to continue.
"At least I didn't mention the way you kissed me back at the Tranny Dance, or the way you lingered over me when you tackled me because you thought my clean energy diorama was going to explode. Or I could have mentioned the tension during the blanket fort collapse when our eyes met. Or the tally you keep of how many times I've mentioned your abs."
"That's a tally of how many times anybody mentions my abs, Annie."
"No it's not Jeff. For someone who was a professional liar, you certainly stink around me. But that's beside the point. I'm not stupid. I may have added significance to some of our interactions this year, but those were real. There's something here."
"Then why didn't I feel it too? Why was I sleeping with Britta all year?"
All the hurt he'd caused her resurfaced at the mention of his and Britta's trysts, he wished he could take that sentence back.
He sucked in his breath. "Annie, I'm sorry… that was a crappy thing to say."
He could see the wheels turning in her head.
"It's okay." She paused, gathering her courage. "Can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
"Did I completely make up your attraction to me?"
He was silent for some time as he considered her question. The sex with Britta hadn't been any more meaningful or life affirming than your typical summer blockbuster action flick, but something about the thought of being with Annie gave him butterflies in his stomach. He thought about the difference in age. He thought about how masterfully she'd steered the conversation in the direction she wanted it to go. He thought about how she'd make a fantastic lawyer. He desperately tried to think of a reason why he shouldn't be honest with her.
"No. Not all of it."
She mostly concealed the look of pure joy on her face. Mostly. Jeff saw it though. He cursed inwardly because that look made what he had to do that much harder.
"But, Annie, think this through. There's no... future here. We're too different. If I could stop time to keep us in this exact moment, then... maybe. But I can't do that and at some point it would end. Whatever we have isn't built to last. Nothing is."
"Is that the way you think? Everything remotely good has to end?"
"IT DOES! IT WILL!" His patience for this conversation was gone.
"Then you're... broken inside." Her eyes narrowed as she said it. It came out simply, but it's a realization that shocked her to her core.
"You're wrong." She continued. "Good things last for as long as you work at them. If you don't want to put in the work, then that's all you had to say."
She turned to leave.
"It's hard for me to be friends with you." The instant he said it, he knew it came out wrong.
"Fuck you, Jeff Winger. Lose my number... forget you ever knew me."
He tilted his head back and closed his eyes. He could hear the sound of her boots on the pavement as she walked away and he knew he was losing her.
"Please don't leave like this."
The desperate sadness in his voice stopped her in her tracks. She slowly turned around to look at him. She was somewhat surprised at the lack of guile in his voice. He slowly lowered his head and looked her in the eye. She could see the redness rimming his eyes and could already make out the tears threatening to make their way down his face. It did little to cool her temper.
"Why not, Jeff? Do you take me for an idiot? You've spent so much time and energy pushing me away and keeping me at arms length. You have never opened up to me."
She began walking toward him. The anger in her voice rose as she approached. And suddenly she unleashed the anger and the hurt she had bottled up.
"At no point in our 'relationship' have I ever been given a clear read on what you think or how you feel. You are a walking double standard. You can date whomever you like and I have to sit quietly while it's rubbed in my face."
She stood toe to toe with him with her finger pointing into his chest.
"And I can't so much as think somebody is cute without you inserting yourself into my life and trying to keep me from dating them. And I would have to be out of my mind to think that's about to change."
She pounded on his chest with her fist and yelled at him.
"When do I get to be happy, Jeff? You say you don't want to break my heart, but don't you understand that harassing my boyfriends into dumping me is doing exactly that?"
She shoved him with all she had and, despite her tiny frame, sent him back several steps.
"I waited a year for you to make up your mind! I'm sick of this! You won't be with me but you won't let anyone else be with me either and THAT'S NOT A DECISION YOU GET TO MAKE!"
He closed the gap between them.
"Annie... I..."
"You WHAT, Jeff?"
He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her. Her arms dropped to her sides in shock. A moment later he broke the kiss off.
Annie's shock was etched on her face. She took a few steps back and her chest heaved with her breathing. Her fingers slowly reached up and touched her lips. Then she looked up at Jeff and walked back up to him.
She slapped him. Hard. The sound of the impact on his face echoed in the nearly empty parking lot. The shock on his face stood out like the imprint of her hand.
"You DON'T get to kiss me. You think that makes everything alright? I've loved you for two years and you threw it in my face. It wasn't even accidental! You knew exactly how I felt and you still pushed me away. And here's the real punch line, Jeff. It worked. I'm done with you. Leave. Me. Alone."
She turned and started to walk away.
"Annie, wait!" Jeff managed between hitched breaths.
But she just kept walking.
"And just like that, she's gone. Without warning, flashes of his time together with Annie found their way into his head. Annie's inadvertent admission that she'd been dressing to gain Jeff's attention. The stolen glances, the lingering looks. Annie's lips locked against his during the debate, outside the Transfer Formal, in the pouring rain after she bought him the painting in the diner and he finally confessed his feeli-"
"Abed! What have I told you about voice-overs?"
"Sorry, It's a crutch."
"How long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough to understand what just happened."
Abed walked over to Jeff and stood next to him as he watched Annie walk away.
"I'm sorry, Jeff."
"It… thanks."
The two friends stood in silence for a moment.
"Abed?"
Abed turned his head and looked at his friend.
"Was that last part from Chasing Amy?"
"I should go."
"Abed, wait… did she really kiss you?"
"Yeah. But it wasn't really me. It was a character I was playing. Annie is attracted to forceful leading men with a narcissistic streak. Don Draper, Han Solo, Dr. Rich, you. I'm not that guy, Jeff. I'm more of a pop-culture-guru-in-an-ensemble-cast guy. And, at the risk of sounding like a rerun, I don't have to play a role to attract women. I attract plenty just by being myself. I am pretty adorable after all."
Abed turned and began walking back to his dorm room.
"Abed, what were you doing in the parking lot?" Jeff asked.
Abed turned back around and said, "I ship you two. You're good for each other in a Parent Trap kind of way." Then he resumed his walk back to the dorms.
Jeff was left by himself in a dimly lit parking lot.
August 13, 2011
A small buzzing woke Jeff from a sound sleep.
He groaned. "Of course… but I can sleep through my alarm clock." The irritation in his voice was unmistakable.
He fumbled on his bedside table for his phone. His hand struck pay dirt and he brought the phone up to his eyes. He hissed in pain and closed one eye as the light from the screen beat its way into his brain, and pushed the answer button without knowing who was there.
"Yeah?" He made no attempt to disguise his annoyance.
A surprised chirp came out of the other end of the phone. It was a voice he hadn't heard in over three months. "Jeff?"
He goes from half asleep to awake and adrenaline fueled in a quarter second.
"Annie? What's wrong? Oh my god, did Pierce die?"
"What? No! I just…" She never got a chance to finish.
"What happened? Why are you calling so late? Are you okay?"
She slows her speech, hoping it calms him down.
"I'm fine, nothing happened! Calm down, Jeff. I… didn't think you'd actually answer. I'm sorry, I'll let you go back to sleep."
Jeff chuckled a little bitterly as he began to calm down. "Well, milady, I don't think sleep is on the docket any more. So why don't you just tell me why you called me at three in the morning after leaving me high and dry for so long."
Annie colored at the mention of her nickname. "Is 'I missed you' a good enough reason?"
Jeff felt his anger slide away from him. His heart skipped a beat and he told it to stop being an excitable preteen girl. "Um… I guess it's good enough. What's new?"
"I'm moving."
"That's good! That sex-shop-attic you call an apartment is nowhere near as nice as you deserve."
"No, Jeff. I'm moving."
He hoped that if he was obtuse she wouldn't mean what she meant.
"I got that part. Where's the new apartment going to be? Somewhere close to Greendale? Your car could use the break."
"Jeff… my new place is going to be in upstate New York."
Her words knocked the wind out of him. An extended silence overtook their conversation.
"I got into the Syracuse University journalism program. They take less than nine percent of applicants and I got in. Full ride."
"Annie that's… fantast-"
"Do you understand why I have to go?" Her voice was thick with emotion.
"No." He held out hope that being obtuse would keep her at Greendale.
"Jeff…" She pleaded.
"Yes. I understand why." He snapped.
"I wanted you to hear this from me. I… know we haven't been exactly close this summer, and I'm sorry…" She trailed off. As he began to think about wrapping up the conversation she broke back in.
"Jeff, you're my best friend."
"No, I'm n-"
"Shush, Jeff. Yes you are. Nobody else in my life has ever gone to half the lengths you have just to be there for me. Nobody."
Jeff muttered to himself. Annie caught the words 'little mermaid' and she smiled in spite of herself.
"When do you leave?"
"Three weeks."
January 1, 2012
"Oh An-nie it was so good to see you again!" Squealed Shirley while she hugged Annie tightly. "You come and see us anytime!"
"Thanks, Mama, I will!"
Troy, who was crying, was next.
"My whole brain is sad! I'm never going to see you again!"
Annie couldn't help but laugh a little. "Troy! You will too!"
"But... when?" Her friend threw his arms around her and buried his face in her
shoulder. She gave him a squeeze and then wriggled her way out his arms.
Abed graciously took over the hug for her.
"Thanks, Abed. I think he had a little too much no-no juice."
"Maybe." Came Troy's muffled voice from Abed's shoulder. Troy's head lifted
from Abed's shoulder in amazement. "Dude... you have the softest shoulder EVER." His sadness immediately forgotten, Troy nuzzled his head back into Abed's shoulder and smiled.
Annie laughed. "Take care of him, Abed. Take care of yourself too."
"Thanks, Annie. I'll miss being able to watch Gilmour Girls with you again. Next time you're in town we have to watch Sex and the City and figure out which character you're going to be in New York."
"Deal." Annie grinned.
Britta pulled Annie in for a hug. "Annie, I'll miss you so much! And I told you they pronounce it 'baggle' in New York."
Annie returned the hug. "I'll miss you too! And they totally do!" She caught the eyes of the other group members over Britta's shoulder and shook her head 'no'.
Pierce was last.
"I'm glad you're back in the group Pierce." Annie began. "I know these guys are crazy, but they care about you. Let 'em in a little. Okay?"
Pierce placed his hand on Annie's shoulder in a fatherly manner before pulling her in for a hug. "No promises. Be safe in New York."
Pierce released Annie in time for her to see Jeff finish his goodbye with Shirley.
"Jeffrey, so help me... if you hurt that poor girl, Jesus Himself won't be able to save you from the whoopin' I will rain down on you. Do you understand me, boy?" Shirley threatened Jeff in a low voice.
"Shirley, we're not even-" Jeff began.
"Jeffrey!" Shirley warned. "Do you understand me?"
"Perfectly." Came Jeff's solemn-sounding reply.
"Then give me a hug!" Shirley squealed.
They left the party, bidding everyone a happy new year, and walked silently for a few steps into the parking lot that served as Pierce's driveway.
"Jeff? Why'd you wait? Annie broke the silence.
"I don't know what you mean." Jeff deflected.
"No. No, no, no. I want an answer. Why did you wait until after I'd left for New York to realize you liked me?"
Jeff considered the question for a moment before responding. "I was too busy Holden-ing you."
"What?"
"You know in The Catcher in the Rye? Holden Caulfield? He wants to preserve peoples' innocence as long as possib-"
"I get the reference, Jeff. I just don't understand how you were 'Holden-ing' me."
"Annie… you're so young and innocent. You still have your idealism. I was afraid that I would make you as jaded as I am… and in doing so, lose what I love most about you. That, and I thought that you were grossed out by how many girls I've slept with."
"Jeff, I went to rehab when I was still in high school. High school. I have every reason to be just as jaded as you. If not more. I maintained my idealism because I wanted to. I chose to. If I hadn't, I would never have made it out of rehab. Somewhere along the way, you let your idealism slip away. That's the difference between us. And sure, you may have had more sex than me, but you're also 12 years older than me.
"I might be younger and less experienced in… that regard, but I've made peace with that. And all this time you've spent making sure you don't hurt me, did you ever stop to think that maybe I knew exactly what I was getting into? Did it ever cross your mind to let me make my own decision? You're the one with the problem here.
"What's funny to me is that you think you're world weary because you lied your way into a job and slept with easy women. From what I've experienced, that's a pretty typical way to spend your twenties if you're a guy. You just took it a little further than most. I don't know what made you the way you are, but I have trouble believing that getting fired from your old firm affected you that much."
Jeff's eyes took on a distant look. He sat silently considering Annie's words for a few moments. When he came back to her, she could tell he'd brought something back with him.
"My dad left when I was very young. I… never really knew him, you know? It was always just me and my mom. She wasn't really ever able to cope with that… with losing him. I wasn't a bad kid or anything… but she didn't know how to relate to me that well. She just spent so much time praising me. Hell, she still does. I think… I think it's her way of trying to keep me close. But it made it so hard to keep perspective on things. I would get a B on a test and she wouldn't encourage me to study harder. Instead, she'd tell me that my teacher was jealous of my potential and that I was the most special boy ever. If you hear that enough, it… damages you. You start believing it.
"When you met me… I don't know how I let it get that far. I started by embellishing on my resume to land a job; I finished by forging a degree from Columbia Law. The crazy thing is… I think Ted knew. But I was such a good liar… and I won so many cases. I think he knew. And I don't think he cared.
"You know how professional athletes, or musicians or actors get into drugs or wind up neck deep in scandals?"
"Yeah." Came Annie's reply.
"Okay, imagine all your life you're told you can do no wrong. Imagine that you hear that daily. Then imagine that when you actually do something wrong, it gets swept under the rug because you can throw a baseball really hard, or sing a note really well, or cry on command."
"Okay."
"Now imagine living your life that way. Years and years pass and just because you have a marketable talent you are given preferential treatment and never have to own up to anything you do wrong. Do you know how hard it becomes to have a strong moral compass when you never have to face the consequences of your actions?
"That was my reality. I thought I was untouchable. And when it all came crashing down I had no idea how to process what had happened. I had no idea how to proceed with my life other than to get that life back as quickly as possible.
"That's what Greendale became for me. I didn't go to school to learn, or to make friends or to be involved in the campus life. I had no aspirations to change the world or better myself. I went to Greendale to get a piece of paper saying I was qualified to lie to 12 complete strangers.
"If Duncan had actually come through with the answers to all the exams, I would have never given the study group a second thought once Britta shot me down."
Annie's gaze hardened at the mention of this. "Why are you telling me this, Jeff?"
"I… I… wasn't looking for anything more than sex with Britta. I need you to know that. It was never about feelings or companionship. Britta's a good friend in her own right, but we would be horrible as a couple. We're too much alike. What happened between me and her... It was easy. For both of us. There were no real feelings or attachments. Neither of us would have ever forced the other to confront their demons and better themselves. There was no... for lack of a better word, 'threat' of a relationship starting. That was just two equally damaged people drowning their sorrows in each other."
At this he broke eye contact and stared up into the sky. Annie watched his nostrils flare as he took several deep breaths.
"Jeff… I sti-" Annie began.
Jeff cut her off.
"I'm good at the grand gesture… at the big, important speeches. I suck at the filler. The stuff that happens in between escapes me and I gloss over it just to get to the next climax… It makes me really good at the crises that always come with any relationship, but the day to day stuff… I don't know if it just doesn't interest me as much, or…. "
He trailed off again.
After a moment he brought his face back down and his eyes found hers.
"I'm trying to be better."
Another brief silence fell over them.
"I'm not perfect, Annie. But… I'll keep trying. If it means… you know… you."
A small smile played at her lips and she looked down at the empty space of parking lot between them. "So…" Her eyes rolled up to meet his. "You really like me, don't you?"
A laugh burst out of Jeff and he closed his eyes. He slowly opened them and
held her gaze. "Yeah, I really do."
She looked up at him. It took him back to the way she had looked at him outside the Transfer Formal, just after she'd kissed him and right before he'd kissed her. He felt a surprising pull of emotion run through his stomach.
"Alright then, Winger. Take me home."
He closed the distance between them in one step and put one hand on her waist. The other found its way into hers and they intertwined their fingers. He placed his lips next to her ear and whispered three short words. Upon hearing and registering them, she turned her head and immediately pushed her lips against his.
"Woohooooo! Go Jeff!"
"Troy! Not so loud!" Came Britta's voice.
Jeff and Annie looked back to Pierce's house and saw the whole study group standing on the veranda and watching them kiss.
"Elton John was married, Jeff. It doesn't mean anything." Came Pierce's barb. This time he followed it up with a genuine smile and a good natured wink.
Abed waggled his eyebrows rapidly and Shirley waved excitedly.
Blushing fiercely, and with dumbfounded looks on their faces, Annie and Jeff each raised a hand in a halfhearted wave back, then quickly walked to Jeff's car and got inside.
And then he took her home.
September 6th, 2011
He had been engaged in a staring contest with his phone for the better part of an hour; a staring contest he was losing.
"Dammit…" Jeff swore under his breath. "Why aren't you ringing?"
It had been four days since Jeff had spoken to Annie. It had been three days since she had left for New York. It had been two days since Jeff had realized he missed her and realized what missing her meant. It had been one day since he'd started working up the courage to call her. And it had been twelve hours since he had left Annie a voicemail that she had yet to return.
Suddenly his phone came to life in his hand. The initial vibration signifying the incoming call had startled him. The name displaying on the caller ID had terrified him. The realization of what he wanted to say thrilled him. He pressed the green
button and a barely audible 'hello' fell out of his mouth.
"Jeff?" Came the bright voice from the other side of the country. "Are you there?"
Jeff cleared his throat. "Yeah, I'm here. Sorry."
"It's no problem. I got your voicemail. What is this 'something important' you have to tell me?" Her impression of him was more accurate than he'd ever admit.
Jeff froze. He had been ready to tell Annie that he wanted her to come home. He had been ready to tell Annie that he wanted her. But she was nearly two thousand miles away pursuing her dream. It was several days too late to confide his feelings. And yet…
"I like you." The words slid out of his mouth without him being aware.
A gasp on the other end of the line brought him back to his senses.
"You… like me? You're going to tell me that now?"
His heart dropped into his stomach.
"Annie, I didn't mean-"
He was cut off when a peal of laughter burst from the speaker of his Blackberry.
"What's funny?" Jeff said, feeling more than a little defensive.
"Your timing sucks!" Annie managed between giggles.
Somehow, even with as lousy as he was currently feeling, her giggle made him smile. "I know it does. I guess you don't always know what you have until it leaves for New York. I miss you. When does your holiday break start? You need to come home."
There was a genuine sadness in her voice. "Oh, Jeff... this is home now. The only reason I was able to even transfer out here was because they gave me a full scholarship. I exhausted all my other funds just arranging the move. I don't
know when I'll be able to visit."
"You need to give me a little credit, Edison. Are you going to spend Thanksgiving, Hanukkah and Christmas in an empty dorm room in New York? I don't think so. I'm paying for your flights home and you can even stay at my place. My couch is a hideaway bed and I have plenty of space. I won't take no for an answer."
"I couldn't impose on you like that. I wouldn't even be able to pay you ba-"
"It's not an imposition and I don't want to be paid back."
After a moment's consideration, Annie said "Is this just some ploy to get me back in Colorado so you can hit on me?"
"Who, me?" Jeff feigned his innocence.
She laughed. "Alright, fine. I'll fly back for the holidays."
"Sounds good." Jeff feigned nonchalance.
"Oh my God, Jeff! I can hear you grinning!"
January 2nd, 2012
"I'm not going to lie to you, Annie. I wish you didn't have to go back."
He stood motionless in his living room, watching her go over the third revision of her packing list. Annie had been uncharacteristically quiet all day. Jeff chalked it up to her not wanting to leave.
She was quiet for a few moments more, then she put down the list and turned to him. "I have to go back to New York."
"I kn-"
"Jeff. I have to. It's not that I haven't had fun seeing everyone and spending time with you, but…"
"If you stay here, then you will become complacent about never reaching for your goals. You will stay here with... me and go back to Greendale and probably lead an okay life. But if you go back to New York…" Jeff supplied. To his credit, he actually understood.
"How many people really have the chance to chase their dreams? Especially after the way I left high school?"
"You've got to go back, Annie. I know that. I know why.But is it okay if I wish you didn't? Is it okay if I wish you could stay here?"
She finally smiled.
"Yeah. It's okay." She was silent for a moment. "You're not going to give up on me are you? While I'm back in New York?"
As she said this Annie's eyes narrowed. She pursed her lips and pushed them down thereby elongating her nose. Her ears shifted back slightly and she sucked in her cheeks allowing a hollow to form just below her cheekbones. Her left eyebrow raised slightly while her right scrunched down right above her squinting
right eye.
Jeff was left completely confused.
"Are you alright?" His voice was thick with concern.
Just as suddenly as her face had shifted, it shifted back. She looked genuinely distraught as she tilted her face up at Jeff. "Dammit! That was my intimidation face!"
An instant later Jeff found himself sitting on the ground, leaning against the wall, and holding his sides as his entire body shook with laughter.
Upon seeing this, Annie's eyes narrowed again and her mouth became tight. Her displeasure was clear. Jeff took a few moments to stand back up and compose himself.
"Oh man, Edison." Jeff wiped tears out of his eyes while still
chuckling. "You are way to cute for my own good. And no, I won't give up."
"Did you mean it?" She asked. Jeff had never seen her look more vulnerable.
"What you said last night... Is that really how you feel?"
Jeff carefully considered his words before replying.
"Feelings aren't always that easy, Annie. They're rough and uncomfortable and hard to pin down. If you ask me how I feel about you now and compare it to how I felt about you yesterday or how I'll feel about you tomorrow you will get different answers.
"I don't think love isn't a feeling, though. Not really. Love is a choice. Love is a decision you make. And I made that choice long before I was ever ready to admit it. Love is knowing that ultimately you will either lose that person, or they will lose you. Love is knowing that you are destined to hurt or to be hurt. It could be a breakup, divorce, a tragic accident, a long battle with a terminal illness, or peacefully in your sleep after years and years of marriage. It does. Not. Matter.
But that's what love is. Love is knowing that unchangeable fact and still picking that person over that fact.
"And I'm sorry if that sounds fatalistic, or macabre. But it is both of those things. I know that, invariably, one of us will stop having it, or die. And here's the kicker. I know that, and I don't care. The opportunity to spend more time knowing you and just being near you is so worth it. If it's sixty minutes or sixty years it doesn't matter because you are the best person I know. The best person I have ever known. And you scare me because you make me want to be better. And you t
thrill me because you accept that I'm not.
"So, yes. I meant every word. What I said was not spur of the moment, nor was it the alcohol talking. However long we have together, it's worth it. I love you. I'm going to be right here, pining for my dream while she's in New York chasing hers. I will never give up on you."
September 4th, 2011
He showed up at Britta's apartment with bloodshot eyes, puffy cheeks and rumpled clothes. Britta could see that much through her peephole. She was not in a mood to deal with drunken Jeff. She braces herself for the smell of alcohol
when she opens the door.
"Hitting the bottle hard tonight, huh pal?"
Jeff's eyes narrowed and his eyebrow rose slightly. Britta noticed that her olfactory wasn't assaulted by scotch fumes.
"I haven't been dri-"
"Have you been… crying?" Britta cut him off; her disbelief written on her expression.
"I didn't know where else to go. Annie left."
"Wait, what?"
"Annie left." Jeff repeated dully.
"Duh-doy. I know that. I helped you plan the going away party. 'Wait, what' to you being upset that she left. I thought you were still trying to pretend she meant nothing to you."
It dawned on Jeff that he was lamenting his current crush to his former lover. "Britta, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here like this. I owe you better."
"Duh-doy again. Now come inside before one of my cats sneaks out."
Jeff stepped inside and took off his jacket and stepped out of his shoes.
"You want some green tea?"
"Uh, sure. Do you mind if I use your bathroom?"
"Go ahead, you remember where it is?"
"Yeah, thanks."
Jeff padded down the hallway into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He flipped the light switch and looked at himself in the mirror. It was suddenly apparent why Britta thought he was drunk. He ran some cool water in the sink and splashed a few handfuls on his face. The effect was immediate. His nerves calmed and he began to feel like himself again. He dried his hands, left the bathroom and walked back into the living room. There he found Britta seated on the couch holding two cups. He sat down beside her and took his.
"Thanks." He said and took a few sips while a silence stole over them. Britta contented herself to simply look at Jeff until he had gathered himself enough to speak.
"So…" He began, "You already know all the details?"
"I can guess. But why you waited until she left to admit to yourself that you like her is beyond me."
"It's... complicated."
"I very much doubt that." Britta smirked.
"Yeah..." Jeff began. "I didn't know what I had in front of me. She pushed me, so I pushed back. By the time it even occurred to me what I was pushing back against, she was leaving."
"Sounds like just about every relationship I've ever had."
Jeff gave a short laugh.
A silence crept between them.
"So, what's new with you?" Jeff spoke first.
"Troy and I…" Britta admitted sheepishly.
Jeff's face lit up. "Really? That's a good thing. He's liked you for awhile now."
"Jeff, I'm sorry I treated you so poorly last year." It comes out of her mouth before she knows it's there.
"Britta, you didn't treat me poorly. Far from it."
"I di-"
"You didn't. You and I are good. Things were a little weird at the beginning, when the hurt from the Tranny Dance was still fresh. But you were always a good friend to me, in your own way."
Britta smiled at him; she smiled at her friend.
"And I'm sorry I came traipsing over here like this. I know what I need to do. Walk me out, would you?"
She took their teacups into the kitchen and dumped them in the sink while Jeff put his shoes and coat back on. As she unlocked the door to let Jeff out he turned to her and put his hand on her shoulder.
"Hey. You and Troy. That's a good thing for you both, you know? But do me a favor."
"Depends." Britta's leery tone made it clear she was not used to Jeff being nice.
"You and I are a lot alike in many ways. One of which is our tendency to cut and run when things get real. Don't do that with Troy. If it ever gets too far out of your comfort zone, remember you can talk to me. I'm... you know... always here for you."
He turned to leave and tried to ignore the look of pure shock on her face.
And hasn't that been the moral of this story for the last 2 years?"
"Hasn't what?" Jeff watched the look of shock turn into a genuine smile.
"You really don't see it? You started the study group to get in my pants. You ended up needing us to pass Spanish. Fine. But then why agree to take Anthropology with us? There are dozens of other electives you could have gone with, but you stuck with us. Why?"
"I dont..." He didn't have an answer.
"For as much as you deny it, that study group became your friends. It may have taken people as equally damaged as you to reach you, but we did. You're always there for any one of us who needs you. Even Chang. Even at great
pains to your preferred lifestyle."
"I think you're imagining things."
"Am I? Word gets around, Winger. Why didn't Chang have to sleep in a dumpster? Why did Pierce get back together with that spy from the rival company? Who was the first person to talk to Andre when it came out that Chang had slept with Shirley? Why did Troy have an impromptu twenty-first birthday party? Why did you plan that party for Abed's birthday? Why didn't you stay at that party at your old firm and ditch the Pop-and-Lock-athon? Why did jeopardize your relationship with Slater to get drunk and leave me a forty-five minute long voicemail so things wouldn't be weird between us?"
"I,,," He still didn't have an answer,
"The answer to all of those questions boils down to one simple truth: your friends needed you, and you chose to be there for them. And I'll wrinkle your brain further. You passed on sleeping with Slater for one of us. You threw yourself between her and what you thought would be an explosion. You worked to win a debate for her after a wheelchair with a soul patch taunted her. You even risked failing your Spanish final when you thought Chang would hurt her. I could go on."
"I'll bet you could. What's your point?"
"You love her, don't you?"
She smirked again as it became obvious that she'd caught him off guard. At this she stretched up and gave him a quick kiss on his cheek.
"You're a good man, Jeff Winger. Sorry to break the news to you."
He sighed resignedly. Then a wry smile slowly spread across his face. "I have an image to maintain, here. So if you tell that to anybody else, I will disavow all knowledge and then I will exact my slow and painful revenge on you."
"Your secret is safe with me." She laughed with her friend as he turned and left her apartment. A few moments later her phone buzzed to inform her it had received a text.
"Slow and painful. –Jeff"
Britta smiled. Then typed back a response.
"So you know what you have to do, huh?"
She didn't wait long before she saw his response.
"Yep. I just have to never give up."