chapter 1:
The phone calls, The texts and the video calls always seemed to hold me over, but knowing we were never together for real was a horrible thought. One year ago today I met him, I never expected it to happen though, because I was at a horrible point in my life. He did not come in and sweep me off my feet. He did not make me melt like prince charming, his beauty did not strike me.. His being was simply enough for me.
I hated Keeping our relationship a secret, and at times, I often wondered if any of this was worth it, but somehow he always made me stay. Countless times I was ready to leave, but then he would walk in, and just his smile would paralyze me.. making it impossible for me to even consider leaving.
His hugs, his kisses, his soul made me love him. He tried so hard, but so did I. I didn't want to leave him, but I always wondered that if i did, would he chase me? But the thought of letting him go was terrifying to think about for too long. Every night I'd dream of his lips on mine, how his skin felt lying next to me, how he would hold me when we slept.. but then every time i would wake up and he was never there, and my disappointment only grew stronger and stronger in time.
Everything reminded me of him. I couldn't listen to music, or watch TV without thinking about him. I couldn't go on long drives without thinking about him being gone, and most of my time was spent crying, crying that he couldnt be here with me.
Everyday, day after day thought i would think about him. I would think about the times when he held my hand when I was having problems that I knew he couldn't fix. Or the times when I was in no mood to smile, but somehow he always knew how to make me feel beautiful. Remembering the good times were great, but then again, my mind would wander back to the times when i wanted him and he wasn't there. It wasn't his fault, and I knew that.. but it still crushed me to think that when i needed him the most, he was too far away, too bust and to famous to ever be with someone like me…