Disclaimer: Nothing and no-one is mine..(only in my dreams!)
*OK, this is my first fic..Set directly after 'Kissangani', and contains nothing from s10 because I'm in the UK.*
*
*
*
*
*
It felt right. He didn't even have to be touching her, just watching her, in her peaceful slumber, made something melt inside of him and immediately all the walls he'd been building inside in the previous weeks collapsed.
During his time playing 'Jungle Doc', as Abby had so affectionately called it, he had spent the cold nights comforting himself with thoughts of being at home with her, not even doing anything, just being there, pretty much like he was now. But during the rough days, the harsh reality would come back to haunt him and he would successfully convince himself that it was just too hard. Looking down on the mothers who were watching their babies die of AIDS, the husbands who were grieving for their brides, he could see that their pain was unavoidable, but he could stop his own. He could set Abby free, and maybe then he'd see her smile once more.
And with this final thought Carter rose from the bed, before he felt himself slip any deeper. Another second there and he knew he'd never be able to bring himself to leave. And besides, he didn't think he'd be able to hear those words from her, those words that he knew she'd be saying. The ones he'd promised himself he'd be the one to say. She hadn't even stirred, but as she slept soundly he knew she'd already moved on.
He left the apartment as silently as he'd entered, walking by the drinks cabinet that now only held soda and bottled water, and the almost-empty pack of nicotine patches on the table. His fingers brushed lightly against the blue vase that had previously been home to the dried flowers that Carter had never understood, but now held a bunch of long-stemmed roses in various shades of pinks that were accompanied by a card from someone named Rob. Carter felt a pang of jealousy as he picked up his bags and closed the door behind him, only briefly looking back at what he'd lost.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
For the first time in what seemed like forever Abby had dreamt about Carter. She had let herself dream about him. Such a sweet dream, that wrapped her in a warmth that she hadn't felt since he'd left for the Congo. However, even though she hadn't dreamt about him, not a night had gone by when she didn't hate him, worry for him and love him all at the same time. And not a day went by when she wouldn't hide this from the world.
For a second, just for a second, she lay there, wishing she could rewind time and stay lost in that dream. He lingered in the room, and as she stood in that moment, a smile almost graced her lips. It was not the tired smile she would wear at the hospital (because God knows, without that she would be wide open to the sincere yet standard barrage of questions from people who were often asking after Carter, or sometimes asking after Abby herself, but that she could not bear to answer because she was as in the dark as them), but it was an honest smile. An open smile. A true smile. But still, it was not quite there.
Abby slowly brought herself back to the real world and ripped back the curtains, revealing the harsh light of day. She refreshed the water in the vase of roses, sent by her cousin Rob the previous day, to the smell of burnt toast and the sound of a lone dripping tap, the tap she swore she'd get fixed that week, and the week before that. Once again, she left for work knowing that she was just going through the motions, but also knew that it filled the gap of the one thing that was missing from her life. The one thing she was looking for.
*OK, this is my first fic..Set directly after 'Kissangani', and contains nothing from s10 because I'm in the UK.*
*
*
*
*
*
It felt right. He didn't even have to be touching her, just watching her, in her peaceful slumber, made something melt inside of him and immediately all the walls he'd been building inside in the previous weeks collapsed.
During his time playing 'Jungle Doc', as Abby had so affectionately called it, he had spent the cold nights comforting himself with thoughts of being at home with her, not even doing anything, just being there, pretty much like he was now. But during the rough days, the harsh reality would come back to haunt him and he would successfully convince himself that it was just too hard. Looking down on the mothers who were watching their babies die of AIDS, the husbands who were grieving for their brides, he could see that their pain was unavoidable, but he could stop his own. He could set Abby free, and maybe then he'd see her smile once more.
And with this final thought Carter rose from the bed, before he felt himself slip any deeper. Another second there and he knew he'd never be able to bring himself to leave. And besides, he didn't think he'd be able to hear those words from her, those words that he knew she'd be saying. The ones he'd promised himself he'd be the one to say. She hadn't even stirred, but as she slept soundly he knew she'd already moved on.
He left the apartment as silently as he'd entered, walking by the drinks cabinet that now only held soda and bottled water, and the almost-empty pack of nicotine patches on the table. His fingers brushed lightly against the blue vase that had previously been home to the dried flowers that Carter had never understood, but now held a bunch of long-stemmed roses in various shades of pinks that were accompanied by a card from someone named Rob. Carter felt a pang of jealousy as he picked up his bags and closed the door behind him, only briefly looking back at what he'd lost.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
For the first time in what seemed like forever Abby had dreamt about Carter. She had let herself dream about him. Such a sweet dream, that wrapped her in a warmth that she hadn't felt since he'd left for the Congo. However, even though she hadn't dreamt about him, not a night had gone by when she didn't hate him, worry for him and love him all at the same time. And not a day went by when she wouldn't hide this from the world.
For a second, just for a second, she lay there, wishing she could rewind time and stay lost in that dream. He lingered in the room, and as she stood in that moment, a smile almost graced her lips. It was not the tired smile she would wear at the hospital (because God knows, without that she would be wide open to the sincere yet standard barrage of questions from people who were often asking after Carter, or sometimes asking after Abby herself, but that she could not bear to answer because she was as in the dark as them), but it was an honest smile. An open smile. A true smile. But still, it was not quite there.
Abby slowly brought herself back to the real world and ripped back the curtains, revealing the harsh light of day. She refreshed the water in the vase of roses, sent by her cousin Rob the previous day, to the smell of burnt toast and the sound of a lone dripping tap, the tap she swore she'd get fixed that week, and the week before that. Once again, she left for work knowing that she was just going through the motions, but also knew that it filled the gap of the one thing that was missing from her life. The one thing she was looking for.