Title: A Merry Little Christmas.
Author: Andréa
Summary: First Christmas of Sam and Martin together
Rating: PG-13
Category: M/S Romance.
Spoiler: The Bus, A Tree Falls.
Disclaimer: None of them are mine.... how sad could it be?
Author's note: Hey, people, it's me again! This is just a short piece I thought in doing while watching soap opera and listening to 'Fade Into You'. it's just a silly Christmas fic. Hope you like it. And please, excuse my English... it isn't my first spoken language and it wasn't beta read. Martin's POV.
~~~~*~~~~
"Have you ever loved someone, not like a dog or a parent, but someone you find out of dumb luck that makes your life everything you never thought it'd be?" --- From Crossing Jordan.
~~~~*~~~~
I sat there, gathering my things, watching as she tucked her hair behind her ear as it glistened through the weak sunlight of late December. She occasionally looked up, smiling at the people who passed by wishing her a Merry Christmas and her smile was illuminated and radiant, thought I could tell it wasn't completely honest. I don't know what is this, but I was always able to tell when she was truly putting her feelings on a smile. Perhaps it was something about Christmas that made her sad.
I watched her moving around for so long it stopped being 'looking' to turn into 'staring'. That's right, I wasn't looking anymore, I was staring and I think she felt my eyes on her because she looked up straight at me and her eye caught my eye.
Right from the minute I laid eyes on her, all these feelings I have never felt in my entire life before, suddenly just came inside of me. The first time I had seen her beauty she took my breath away instantly. I felt something completely new to me; a wall of nervousness blocked me from her at first because I let it overcome me. She was something brand new, she was just a piece of god's art and she just woke up all the butterflies in me.
She smiled at me as our eyes locked, that smile I was almost sure she reserved just for me and I internally melted. I was still staring at her as she walked towards me, my palms suddenly went sweaty and I could feel my heart beat rapidly as she approached. There were papers in one hand and her coat hanging in the other, her moves were graceful, the light circling her face making her look like an angel.
"Hey." She said, we were now face to face and I had to admit, she was even more beautiful then and those eyes... they were so beautiful, so full of life. I could look into them for the rest of my life and not miss a damn thing in the world.
She rested her hip on the edge of my desk, her smile never leaving her face.
"Hey." I said back smiling too. How could I not? She was the most amazing and beautiful woman I have ever met and the way she smiled at me or spoke to me, it was just something so different, warm, it was like its fingers reached deep down in my soul and caressed it.
"So, you coming tonight?" She asked softly, looking more interested in the papers she was struggling to keep in her hand.
"I don't know." I answered honestly. I really didn't, it all depended on her. If she came than I would come too, but if she wasn't coming than what the purpose of coming? I'd have nothing to do here. "Are you?" I tried to sound nonchalant and don't know why... I should know better after the last time I did that, when she had asked me for a drink and I just cut her off saying I couldn't and hurting the last person I wanted to hurt. She thought she could fool me, ha, impossible. I should have talked to her, tried to fix things but I was just a coward to do so. I have feelings for her so shouldn't I just show it instead of trying to dismiss it?
"I don't know either." She giggled, and oh boy, that was the most amazing giggle I have ever heard. I didn't mean to sound cheesy or anything, but she just does that to me. "I mean, I have nothing better to do, but..." She shrugged, her eyes never leaving mine and suddenly I felt hard to breath, or hard to say something to comfort her. I felt like she was giving me some kind of hint, sign that I couldn't quite understand right now. Well part of me couldn't but other surely did because the next thing I heard myself asking her out.
"What if we come together?" I felt my hands sweating again as I waited for her answer.
"Sure." She said, her voice steady but I could swear I felt the joy in it and a big smile spread across my face.
"I'll pick you up in... two hours sound good?"
"Perfect." She said, her head tilted to the side and a grin formed over her lips. "See you then." She moved, her hip leaving my desk and I'm sure she would have waved as she went away, but since her hands were full she just gave me a tiny shake of head.
Then she was gone. The joy she brought me was now gone. But I could still smell her scent. Her wonderful scent. I wanted to grab it in my hand and locked it away inside a bottle to keep it with me all the time, whenever she wasn't around, whenever her scent wasn't around.
I stood and put my coat on before gathering my own things and heading home. I had yet two hours to get ready and go to her place and.... "Shit!" I cursed when realization hit me. Where the hell did she leave? I didn't know her address and she hadn't even remembered that little fact to write this down to me.
I took my things in my hand and ran to the elevator, hoping I'd get her before she left. I pushed the elevator button once, twice; three times hitting it hard when the damn thing didn't open its doors. Why did it bother me? I could very well call her and ask it, couldn't I? But, somewhere deep inside I knew I just wanted to see her again, to feel her scent again.
I was distracted from my thoughts when the 'ding' from the elevator sounded. I quickly got in and pushed the button to the parking lot. The trip down seemed to be even slower than the wait for it to first open the doors and I had the impulse to check my watch, for what I didn't know, since I had no idea what time was when she left. Habit I guess.
As the time went by I thought I wouldn't catch her anymore, it seemed like I had spent hours in that elevator. When the doors finally opened I was surprised to see Sam entering her car and realized it had been only a few minutes. "Sam!" I called as I hurried to where she was.
"Martin?" She half questioned, half stated. And her voice, it was so gentle and it made a rush of happiness and relief run through me.
"Hey." I smiled somewhat shyly. "You know, I don't have your address. It would be kind of hard to pick you up if I don't know where you live."
She smiled too and soon it turned into a chuckle. It was so soft and spontaneous and I swear I saw her flush, her cheeks becoming a soft red as she tried to disguise the shyness and even when she was embarrassed she looked beautiful and I felt like I wanted to spend my whole life with her.
"Yeah." She said sounding as though she had just realized it. She searched inside her pockets for something and soon a piece of paper and a pen were in her hands. She wrote down her address, I saw and a telephone number. "Here." She gave me the piece of paper and I looked at it as her finger ran soft over it, showing what she had wrote. "This is my address and my home number if you need it." Her head was slightly tilted and as she looked up at me to see if I got it she smiled sweetly, her eyes closing a bit.
Address and home number. That was good. "Much better." I couldn't be any more stupid. "See you in two hours then." I ended our conversation before I could get even more stupid. What could I do? She had just... She just… she just went inside of me and I let her. I let her took everything inside me and I'm still letting her take it.
"Bye." She said and got into her car. I stepped aside to make room for her and then she left again.
"Bye." I whispered to no one, as I stood there, looking down at her handwriting.
~~~~*~~~~
It was December 24. Christmas Eve. Our people in the FBI did a Christmas party every year for the agents, some kind of bonding party. I never really cared about them or any Christmas party for that matter. But this year things had changed considerably. This year that party was the only thing in my mind, the only thing I was looking forward to just because I was going to take Sam.
She was... I don't know... She was like sunshine, like rain on an extremely hot day, like late night calls to your best friend, like hot bath on a cold day, like laughs without a reason. She was what you felt when these things happened. She was that warm feeling. I was completely drawn to her. Her beauty was as great as her personality. I have never met anyone like her before, she was different and I liked her.
But something had always to get in the way.
I had that family party at nine, at my parents' house. I didn't really want to go, face my dad's wrath, hear him talking about how privileged I am, hear my unties babbling and blah, blah, blah, all that family crap you have to endure. I was so excited about spending the time with Sam that I had forgotten completely about my family's party and hadn't decided on what to do. The problem was that I had already agreed to pick up Sam but I wouldn't be able to bring her back home. Not if she wanted to stay at the FBI party until late.
I stared at my telephone for nearly twenty minutes, wondering what to do. I wasn't sure if I should call her and tell her that or if I should... I don't... I really didn't know what to do. One thing I knew for sure, I had to call her.
Before I could change my mind I grabbed the telephone and dialed her number, waiting anxiously for her answer.
"Hello?"
"Um, hi Sam."
"Martin? What's up?" I heard the slightly disappointment in her voice and was actually thrilled that she would feel like that because she thought something bad was going to happen.
"Hey, well, listen.. I forgot I had this party at my parents'..." I started but she didn't let me finish, she cut me off, obviously trying to hide the hurt in her voice, but she failed.
"Oh, that's... that's ok. No problem. I guess I'll see after the holidays then."
"No! No." I hurried. She was actually thinking I would dump her like that? "It's not that. I'm just saying that I won't be able to stay until too late. I was just wondering if it would be ok if I brought you home at nine."
I swear I heard a sigh of relief coming from her end and had to smile. "Oh, I guess it's ok. I'm just going because you are going."
"Yeah." I chuckled. "Same here."
I heard she chuckling too and I couldn't hide the fact I was delighted. "See you later then."
"Bye." I hung up feeling more pleased than I have ever felt. Now I just needed to finish getting ready and go to pick her up.
~~~~*~~~~
I was nervous; I had to tell, as I stood by her door, gathering the courage to knock. As my hand went up I actually thought about running away. I don't know where the hell that thought came from, but it did and I felt ashamed by that. I knocked softly and put my hands in my pockets to hide them. They were sweated and tremulous and have no sure why. It was just Sam, the woman I had worked with for two years, the woman I had talked to for two years. What was the damn problem?
I guess that was the problem... She wasn't just Sam, she wasn't just a woman.
"Coming." I heard her calling, her voice muffled by the thick door and the sound of her voice, for the first time just made more nervous. Before I realized the door was open and the most incredible sight in the whole world stood in front of me. "Hi." She said and as I looked at her, as I saw her smile my heart fluttered and all the feelings came rushing back. Whenever I see her, it's like it's the first time ever. It always felt new. I always felt like that when I lay eyes on her.
"Hi." I said for the lack of better words.
"Sorry I took so long to open the door. I was looking for my purse." She brought her purse up for me to see and continued her talking. "I bought it when I went on a trip to Las Vegas."
"Vegas? Really?" We talked so easily, my nervousness kind of went away as she spoke, her tranquility amazed me and made me feel so good, like no one ever had. She made me feel as if I was on top of everything, like I was worth everything.
"Yeah. Have you ever gone to Las Vegas?"
"Yes, a few years ago."
"It's amazing there, isn't? All the lights, the colors, the music... It makes you feel as if you are the centre of everything."
"Yeah then they suck your money away like leeches." She busted up laughing and I melted... God, she looked so cute. I would be laughing too, but I was staring at her... again.
We walked side by side to the elevators, her beauty filling my eyes, her perfume filling my nose, all I could think that moment was how beautiful she looked, how beautiful she was.
~~~~*~~~~
We had arrived at the FBI and almost everyone was there. Viv had brought her family to meet her friends; Jack had brought Kate and Hanna to a quick hello, allowing Marie to prepare their own Christmas party without two young kids running around. Danny had brought his new girlfriend and then only lasted Sam and I.
Sam... her name brought a whole new wave of old feelings. Not old, but those feelings I felt for her. I don't know what was that with us, it is just... there's this connection with her. Right from the minute I saw her, I felt it. It was like sparks of some sort; and it's still alive as ever. It never died down, it never grew small; in fact, it grew big.
I looked around and found the person I was searching for sitting alone on a chair by the ponche, her fingers dancing over the table, mapping an invisible figure. I felt bad for leaving her alone; even for the few minutes I went to get a drink for us. Next time she's going with me. "Here it is." I said as I put her glass in front of her.
She looked up and gave me a smile and I gave her one in return. Right that moment a new song started playing and I put my glass down, stretching my hand at her. "May I have this dance?"
She smiled and put her glass down too and happily accepted my hand. "Sure."
I took her to the middle of the bullpen where a few couples where dancing. Putting my arms around her soft waist I couldn't help the thought of how her skin seemed so soft, gentle to the touch, and I could feel it, I could as I touched slightly her bare back, free of any piece of clothes. She felt so good in my arms. She sent me chills as her fingers touched the back of my neck. I wanted to take her, kiss her right there, be with her; but I had to fight the urge.
We stayed there for a few minutes until the song ended. I moaned within regretting the fact that we should pull back now and was caught by surprise when she didn't. She stayed in my arms like that for a few more seconds, and then she pulled back and looked at me, smiling brightly. She didn't take her hands off my neck, so I left my hands around her. Well, I didn't want to let her go anyway. But she did it; she pulled away slightly, just enough to walk to a chair. At least someone was conscious at the moment.
She sat back on the chair she was occupying before and I followed her. I sat next to her and we resumed talking. It was so strange; there wasn't an ounce of silence between us. I felt so comfortable with her. Like I could talk to her about anything and everything, from the silliest thing to the important ones and she would just listen and comment and tell me her own things. I lost track of time, I always did when I was with her.
After a long time chatting something suddenly clicked in my head and I felt the urge to look at my watch, I felt my stomach twisting. "Oh, shit."
"What?"
"It's 9:20. I should be at my parents' right now."
"Oh."
My heart sank at the fact I had to leave, I didn't want to. And as I looked at her it only increased even more, seeing how disappointed she looked. I would have asked her to come with me but she really didn't have to suffer under my dad's wrath and disagreement of whom I was spending Christmas with. I didn't need to take her there to know it. I knew my father and it doesn't matter who she was, he would never agree with me. "Come on. I'll take you home, unless you want to stay more."
"Oh, no, it's ok. I have nothing to do here anymore." She said, a sweet smile playing on her lips and I felt the urge to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her. So badly.
We got up and walked to where our coats where hanging. She took her coat and I helped her to put it on, earning a smile for a thank you and waited as she took her purse.
I drove back to her place, all the while silent, both of us. I think she wanted it because she didn't make any attempt to do small talk. I didn't care, the silence was comfortable anyway. A few minutes later I pulled over in front of her apartment. I eyed her as she opened her door. I didn't want her to go, I didn't want to stay away from her. I opened my door and quickly walked around my car to meet her. I just wanted to be with her a little longer.
"See you after the holidays." She said softly, her voice sounding like a whisper of an angel.
"Yeah, I guess." I said uncertainly. Perhaps we would meet before it, who knows? She turned around, her back facing me and walked to the entrance of her building. I stood there; watching her walking away, each step she took was a step farther from me. Physically, but not mentally.
I turned too when I was sure she was already safely inside. I wanted her, this was a fact. I've always felt something for her since the first time we met. I am a guy; she's a girl, we could be together. Right? There was a chance; I knew it, but how big? Could I win her heart like she won mine? Would she even want to be with me? That bad feeling in my gut for leaving her making my stomach hurt, screaming to my mind to turn around and go back to her. I couldn't do it, of course not, but it seemed she could and it seemed her mind was receiving the same message.
As soon as I had turned I heard her calling my name uncertainly and weakly then I felt a hand softly on my shoulder and I turned back, facing her. Before I could say something back, before I could even blink or breathe I felt her soft lips over mine. Sweet Jesus. I never imagined her lips could be so soft. It wasn't a hard kiss or an open-mouthed kiss, it was soft, gentle. Just a brush of lips I almost didn't feeel and as soon as her lips had touched mine they pulled away.
Was it real or was I hallucinating?
She tilted her head to the side as my eyes caught hers. There was this gleam in her eyes that seemed to make her glistened face glisten even more. It brought out the color in her eyes and made it brighter. The way her brown eyes met mine was just... just indescribable. There was something in her eyes, the way she looked at me. Something that... that made think about love.
She bit her lip. I saw that, I saw how she bit her lip nervously and the word cute ran through my head. She smiled a tiny uncertain smile and then ran back inside. I stood there again, watching her walk, or better, ran. I couldn't make out what had just happened, what she had just done. All I felt for her wasn't even close to what I felt for anyone before and that simple fact she had kissed me meant something.
But, shit, I couldn't sort all this out right now. I had my family's party to go and I was already late. It was already 9:30 and I would take at least ten minutes to get to my parents' house. I don't know why I cared. My dad was already pissed off anyway... but I did. For some reason, even knowing nothing would ever make my dad happy I still tried. I still fucking tried.
I got into my car and drove, finally arriving where I should be forty minutes early. Boy, I could already hear my dad's voice saying how ungrateful I am and blah, blah, blah...
I knocked softly on the heavy wood door, almost fearful, my heart skipping a beat, my head screaming to run away, run back to Sam. I actually considered that and I was almost turning when the door opened and my mom's face popped out with a big smile showing how happy she was that I was there.
"Honey! You made it." She said softly her arms coming around me to a tight hug.
"Sorry I'm late."
"That's all right honey. The important thing is that you came."
That's my mom. Always understandable and nice. So different from my dad. And there he was, I spotted him as I entered the house, already feeling his hard glare from where he was. When he saw me he started walking my direction immediately and I could swear he was rehearsing what he was going to say. "Dad." I said without emotion, though within I wanted so baldy he would give me a hug and tell me Merry Christmas.
"You came at last. I was sure you wouldn't."
"I told you I would come." He only grunted something I didn't understand and walked away. I sighed and looked at my mom who was standing next to me watching that little scene without a word. She smiled apologetically at me and closed the door as I stepped inside.
The house was full of guests, family and friends and I kinda felt out of place there. It was weird, you know? This feeling of uneasy in your own parents' home while with Sam I felt as if everything was right. I greeted a few people and went to get a drink and as soon as I had had my first sip my mom came to me and pulled me to meet some friends. They were my dad's friends so they were all older, my dad's age I could say.
I sat next to one of them and listened without real interest what they were saying. Sometimes they would ask me something and I would answer and then stay mute. I didn't really want to talk. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to spend Christmas with... my family.
I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. I rubbed my face trying to clear me head, trying to forget about the people around me, the insignificant people. As I kept my eyes closed, images of Sam came running through my head. I touched my lips with two fingers as I remembered the kiss she gave me and my feeling only grew stronger after that. Well, they were always growing and becoming stronger with time. It was like every time I looked at her I fell in love with her all over again.
That's right, love. God, I had never thought about love that away before, like something you depend on, something you're eternally bonded. I thought it was kind of strong at first, I mean, loving her? Love at first sight? Nah, not possible, but then turned out I was wrong. I love her, I'm in love with her and I always feared that. And you know why I had never asked her out ? Because I was scared.
I was scared of rejection; that she would turn her back on me, push me away. That she wouldn't like me the way I like her, the way I love her. My feelings wouldn't be returned, just left there with no one to accept it. I was scared of my heart and soul being torn, especially how strong I feel for her. I was just scared. The fear blocked my path.
Until that time I asked her for a drink. I never knew I could gather so much courage to do something like.... and just to receive a 'rain check' for an answer. Yeah, of course I would give her a rain check, why not? And then she finally used it that night, when that day didn't do her well.
We had so much fun together; we had a good time just like friends. I wondered how it'd be like lovers. Yeah, well, I thought those things, sure, don't you think like that about your loved one? Your crush?
I sighed. Really, I couldn't do more than regret the second I left her, the moment I had to be at my parents'. Suddenly I opened my eyes and saw the men around talking, not even noticing I was there. Something twisted in my heart and I stood. It was Christmas and I should be with the woman I love. I knew she would pass it alone, I was sure. I didn't know very well about her family, she never talked about them, but wouldn't wonder about it right now but, I felt bad for her having to pass one great time like this alone. She didn't need it.
As I left the room I mumbled a "Sorry, but I have to go." and ran to the door, grabbing my coat as a shouted a goodbye and Merry Christmas to my mom before leaving. Maybe the kiss was some kind of sign, some kind of sign that she was ready to move on, she wanted something more than just a friendship.
I rushed in my car and drove almost in autopilot back to her house. I didn't care my mom was watching me leave from the door with complete surprise. I didn't care if my dad was mumbling all kinds of curses under his breath. Well, I was already ungrateful anyway...
I reached her building in record; in much less time I used to go to my parents' house from her place and was impressed with myself. I wasn't sure of what I'd say but I was there and would make her Christmas as happy as I could.
As I entered the building and headed to the elevators I changed my mind. I hadn't the patience to wait for one of them so I hurried to the staircase and climbed the stairs two at a time. I don't know what got into me, or maybe I knew - her - because I've never felt so pushed to do something before like I was at that moment.
I knocked softly, my breath caught in my throat. God, what was I doing there? She hadn't even invited me, but I was there. I was there for her.
I waited there as the seconds passed by, wondering if she was really alone, if she was really passing the Christmas alone. I didn't know what to do after that seed of doubt was planted inside me. Shouldn't I believe in everything, trust everything after the kiss she deliberately gave me? But why was she taking so long to open the door? Was I interrupting something?
I was ready to go, really. I had changed my mind and called me stupid several times. My hands were securely stuck inside my pants pockets, preventing them of twist nervously. But then she opened the door.
She stood there, looking at me, surprised to see me at that hour when I was supposed to be at somewhere else. And I stood there too, mute. We didn't say anything and she just stared at me. She looked me directly in the eye and didn't speak a single word.
She was wearing a long sleeved purple shirt and plaid sweatpants. Her hair was still wet from the shower she had obviously taken earlier. I don't know how I did, but somehow I found I way to notice it. Her natural beauty showed and it was simply irresistible not matter what clothes she was in. She was always beautiful.
Was I overreacting about something that took less than one minute to happen a minute ago?
I stared at her; the desire of her being by my side grew stronger and bigger. I wanted her. I wanted her to be mine. My girl who would always be there. I wanted to wrap my arms around her, feel her skin against mine. I wanted to run my fingers through her hair, feeling the soft silkiness against my skin. I wanted to feel the happiness she brought me all the time. I wanted... I wanted something more than a friendship between us.
And I was sure I was close to get it.
A sweet, lovely smile crept up on her face and she shined it on me. Only me, and God, it was so wonderful. I raised my head and met her gaze and couldn't stop myself from forming my own smile. "What are you doing here?" She asked softly and curious.
I don't know, I answered to myself. What was I doing there? Was I there to know why she had kissed me? Was I there to just check on her? Was I there to see if she was really alone? I don't know, I thought again and shrugged to her in response. She didn't say a word, didn't refute, she just opened her door wider and let me in.
I felt nervous, I don't know why but I felt really nervous. I didn't know what I was doing there anymore. "Take your coat off." She said softly again, her mouth so close to me that I felt her soft breath in my ear. I turned to face her quicker than I intended causing her to look quizzically at me.
I chuckled at how ridiculous I was being and she chuckled too and, gee, that sound never stopped amazing me. As I was taking my coat off I remembered something and reached inside its pocket for a small box. Sam eyed me curiously as she hung the coat and I smiled mysteriously at her.
"Shouldn't you be at your parents' house?"
"Yeah." I shrugged again incapable of telling her the real reason I was there. The fact was I couldn't stay away from her. I just couldn't. Whenever she was there, I felt like something, the way I've never been before. I was more than happy. It was like she's the part who makes me feel so good... the part I always wanted to be there. And she was there; we both were at the same place, maybe the same page.
"Martin?"
"Yeah?" She giggled, I don't know why but she giggled and it was like magic, it was like a... I don't know some kind of good feeling I couldn't describe. My eyes were set on her. She took my breath away and managed to find a spot inside of me. I've never felt this. Not even with any of my girlfriends that I've been with. It was just... her. "What?"
She shook her head still smiling, her wet hair hanging about her head. "Seems you're very quite today."
I smiled back. I couldn't help it. I almost forgot about the present I had bought for her. "It's for you." I said as I handed her the box.
She gingerly took it, eyeing me curiously. "I thought we said no presents."
"I know, but I had bought it before the deal."
She smiled happily, I saw it, she was happy I had bought her a present and for the first time I was glad I didn't follow the rules. She opened it, ripping the paper like a child excited on Christmas and her eyes widened as she saw what was in the box. "Martin..." She said softly as if words were failing her. "You didn't need to." She looked up at me, twinkles in her eyes. A smile formed across her face. She showed delight in her features. Did she think she could fool me?
"Of course I needed." I stepped close and took the shinning gold necklace from her hands to put it around her neck. I had bought it at Tiffany's, I don't know why I did, but I just... did. I was passing by one of these days and something caught my eye. I saw that beautiful necklace with that little diamond inside a frame of gold drops forming what seemed petals. It was really small but it was beautiful. It just screamed 'Samantha'. Christmas was there, I had thought to myself and before I noticed it I had bought that little piece of gold.
What was I thinking? I bought something for someone who isn't even my girlfriend at Tiffany's. It could have been expansive but it worth it. Just seeing that twinkle in her eyes, it was worth it. She was smiling to herself as if she was thinking about what had just happened. One of her hands where wrapped around the front of the necklace as her eyes were locked with mine.
I looked at her and saw the happiness in her eyes, the joy she felt just by the fact I was there with her, that she wasn't going to spend Christmas alone, that she knew someone cared about her. Knowing what I meant for her, what that single gesture meant to her gave me warmth, especially to my heart. I now knew how it felt like, how that feeling felt like. And it felt good... hell, more than good. I knew now how love felt like. I knew now that I was in love.
"Thank you." She whispered and stood closer to me; so close, I felt her warmth against my body. She reached for my hand and gently took it and we locked them together. I was so surprised by her gesture that I didn't notice when her lips came softly over mine, so softly I almost couldn't feel it. And as soon as it had started she ended the kiss.
Our eyes locked again when she pulled away and I wanted to tell her right there. Tell her I love you with every single ounce of my soul and heart. Tell her I wanted to be with her. Tell her I fell for her. I wanted to tell her everything, even if it couldn't be formed into words. There had to be a way to explain it to her.
The butterflies she gave me came back again. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I didn't blink even once. I looked stupid, I know. I mean, there I was, just standing there and gazing at her. It was just a big surprise, you know? She just came like that and kissed me without a good apparent reason while I wasn't expecting it.
"I have something for you too." She said almost shyly.
"You do?" I asked, somehow making the words come out.
"I do." She smiled and let go of my hand to walk to her bedroom. She came back five seconds later carrying something in her hands. "It's really stupid. After what you gave me you'll think this is stupid, it's just... I don't know, it made me think about you when I looked at it."
She thought about! Do you know how wonderful that was? She actually thought about me once in a while. She looked at things and somehow they made her think about me. Jesus, how stupid I was sounding, but it was just... her. I said this before and I'm saying it again, she just did that to me. She made me act all stupid, just the way I did when I was in high school.
She handed it to me and watched anxiously as I opened the gift. I let out a soft laugh as I turned the book in my hands. "Wow, this is... 'How to Date a Beautiful Woman'?" Yeah, well, this was Sam...
She shrugged, not looking at me anymore. "I told you would think it's stupid."
"I don't think it's stupid. I like it, you know, I really need some advice about woman." I liked the gift, I really did. It was funny; I would have a lot to read.
"Yeah." She giggled. "You really need a girlfriend."
"I have someone in mind but I don't know if I have a chance." I said. Good God, I said. I don't know why I said but I did. It just came out without asking, without permission. And I waited. I kept quite and waited for her response.
She squinted her eyes a bit as to indicating she was trying to make out what I was saying. She tilted her head slightly to the side, then a minute or so later, she swallowed. She locked eyes with mine and there she was, all those feelings.
"I want you." I heard. I wasn't sure if I had really heard it or just imagination but when she stepped closer to me I knew it was true, I knew it was real what my ears had caught.
The beat of my heart suddenly turned into rapid ones. My pulse was rushing; everything inside of me was going fast. Butterflies were there, she gave them to me. Everything we had been through together the past two years came rushing inside of me; words, feelings, actions, surroundings... everything and when her lips met mine it all melted away.
She pressed her lips so hard against mine this time I almost passed out. Her arms where around my neck, pulling me to her, her lips and tongue forcing entry in my mouth.
I wanted to put my arms around her too, but I was too surprised to move. I had to do something before she could think I didn't want that and pulled away. But damn, the book was still in my hand and I couldn't just drop it on the floor. I put one arm around her waist, my hand on her back pulling her to me. Feeling more of her as I tried to find some place to put the book with the other hand.
It was just so magic. So wonderful, you know? Like when you kiss the one you love for the first time. Really kiss, feeling back all the passion you felt, feeling all the want, the desire. A rush of relief and happiness went through me as I felt her gentle touch on the back of my head.
Somehow we made up to her bedroom, and the book wasn't in my hand anymore. I honestly didn't know where it had ended up. Probably somewhere on the floor between the front door and her bedroom door. I didn't really care at that moment. We didn't stop kissing once, she pulled away for two seconds to breath and soon her mouth was over mine again and I was tasting her again. She was so sweet and I could feel the slightly taste of wine.
The next thing I notice we where on her bed, no clothes between us, nothing. I felt her skin, so soft against mine, it was heavenly. We came to a point where I couldn't tell where I ended and she started. We were melted together, our bodies where one and, between moans and sighs and soft whispered words, I heard it. I heard the only thing I truly wanted to hear from her.
"What did you say?" I asked, my breath coming out like hard puffs.
She opened her eyes, those eyes I could look for the rest of my life and don't care about anything else, and looked at me slightly surprised and scared at the same time. "Nothing." She whispered, her breath as hard as mine. She turned her head to the side, looking away from me and I felt her body stiffening.
I didn't want to make her nervous, not at all, but I had to make sure I needed to know if it was true. "No. Say it again." I pleaded softly, I didn't mean to it come out as a plead, but I wasn't in control anymore. I put one hand on the side of her head, flattening her cheek, turning her eyes back to mine. "Say it again."
Her eyes locked with mine again and then she did something completely unexpected. She started crying. I don't know why but she started crying and I knew it was my fault, I knew I had made her cry. "Shhh." I whispered in her ear, trying to sooth her. I supported my body with my elbows resting on the bed, my hands cupping her face, making her stay looking at me.
"I can take it back." It came out so softly, just like the sound a scared child's voice when they ask for forgiveness.
I chuckled, trying to break the tension and she looked confused at me. "I don't want you to take it back." I whispered back to her and I swear I saw her eyes glistening, shinning like the sun, right there, in the middle of the dark room. "I love you too." I said seriously, my eyes forcing their entry in her soul, my hands still cupping her face.
She smiled at me that smile that only I knew and I smiled back. She brought her hands to rest softly around my neck and gently pulled me in, making me stay close enough for her to kiss me.
"I love you so much." I said again, I needed to say it again; I needed to make sure she knew that.
She kissed my face on everywhere she could reach and when she finished she brought my head down, her lips touching my earlobe, her breath tickling my skin as she whispered in my ear. "I love you too." Her whispering that into my ear sent chills throughout my body, the delight I felt barely being held back.
And you know what? It was the most amazing sound in the whole world. It was. I would live my whole life just to hear her saying those words. And I would die happy for that.
~~~~*~~~~
"Merry Christmas" I whispered in her ear, after looking at the clock and seeing it was morning already, making her stir and look up at me, smiling brightly. God, I've never felt so happy in my entire life as I was by waking up next to her.
"Merry Christmas." She said back and kissed my lips softly and rested back on my chest. Her hand gently caressing my skin made me wish for the millionth time that I could stay with her for the rest of my life. "Martin?" I heard her soft voice, so much like as that of an angel.
"Huh?"
"Do you have plans for the New Year?"
~*~*~*~*~*~
The End
Ok people, that's it. Hope you like it and don't forget my reviews, please.
Author: Andréa
Summary: First Christmas of Sam and Martin together
Rating: PG-13
Category: M/S Romance.
Spoiler: The Bus, A Tree Falls.
Disclaimer: None of them are mine.... how sad could it be?
Author's note: Hey, people, it's me again! This is just a short piece I thought in doing while watching soap opera and listening to 'Fade Into You'. it's just a silly Christmas fic. Hope you like it. And please, excuse my English... it isn't my first spoken language and it wasn't beta read. Martin's POV.
~~~~*~~~~
"Have you ever loved someone, not like a dog or a parent, but someone you find out of dumb luck that makes your life everything you never thought it'd be?" --- From Crossing Jordan.
~~~~*~~~~
I sat there, gathering my things, watching as she tucked her hair behind her ear as it glistened through the weak sunlight of late December. She occasionally looked up, smiling at the people who passed by wishing her a Merry Christmas and her smile was illuminated and radiant, thought I could tell it wasn't completely honest. I don't know what is this, but I was always able to tell when she was truly putting her feelings on a smile. Perhaps it was something about Christmas that made her sad.
I watched her moving around for so long it stopped being 'looking' to turn into 'staring'. That's right, I wasn't looking anymore, I was staring and I think she felt my eyes on her because she looked up straight at me and her eye caught my eye.
Right from the minute I laid eyes on her, all these feelings I have never felt in my entire life before, suddenly just came inside of me. The first time I had seen her beauty she took my breath away instantly. I felt something completely new to me; a wall of nervousness blocked me from her at first because I let it overcome me. She was something brand new, she was just a piece of god's art and she just woke up all the butterflies in me.
She smiled at me as our eyes locked, that smile I was almost sure she reserved just for me and I internally melted. I was still staring at her as she walked towards me, my palms suddenly went sweaty and I could feel my heart beat rapidly as she approached. There were papers in one hand and her coat hanging in the other, her moves were graceful, the light circling her face making her look like an angel.
"Hey." She said, we were now face to face and I had to admit, she was even more beautiful then and those eyes... they were so beautiful, so full of life. I could look into them for the rest of my life and not miss a damn thing in the world.
She rested her hip on the edge of my desk, her smile never leaving her face.
"Hey." I said back smiling too. How could I not? She was the most amazing and beautiful woman I have ever met and the way she smiled at me or spoke to me, it was just something so different, warm, it was like its fingers reached deep down in my soul and caressed it.
"So, you coming tonight?" She asked softly, looking more interested in the papers she was struggling to keep in her hand.
"I don't know." I answered honestly. I really didn't, it all depended on her. If she came than I would come too, but if she wasn't coming than what the purpose of coming? I'd have nothing to do here. "Are you?" I tried to sound nonchalant and don't know why... I should know better after the last time I did that, when she had asked me for a drink and I just cut her off saying I couldn't and hurting the last person I wanted to hurt. She thought she could fool me, ha, impossible. I should have talked to her, tried to fix things but I was just a coward to do so. I have feelings for her so shouldn't I just show it instead of trying to dismiss it?
"I don't know either." She giggled, and oh boy, that was the most amazing giggle I have ever heard. I didn't mean to sound cheesy or anything, but she just does that to me. "I mean, I have nothing better to do, but..." She shrugged, her eyes never leaving mine and suddenly I felt hard to breath, or hard to say something to comfort her. I felt like she was giving me some kind of hint, sign that I couldn't quite understand right now. Well part of me couldn't but other surely did because the next thing I heard myself asking her out.
"What if we come together?" I felt my hands sweating again as I waited for her answer.
"Sure." She said, her voice steady but I could swear I felt the joy in it and a big smile spread across my face.
"I'll pick you up in... two hours sound good?"
"Perfect." She said, her head tilted to the side and a grin formed over her lips. "See you then." She moved, her hip leaving my desk and I'm sure she would have waved as she went away, but since her hands were full she just gave me a tiny shake of head.
Then she was gone. The joy she brought me was now gone. But I could still smell her scent. Her wonderful scent. I wanted to grab it in my hand and locked it away inside a bottle to keep it with me all the time, whenever she wasn't around, whenever her scent wasn't around.
I stood and put my coat on before gathering my own things and heading home. I had yet two hours to get ready and go to her place and.... "Shit!" I cursed when realization hit me. Where the hell did she leave? I didn't know her address and she hadn't even remembered that little fact to write this down to me.
I took my things in my hand and ran to the elevator, hoping I'd get her before she left. I pushed the elevator button once, twice; three times hitting it hard when the damn thing didn't open its doors. Why did it bother me? I could very well call her and ask it, couldn't I? But, somewhere deep inside I knew I just wanted to see her again, to feel her scent again.
I was distracted from my thoughts when the 'ding' from the elevator sounded. I quickly got in and pushed the button to the parking lot. The trip down seemed to be even slower than the wait for it to first open the doors and I had the impulse to check my watch, for what I didn't know, since I had no idea what time was when she left. Habit I guess.
As the time went by I thought I wouldn't catch her anymore, it seemed like I had spent hours in that elevator. When the doors finally opened I was surprised to see Sam entering her car and realized it had been only a few minutes. "Sam!" I called as I hurried to where she was.
"Martin?" She half questioned, half stated. And her voice, it was so gentle and it made a rush of happiness and relief run through me.
"Hey." I smiled somewhat shyly. "You know, I don't have your address. It would be kind of hard to pick you up if I don't know where you live."
She smiled too and soon it turned into a chuckle. It was so soft and spontaneous and I swear I saw her flush, her cheeks becoming a soft red as she tried to disguise the shyness and even when she was embarrassed she looked beautiful and I felt like I wanted to spend my whole life with her.
"Yeah." She said sounding as though she had just realized it. She searched inside her pockets for something and soon a piece of paper and a pen were in her hands. She wrote down her address, I saw and a telephone number. "Here." She gave me the piece of paper and I looked at it as her finger ran soft over it, showing what she had wrote. "This is my address and my home number if you need it." Her head was slightly tilted and as she looked up at me to see if I got it she smiled sweetly, her eyes closing a bit.
Address and home number. That was good. "Much better." I couldn't be any more stupid. "See you in two hours then." I ended our conversation before I could get even more stupid. What could I do? She had just... She just… she just went inside of me and I let her. I let her took everything inside me and I'm still letting her take it.
"Bye." She said and got into her car. I stepped aside to make room for her and then she left again.
"Bye." I whispered to no one, as I stood there, looking down at her handwriting.
~~~~*~~~~
It was December 24. Christmas Eve. Our people in the FBI did a Christmas party every year for the agents, some kind of bonding party. I never really cared about them or any Christmas party for that matter. But this year things had changed considerably. This year that party was the only thing in my mind, the only thing I was looking forward to just because I was going to take Sam.
She was... I don't know... She was like sunshine, like rain on an extremely hot day, like late night calls to your best friend, like hot bath on a cold day, like laughs without a reason. She was what you felt when these things happened. She was that warm feeling. I was completely drawn to her. Her beauty was as great as her personality. I have never met anyone like her before, she was different and I liked her.
But something had always to get in the way.
I had that family party at nine, at my parents' house. I didn't really want to go, face my dad's wrath, hear him talking about how privileged I am, hear my unties babbling and blah, blah, blah, all that family crap you have to endure. I was so excited about spending the time with Sam that I had forgotten completely about my family's party and hadn't decided on what to do. The problem was that I had already agreed to pick up Sam but I wouldn't be able to bring her back home. Not if she wanted to stay at the FBI party until late.
I stared at my telephone for nearly twenty minutes, wondering what to do. I wasn't sure if I should call her and tell her that or if I should... I don't... I really didn't know what to do. One thing I knew for sure, I had to call her.
Before I could change my mind I grabbed the telephone and dialed her number, waiting anxiously for her answer.
"Hello?"
"Um, hi Sam."
"Martin? What's up?" I heard the slightly disappointment in her voice and was actually thrilled that she would feel like that because she thought something bad was going to happen.
"Hey, well, listen.. I forgot I had this party at my parents'..." I started but she didn't let me finish, she cut me off, obviously trying to hide the hurt in her voice, but she failed.
"Oh, that's... that's ok. No problem. I guess I'll see after the holidays then."
"No! No." I hurried. She was actually thinking I would dump her like that? "It's not that. I'm just saying that I won't be able to stay until too late. I was just wondering if it would be ok if I brought you home at nine."
I swear I heard a sigh of relief coming from her end and had to smile. "Oh, I guess it's ok. I'm just going because you are going."
"Yeah." I chuckled. "Same here."
I heard she chuckling too and I couldn't hide the fact I was delighted. "See you later then."
"Bye." I hung up feeling more pleased than I have ever felt. Now I just needed to finish getting ready and go to pick her up.
~~~~*~~~~
I was nervous; I had to tell, as I stood by her door, gathering the courage to knock. As my hand went up I actually thought about running away. I don't know where the hell that thought came from, but it did and I felt ashamed by that. I knocked softly and put my hands in my pockets to hide them. They were sweated and tremulous and have no sure why. It was just Sam, the woman I had worked with for two years, the woman I had talked to for two years. What was the damn problem?
I guess that was the problem... She wasn't just Sam, she wasn't just a woman.
"Coming." I heard her calling, her voice muffled by the thick door and the sound of her voice, for the first time just made more nervous. Before I realized the door was open and the most incredible sight in the whole world stood in front of me. "Hi." She said and as I looked at her, as I saw her smile my heart fluttered and all the feelings came rushing back. Whenever I see her, it's like it's the first time ever. It always felt new. I always felt like that when I lay eyes on her.
"Hi." I said for the lack of better words.
"Sorry I took so long to open the door. I was looking for my purse." She brought her purse up for me to see and continued her talking. "I bought it when I went on a trip to Las Vegas."
"Vegas? Really?" We talked so easily, my nervousness kind of went away as she spoke, her tranquility amazed me and made me feel so good, like no one ever had. She made me feel as if I was on top of everything, like I was worth everything.
"Yeah. Have you ever gone to Las Vegas?"
"Yes, a few years ago."
"It's amazing there, isn't? All the lights, the colors, the music... It makes you feel as if you are the centre of everything."
"Yeah then they suck your money away like leeches." She busted up laughing and I melted... God, she looked so cute. I would be laughing too, but I was staring at her... again.
We walked side by side to the elevators, her beauty filling my eyes, her perfume filling my nose, all I could think that moment was how beautiful she looked, how beautiful she was.
~~~~*~~~~
We had arrived at the FBI and almost everyone was there. Viv had brought her family to meet her friends; Jack had brought Kate and Hanna to a quick hello, allowing Marie to prepare their own Christmas party without two young kids running around. Danny had brought his new girlfriend and then only lasted Sam and I.
Sam... her name brought a whole new wave of old feelings. Not old, but those feelings I felt for her. I don't know what was that with us, it is just... there's this connection with her. Right from the minute I saw her, I felt it. It was like sparks of some sort; and it's still alive as ever. It never died down, it never grew small; in fact, it grew big.
I looked around and found the person I was searching for sitting alone on a chair by the ponche, her fingers dancing over the table, mapping an invisible figure. I felt bad for leaving her alone; even for the few minutes I went to get a drink for us. Next time she's going with me. "Here it is." I said as I put her glass in front of her.
She looked up and gave me a smile and I gave her one in return. Right that moment a new song started playing and I put my glass down, stretching my hand at her. "May I have this dance?"
She smiled and put her glass down too and happily accepted my hand. "Sure."
I took her to the middle of the bullpen where a few couples where dancing. Putting my arms around her soft waist I couldn't help the thought of how her skin seemed so soft, gentle to the touch, and I could feel it, I could as I touched slightly her bare back, free of any piece of clothes. She felt so good in my arms. She sent me chills as her fingers touched the back of my neck. I wanted to take her, kiss her right there, be with her; but I had to fight the urge.
We stayed there for a few minutes until the song ended. I moaned within regretting the fact that we should pull back now and was caught by surprise when she didn't. She stayed in my arms like that for a few more seconds, and then she pulled back and looked at me, smiling brightly. She didn't take her hands off my neck, so I left my hands around her. Well, I didn't want to let her go anyway. But she did it; she pulled away slightly, just enough to walk to a chair. At least someone was conscious at the moment.
She sat back on the chair she was occupying before and I followed her. I sat next to her and we resumed talking. It was so strange; there wasn't an ounce of silence between us. I felt so comfortable with her. Like I could talk to her about anything and everything, from the silliest thing to the important ones and she would just listen and comment and tell me her own things. I lost track of time, I always did when I was with her.
After a long time chatting something suddenly clicked in my head and I felt the urge to look at my watch, I felt my stomach twisting. "Oh, shit."
"What?"
"It's 9:20. I should be at my parents' right now."
"Oh."
My heart sank at the fact I had to leave, I didn't want to. And as I looked at her it only increased even more, seeing how disappointed she looked. I would have asked her to come with me but she really didn't have to suffer under my dad's wrath and disagreement of whom I was spending Christmas with. I didn't need to take her there to know it. I knew my father and it doesn't matter who she was, he would never agree with me. "Come on. I'll take you home, unless you want to stay more."
"Oh, no, it's ok. I have nothing to do here anymore." She said, a sweet smile playing on her lips and I felt the urge to kiss her. I wanted to kiss her. So badly.
We got up and walked to where our coats where hanging. She took her coat and I helped her to put it on, earning a smile for a thank you and waited as she took her purse.
I drove back to her place, all the while silent, both of us. I think she wanted it because she didn't make any attempt to do small talk. I didn't care, the silence was comfortable anyway. A few minutes later I pulled over in front of her apartment. I eyed her as she opened her door. I didn't want her to go, I didn't want to stay away from her. I opened my door and quickly walked around my car to meet her. I just wanted to be with her a little longer.
"See you after the holidays." She said softly, her voice sounding like a whisper of an angel.
"Yeah, I guess." I said uncertainly. Perhaps we would meet before it, who knows? She turned around, her back facing me and walked to the entrance of her building. I stood there; watching her walking away, each step she took was a step farther from me. Physically, but not mentally.
I turned too when I was sure she was already safely inside. I wanted her, this was a fact. I've always felt something for her since the first time we met. I am a guy; she's a girl, we could be together. Right? There was a chance; I knew it, but how big? Could I win her heart like she won mine? Would she even want to be with me? That bad feeling in my gut for leaving her making my stomach hurt, screaming to my mind to turn around and go back to her. I couldn't do it, of course not, but it seemed she could and it seemed her mind was receiving the same message.
As soon as I had turned I heard her calling my name uncertainly and weakly then I felt a hand softly on my shoulder and I turned back, facing her. Before I could say something back, before I could even blink or breathe I felt her soft lips over mine. Sweet Jesus. I never imagined her lips could be so soft. It wasn't a hard kiss or an open-mouthed kiss, it was soft, gentle. Just a brush of lips I almost didn't feeel and as soon as her lips had touched mine they pulled away.
Was it real or was I hallucinating?
She tilted her head to the side as my eyes caught hers. There was this gleam in her eyes that seemed to make her glistened face glisten even more. It brought out the color in her eyes and made it brighter. The way her brown eyes met mine was just... just indescribable. There was something in her eyes, the way she looked at me. Something that... that made think about love.
She bit her lip. I saw that, I saw how she bit her lip nervously and the word cute ran through my head. She smiled a tiny uncertain smile and then ran back inside. I stood there again, watching her walk, or better, ran. I couldn't make out what had just happened, what she had just done. All I felt for her wasn't even close to what I felt for anyone before and that simple fact she had kissed me meant something.
But, shit, I couldn't sort all this out right now. I had my family's party to go and I was already late. It was already 9:30 and I would take at least ten minutes to get to my parents' house. I don't know why I cared. My dad was already pissed off anyway... but I did. For some reason, even knowing nothing would ever make my dad happy I still tried. I still fucking tried.
I got into my car and drove, finally arriving where I should be forty minutes early. Boy, I could already hear my dad's voice saying how ungrateful I am and blah, blah, blah...
I knocked softly on the heavy wood door, almost fearful, my heart skipping a beat, my head screaming to run away, run back to Sam. I actually considered that and I was almost turning when the door opened and my mom's face popped out with a big smile showing how happy she was that I was there.
"Honey! You made it." She said softly her arms coming around me to a tight hug.
"Sorry I'm late."
"That's all right honey. The important thing is that you came."
That's my mom. Always understandable and nice. So different from my dad. And there he was, I spotted him as I entered the house, already feeling his hard glare from where he was. When he saw me he started walking my direction immediately and I could swear he was rehearsing what he was going to say. "Dad." I said without emotion, though within I wanted so baldy he would give me a hug and tell me Merry Christmas.
"You came at last. I was sure you wouldn't."
"I told you I would come." He only grunted something I didn't understand and walked away. I sighed and looked at my mom who was standing next to me watching that little scene without a word. She smiled apologetically at me and closed the door as I stepped inside.
The house was full of guests, family and friends and I kinda felt out of place there. It was weird, you know? This feeling of uneasy in your own parents' home while with Sam I felt as if everything was right. I greeted a few people and went to get a drink and as soon as I had had my first sip my mom came to me and pulled me to meet some friends. They were my dad's friends so they were all older, my dad's age I could say.
I sat next to one of them and listened without real interest what they were saying. Sometimes they would ask me something and I would answer and then stay mute. I didn't really want to talk. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to spend Christmas with... my family.
I closed my eyes and tilted my head back. I rubbed my face trying to clear me head, trying to forget about the people around me, the insignificant people. As I kept my eyes closed, images of Sam came running through my head. I touched my lips with two fingers as I remembered the kiss she gave me and my feeling only grew stronger after that. Well, they were always growing and becoming stronger with time. It was like every time I looked at her I fell in love with her all over again.
That's right, love. God, I had never thought about love that away before, like something you depend on, something you're eternally bonded. I thought it was kind of strong at first, I mean, loving her? Love at first sight? Nah, not possible, but then turned out I was wrong. I love her, I'm in love with her and I always feared that. And you know why I had never asked her out ? Because I was scared.
I was scared of rejection; that she would turn her back on me, push me away. That she wouldn't like me the way I like her, the way I love her. My feelings wouldn't be returned, just left there with no one to accept it. I was scared of my heart and soul being torn, especially how strong I feel for her. I was just scared. The fear blocked my path.
Until that time I asked her for a drink. I never knew I could gather so much courage to do something like.... and just to receive a 'rain check' for an answer. Yeah, of course I would give her a rain check, why not? And then she finally used it that night, when that day didn't do her well.
We had so much fun together; we had a good time just like friends. I wondered how it'd be like lovers. Yeah, well, I thought those things, sure, don't you think like that about your loved one? Your crush?
I sighed. Really, I couldn't do more than regret the second I left her, the moment I had to be at my parents'. Suddenly I opened my eyes and saw the men around talking, not even noticing I was there. Something twisted in my heart and I stood. It was Christmas and I should be with the woman I love. I knew she would pass it alone, I was sure. I didn't know very well about her family, she never talked about them, but wouldn't wonder about it right now but, I felt bad for her having to pass one great time like this alone. She didn't need it.
As I left the room I mumbled a "Sorry, but I have to go." and ran to the door, grabbing my coat as a shouted a goodbye and Merry Christmas to my mom before leaving. Maybe the kiss was some kind of sign, some kind of sign that she was ready to move on, she wanted something more than just a friendship.
I rushed in my car and drove almost in autopilot back to her house. I didn't care my mom was watching me leave from the door with complete surprise. I didn't care if my dad was mumbling all kinds of curses under his breath. Well, I was already ungrateful anyway...
I reached her building in record; in much less time I used to go to my parents' house from her place and was impressed with myself. I wasn't sure of what I'd say but I was there and would make her Christmas as happy as I could.
As I entered the building and headed to the elevators I changed my mind. I hadn't the patience to wait for one of them so I hurried to the staircase and climbed the stairs two at a time. I don't know what got into me, or maybe I knew - her - because I've never felt so pushed to do something before like I was at that moment.
I knocked softly, my breath caught in my throat. God, what was I doing there? She hadn't even invited me, but I was there. I was there for her.
I waited there as the seconds passed by, wondering if she was really alone, if she was really passing the Christmas alone. I didn't know what to do after that seed of doubt was planted inside me. Shouldn't I believe in everything, trust everything after the kiss she deliberately gave me? But why was she taking so long to open the door? Was I interrupting something?
I was ready to go, really. I had changed my mind and called me stupid several times. My hands were securely stuck inside my pants pockets, preventing them of twist nervously. But then she opened the door.
She stood there, looking at me, surprised to see me at that hour when I was supposed to be at somewhere else. And I stood there too, mute. We didn't say anything and she just stared at me. She looked me directly in the eye and didn't speak a single word.
She was wearing a long sleeved purple shirt and plaid sweatpants. Her hair was still wet from the shower she had obviously taken earlier. I don't know how I did, but somehow I found I way to notice it. Her natural beauty showed and it was simply irresistible not matter what clothes she was in. She was always beautiful.
Was I overreacting about something that took less than one minute to happen a minute ago?
I stared at her; the desire of her being by my side grew stronger and bigger. I wanted her. I wanted her to be mine. My girl who would always be there. I wanted to wrap my arms around her, feel her skin against mine. I wanted to run my fingers through her hair, feeling the soft silkiness against my skin. I wanted to feel the happiness she brought me all the time. I wanted... I wanted something more than a friendship between us.
And I was sure I was close to get it.
A sweet, lovely smile crept up on her face and she shined it on me. Only me, and God, it was so wonderful. I raised my head and met her gaze and couldn't stop myself from forming my own smile. "What are you doing here?" She asked softly and curious.
I don't know, I answered to myself. What was I doing there? Was I there to know why she had kissed me? Was I there to just check on her? Was I there to see if she was really alone? I don't know, I thought again and shrugged to her in response. She didn't say a word, didn't refute, she just opened her door wider and let me in.
I felt nervous, I don't know why but I felt really nervous. I didn't know what I was doing there anymore. "Take your coat off." She said softly again, her mouth so close to me that I felt her soft breath in my ear. I turned to face her quicker than I intended causing her to look quizzically at me.
I chuckled at how ridiculous I was being and she chuckled too and, gee, that sound never stopped amazing me. As I was taking my coat off I remembered something and reached inside its pocket for a small box. Sam eyed me curiously as she hung the coat and I smiled mysteriously at her.
"Shouldn't you be at your parents' house?"
"Yeah." I shrugged again incapable of telling her the real reason I was there. The fact was I couldn't stay away from her. I just couldn't. Whenever she was there, I felt like something, the way I've never been before. I was more than happy. It was like she's the part who makes me feel so good... the part I always wanted to be there. And she was there; we both were at the same place, maybe the same page.
"Martin?"
"Yeah?" She giggled, I don't know why but she giggled and it was like magic, it was like a... I don't know some kind of good feeling I couldn't describe. My eyes were set on her. She took my breath away and managed to find a spot inside of me. I've never felt this. Not even with any of my girlfriends that I've been with. It was just... her. "What?"
She shook her head still smiling, her wet hair hanging about her head. "Seems you're very quite today."
I smiled back. I couldn't help it. I almost forgot about the present I had bought for her. "It's for you." I said as I handed her the box.
She gingerly took it, eyeing me curiously. "I thought we said no presents."
"I know, but I had bought it before the deal."
She smiled happily, I saw it, she was happy I had bought her a present and for the first time I was glad I didn't follow the rules. She opened it, ripping the paper like a child excited on Christmas and her eyes widened as she saw what was in the box. "Martin..." She said softly as if words were failing her. "You didn't need to." She looked up at me, twinkles in her eyes. A smile formed across her face. She showed delight in her features. Did she think she could fool me?
"Of course I needed." I stepped close and took the shinning gold necklace from her hands to put it around her neck. I had bought it at Tiffany's, I don't know why I did, but I just... did. I was passing by one of these days and something caught my eye. I saw that beautiful necklace with that little diamond inside a frame of gold drops forming what seemed petals. It was really small but it was beautiful. It just screamed 'Samantha'. Christmas was there, I had thought to myself and before I noticed it I had bought that little piece of gold.
What was I thinking? I bought something for someone who isn't even my girlfriend at Tiffany's. It could have been expansive but it worth it. Just seeing that twinkle in her eyes, it was worth it. She was smiling to herself as if she was thinking about what had just happened. One of her hands where wrapped around the front of the necklace as her eyes were locked with mine.
I looked at her and saw the happiness in her eyes, the joy she felt just by the fact I was there with her, that she wasn't going to spend Christmas alone, that she knew someone cared about her. Knowing what I meant for her, what that single gesture meant to her gave me warmth, especially to my heart. I now knew how it felt like, how that feeling felt like. And it felt good... hell, more than good. I knew now how love felt like. I knew now that I was in love.
"Thank you." She whispered and stood closer to me; so close, I felt her warmth against my body. She reached for my hand and gently took it and we locked them together. I was so surprised by her gesture that I didn't notice when her lips came softly over mine, so softly I almost couldn't feel it. And as soon as it had started she ended the kiss.
Our eyes locked again when she pulled away and I wanted to tell her right there. Tell her I love you with every single ounce of my soul and heart. Tell her I wanted to be with her. Tell her I fell for her. I wanted to tell her everything, even if it couldn't be formed into words. There had to be a way to explain it to her.
The butterflies she gave me came back again. I couldn't take my eyes off of her. I didn't blink even once. I looked stupid, I know. I mean, there I was, just standing there and gazing at her. It was just a big surprise, you know? She just came like that and kissed me without a good apparent reason while I wasn't expecting it.
"I have something for you too." She said almost shyly.
"You do?" I asked, somehow making the words come out.
"I do." She smiled and let go of my hand to walk to her bedroom. She came back five seconds later carrying something in her hands. "It's really stupid. After what you gave me you'll think this is stupid, it's just... I don't know, it made me think about you when I looked at it."
She thought about! Do you know how wonderful that was? She actually thought about me once in a while. She looked at things and somehow they made her think about me. Jesus, how stupid I was sounding, but it was just... her. I said this before and I'm saying it again, she just did that to me. She made me act all stupid, just the way I did when I was in high school.
She handed it to me and watched anxiously as I opened the gift. I let out a soft laugh as I turned the book in my hands. "Wow, this is... 'How to Date a Beautiful Woman'?" Yeah, well, this was Sam...
She shrugged, not looking at me anymore. "I told you would think it's stupid."
"I don't think it's stupid. I like it, you know, I really need some advice about woman." I liked the gift, I really did. It was funny; I would have a lot to read.
"Yeah." She giggled. "You really need a girlfriend."
"I have someone in mind but I don't know if I have a chance." I said. Good God, I said. I don't know why I said but I did. It just came out without asking, without permission. And I waited. I kept quite and waited for her response.
She squinted her eyes a bit as to indicating she was trying to make out what I was saying. She tilted her head slightly to the side, then a minute or so later, she swallowed. She locked eyes with mine and there she was, all those feelings.
"I want you." I heard. I wasn't sure if I had really heard it or just imagination but when she stepped closer to me I knew it was true, I knew it was real what my ears had caught.
The beat of my heart suddenly turned into rapid ones. My pulse was rushing; everything inside of me was going fast. Butterflies were there, she gave them to me. Everything we had been through together the past two years came rushing inside of me; words, feelings, actions, surroundings... everything and when her lips met mine it all melted away.
She pressed her lips so hard against mine this time I almost passed out. Her arms where around my neck, pulling me to her, her lips and tongue forcing entry in my mouth.
I wanted to put my arms around her too, but I was too surprised to move. I had to do something before she could think I didn't want that and pulled away. But damn, the book was still in my hand and I couldn't just drop it on the floor. I put one arm around her waist, my hand on her back pulling her to me. Feeling more of her as I tried to find some place to put the book with the other hand.
It was just so magic. So wonderful, you know? Like when you kiss the one you love for the first time. Really kiss, feeling back all the passion you felt, feeling all the want, the desire. A rush of relief and happiness went through me as I felt her gentle touch on the back of my head.
Somehow we made up to her bedroom, and the book wasn't in my hand anymore. I honestly didn't know where it had ended up. Probably somewhere on the floor between the front door and her bedroom door. I didn't really care at that moment. We didn't stop kissing once, she pulled away for two seconds to breath and soon her mouth was over mine again and I was tasting her again. She was so sweet and I could feel the slightly taste of wine.
The next thing I notice we where on her bed, no clothes between us, nothing. I felt her skin, so soft against mine, it was heavenly. We came to a point where I couldn't tell where I ended and she started. We were melted together, our bodies where one and, between moans and sighs and soft whispered words, I heard it. I heard the only thing I truly wanted to hear from her.
"What did you say?" I asked, my breath coming out like hard puffs.
She opened her eyes, those eyes I could look for the rest of my life and don't care about anything else, and looked at me slightly surprised and scared at the same time. "Nothing." She whispered, her breath as hard as mine. She turned her head to the side, looking away from me and I felt her body stiffening.
I didn't want to make her nervous, not at all, but I had to make sure I needed to know if it was true. "No. Say it again." I pleaded softly, I didn't mean to it come out as a plead, but I wasn't in control anymore. I put one hand on the side of her head, flattening her cheek, turning her eyes back to mine. "Say it again."
Her eyes locked with mine again and then she did something completely unexpected. She started crying. I don't know why but she started crying and I knew it was my fault, I knew I had made her cry. "Shhh." I whispered in her ear, trying to sooth her. I supported my body with my elbows resting on the bed, my hands cupping her face, making her stay looking at me.
"I can take it back." It came out so softly, just like the sound a scared child's voice when they ask for forgiveness.
I chuckled, trying to break the tension and she looked confused at me. "I don't want you to take it back." I whispered back to her and I swear I saw her eyes glistening, shinning like the sun, right there, in the middle of the dark room. "I love you too." I said seriously, my eyes forcing their entry in her soul, my hands still cupping her face.
She smiled at me that smile that only I knew and I smiled back. She brought her hands to rest softly around my neck and gently pulled me in, making me stay close enough for her to kiss me.
"I love you so much." I said again, I needed to say it again; I needed to make sure she knew that.
She kissed my face on everywhere she could reach and when she finished she brought my head down, her lips touching my earlobe, her breath tickling my skin as she whispered in my ear. "I love you too." Her whispering that into my ear sent chills throughout my body, the delight I felt barely being held back.
And you know what? It was the most amazing sound in the whole world. It was. I would live my whole life just to hear her saying those words. And I would die happy for that.
~~~~*~~~~
"Merry Christmas" I whispered in her ear, after looking at the clock and seeing it was morning already, making her stir and look up at me, smiling brightly. God, I've never felt so happy in my entire life as I was by waking up next to her.
"Merry Christmas." She said back and kissed my lips softly and rested back on my chest. Her hand gently caressing my skin made me wish for the millionth time that I could stay with her for the rest of my life. "Martin?" I heard her soft voice, so much like as that of an angel.
"Huh?"
"Do you have plans for the New Year?"
~*~*~*~*~*~
The End
Ok people, that's it. Hope you like it and don't forget my reviews, please.