This is a parody fic. If you can't take Sonadow bashing then stay away. Flames are welcome, I'm cold over here ;;
Bryon Nightshade is my hero. And no, I'm not copying off of him oo; I read his fic a while ago, and I actually can't remember what happened in it. And lately Sonadow has become really popular, (not to mention badly done) so, Sipp writes in protest. And sucks for not letting her log it.
Sonadow-O-Matic-5000
Though Shadow had very clearly died to save humanity, for some reason he was still alive. The Fangirls had commanded it, and The Fangirls' word was law, or at least in their minds. They reasoned, that he had Chaos Controlled back to Earth, even though he made a conscious decision to die. Anyway, he was now living.
"What to do?" thought Shadow. Suddenly, an idea came to him. "I know! I'll ANGST!"
And so the hedgehog angsted.
After five hours of angsting and The Fangirls drooling, someone approached Shadow.
"I can't help but notice that you are angsting."
The Ultimate Life form looked up, and saw the most beautiful, powerful, smartest, strongest (though how he knew half of this is beyond me), woman with a tragic past ever. Immediately, Maria was forgotten, though he had spent fifty years and five hours angsting over her, and he was in love.
"Are you an angel?"
"No. I am a Mary Sue."
Shadow nodded in understanding.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"Let's make a baby and name her Maria!"
"Sure!"
Shadow was about to Chaos Control them both to a more, ahem, private place, when suddenly, the Mary Sue, without using a Chaos Emerald, did it for him! In fact, this Mary Sue was so powerful, that she didn't even have to touch him! She teleported them both with her mind!
Anyway, they now found themselves in a luxurious bed.
And the Mary Sue knew EXACTLY what do, despite the fact that she was probably about fifteen.
And so. the author wrote a very graphic, in-depth lemon scene that The Fangirls loved, and worshipped, because their hyperactive hormones were satisfied. Afterwards, Shadow was extremely pleased! And happier than he had ever been! But. for some reason, it wasn't enough. He told this to the Mary Sue, who nodded understandingly, being as brilliant as she was, and brought in a hoard of her Mary Sue friends.
And thus, Shadow was pimpin'
Though he made various... ahem... combinations with the Mary Sues, and The Fangirls got more lemon scenes, for some reason, he found that he still wasn't pleased.
These Mary Sues were too perfect. Like Barbie (tm!) dolls or something. It creeped him out. He then reached the conclusion they were androids, but after looking at their beautiful, angelic faces, he was instantly in love again, and forgot all his troubles. But then.,he knew. He knew that he could never be good enough for them even though he was the Ultimate Lifeform, he could never compare to the Mary Sues, and could never be good enough. What they needed were Gary Stus, the male equivalents of Mary Sues!
The Mary Sues tried and tried to convince Shadow that he was far from not good enough, and a tiger in bed, rawr, but not even they, being the perfect beings they were, could stop The Angst. Because The Fangirls had commanded it. And The Author needed to please The Fangirls, or she would never get reviews OMG!
So Shadow sunk into a deep Depression. The Fangirls who had studied History called it the Great Depression. But of course, they were pleased by this, because there was ANGST.
Then... Shadow discovered the root of his problem. Women, especially Mary Sues, angst, were good, but not good enough. He needed to follow the crowd and become gay!
"Hm," pondered the black hedgehog, and The Fangirls swooned at his contemplative pose, "But who will be my gay partner?"
He thought some more.
Tails was too young. ("I am not a pedophile!" declared the hedgehog stonily.)
"Knuckles is already infatuated with that bat... Rouge. Though they- I mean she ar- is nice and bouncy."
He went over the list of candidates in his head, shuddering very violently when Eggman popped up, then over the cast of Archie comics. This took him about six hours, when the perfect idea!
"I know! I'll be gay with Sonic the Hedgehog!"
Though Shadow was never very interested in Sonic, and they were former rivals, Shadow knew, from that moment, that Sonic the Hedgehog was his destined to be his!
So, with his entire Fanbase following him, Shadow set out on a mighty (Mighty!) quest to find his beloved, which involved a McDonalds (tm!) restaurant, a pair of toe-clippers, and one of those mechanical bulls. What he did with them is beyond me. I don't think I even want to know.
"Stop breaking the fourth wall!" complained Shadow.
The Author, who will remain unnamed because her name at the top of the page, which can be found by conveniently scro-
"AHEM."
Sorry.
Anyway, Shadow continued on his quest, and soon found his soon-to-be- hedgehog-King, Sonic!
Who, strangely enough, was sleeping. On Amy. I said on, not with, you perverts!
Upon closer inspection, Shadow discovered that she was dead, murdered by The Fangirls, who wanted Sonic for themselves, or Shadow. Rawr.
Hey, I liked Amy!
"Too bad," huffed Shadow, "She's competition!"
Don't push me, hedgehog.
Shadow made a rather rude one fingered gesture, then turned to his beloved, planting a kiss on his lips. Sonic's eyes snapped open, and he uttered a series of words not suitable for children. But Shadow silenced him by stroking his head softly. and shoving the toe-clippers in his mouth. Ah, so THAT'S what he did with them. Wait a minute, what's that flui- AGHHH!
Several rounds of vomiting later.
"Sonic!" breathed Shadow, "I love you!"
Sonic blinked.
"Err... okay."
"Come, let's have hot, passionate se-"
"OKAY!"
Sonic grinned eagerly, though he was not gay, and not interested in a relationship. For some reason, he had the urge to fulfil the sick fantasies of The Fangirls, and allowed Shadow to sweep him up in his strong, masculine, flabby arms, and ride off into the sunset, even though Shadow had nothing to ride on, and it was mid-afternoon. Technically, if he did ride off into the sunset, he'd burn his crotch.
"This is supposed to be sentimental!" whined Sonic. Shadow shushed him and stroked his head. Sonic calmed and snuggled the other hedgehog.
Sonadow Fangirls everywhere cheered loudly and took lots of pictures.
Blinded by the flashes, lost his balance on the mechanical bull he was riding, which was flying for some reason, and fell. Before he could hit the ground, however, he decided to Chaos Control. Coincidentally ("Big word!" murmured the blue specimen) enough, to the exact same bed he had. enjoyed himself with the Mary Sues. And there were new sheets, and they smelled like Sunlight Lemon Washing Machine Powder. Mmm, chemicals.
Both hedgehogs leapt into bed, and though Shadow was still a beginner. and Sonic had never done "it" before, did "it" very correctly and passionately.
And thus followed another sex scene, although this one was ten thousand words long, a LEMON, yaoi, more in-depth, and more Fangirls drooled.
And then they did it again. And again. And again, until they both passed out from exhaustion.
And then The Author got lots and lots of reviews!
THE END!
Shadow: How ironic. You're the doctor, yet you're the one who desperately needs help.
Sipp: I'm not a real doctor. 'Sides, I'm cold, and it'll be amusing to see how these little teenyboppers react.
This was a parody, people, it was all in good fun. No, I don't like Sonadow. At all.. Shadow is dead, and if he was alive he'd be angsting over Maria, Sonic is clearly not interested in a relationship, it's very OOC for both of them, and unrealistic. Show me a good Sonadow with both in character and I might change my mind.
Later!