Note: I know that there are some things that Bella says are a tad bit confusing so let me set it straight. Bella was turned into a vampire by Laurent, so she never found out from Jake that he was a werewolf. There was no threat from Victoria either. None of that happens here, as you will later see. If this doesn't clear it up that well, I hope you at least won't be as confused as you would be if I hadn't told you this, but, if you have questions, go ahead and pm me or review. Constructive criticism is loved, so please do!
Disclaimer: All characters belong to our beloved Queen, Stephenie Meyer. Sadly, I have no claim over any of them. :(
A Long Time Since
Bella
There are times in a person's life when you go through something that you just know you'll never forget. Something that changed your life forever (depending how long forever is for you). Perhaps for you it was the day you got into Harvard, went to meet your favorite actress/author in person, etc. Maybe it was the time your granny died when you were little and you first grasped what death really was.
Mine is when I met Edward Cullen. Everything was wonderfully complicated with him. I mean EVERYTHING. We couldn't even kiss without him getting all wired up about it. Of course, he had reason to be, after all, you don't very well want the person you "love" to die in your arms, her blood all over your cold lips, right? I thought that this was how it would always be. Him holding me in his stone cold arms as I hyperventilate and have a spaz attack. But even though memories do last forever, for better or for worse, he didn't stay. Though he shattered my heart such a long time ago, I hold all of my memories of Edward extremely dear to me. I writhe in pain each time I think of him, wishing he were there to console me, but I know he won't ever be there again. For all I know, he could even be in Volterra; somewhere I could easily find him, but why bother? He hasn't been interested in me since that dreaded November, perhaps he never was. I miss him. I miss him so much, it hurts as though it would kill me. But it doesn't, it won't. Ever.
Edward has been gone from my life for almost a century. 98 years, 9 months, 21 days, 14 hours and 33 minutes to be exact. I would count the seconds, but they are even worse reminders of his departure than the empty home in Forks. Currently, I suppose I shouldn't say Forks as though I'm not there, since I have been for the past two days. One more day until school starts. What will I do, I wonder. I'm sure I won't find the Cullens here since Alice once said that they come around every two centuries or so. Thank God for that. I can barely breathe at the thought of him, I would hate for him to see me wither into an invisible black hole at the sight of those mesmerizing topaz eyes. I wonder if he would find contempt at that sight. At the last school I went to, I didn't have to worry about making friends to seem normal enough. There was a small pack of vampires there who did not feed on humans. But now what? I'd been in hiding for so long, I simply have no idea how I will keep myself from standing out.
I should be thinking on what to say or do tomorrow. But I honestly don't feel like it. Besides, it's not like I will run out of time in one night. One night to me now is like a year. I suppose I have none but Laurent to thank for that.
The house is still the same. Charlie's, I mean. I can't believe no one took it down before to make room for new buildings. Forks has updated itself quite a bit since the last time I was here. The store where Mike and I worked was torn down and replaced by a Dunkin' Donuts (because bread is so much healthier than going for a "stroll" in the forest). And yes, the collection of trees that used to be in Forks has now become a small forest. Most of it still lies next to my house. My room was untouched. Literally. Apparently, when I "died", Charlie didn't want anyone to move anything here. Or at least that's what descendants of the La Push people say. Mom and her fifth boyfriend died of natural cause as well. She died in her sleep. Jake died too. He was 26, drunk and hallucinating, seeing a girl jump off a cliff after loosing her lover. He jumped after her. Didn't make it. He left this in a journal (apparently he had been imagining this a few other times as well) in his room where his father found it. It's been kept in the family since. Not the "didn't make it" part. That was added when Billy found him on the side of a rock, bleeding from his head. I cried for a month from the guilt. I still feel surges of guilt when I see one of the new Blacks around here. But after my first day here, I didn't see them again. The day I minimized my crying for at least 3 times a day, I left Forks. I had been hidden in the Cullen home for a while, and I could handle being around people after such a long time living inside walls, so I decided to start school again. So I was in Galiana, NL, Tam., for 5 years, Paris for 5 years, in hiding, Volterra for 3 days (I couldn't bear any more than that, for fear of running into those penetrating eyes), After that, I simply stayed in an abandoned house near Seattle that was surrounded by forestry, a place where I could easily come out when I felt suffocated. I didn't come out but to hunt and swim in the lake next to the cabin, actually. Now I am in Forks again. I really do think all will go well though, as long as I don't let the black hole in my chest swallow me whole from the memories in this house. Oh, geez, I should just get back on the plane.
Edward
I cannot even begin to think how long it has been since I have been without Bella. Far too long is all I can say. Each moment of every day of every year of a decade and now almost a century, I feel excruciatingly lost and alone. I have been among the living dead for too long, but only after I lost her did I truly feel the world passing me by like a stone on the side of a turning wheel. Esme and the others want me to go on with my Godforsaken life, but how can I possibly do that? Especially now that we're in Forks again. I'm back where it all started. We just arrived today and I'm driving, with Emmett and Rosalie all over each other, shamelessly. I only wish I could have loved Bella as completely as they do. I kept wanting to come and check on her, but something always managed to stop me from doing so. My stomach began to feel knotted, my mind going numb at the thought of her. 'Pull yourself together, Edward. You can't break down while you're on the road. You may be immortal, but these people aren't.'
I looked over to the side and tried to block Rosalie and Emmett's thoughts. It was too much, but if I told them to stop, Rose would merely continue and start whispering into his ear, just loud enough to for me to hear. She knew it would kill me and she was the only one who didn't care about my pain.
Someone honked from the side and I saw Alice driving right next to us. She gave me a huge grin, to encourage me, I would think.
'How are you holding up?' she thought. I twitched, knowing she could see them. 'I don't know. You tell me. Will I strangle them or kick them out of my car?' I replied harshly, though it wasn't her fault. It was mine and mine alone. She smiled. 'Neither. You'll be going to a funeral home though.' She mentions. I frowned at her. 'No.' I tried to sound firm, but I knew she could see past my façade. 'It's not up to you just yet. Besides, don't you want to know if she at least moved on? Had kids? Something?' she asked. Her tone said that she refused to back down on this. I did want to know. But I also knew that if I found out that she had gotten married, I would be devastated. Of course it was what I wanted, but… I still wanted to think that she would always be mine. I couldn't even bring myself to consider her having children. That would mean that another man touched her before I could even give her a kiss that truly would make her breath stop. 'Edward, answer me. Do you want to go to the funeral home to see if we can find her records?'
'…Yes.'
After we got to the house and settled all our belongings once again, I went outside. I felt like I was being suffocated. Her scent was all over the house, making it obvious that she must have been here for some time after we left. I wonder what she did. What she touched I know, because those were the places that were most strong. But how long did she touch it? How often was she in one room? My bedroom was full of her scent, intoxicating me until I finally surrendered and broke down, crying invisible tears. Once I could find it in me to crawl out of the room, I hurried outside where the scent wasn't as strong. Could I really go to her grave? Of course I could, but should I? Why bring myself more pain by having to take in the rest of her life without me and realize that she is six feet under me now at the same time? After all, the only reaction I'll have is to break down once again and yank the corpse from underneath.
"Are you ready?" Alice asked. She was at the entrance to the backdoor, waiting for me. She cocked her head to the side and gazed at me, questioning. I slowly got myself to stand.
I know why I want to go. I want to know that she wasn't just a figment of my imagination. I want to know that her warmth was real. To know that the rush of blood to her cheeks as I caressed her was mine and mine alone, even if it was only for a blip of time in her life.