A/N: In recent events on CSI: NY and the subsequent Danny bashing that has come after it, I wrote this. If you don't like it, I understand but please do not be rude in your review. I appreciate constructive criticism not swearing and name calling.
A/N 2: I wrote this as a one-shot. If there is enough calls to make it into something more then we'll see what happens. :)
Fall To Pieces
By 18lzytwner
Detective Danny Messer sat at the bar one night after work. He stared into the beer that sat in front of him. Lately alcohol had become his best friend. It was the only thing that seemed to numb the horrible tightness in his chest and blur the images in his head.
Everything that was going right in his life had turned sour the moment he found out Reuben Sandoval was killed. The morning was supposed be one of fun and a sign of how the neighbor boy was growing up. Instead it turned into the last time he would spend with the child. One bad judgment and Reuben would never again tell his mother he loved her or knock on the door and ask Danny to play catch or ride his bike.
Taking another swig from his glass, Messer could feel the cold liquid burn as it went down. The bartender came over and gave him a look.
"You all right buddy?" He asked. Danny's answer was to polish off the glass and said,
"Just give me another one." The bartender nodded and took his glass. Filling a clean one up, he got another order from another man who walked up to the bar.
"I'll have what he's having," the familiar voice said.
"You got it," the barkeep nodded.
"What are you doing here?" Danny asked the man.
"It's a free country ain't it? Besides I hate to see you drinking alone," came the reply as he took his glass off the bar.
"I'm better off alone Flack. I've screwing everything up," Messer answered.
"I know since Reuben died things have been bad but I'm sure Lindsay understands," his friend said.
"No she won't. Not after what happened," Danny shook his head before downing some more beer. Flack had some of his drink and said,
"Reuben's death wasn't your fault."
"Was sleeping with Rikki twice not my fault?! Was blowing Lindsay off not my fault?!" Messer raised his voice. The news shocked Flack and he didn't have an answer for his coworker. The CSI grabbed his glass and finished it off in one long chug.
"How many have you had Dan-O?" Don asked. When he didn't get a response he looked to the bartender.
"This would be his last trust me. I figured after five of them, he'd had enough," the bar employee ensured him.
"Dan, I think it's time to get you home," Flack said before quickly polishing off his own drink.
"I'll go home when I'm done," Danny told him.
"You're done pal. Listen to your friend and have him take you home. You've been sitting on that same stool every night for the past week. Trust me I don't mind the business but you're not exactly allowing the other customers to enjoy their time here either," with that final word from the man behind the bar, Danny stood up shakily. Flack paid the tab and then helped his friend out the door.
Don hailed a taxi and pushed Danny inside of it. After that he got in and gave the driver directions to his inebriated friend's apartment. The ride was silent until they reached their destination.
"Here we are," the taxi driver said in his thick Indian accent. Don grabbed Messer and pulled him out of the vehicle. Then he turned to the driver and paid him, including a tip.
"Thank you sir," the driver smiled before driving off.
"What am I supposed to do?" Danny asked randomly as they made their way into the building.
"I imagine the best thing to do is go over to Lindsay's crawling on your hands and knees and beg her forgiveness. But that's just me," Flack answered.
"Stella go for that?" Messer wondered. This made his friend laugh as they entered the stairwell and began the long climb to Danny's floor.
"Maybe she would but then again I wouldn't want to get on her bad side," Don said. Both men knew that Stella was a no nonsense woman who would not put up with anything like that.
"You think Lindsay will forgive me?" The question hung there for a minute or so before Flack attempted to answer it.
"Lindsay has been through a lot. I wouldn't expect her to pat you on the head and say 'I understand'. She'll be pissed and she has every right to be. Eventually she might forgive you,"
"That was comforting," Messer said.
"Hey I just gave you how I see it. You knew I wasn't going to pull any punches Dan-O," Don reminded him as they exited the stairwell and walked down the hall.
"I should go talk to her," the CSI told his friend as he fished for his keys.
"Only when you're sober. Now try to get some sleep and I'll see you at work on Monday," Flack smiled and then headed back toward the stairs. Danny nodded as he watched his friend and coworker leave. He mumbled something under his breath and then shut the door. Kicking off his shoes, the slightly drunk man headed for his bedroom. Flopping down on the bed still fully clothed, Messer's head went to work as best as it could.
Lindsay Monroe turned over in her bed and looked at the red glowing numbers on her alarm clock. They read three thirty am. She groaned inwardly and hoped the noise she'd heard had been the neighbors. Getting up out of bed, Lindsay grabbed her bathrobe off the hook behind her bedroom door. She headed for the main door to her apartment as she slipped on the garment.
"I swear on everything holy if it's the neighbor again asking where his little friend Jack Daniels went again, I'm going to give him a reason to drink," Lindsay mumbled. When she opened the door, she got a surprise.
"Danny! What are you doing here? Why are you sitting down?"
"I have to talk to you," he said from his position on the floor. Monroe shook her head. It was obvious that he was hung over. Part of her wanted to slam the door on him and let him spend the remainder of the evening out in the hallway but if he threw up out there she'd never hear the end of it from her landlord. Heaving a sigh, she bent down and helped Danny to his feet.
"Come on, let's get you on the couch,"
"I've been an asshole to you lately and you have to let me explain," Messer said.
"Asshole is putting it lightly but let's start there," the animosity in Lindsay's voice was quite evident.
"When you told me that you weren't angry at me but at yourself because you'd fallen in love with me, I…"
"You what?" The other CSI didn't let him finish.
"I didn't realize what I had done," Danny told her.
"What did you do?" Lindsay asked.
"I've thrown away the best thing I've ever had. I'm a complete idiot, Montana. I slept with Rikki," he said.
I look away, Then I look back at you, You try to say, The things that you can't undo…
The look on Lindsay's face said it all. Anger, hurt, betrayal, it was all there.
If I had my way, I'd never get over you, Today's the day; I pray that we make it through…
"How could you Danny? I thought you turned away from me because of Reuben's death not so you could screw his mother!" She screamed at him.
Make it through the fall; Make it through it all…
"I was hurting, she understood, we got to talking and one thing led to another…"
And I don't wanna fall to pieces, I just want to sit and stare at you, I don't want to talk about it…
"She understands but I don't? How long have you been doing this behind my back while lying to my face?" Lindsay could barely control herself now.
And I don't want a conversation, I just want to cry in front of you, I don't want to talk about it, Cuz I'm in Love with you…
"I didn't mean for this to happen…" Danny started but he would not finish. Before he knew what was happening, Lindsay slapped him across the face, hard.
You're the only one, I'd be with till the end, When I come undone, You bring me back again,
Back under the stars, Back into your arms…
Messer took the beating as she continued to lash out with her hands. Never once did he try to defend himself. He could see the tears coming down her face, some of rage, others of hurt and sadness.
And I don't wanna fall to pieces, I just want to sit and stare at you, I don't want to talk about it, And I don't want a conversation, I just want to cry in front of you, I don't want to talk about it, Cuz I'm in Love with you…
After a few minutes, Lindsay gave up. Her hands hurt and she looked at Danny. His face and neck were bright red. The look in his eyes almost broke her heart.
Wanna know who you are, Wanna know where to start, I wanna know what this means…
"I've done a terrible thing to you Miss Monroe. I know sorry isn't good enough to fix what I've done. If you never want to speak to me again I completely understand," he leaned over and gently kissed her forehead before standing and heading for the door.
Wanna know how you feel, Wanna know what is real, I wanna know everything, everything…
"Wait," she called out to him, the tears still running down her cheeks. There was something she had to say.
And I don't wanna fall to pieces, I just want to sit and stare at you, I don't want to talk about it, And I don't want a conversation, I just want to cry in front of you, I don't want to talk about it…
Danny turned to face her, the overwhelming urge to take her in his arms and wipe away the tears was hard to suppress.
And I don't wanna fall to pieces, I just want to sit and stare at you, I don't want to talk about it…
"Throughout my friends' murder trial, I kept looking to the doorway, wishing that you'd come through it. Then when you did, I almost couldn't believe it. I thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. Then when I was over playing pool and your answer to the bet was to spend the night on the pool table, I thought all my dreams had come true. Not only did I have someone who loved me but I also had someone I knew I could count on. I let you in and you thanked me by lying and cheating. I guess I should have expected it. You're reputation was that you were the biggest player on the entire NYPD force. I thought that you'd changed. I thought… it doesn't matter what I think anymore. I release you Danny Messer. Go be with whomever you want to be with. I won't stop you," Lindsay's words stung.
And I don't want a conversation, I just want to cry in front of you, I don't want to talk about it, Cuz I'm in Love with you…
"Let me say one thing before I leave," he begged her. She heaved a sigh and wiped the tears from her face.
I'm in love with you, Cuz I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you, I'm in love with you.
"There has been only one woman I've ever loved and she's sitting on that sofa. There will never be anyone but you Lindsay Monroe. To say I made a huge mistake would be an understatement and I understand that I must pay the price but know this, I will never stop loving you, never," with that Detective Danny Messer left the apartment. When he closed the door, he could hear Lindsay begin to sob. Heading for the stairs, tears came down Danny's face. It was over.
To Be Continued...