Dilaudid. My escape. The thing that made me forget. Forget about the bullying, my Dad, Tobias, and the hurt. Yes, it worked for quite some time.
I'd call my dealer, and he would give me exactly what I want. When I started to withdrawal, the team noticed. I tried to get my hands to stop shaking, I tried to not get mad at people so easily, but I was on edge. I needed it. So usually, every day, after work, I would take the needle and vial out of my brown box in my nightstand drawer, and inject the drug, welcoming me to a world of haze.
By the time I started missing days at work, and started to get bags under my eyes, I knew the team found out. Hotch would glance at me when I started to shake, and I knew he wanted to say something, but never did. Derek would tell me constantly that I could talk to him whenever, that he was always there for me. It was getting annoying. I never exactly knew why I started doing Dilaudid, but maybe it was because the first few times Tobias injected it in me.
The haze I felt. I loved it. It made me forget about all the pain through my life. I just needed more after that. But then, after a day of me spending One- hundred dollars on Dilaudid, I knew I had a problem.
That's what started my recovery. But of course, because I fuck everything up, it didn't work completely.
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