Summary:Ruki was never one for letting people see him without his make-up on. Feeling embarrassed by the features he hates, Ruki hides his natural look with heavy paint. So how did Hitsugi manage to see his naked skin?
The guitarist finally tells the world of the secret relationship he had/has with the singer and how he knocked down Ruki's wall to his natural self. But after giving everything they have and showing their vulnerabilities to each other, will they finally end up together? Or did Ruki never feel the same way as Hitsugi…
He was prettier than any girl you could ever lay your eyes on. His small brown eyes were always widened and stretched by liner and thick black mascara. His perfectly shaped lips emphasized by ruby red or brown and gold lipstick. Bronze and light brown blusher was spread across his face to give him a healthy, tanned glow. He dusted foundation on his hands and neck too. Why he wanted to hide such beautiful porcelain skin, I'll never know. Why would he want golden skin when he had such beautiful, natural snowy skin? I swear if he just got rid his fake golden tan, dyed his hair back to its original silky black, he'd look like Snow White- only better in so many ways and far more pretty. He didn't need the ruby red lipstick when he had his natural china face on show. He was so pale that his lips already looked a fascination shade of pink; Almost neon.
Notice that he is a he.
He is prettier than any girl
He has snow-white skin
and he could be snow white.
But only the rare people knew what Ruki really looked like underneath the make-up and clothes. He wasn't beautiful like he was in make-up with the fancy suits. Natural Ruki was strangely alluring, almost odd to look at, at first. But, believe me; you will change your mind of him so fast.
Well, so I've been told.
My reaction was far different.
But then, my first sighting of the natural him, wasn't from an old photograph like many fans had seen. It wasn't from accidently walking in on him in his dressing room either. No, nothing like that.
I could give you the short story, but I don't think you'd get the message and the emotions of everything. From the beginning is always the best place to start, not half way through.
It all started when I was 18. That's when I first met Ruki, but then again he wasn't Ruki yet. Confused? I'll explain -
He was no longer who he started out in life as, Takanori, but was becoming what me and him called 'the in between time'. To make it more simple to understand, he was just starting in the music scene, not yet in his famous band The GazettE, and went by a different name, along with a different musical position. Kihiri, as he was then known, was the drummer for a band that opened for us in the early days. Originally, my band mates and I weren't actually going speak to our opening band that night. We were too busy getting ready for the concert. Actually, that was and is a lie. The truth is we were tired boys who just couldn't be bothered with any kind of conversation where you had try hard. We couldn't be bothered with introductions. Sakito and Ni-ya had got ready in a flash, dashing out the dressing room to speak to our van driver. When I say speak, I guess I should say complain, after all, he had almost made us late from our own show along with almost crashing us into a wall when he was trying to- I'm going off topic! Anyway, Ruka, our drummer, was ready before them, but hung back to mess around with Yomi and myself. Once Yomi was ready though, he wasn't prepared to hang about for me. They headed off to where and for what true reason I don't know and back then I didn't care. I carried on applying my heavy make-up. I was almost ready. My blonde, messy hair was straightened, back combed and sprayed into place, my leather jeans were tightly on, my feet still left bear and lightly chilled. I hadn't yet pulled on my upper garments, simply hiding my 3rd degree scarred sided with a black towel. I tut to myself as the eyeliner pencil goes exactly where I didn't want it to, leaving a black line down my cheek. With a sigh, I turned the line into a sharp, triangular point and carried on applying make-up.
"Does having so much metal on your face make you slouch forward when you walk?" came a flat voice I didn't recognise.
I gasped, dashing round quickly to look at the door. Standing in front of it, leaning on it lazily, was a kid about my height and age with heavily jelled blue hair, set into four spikes that swung across the side of his face. He stood with his own head tipped forward, his arms hanging loosely by his side, one foot pressed against the door. Considering his rude, random question, he didn't look aggressive or like the type of kid who would bully. He looked somewhat meek, but something about the way his eyes stared straight into me, not twitching an inch, told me this character was completely aware and confident in himself.
"It's not metal" I squeaked out nervously, my hand rushing to finger the two lip spikes and lip ring. Sometimes I can't remember why I was so shy back then "They're silver"
"Same thing" The boy shrugged, his eye lids hanging low and a tiny smirk on his black and gold lips.
"You are the rhythm guitarist of Nightmare, right?" he asked me, sounding confident, but a slither of insecurity slipping in.
I nodded nervously "Uh huh…"
"Hitsugi?"
I swallowed and gave him a nod for a reply "And… uh… Who are you?"
"I'm from the band that's opening for you tonight" he explained, smiling through his equally heavy make-up.
"No offence, but I guessed that" I mumbled, pulling the towel tighter round myself to hide the burns that stole my self-confidence…
"I'm the drummer" the kid carried on with a snort almost in disgust "Hell, I can play, but trust me when I say I don't belong at the back of the stage."
"Oh really" I muttered, chewing my two lip rings agitatedly.
"nah" he paused "Doesn't matter though. I'm doing what I love" his eyes finally laid themselves on me "Like you"
Our eyes met each other's, locking instantly and awkwardly. For minutes we stared back at each other, doing nothing more. His face softened as his brown eyes, contactless, stared into my own. He blinked like crazy, looking away as if he was embarrassed, losing his cool.
"umm…"
He wasn't as confident as he was acting… With his nervous glancing and loss for words, his cool was broken, and the little self-confidence I had rose as high as it could stretch. I quickly stood up, still holding the towel round my side and went to stand right in from of him, nose to nose in fact. The towel slipped slightly, revealing a shocking amount of the scar. I quickly recovered myself, taking a glance up to see the guy staring wide eyed, but quickly relaxing his face, suddenly unfazed.
"Why did you sneak in here?" I demanded abruptly, throwing away all the politeness I usually held.
He shrugged "I wanted to meet you" he told me flatly.
I blinked, forgetting my status "why?"
"I wanted to see if the scariest person was really all that scary" the boy gave a small, shy half smile "You're not scary at all…" he took a step closer to me, looking at me up and down "I thought you'd be…" he paused, thinking deeply "More like me in a way… I actually dreaded that. But you seem… so different…"
I scowled at him, pouting whilst out of pure habit. Different? What's that supposed to mean? Is he insinuating that I am a freak or something? Or is he saying I seem nice? No, he got a glimpse of the scar- he can't be thinking me all sweet and innocent- cause I'm not! I wasn't one to trust other's so easily, and this odd character referring to me as 'different' wasn't about to get any trust at all if he kept on the way he was going. He shifted slightly, holding his head higher and taking a deep breath, before relaxing his head down.
"Look… " he breathed in deeply through his teeth pearly teeth "Fancy going for a drink after the show?"
I blinked again. I remember the thought of 'what's with this guy?!' running round in my head like crazy, but now I know the really Ruki and everything is just… It's just 'so different'. His whole sudden loss of confidence was uncomfortable, making me a little unsure. But I always gave people a chance.
"Alright…" I agreed, feeling like I couldn't deny the offer "But I'd prefer it if I knew who you are exactly beforehand" I smirked slightly, trying to look as cool as I could. Which, to be honest, wasn't very cool…
He giggled "Ah…. Probably should have said that earlier" he took a step back and stretched out a hand.
"Kihiri no Ma'die Kusse" he said proudly.
"As you know" I took a firm grip of his hand "Hitsugi no Naitomea"
And that was the strange start. I don't know why I agreed to go for a drink with the guy. I think it was because he intrigued me. I'd only just met him and yet I already admired him. Then again, I think he returned the admiring. In fact, I know so.
As soon as I re-introduced myself, someone outside called out that Ma'die Kusse was due on stage. I remember walking out with Kihiri/Ruki and seeing his band standing in a huddle. I don't know what happened to one of the guitarists since that band split. I've heard nothing of him. I know the lead singer still. He's not exactly a friend, but we know each other. He's thrown away the blood-covered robes and the stage name of Tetora and now goes by Jekyll. He's actually quite important to how I managed to tear away the walls and paint that surrounded Ruki and scramble through the rabble to find Takanori underneath. The other two guitarists are in Ruki's currently, and last, band.
We agreed to meet outside round the back after my band had performed. So, once we were finished, I quickly rushed to the dressing room and pulled off my clown-like costume with one hand while brushing my hair with the other hand. I can remember being a little excited. I used to be terrible at making friends on my own; At least back in those days. Now, I find it easier then walking, but back then it was nerve racking. But 'Kihiri' was clearly a chatter, so I figure it would be easier to befriend him. I'd totally forgotten he'd seen my scar earlier.
I pulled on a simple pair of baggy black jeans, a black top with a fading silver skull on the front and grabbed my hoodie before heading off, leaving my band mates looking confused. I slowed my pace and tried to act as cool as I could, not wanting him to think I cared too much. I actually cared a lot about everything, but that really isn't something you want a new friend to know straight away. That kind of thing can really freak a person out for some reason. The door that led outside was right in front of me and I could already feel myself getting uncomfortable, hot and bothered. I opened the door as calmly as I could and stepped outside. I was surprised when I saw Kihiri looking almost the same as he had before. Makeup wise. His hair had now been brushed down and parted so he was fringe-less, and his white blood covered robes were gone and now replaced with baggy blue jeans and a black and white pin striped shirt. He'd toned down the makeup a little, but eyeliner, mascara and foundation were clearly still present. He stared at me for a second, blinking a few times before finally saying something.
"wow…" he breathed, looking utterly disbelieved "You look so different…"
I laughed at him with a kind smile "So I've been told"
"You look almost pretty" he muttered, stuffing a hand in his pocket.
This time it was my turn to stare in disbelief. Pretty? Now that's something I'd never been called before. Scary… Strange… Childish… Those three had come up a lot. Handsome and cute had been said on the rare case, but never pretty. I was a boy, what did pretty mean? Do I want to look pretty? I don't do I? Or do I? I don't know…
"Are you one of those smoker-haters?" Kihiri asked, lighting a cigarette as he spoke.
"The complete opposite" I replied "I've been smoking since I was 11"
"11? Hell-" Kihiri laughed almost fondly "I only started about a year or two ago. You must be a tough addict to the stuff"
"Don't remind me…" I tittered, about to bring out my own lighter and cigarettes out my pockets.
"Here" Kihiri added a second cigarette in his mouth now, already lighting it "Have this" He dragged it out this mouth and held it out to me.
I peered at the cancer stick for a second, admiring the horrid light goo on the end which I guessed to be Kihiri's saliva. I shrugged to myself and accepted the cigarette. I thanked him. I considered telling him that he clearly wasn't holding the cigarette properly in his mouth (since you aren't supposed to get the butt wet) but passed on the idea, stamping it as a possible bad move.
We ended up skipping the pub and just hanging out side. There was a pub about 10 minutes away from where we were but we couldn't be asked. We were fine chatting away to each other out side, lighting each other cigarettes and talking about music and hair dye.
"What colours has your hair been?"
"Bleached it brown… then bleached to blonde and dyed it blue the same day. You?"
"Bleached it to dark brown, to light brown, to a gingery brown- I honestly don't know how that happened, to blonde, dyed it pink, dyed it red, the dye sucked and faded to baby pink, and now I'm back to blonde"
"… How long have you been going that for?"
"Since I was 15, almost 16 I guess. You?"
"16"
I enjoyed touring, but at the time it felt like I hadn't had that much fun in ages. Maybe it was because Kihiri was a fresh person to me. He was nothing like the mates I already had. He wasn't hyperactive like Yomi, or fatherly like Ruka. His mind wasn't as perverse any of theirs. True, he could make a pretty good joke of the sexual nature, but it wasn't a constant set of jokes like the ones that sprawled from Niya's and Yomi's mouth every chance they got. Kihiri was quite serious, not as serious as Sakito, but at the same time he was fun.
"You know" Kihiri began, puffing out the smoke of his 8th cigarette, allowing the grey wisp's to dance carelessly in the air like a dance class, all dressed in silver "you and me are a lot alike"
"Same music, same movies, same games-" I listed, nodding in agreement.
"no no! well yes…" Kihiri paused, running his fingers through his hair "I mean…" Kihiri became silent, staring up at the night sky "Forget it"
"No, come on, tell me" I urged, giving him a little shove to get him talking. I smiled at him, even though he was currently finding the concrete ground in front of him much more amusing.
"Well, like with people. Only we have different reactions" Kihiri explained.
I cocked my head to one side in confusion, waiting for him to carry on.
"I mean… Only we reply to things different ya'know?" Kihiri explained, refusing to look at me. "I go over the top and you seem to hide away…"
"I guess you're right."
"I'm always right" Kihiri laughed.
I joined in half-heartedly, leaning against the wall with fatigue.
"Since we'll still be here tomorrow night as well"I started with a yawn "Why don't we go out for drinks then? Our bands will probably go out too since its close to a last show for both of us, righ'?"
Kihiri nodded happily "Sounds good, I think my band we'll be heading off to get drunk..." He smirked "We have an alcoholic on our hands ya'see" he smiled fondly about what ever band mate he spoke of "We'll make a night of it."
The night that followed was certainly one I have never forgotten. I lost something, and it would take years for me to stop questioning it…
The next day I woke up to Ruka's face smack-bang in my own, his smile stretched creepily to his ears.
"Morning Mitsuo…" He purred.
"Please get off me" was my simple, groggy reply, before kicking him off my half asleep self, sending him to land in the space behind the front car seat.
I ignored him as he groaned, and sat up with a yawn. My first sight was Yomi, curled up at the other side of the three-seated car seat, his head leaning against my bent knees. He looked so peaceful, so I decided to be gentle with my movements, to be sure not to wake him as this was the only point he was ever quiet. It was a miracle when the vocalist slept. I looked round to see Niya and Sakito in the seat set behind my own, leaning back to back, fast asleep too.
I rubbed my eyes and looked down at Ruka, who was now crouching in the tiny space between my seat and the empty driver's seat. Our driver had abandoned us the day previous after Sakito's heavy rant at him. Thus, this being why we would be spending the next 5 months being driven by road-rage-sufferer Niya- the only one who could drive at that current point in time.
When I say he could drive, I meant he had a license.
Being driven in a vehicle by him made you seriously wonder how he even had it…
"I fancy a fag…" Ruka announced "Up for one?"
I pulled an awkward face and nodded towards sleeping Yomi. Ruka rolled his eyes and crawled his way over to the singer and gently began to move him off my legs to let him sleep again the window pain. Yomi grumbled in his sleep, but didn't wake up entirely. He was lightly snoring against the window in seconds.
I quietly opened my car door, and let Ruka climb out first, before following swiftly, Ruka holding the dodgy door open for me. He slammed it closed without a care, making me jump and panic that we'd woken our peaceful band mates. I was relaxed to see only Niya reply to the sound, and all that he gave was a simple frown.
We headed off to sit on the hood of the tour bus, Ruka already bringing out his packet of cigarettes.
"Ru, can I have one?" I asked meekly, yawning once again.
"-thought you had your own?"
"Smoked them all last night…" I explained with a half-smile.
Ruka shook his head in despair "Your chain smoking is getting worse"
"I'll quit soon" I protested with a pout
"No you won't, Mi-san, no you won't" he shook his head fondly "Doesn't matter. You won't be you without a cigarette in your mouth!" he cackled "The day you stop smoking will be the day you stop piercing yourself, take your piercings you do have out and shave your head!" Ruka handed me a cigarette anyway.
I rolled my eyes at him, but thanked him for the cancer stick. I placed the stick between my pierced lips and waited for Ruka to finish lighting his own so I could steal the lighter. He passed it to me without looking and I took it from in a flash.
"So" Ruka sighed in ecstasy as he filled his lungs with the poison "Where'd you go after the show yesterday?"
"I was hanging out with someone" I explained between puffs.
Ruka turned to me with a sneaky grin "Someone?" he wriggled his eyebrows "Like a girl"
"Like a boy" I spoke flatly taking another drag
Ruka's face became serious "So this is how you admit you're gay, huh?"
"No! No!" I panicked, wide eyed and shaking my hands at him "I meant as a friend! A friend!"
Ruka smirked at me and turned his gaze forward again "Course"
"Ruka…" I whined through gritted teeth, scratching my forehead in agitation.
"I'm joking I'm joking!" he said in a hurry as he noticed me becoming irritable "Calm down"
I sighed and leaned back on the window behind me, staring up at the light morning sky. The fluffy clouds swam slowly across the baby blue sky, making me feel relaxed and sleepy once again. Morning fatigue…. Forever I shall darn you!
"So who's this friend?" Ruka asked, sounding confusion.
"He's from the band that opened for us"
Ruka sniggered "That band is a mess! Don't get too close…"
I raised an eyebrow, sitting myself up on my elbows and giving him a quizzical look which went unnoticed. I ignored his little warning, seeing as he often gave them "Mess?"
"Yeah…" Ruka breathed in more nicotine "They were all arguing outside before they went on. The singer and drummer started it."
A light flashed on in my head. Drummer? Kihiri…
"That band won't be around for much longer"
I couldn't help but feel sorry for Kihiri at that moment.
"Doesn't matter though. I'm doing what I love. Like you"
"The two guitarists had a punch up. The bassist was stupid enough to get involved." Ruka started laugh again "The poor kid got it right in the face"
Ruka's own face suddenly became serious and he slowly, lightly shaking, turned his head to me "I hope our band never ends up like that…"
"I hope the same" I whispered. "But we're different." I argued for reassurance "We've been doing this for 13 months now. They've only been together for 4 months. And they weren't friends before the band! We all were! We've been doing it longer, and we have stable friendships…"
"They're doing well for 4 months" Ruka mumbled, finishing his cigarette.
"So were we" I remind him
"Take it the guy you were with told you all that then…" Ruka mumbled, holding the smoke in his lungs until he was done.
Ruka sat back on to the window like me, letting out a heavy breath "How'd you remember that it's been 13 months for us lot?" he asked
"It'll be 14 months on my birthday"
"So?" Ruka frowned
"Nothing." I shrugged "It's just how I've been remembering it. The day I turn 19 is the day this band has been whole for 14 months." I smiled softly to myself, flicking the cigarette butt away.
"Anyway, about your friend" Ruka urged "Which guy was he"
"Oh yeah… Actually… He's the drummer…" I stammered out awkwardly.
"That skit-sy drama queen?" Ruka choked "I mean-" he began, quickly trying to back himself "I don't know the guy, but…" he turned his head to me looking awkwardly unimpressed "He was complaining at a camera man who was trying to take promotional pictures for them" he raised an eyebrow slowly as he spoke.
"Why?"
"I don't know… I think he just didn't want his photo taken. He was moaning about something or other not being right but I didn't pay too much attention. I was watching the lead singer" Ruka spluttered as he laughed "You could actually watch the guy getting angrier and angrier the more he was around the drummer!"
I fidgeted with discomfort "Kihiri seemed like a nice guy, actually…"
"The singer?"
"No. Kihiri's the drummer"
"Of course…" Ruka folded his arms "What's the guy like?"
"He's a laughed but he's quite calm and serious. Every now and again he acted a little childish but most of the time he kept his cool- even when he was saying the rudest of things!" I grinned at the memory "He's really into horror movies, and he more musical then any of us are! He can play guitar, drums, piano-"
"You can play piano" Ruka butted in
"Yeah, but he can do drums to! And he sings"
"You can sing"
"In tune, but I'm not brilliant… His vocals are really something! He should really be a singer. He's into the same music as us too. X Japan, Kuroyume, the lot! And-"
"Ok ok!" Ruka smiled patting my shoulder "I get it. The guy is cool" he sniggered at me "Sounds like you've made a good friend, chibi-neko."
I blushed lightly, biting my inner cheek. I quickly changed the subject with Ruka then and there. Ruka was like the daddy of the group, in fact he still is now, but he does love teasing. And if he had teased, Niya would have noticed and joined in! Then I'd never hear the end of it. Niya loved to jump to conclusions on purpose in the attempt of making me uncomfortable; and it always worked too!
The day passed terribly slowly. At one point I went for a wonder to see if I could find Kihiri. I found his band's tour bus but only the driver was present. I was quite surprised by that tour bus. It was a proper, camper like bus! Seats at the front, with the beds at the back. It seemed weird to me that my band, a band with a record deal any everything, would be stuck in a van- sleeping in a van, while these guys had brought home with them! I passed the thought, and asked the driver where Kihiri and co. were.
"Aw, you just missed them. They've gone off 'investigating the world' as Tetora put it" The driver told me, a freshly light cigarette in his mouth.
I noticed the signature on the side of the cigarette; It was the brand Kihiri smoked. I wasn't sure why I missed him so much. He was just a new friend and yet my mind couldn't let him go.
Throughout the whole day, questions about Kihiri came to my head at every moment.
Drinking coffee, I wonder if Kihiri likes coffee. I wonder what kind…
Listening to the radio, I wonder what stations Kihiri listens to…
Fiddling through my make-up bag, I wonder how long Kihiri has worn make up…
Every little thing made me think of it. It was actually annoying. It used to be like this when I was obsessed with Hide-sama. I used to wonder is Hide would like this song, if Hide would wear this garment, if Hide would do whatever like this… And in under a day it became all about Kihiri. And I didn't mind.
I was filled with utter joy when we were getting ready to perform. I dressed slowly, wanting everyone to get ready before like they had yesterday. I prayed my plan would work… My heart skipped a beat when it actually did. This time, Niya was the last to leave since he kept falling asleep at the dresser. Ruka handed him some strange pills and in seconds Niya was back on track. I didn't want to know what they were. I feel sad to say I know far too well what they were now… Dangerous stuff, but god damn do they work!
I got up, still hoping Kihiri would come, and stood in front of the mirror topless for a second, about to pull the red long sleeved under top on. I looked at myself with a frown. I wasn't fat, even back then, but I… I was chubby, I guess. I poked my stomach, looking at the mirror at my 'built' body and the decorative scar that ran over my hip and to my mid rift. I heard a click of the door lock opening and gasped in horror, quickly pulling on my t-shirt. In my panic, I managed to get myself stuck, my head stuck in the material and unable to find the neck hole. I bent myself forward, determined to hide the scar as best as I could. I struggled about in grief, terrified at the thought that at that moment the person in the room could see my burns, knocking into something I guessed to be a chair and falling to the floor with a loud thump, still struggling. I heard a familiar giggle as someone bent down to me and helped me pull my head through the hole.
"I was right" Kihiri smiled "You really aren't very scary"
I blinked at him with wide eyes.
"Cute" Kihiri stuck his tongue out at me before standing back up. He held his hand out to me. "Want a hand?"
I nodded placing my hand in his as my heart began to beat like a hummingbird's wings. Beats became a race as our hands clasped, skin to skin.
"That was a bit of an over the top fretting-state, don't you think?" Kihiri raised an eyebrow.
I blushed, looking down at my feet
"Aww…" Kihiri cupped my cheek and lifted up my face so I was staring into him. "What are you worried about?"
I blinked wide eyed. Hadn't he seen the scar?
Kihiri let his hand drop and went to perch himself on my make-up desk, running his fingers across the paint sets and eye liners.
"Do you still want to meet later?" he asked, not looking at me.
"Uh huh" I strolled over to where Kihiri was and took the red and black buckled military jacket off its hanger and pulled it on "The others are going up to the pub-"
"Want to stay here?" He blurted out
"I guess we could, but" I tipped my head to one side "Why though? Do you have beer?"
"Better to talk when it's one and one… You don't know whose listening in a crowded area." He smirked "And yeah, I have beer"
I beamed at him "Okay. Sounds good to me!"
The rest of conversation was short and simple. We spoke mostly about touring and the whole business with getting ready for shows. Within minutes I was almost ready for the stage. I heard someone outside call out for 'Ma'die Kusse'. Kihiri gave his polite farewell with a happy smile before leaving the room, reminding me to meet him the same place we did yesterday after the shows. I told him I wouldn't forget and sure enough I didn't. I found myself literally running off stage again and heading straight to getting changed and whipping the makeup off my face.
"Calm down, Hitsu-kun!" Laughed Yomi as he entered the dressing room "What's got you so hyped?"
"He has a date" Winked Ruka
A grin stretched across Niya's smug face. I knew straight away that I was about to get the teasing of my life for him. Why couldn't Ruka just keep his mouth fucking shut!?
"A date?" Sakito raised an eyebrow, folding a tshirt "Where would he meet someone round here?"
"Guys, its n-" I began, only to be spoken over by Ruka.
"The 'date' is from our opening band"
"I thought those we guys?" Sakito frowned, kicking off his shoes.
"They are"
"It's not-" I tried again, but Niya pounced.
"Hitsugi's gay!"
"I'm not" I scowled, giving him the middle finger before kicking off my boots.
"No gay no rights!"
"Niya-san…!" I pouted at him "I'm not, it's not a-"
"You're going out with a guy" giggled Sakito "If I remember correctly, then that means you're gay!"
"It's not a date! He's just a friend…"
"Of course!" Yomi nodded sarcastically "Did you know my aunt is the Queen of Sheba?"
"Guys, stop it!" I whined, kicking off my own shoes and beginning to take off my leathers.
"Oh come on Hitsu, have a laugh-" Sakito giggled.
"I can't! I'm in a rush!"
"It's fashionable to be late…" Yomi winked at Niya
"Especially if it's a date" the silver haired bassist grinned
"Stop it!" I grabbed by black jeans, the same ones I'd worn the day before and then grabbed my white, patterned shirt.
"Calm down , Hitsu, geez" Ruka spat at me undoing his boot laces.
"I am calm!" I snapped at him pulling on my long black leather jacket and grabbing a blue scarf. I shoved my feet into a pair of black flats (That had actually belonged to my mum at some point if I remember correctly…). "Bye guys!" and I ran out the door and off to meet Kihiri…
"Child's Play?"
"I love that movie!" I slurred happily.
Kihiri and I were in the back of his bands bus, sitting on the bottom bunk, drinking and smoking to our heart's content.
An equally tipsy Kihiri giggled at me "Same… I think its irritating how long it takes him to actually DIE. He kept coming back…" Kihiri took a swig of the neat vodka "At first it was just… Suspenseful, then after that it was… erm."
"Irritating?"
"Yeah…"
Kihiri swigged more vodka while I look a long draw on my cigarette. There was silence for a little while. It wasn't awkward, but it wasn't comforting exactly. I heard Kihiri yawn next to me, making a squeaking noise in the middle. I found myself yawning too, before freezing in mid-yawn as I felt interaction. Little tipsy Kihiri had laid his head on my shoulder in a tired fashion. I gave a little half smile to myself but didn't show any signs to him that I had noticed.
"Hitsugi…?"
"Hmm?" I mumbled as gulped down beer.
"Can I ask you something?" Kihiri sounded so meek it was unnatural. I hadn't known him long but it still seemed pretty out of character for him.
"Course. What is it?"
I heard the click of Kihiri wetting his lips "it's a strange question but it's been on my mind for a while and I haven't spoken to anyone about it…"
I frowned, leaning the opening of the bottle on my chin as I thought.
"Kihiri… Not trying to sound rude or anything, b-but… But why are you telling- or asking… me?" I stuttered out awkwardly, feeling quite humble and honoured that he felt he could speak to me about something that was bothering him.
I felt Kihiri shrug next to me "You seem like the right person" he mumbled weakly. He fidgeted a little before taking a big breath and beginning "Have you ever had, like, feelings for someone and you don't know why?"
I thought. "Yeah… Twice I think. Doushite?"
Kihiri sighed "Did you tell 'em?"
"One. I told one of them." I began to feel a little nervous about the conversation, my whole body began to feel uncomfortable and shaky as I spoke.
"What did they do?"
"She told me thank you" I laughed nervously as I reminisced about my last year of education. "she was really nice about it… I thought she was a good person until she appeared at my front door about 8 months ago. I found out that she had found out about our record deal!"
"So… She wasn't interested until she found out you were in a band?"
"Right" I nodded too enthusiastically.
Kihiri became quiet and thoughtful. I looked down at him to see him staring off into face looking lost in his own little world.
"What's your problem?" I asked, feeling nervous for strange reasons.
"There's just this person I like…"
"Back home?"
"Let's say that…"
I raised an eyebrow and waited for him to continue.
Kihiri sat up grinning "Hitsugi have you ever been on the receiving end of something like that?"
"Has someone ever told me?"
Kihiri nodded with closed eyes.
"I don't know if anyone I've ever been with has fancied me for strange reasons" I told him honestly, watching Kihiri as he took a drag on his cigarette.
"Oh?" He mumbled before dragging again and holding it in his mouth, staring at the blazing stick. Kihiri placed the bottle on the floor.
"Yeah" I laughed "I never ever thought to as-"
I was cut off in shock as Kihiri's lips crashed into mine expectantly. I squeaked in shock, my blood freezing in alarm until my body was a ridged as a door. The only two things moved in me were my quickly beating heart and my summer-salting stomach.
Realising I wasn't reacting, Kihiri pulled away with blushing cheeks, the cigarette smoke that had been passing around our mouths flickering around in the air in a cheer of freedom from the caves
"I-I'm sorry" he stuttered out, looking horrified at himself. I stared at him wide eyed. "I didn't" my face became plain and unreadable as I dragged in the last of my own cigarette.
"I didn't mean to-" Now it was my turn to cut of him, holding the cigarette smoke in my mouth like he had.
This time it was him who squeaked, but quickly he was back in control. He wrapped one arm round my neck and moved one leg on top of my own, kissing me heavily and passionately. I wrapped my arms round his waist and pulled him closer to me. I felt his spare hand press against my chest and slowly push me down on to the bunk with him lying on top of me. Our heads moved in time as our tongues danced like ballerinas round each other's caverns. My hands began to wonder across the flashing skin that had been revealed by Kihiri's rising shirt. His hand began caressing my hair and neck, one hand still pressed against me. It wasn't until he moved his hand up and a sore, burning sensation hit my collar bone that remember he was still holding his cigarette. Kihiri sat up quickly.
"I'm sorry, Hitsu, Er…"
I smirked up at him evilly, not actually intentionally though. Kihiri raised an eyebrow.
"Did you like that or something?"
My smirked grew and my eyes dashed down and back up again.
"I don't know the difference between a sadist and Masochist-"he began "But I know you're one of them!"
I quickly grabbed him by the shoulders and collided our lips once again, forcing my way into his mouth until I found his tongue. I lead it into my mouth before capturing it with my teeth. Kihiri made a strange noise that crossed between pain, confusion and ecstasy. I released the muscle and defused the kiss, grinning up at him.
"I'm both" I whispered.
Kihiri looked down at me and cocked his head to one side.
"I take back what I said before… You're terrifying." A gentle smile grew across his lips as he added in a whisper "I always did love torture movies… Always wondered what it felt like"
In seconds we were making out again like savage animals, pulling at each other's hair and clawing at one another's skin until little specks blood ran. It should have all felt so wrong, but it all felt so right. I gasped as Kihiri's mouth left my lips and began to chew my neck why his hand began to fiddle with my belt buckle.
"You up for trying something new?" he whispered in my ear, taking a pierce of silver in his mouth and tugging "Something more than just…" Kihiri giggled as he felt my hand reach his own belt buckle "More than just foreplay?" He had me unzipped before he released the button, his hand quickly getting to work by teasing me with his wondering fingers.
"Depends on what that is…" I muttered, arching my back at the feeling of his hand on my clothed sex. I had less success at undoing his jeans.
"I have another question for you Hitsu…" Kihiri kissed my check affectionately "Ever had sex? With a girl?"
I froze and looked the opposite way to him as I shook my head while my cheeks began to burn.
"A guy then?"
I shook my head again while my cheeks caught fire.
"I guess we're in the same boat…"
I squinted my eyes in a quizzical manner as I reconnected out gazes. Kihiri smiled gentle, pecking my lips.
"I don't mind playing girl…" he mumbled "I'll try anything once"
I gritted my teeth before giving Kihiri the fright of his life as I flipped us round and took dominance.
"Now this Hitsugi is interesting!" Kihiri licked his lips.
I smirked before crashing my lips back onto his heavily like my life would end in that moment if I didn't make out with him. Kihiri moaned into the kiss as he gentle released his legs from under my own, bending them on either side of me before squeezing my hips lightly with his knees. I felt him sniggered as our mouths made love to each other. I moved my mouth away from his, trailing my tongue down his cheek and to his neck, before sinking my teeth into his flesh. Kihiri moaned beneath me, my name passing his lips like breath. It was in my next movement that I realised how innocent I had been throughout my teenaged life. The most I'd down was kissing. I never got round to do anything else. There were times when I had been close to, but they never actually happened.
I slide myself up Kihiri's body slightly to make kissing and biting easier for me, when the most amazing, shocking feeling rushed through my body, causing me to tense up and make a strange sound like I'd been punched in the chest. A sparkling feeling surround my abdomen, and my heart race sped up and even more soon when I heard Kihiri groan too. So this was sexual pleasure? I couldn't help but think my band mates would be shocked if they knew that I liked it. They really did think of me as a baby, even if I was just a year younger.
Kihiri fumbled with my hair as I chewed his neck, one hand running down his side and back to his jeans where I proceeded to push them down. I returned my mouth to his lips and straight away Kihiri responded with a heavy, almost painful kiss that bruised my jaw but, hell, I couldn't have cared less. We rolled around, me with one arm round him, the other slowly pushing down his jeans, while Kihiri did the same. We only tore away from each other to make the removal of our jeans easier, kicking them to the floor. Kihiri bought his hand to my side, and began to raise my top. Before he could move it even two inches I panicked.
"Stop" I ordered in a laboured breath.
Kihiri did as he was told, his eyes looking at me in utter confusion. We paused, staring at each other. The moment became horribly awkward, instantly making me regret and hate my self-consciousness.
I gulped. "I'm not taking my shirt off…"
"I've already seen you topless-"
"Then you don't need to see again" I told him sternly.
"Hitsu-chan…" Kihiri purred, sitting up and pressing his lips on to mine again, before pecking a kiss in each corner. "It doesn't bother me…" he kissed me again even though I remained unresponsive to his kisses. He looked at me sadly before saying weakly "Want me to be honest with you?" his voice nearly a whisper. Sitting back on his hands and leaning his head back, slightly one to one side. His face looked so perfect with half closed eyes and slightly parting lips. "I don't like people seeing my chest" I did nothing to reply to him with, instead I just stared at him, waiting for him to carry on "I don't know why" I finally spoke after a long pause "But I just feel… Small" Kihiri saw me smirking and rolled his eyes "I know I am small, but I mean I feel like the size of a pea… I feel like everybody is judging me. I feel like I'm showing people way too much of myself…" Kihiri swallowed, looking at me deep in the eyes with a serious expression "I'll show you if you show me…"
I shook my head vigorously.
"It won't be the same with clothes on…" Kihiri pouted at me.
I sighed and looked away helplessly, chewing my lip ring.
"What if I turn the lights off? So I won't see it as much… But it'll still be real"
I returned my eyes to him, looking hopeful. Kihiri smiled gently at me, before reaching a hand behind him, to the wall. He found a switch and clicked it off. In seconds, I saw nothing but pitch black. I heard Kihiri's giggle followed by his hands on my chest, rolling down until he found the bottom of my shirt and began to lift it up. I held my breath but allowed him to remove the garment and discard it to the floor.
"You know what they say…" Kihiri said seductively, as my eyes adjusted enough to see the outline of him pulling my hand to his shirt buttons "Dancing in the dark…"
I lowered my neck and he raised his so our lips crashed together again in passion. I let my tongue explore the cave that was Kihiri's pretty mouth while, with one hand, I undid his buttons. Kihiri twitched his body beneath me before jolting his hips up, setting the sparklers alight again in my crotch. I was too busy kissing and focusing on the feeling that I didn't realise straight away where Kihiri's hand had disappeared to. The blue haired boy was slowly beginning to pull my underwear down with one thumb, his other hand round my neck, holding me against his mouth. I groaned as I felt my manhood being realised from the material. I quickly sat up and discarded them, before going to tend to Kihiri. I hooked a thumb in either side of the elastic and pulled it down while placing kisses on his stomach for reasons I wasn't sure of. Kihiri giggled as placed my kisses and took away his last garment so we were both only in our own skin. My kisses went down and down until I reached his thighs, spreading my kisses. More giggles gentle ran, before I felt a hand in my hair and someone delicately whisper my name. I looked up a kihiri who was now sitting up and watching me. I immediately felt awkward, so pushed him slowly back down and climbed back on top of his naked body. Once my head was back in front of his, Kihiri giggled again
"What the fuck…" he giggled before beginning to kiss my shoulders, leaving little love bits every now and again.
I moaned as I felt his tongue lap against my skin. I quivered as I felt my heart began to race even faster and my awaiting member throb. I pushed him back down and sank my teeth in to his neck. Kihiri kissed my cheek, wrapping his arms round me and digging his nails into my back. My own hands began to wonder the wonderful, open body beneath me. My fingers ran over his beautiful soft skin curiously. I can still remember how his skin felt the first time I touched it. So soft and warm… He felt like his was skin was a fine silk. I wanted the action now. I couldn't wait any longer. I released his flesh for my mouth, earning a sad moan.
"So…" I puffed out in short breaths near his ear "How do we do this?"
I heard Kihiri swallow before he spoke. "Sit up" he ordered.
I did as I was told, sitting back on my heels. Kihiri sat up too, still with bent knees. He mumbled to himself about the fact he couldn't believe what he was about to do. I was confused for a second until I felt Kihiri's warm, wet mouth cover my manhood in one. My eyes felt like they were going to burst out their sockets as I watched him. His eyes were slightly open and looked away from me, looking like he was concentrating hard. I moaned as the sparklers inside of me became crazy Catherine wheels as Kihiri picked up speed, lapping his tongue all over my works as he did so.
"Ki…Hiri" I moaned as my body began to stand to attention even more so.
I felt sad and desperate when he removed his mouth and sat back up, facing me. "Now it's your turn to prepare me…" he told me, sounding nervous.
I merely nodded, freezing as I saw Kihiri pull my hand up to his face and began to suck on the middle three fingers, doing a similar movement as he had been doing moments before to a different part of my body. I felt a little uncomfortable; having a very clear idea of what Kihiri wanted me to do. Just the thought of it was making me red. I felt sparkles in my abdomen again just watch him sucking on my fingers, the whole time his eyes were on me. When he finally stopped, he looked away from me blushing. He swallowed and looked at me nervously. I quickly acted on my dodgy instincts, and pushed him back down with my dry hand. I lay back down across him and the kissing started again. Just sweet, gentle, slightly shaky, kisses. I can remember thinking how sweet Kihiri looked when he was nervous. Keeping the fingers away to make sure they stayed wet, I slipped the arm of that hand under one of Kihiri's legs and lifted it up above my shoulder. Kihiri wrapped his arms back round my neck as I sensed him mentally preparing himself.
I paused for a second, unsure, slightly freaking out and overall worried about the next thing that had be done if we were going to do anything. I moved my arm down, using the back of my hand to help me locate the entrance. Kihiri shudder beneath me and my touch while one of his own hands began to wonder down my side. That wasn't a helpful moment. I cringed slightly, feeling my cheeks getting hotter as I slipped the tip of my index finger inside of him, while his hand finally ran across my scar. I squeaked and tensed up as I felt his touch run over an area only my mother he touched in hugs. Kihiri interrupted the kiss for a second.
"It should be me feeling like that" he laughed nervously but quietly, giving me a pecked on the lips "Just do it" he pressed his soft lips against mine, and removed his hand from my scarred side.
I carried on slipped my finger inside, hearing Kihiri grunt once beneath me, but letting it go unnoticed. I gentle pulled back out and pushed my finger back inside again, feeling Kihiri relax beneath me. We were like that for a while, until Kihiri whispered something about 'and the next one…'. It took me a few seconds to work out what he meant, but I caught in. I pulled my finger back like I had done before, but measured up my middle finger alongside it, then slowly began to push it in. Kihiri grumbled uncomfortably, digging his nails into my arm and wriggling to try and ignore what must have been a horrible feeling. I forced them in a little too much, causing Kihiri to break kiss with a quick yell of pain, before hiding his face in my neck. I pulled my fingers, even though they were only half way, before very slowly re-entering them. Kihiri moaned in my neck, and not in enjoyment.
"Are you okay?" I whispered to him.
"Just do it" he struggled out.
"Just tell me if it hurts-"
"It hurts now, carry on" Kihiri spat
I did as I was told and pushed them all the way in. More groans of discomfort came from the blue haired drummer, who snuggled into my neck even more. I painted his forehead with kisses as he hid away, his arms tightly round my neck. I began to part my fingers to stretch his entrance, knowing how to do it thanks to Yomi and his perverted movies. Kihiri held on to me tighter, whining my name under his breath. I'd be lying if I didn't say it turned me on even more than I was. I still couldn't believe I was doing that.
The third and final finger was easier, giving Kihiri less discomfort. He relaxed, panting from holding his breath in agony, lying back on the bunk and looking up at me.
"I think you should" his eyes shifted round the room "Put it in" he rushed out awkwardly
The blush returned to my cheeks as I removed my hand, spotting pink smears. My eyes became wide and my breath became stuck into my throat. 'Blood' I whispered. Kihiri gently grabbed my chin and turned my head to face him.
"It's alright… My mate said it can happen sometimes." he murmured
"I don't want to hurt you" I told him honestly like some kind of pathetic child.
"I'll be mentally hurt if you don't" Kihiri joked in a soft voice.
I was still afraid to hurt him. He seemed so little compared to me. We were the same height, but Kihiri was skin and bones. I was slightly chubby. I began to place kisses across his jaw line, while I awkwardly lined myself up with his entrance, moving my body up. As my tip entered his body, Kihiri placed his head against my shoulder with close eyes as I carried on covering him in lip-love. I slowly began to enter his body as a shiver ran down my spine. It felt even better than his mouth had. I forced my way gently in until my manhood was fully hidden inside of him. I turn to Kihiri who had a slight face of discomfort but seemed okay. It seemed better to check.
"Are you alright?" I asked again.
"Yeah" he said in a breath, lying back down again "I'm good now". Kihiri smiled at me, before linking one of our hands each together and placing them next to his head. Then he forced me to switch my pressures as he took the other hand and did the same. I laid fully on him, his manhood hidden between us.
The kissing started again, slowly and full of passion and leaking sexual love. I began to rock against him. Kihiri seemed uncomfortable, but held me tightly to him as he got used to the foreign sensation.
At first, everything was slow and sweet, maybe even romantic. Our bodies moved in the same rhythm. Our kissing stopped, but I kept moving while we stared into each other's eyes, our lips touching but not moving. All I saw was his beautiful brown eyes that shone like stars in the darkness. He tightened his grip round my neck and he whispered weakly 'faster'. I gritted myself, having probably the most unneeded feeling of shyness as I quickened my speed as Kihiri closed his eyes and swallowed, clearly still a little uncomfortable. It was like that for a while, with my being a creep with my eyes wide open watching every movement Kihiri for any clue of how it felt for him. Any look of discomfort had melted from his face now, and his eyes opened slightly, causing my own to dash. Kihiri gave a little giggle, before cupping my check and gently bring our lips back together in a tender kiss. I shifted a little, and to my alarm managed to make Kihiri gasp in what I believed to be agony. I froze in my movements.
"Shit-" I swore, pulling away "Are you okay?! Did I hurt you?! I-" Kihiri crashed his lips back into mine, ordering against my lips-
"Shut up" he stopped the kiss and shook a strand a hair from his eyes.
"But if I hurt you-"
"You did…" Kihiri pants "You did it right"
"What?"
"Shut up and hit it again" he spat before pulling me back down to smack out mouths together in a fierce kiss "Fuck me, don't stay still"
I couldn't help but love Kihiri's sudden bossy nature and I picked my pace up again with excitement. Kihiri moaned in to my mouth, his hips bucking up before he wrapped his legs round my waist to send me deeper. I groaned in pleasure as I felt my entire sex be engulfed by his small body.
Our breaths became heavy and the feeling of pleasure became a distraction as we abandoned the war of tongues. Kihiri his face in my neck, moaning out and hugging me tighter with his legs.
"Hits…Hitsu-ah…" he muttered in breaths, before swearing violently as I pounded into him harder.
I always thought your first time was supposed to be horrible. I can remember Yomi moaning about how shit it was losing his virginity, but changed his mind on it all when he did for the second time. Same thing for Niya and Ruka, but Sakito has never actually told me if he liked his first time or not. I do believe he insinuated that it was boring, but I've never been to sure.
Kihiri moaned again and again and again, throwing his head back and groaning while his nails dug into my neck. I hissed as he dragged them down my back. He swore loudly as I hit something inside him again, causing him to yell and buck his hips straight into my own.
"Hitsu…" He groaned again "Harder…" I watched him swallow while his body was forced to move up and down as I drove my way in and out of him "Oh god, harder…" he mumbled 'harder' again and again as I literally slammed my sex into his small body, hard enough to leave massive bruises between his thighs and on the front of mine. Not that I cared. The feeling was downright amazing, literally taking my breath away. A stronger version of a familiar sensation began to build up in my abdomen, giving me a large boost of adrenalin to pound into him like mad, making his blue-haired head whack against the wall behind him a few times.
"Fuck yes…" He groaned, pulling me down right on top of him and placing his head back against my neck. I did the same, panting like crazy against his warm, lightly sweating skin. The feeling began to build up to bursting point just as Kihiri choked out the incomplete sentence 'I'm gunna…'. I pushed him off me, and sat myself up a little. I unwrapped his hands from my neck and clasp them in mine. He smiled, squeezing back as I slammed his arms on to the bunk, above his head. "Oh god" he moaned again, before he shook his head crazy screaming 'fuck' over and over while a warm sticky substance painted my stomach, his hands squeezing mine with tension. Seconds later, I coated his insides in the same way, before collapsing on top of him, utterly spent.
We were still staring into each other's eyes in the dark as the room became silent accept for our heavy breaths. I heard Kihiri swallow as he wrapped his arm round my neck and rolled us on to our sides. Straight away my skin was dampened by the wet patch on the sheets.
"Don't run away" he whispered, his face inches from mine
I frowned "nani?"
I almost jumped right off him when he switched the light on. I looked at him in shock, frozen as I tried to think of what to do. Kihiri's eyes blinked as he adjusted to the light. The croaks of the beginning of unsaid speech clicked from my throat, until Kihiri placed a finger on my lips, shushing me.
"It's okay" he whispered. "Nothing will happen. Only I can see them"
I'm not totally sure why I found that slightly calming. But only slightly. Kihiri gently moved my arm out the way so he could see my scarred hip. A delicate smile spread across his lips as he reached his hand out to rest his fingers on my damaged flesh.
"It's not as bad as you think" he whispered, turning his eyes to me before sticking a kiss onto the tip of my nose "I think it gives your body beauty"
I frowned before trying to scoff out "Beauty?" but it came out more as a question.
"Stories and beautiful works of art right? Your scar tells a story…" he gentle ran his fingers over my skin, his eyes still on me "So I think it's beautiful"
I wrinkled my nose my nose in disagreement as I muttered "it's not…"
"Is" Kihiri insisted forcefully before kissing me again.
I kissed him again, like some many times that night. Each kiss felt so different. I don't think I've ever had a kiss that has been like another. It's always different with Ruki, and that's not just kisses. Back then he had me mesmerized. I changed the idea I had of my life. It was weird for me, after just one night, to decide I wanted him forever. I felt possessive of him.
The kiss was hard, but slow and passionate, Kihiri pulling me close by wrapping his arms round my neck. He directed his lips away from my own and slow placed them on neck, sucking hard until I bruised, before making me hiss as he bit down and the metallic liquid of my body seeped into his mouth.
"Vampire…" I groaned with a smile, feeling myself getting hot and needy all over again.
He slowly pulled away, a little bit of blood on his lip. I giggled, bringing my fingers to his lip and flicking away the blood. I gazed as his pretty face, his eye make-up and bronze blush still fine, while the small amount of pink lip stainer was smeared around his mouth.
"Do you always wear make-up?" I inquired rather randomly, not really thinking about what I was saying.
Kihiri blinked at me "I guess so"
"Why don't you?" I smirked.
"Don't I what?" he blinked innocently.
"Take you make-up off. I let you see my scar so I think it's fair I see what you really look like"
Like I said earlier, the blue haired boy had toned the make-up down, but there was still a pretty much heavy amount round his brown eyes. It was done perfectly though, making his eyes look massive and staring. To be honest, he looked like he belonged in Gundam or YuGiOh or what have you. Basically, he didn't look very real. He looked like he'd walked straight of a piece of paper.
Kihiri became uncomfortable. I could feel him twiddling his fingers behind my neck with nerves.
"I never let anyone see me without make-up" he stated in a matter-of-fact voice.
"How come?" I asked, pulling him close as I saw his eyes. He looked so far away as he stared right past me, almost sadly. It worried me, making me feel like any minute now I might lose him.
"I just can't…"
"You know you think my scar is beautiful?" I whispered, pulling him closer so I could lean my forehead against his "Well I bet you are beautiful underneath all that…"
For a second, I thought Kihiri was going to have some kind of angry fit, but instead he wrapped his arms tighter around me as he mumbled "I'm really not… I'm the total opposite"
"Kill me, I don't believe you" I smirked with kind eyes.
Kihiri sighed, looking straight into my brown orbs with a sad look.
"I'm sorry Hitsu-chan…" he whispered weakly "I probably owe you it…" his hold tightened "But I'm not as brave as you"
I pecked his lips "That's rubbish"
"It isn't… You are actually quite a strong person. I'm not when it comes to things like that"
Part of me wanted to pester him, but the other part of me told me that that probably wasn't a good idea. I couldn't help but feel hurt by this… It proved that we weren't on the same emotional level.
But then again, how could we be? I doubted that he'd even be thinking about me like I thought about him. He probably saw me as someone he was strangely attracted to, like he said, and I seemed good enough to rid him of the handcuffs named virginity. I saw him as something that I wanted to give everything to! Part of me wanted to refuse kissing all those girls who I had in the past, just for the satisfaction of having my first ever kiss with Kihiri. I felt like I was in love with him, but it wasn't love, I wouldn't be in love after such a short time. It was just a strong feeling that was created from lust, a teenage crush, nerves, admiration and a slight mix of desperation. Not very beautiful over all…
I didn't tease him. We just held each other for about an hour, talking about random things with each other, while the whole time I couldn't help wondering what he looked like under all that mess. It really interested me. He hardly looked Japanese with that entire set of slap covering his face! I can remember having a massive urge to stalk him home so I could rummage through his baby pictures to get a clue of some kind…