"Whatever, Block." I watch Derrington storm out of the room. We had another fight, the third one this week. I make no move to go after him (it's pathetic for the girl to chase after the guy after all) and anyway, I already know where he's heading.

Claire.

He always runs off to her after we fight. Always. She's the one constant in his life. His rock, his lifeline. All the things I'm supposed to be...

It's not that I'm jealous, I am so nawt. But I have no say in the matter. They're best friends, and they're, like the way best friends are, comfortable around each other and feel better when they're together. How am I to compete with that? I have the style, looks, and money, but even I've learned that all that isn't everything. In fact, I'm starting to think it's only barely anything at all.

And Derrington and Claire- they share everything with each other; there are no secrets between them. Well, that's almost true… I've seen the way they look at each other. It's obvious; perfect little boy and perfect little girl in love. Ugh. I mean, I used to like to watch chick flicks, until Claire and Derrick started staging their own right in front of me.

The strange thing is, they don't realize it. At least Derrington doesn't.

I'm pretty sure Claire knows she's in love with him. She's accepted it, but makes no move. Derrington is mine, and she respects that. But I know that if she some day does decide to make that move, he wouldn't be mine much longer.

I'm not the only one who sees it.

"Cam?" I asked, trying to sound confident, or casual at least.

"Yeah?"

"...What does Derrick think about.. Claire?"

"..." Cam is silent.

I quickly lie, "Uh, Claire told me to ask because she heard a rumor Derrick thought she was a bitch." Too bad, he saw right through my lie.

I desperately wanted Cam to say what I wanted to hear. But no one ever tells you what you want to hear, do they?

"Look," Cam said, and I wince even before he says anything worth wincing about, "You have to understand that Derrick and Claire's got something special. They have this connection. I don't know how to say it, I know it's weird, but it's there. Don't try to compete with that. Don't try to shut Claire out, or make Derrick choose between you, 'cause you'll loose. There is no way he'll choose you over her."

I didn't really understand what he was implying back then, but now, after almost a year, I can see it clearly. I haven't tried to push Claire away, or make Derrick choose between us, because I know Cam was telling the truth. He gave me the cold facts, I'm really not thankful for that. Where did he find the nerves to tell me stuff like that?! Why couldn't he have just told me that I'm way too gorgeous to leave, that Claire was a grain of sand compared to sparkly shiny diamond me, that I have ah-bsolutely nothing to worry? Why?

Because then he'd be lying, that's why, I tell myself bitterly.

I like Claire, really, I do. She could have been one of my best friends, and she had been before, but now, in our freshman year, there was this great, invisible wall between us. We don't really click together like we used to. It's not like I'm blaming Derrick, although he's probably the reason the wall is there now. I mean, one time we were tighter than Nina's bras and now...

A sound brings me out of my reveries. The door is opening, and I can see Derrick stepping inside. I stand and walk up to him, right into his open arms.

"I'm sorry..." he whispers and gives me a hug, which I return. He means it, I can tell.

And then he says, "I love you." He... doesn't mean it. I wish he meant it.

This is routine already. We fight, he runs off to Claire, she consoles him, he comes back, we hug and make up. It's kind of ironic.. In a way, Claire is the one holding us together. And yet..

..she could be the one to totally break it. Everyone knows her and Derrick would totally hit it off together, only if I let them.

I ignore these thoughts, closing my eyes and thinking only of Derrington and I.

I tell myself I'm too beautiful to leave.

For a brief second this relationship is perfect, and everything that matters to me. I love him with all of my heart, and hope he feels the same.

But I'm still afraid. Afraid that we will fight soon again… Afraid that I'll send him running once more… Afraid that he'll take refuge in Claire's open, waiting arms… Afraid that he'll never look back…

I bet people expected me to be mean to Massie, but I cut her some slack.

Anyway, there wasn't a lot of sizzly romance, but..?

Review. :D Okay?

Clairington is all the rage.