Friends: My Creation: The One With the Air Mattress
Disclaimer: I own nothing related to Friends... unfortunatley.
This takes place in the 8th season, no particular episode.
(Joey enters into Monica and Chandler's apartment, where Phoebe is on the floor, blowing up an air mattress. Monica and Chandler are on the couch.)
Joey: Hey Phoebs, watch'ya doin'?
Phoebe: Oh it's great, I bought this air mattress and I'm totally going to blow it up and sleep on it. You know, I completely want to actually sleep on a bed one of these nights.
Monica: Phoebe, you have a bed.
Phoebe: Yea, so?
Monica: Oh, and Phoebe, why are you blowing it up in here?
Phoebe: As apposed to…?
Chandler: At your own place! You know, what is commonly referred to as home….
Phoebe: Excuse me, but my grandmother brought her lawyers over, and I just can't deal with them right now! And look who's talking, Chan! No one likes the fact that you're here, but you don't see anyone bringing that up!
Monica: Ahem. You just did.
Phoebe: Mon, I really don't need this right now! Especially with my grandmother's lawyers and everything….
(Phoebe storms out.)
Joey: Great going, Mon. I mean come on! Give her some sympathy! Lawyers are really cruel… going around and taking money… or something like that….
(Joey leaves to comfort Phoebe.)
Chandler: Now really, what is the deal with these lawyers?
Monica: Phoebe read an article that lawyers have been fighting against animal rights.
Chandler: Well some lawyers do that, it's their job.
Monica: Well you know Phoebe….
(Phoebe re-enters the room, her face slightly blotchy with Joey following close behind.)
Phoebe: I'm sorry Monica. I think it's the air from blowing up the mattress… making me a little light headed.
Chandler: And it's rushing there because your head is hollow?
Phoebe: I'm just going to pretend I didn't hear that….
Joey: Way to go Phoebs, way to stick it to the man!
Phoebe: Who's the man?
Joey: Well, I guess I'm the only real man in this room….
Phoebe: Good one. Take that Chandler!
(The scene changes to Ross in his apartment with Ben visiting.)
Ross: So Ben, how's school going?
Ben: I've got a girlfriend.
(Ross spits up the coffee he was drinking.)
Ross: You're like six!
Ben: I'm eight! And mommy said-
Ross: Which one?
(The scene switches to Ross, Rachel and Joey in Central Perk.)
Rachel: He has a girlfriend?
Ross: Yes!
Rachel: Have you met her?
Ross: No.
Joey: I would like to meet her….
Ross: Are you thinking about hitting on an eight year old?
Joey: Ben's dating an eight year old?
Ross: Ben is eight!
Joey: Oh, you're talking about your son….
Rachel: How many Bens do you know?
Joey: One….
(Phoebe, Monica and Chandler enter the coffee shop. Phoebe is carrying her air mattress.)
Joey: Hey Phoebs, you haven't got that pumped up yet?
Phoebe (out of breath): No! I mean, you would think a mouth this big would blow it up easier than this!
Rachel: Um, Phoebs, is that a self inflating pump hanging from the bottom?
Phoebe: Oh, those damn-
Chandler: Wow, Phoebe, how about you just come over and plug it in this outlet… before that hollow head begins expanding….
(Phoebe plugs in the cord and the air mattress begins pumping up.)
Joey: Wow, Phoebs. Stop the machine.
(Phoebe unplugs the cord. Joey goes over and lies down on the air mattress.)
Joey: Okay, start this baby up. I'm going for a little joy ride.
(Phoebe plugs the cord back in the outlet and the air mattress begins to inflate with Joey on it. Rachel laughs.)
Gunther: Oh, how I love that sweet laugh.
(Gunther comes over.)
Gunther: Excuse me, but you can't bring that bed in here.
Phoebe: Hey! I don't think there should be geeks in here, but there are!
Gunther: Are you calling me a geek.
Phoebe: No, I was actually referring to Ross.
Ross: Thanks Phoebe… that's really great for my self esteem….
(Gunther goes over to Joey.)
Gunther: Is he sleeping?
Chandler: Probably.
(The scene changes to Ross walking in his apartment and finds a girl, Ben's girlfriend, yelling at Ben.)
Girl: I hate you Ben!
Ross: Oh, that's a little harsh, I'm sure Ben doesn't deserve that.
Girl: Ben kissed another girl in our class!
Ben: We were on a break!
Ross (whispers): He is going to get divorced….
( Everyone is back in Central Perk the next day where all six of the friends are having coffee.)
Ross: The divorce force is back! I mean, it's great. All my mistakes will live through my son. It's every father's dream! I'll be a legend….
Phoebe: Really? Because I remember my stepfather's dream was to get out of jail….
Rachel: Hey, look at this, the basement of our building is being put up for rental for storage space.
Joey: I could store all my condoms down there…wait no, that wouldn't work, because I would constantly be going down to get them….
Phoebe: Oh! I could store my guitar down there!
Monica: Honey, what about your music?
Phoebe: I'm beginning to think I don't have the talent for it…don't get me wrong, I'm a wonderful singer….
Chandler: But…?
Phoebe: I just don't think I have the it factor.
Joey: Oh no, that's not true! When you sang Smelly Cat, it was so touching; I think I even shed a tear…
Chandler: No, Joe, you left a needle in your pocket again.
Joey: Oh, that was it.
Monica: Oh! I can store my cleaning products down there!
Rachel: And you know, it will be a great workout for fetching them everyday….
Monica: Well, I've been trying to act sane. So I will only be cleaning once a week now.
Chandler: And that's sane….
(Everyone goes to put their not needed belongings in the basement.)
(The scene changes to Phoebe, sleeping on her air mattress that night. It is pouring hard that night. Her fan is on, and Phoebe tries to get in a comfortable position. All of a sudden, the air from the fan blows the mattress out from under Phoebe. Phoebe wakes up as she hits the floor.)
Phoebe: I hate this damn thing!
(Phoebe takes the air mattress and brings it down to the basement so she can put it in storage. She enters the basement, and the floor is flooded with about half a foot of water. Phoebe drops the air mattress and sprints back upstairs. Phoebe wakes up everyone.)
Phoebe: The basement is flooding! Our things are wet!
(Everyone, except Ross, who is at his apartment, follows Phoebe down the stairs to the basement. They arrive in the water, which is now a foot high.)
Monica: NO!!!!! My cleaning products! Oh, Mr. Clean, I really did love you….
Chandler: And I thought you loved me….
(Monica gives Chandler a glare.)
Chandler: Well, look at the bright side, now we can be sure the water we are in is clean….
Phoebe: My guitar!
(Phoebe lifts the guitar, and a gallon of water falls out.)
Phoebe: NO! My music, my image….
Chandler: Good thing you were giving it up!
(Phoebe gives Chandler a glare.)
Chandler: Wow, I feel very unsafe with these glaring women….
Joey: Hey, look Phoebs, it's your air mattress!
(Joey goes over the air mattress, which is floating on the water, and lays down on it. Rachel is seen crying.)
Monica: Honey what's wrong?
Rachel: My Gucci shoes...they're wet!
Chandler: And you wore those shoes down here why?...Gucci designs are very expensive, your so lucky to have shoes like those...wow that didn't sound gay at all….
(Rachel gives Chandler a glare. Chandler steps back, tripping in the water.)
Rachel: You never know, I could meet my husband anywhere! And this is a very emotional time … Phoebe and her lawyers are very hard on me… that kind of thing effects everyone….
Phoebe: Is Joey sleeping?
Chandler: Probably.
(The scene changes to Ross in his apartment with Ben.)
Ben: I feel bad for what I did to Cecilia. She wrote me a letter. I think I will apologize and hope she takes me back.
Ross: No! You can't do that; you can't make her feel good. You'll never get divorced! The divorce force will never live on! No, son, the right thing to do would be make your father feel proud by acting like a jerk.
(The scene changes to Joey with his very own air mattress in Monica and Chandler's apartment. Joey has the air mattress plugged in and is lying on top of it. He is inflating it and then deflating it, his idea of a roller coaster. He is rising above the ground and then back to the ground. As he does that he is making excited exclamations like, "Woohoo" and "Yipee" and "Par-tay". Phoebe walks in.)
Phoebe: I'm sorry, I didn't mean to barge in on you and….
Joey: Oh Phoebs, I wanted to thank you for inspiring me to buy my own air mattress. It's like a carnival in my apartment! Well, Monica and Chandler's apartment. And I get the best sleep on this.
Phoebe: Oh, that's so sweet. Seeing you so happy really gets me over this whole lawyer thing. You know, you can have mine, I really don't want it. You know, if you have a woman over, you can get cozy on the air mattresses… Joey? Joey? Are you asleep?
End Credits