Disclaimer: I wish I owned it, but alas I do not.

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This is my first fanfic ever...Sorry if it's confusing...It's an All Human one (I know...sigh...how cliche)...The prologue is very angsty...Most of the rest of it isn't. And yes, I know there gives no mention of who is thinking the prologue...Completely intentional!

I'm going to make a big suggestion...if you get half way through the prologue and you aren't fussy on angst, and you don't like it...Skip it. Go on to Chapter 1 and give it a chance..The prologue is something that I wanted people to read, then put it out of their head. Oo yeah...if you do read it...make sure to think 'Can fate cease to exist?'

Just please..give it a chance!

Anywho...

Prologue

I couldn't make sense of myself at this very moment.

I couldn't understand my sudden urges of feelings that were erupting like a three century year old, dormant volcano. Overflowing in hot bubble like fits of confusion. Yes, confused. That's how I would put myself currently at, confused but slowly seeping into something else. Something that I couldn't quite grasp yet. I saw my future (one of which I just moments ago, realized was mine) slowly slipping away, and all I could do was watch it go. Waving. Like an idiot.

This realization hit me like being slapped, unexpectedly. Though it desperately lacked the distraction of the pain that usually follows.

Distraction...

I would have gladly invited.

I yearned for a distraction. Anything to take away this nagging voice lodged within my head. It waged a vicious war against my body. Willing my feet to move, willing them to take me to where I wanted to be. However I knew it was a battle my feet were going to triumph in. They stayed so firmly in place, that, for a brief second, I believed they had grown roots. Roots that somehow managed to penetrate thick concrete then nestle itself deep within earth's core. I maybe even gave a darting glance down to make sure they hadn't, and maybe I was even shocked to find out it was my own self control that kept me there, not an anchor I was fighting against. I stayed here completely by myself.

Metaphorically rooted.

My selfishness sneered internally at my bravery and restraint. It wanted me to lose, and I knew it wouldn't give up easily. I acknowledged this and it was in that moment I learned a lot of my dirty laundry. Dirty laundry that I tucked away to an infinitely deep destination within 3 pounds of muscle and nerves, I call my brain.

Dirty laundry that I didn't want to face.

Dirty laundry that was a thousand times harder to except now that I had finally aired it out.

Yet I couldn't help but think, that if I hadn't been so in cased in my own insecurities, that I wouldn't have a problem right now. If I had been able to break my own self-assurance, I used as a façade to hide my insecurity, for just one split second; reality wouldn't be crashing down on me like an atomic bomb.

Stupid facade.

Now I had to deal with the fire that scorched within my chest cavity. Charring it a merciless, midnight black. I found myself wondering (most likely with glazed over eyes) if it would ever heal. Deep inside I knew it would. Heal like forest fire scorched earth after its first rainstorm, tiny little shrubs poking through and staining the blackness, giving it colour. But I knew it would never be the same. Like the scorched earth, it would always hold some sort of scar of its terrible past, even if that scar wasn't entirely visible through the vivid colour.

I completely ignored this logic; I wasn't ready to rebuild myself. I didn't want to fill my head with encouraging, self helping thoughts. I wanted to grieve. Grieve for something that had never happened. Grieve for something that I knew never would happen. How silly I was.

Grieving.

Blah.

It made me feel weak. However if I would have revaluated that notion, I would have discovered that it was my insecurities eating away at me again. Telling me that I wasn't allowed to be weak. I was supposed to be strong, and confident, a standard of society.

Standard.

Blah.

I didn't want to revaluate this right now. I figured that my insecurities had already tasted the best of me; there wouldn't be any harm in letting them slowly gnaw through the rest.

Stupid illogical logic.

I gave my head a quick, inconspicuous (or what I had wanted it to seem like) shake. Hoping I could stop thinking what I was thinking. Like an etch-a-sketch, trying to erase all those damn connecting lines, so that the larger picture didn't make sense. Although in my dilemma, the picture probably looked, at best, the work of a 3 year old that looked past the sand screen just to the fact that the two tiny white knobs actually created something when they were turned vigorously in every direction. Yes. THAT was what my larger picture entailed. Scribbles, scribbles, and more scribbles. Yet I couldn't help but notice that through the incoherent scribbles, there was one name that was woven in. It was what my mind's eye went to immediately when I envisioned it. It glared at me in a very tempting way. I knew my mind was really trying to toy with me then. Using those damn scribbles to make me cave. Rooted feet...rooted feet...rooted feet...I chanted.

Stupid mind.

It wasn't going to convince me though. I couldn't take away that smile. Plus it would hurt even worse if I was rejected. Rejection...Something that was new to me. I feared it greatly. Nothing to fear but fear itself. Right. Try being in love.

Rejection was definitely something that I didn't want to face. I'd much rather hang onto the string of torturous sanity I was loosely dangling from, than the fiery pits of rejection. There would be no colour in my rejection.

However, as I stood planted here, in what seemed like hours of contemplation but which was in reality only minutes, I finally knew I was letting go. Letting go of something that I had just realized, but knew I had known all my life. I was letting go of my present... My past...

My future...

On this thought, I couldn't do anything but smile. Such an odd thing to do, but I smiled a smile that skipped my eyes, but went straight to my was-going-to-be- future. I smiled to let that was-going-to-be-future know that everything was okay. That I understood.

Within that smile though, my mind got the last laugh.

Within that smile was etched so deeply, I thought it must have been shockingly apparent, the four words I ached to say.

Within that smile was etched...

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Yeah...That's all that you get of that. Chapter 1 will be a lot more upbeat...

The prologue will be wrapped up much later...as the story unfolds.

Review if you feel ever so inclined...I take critisim very well..So trash me at your own rate! (lol)